The Best Me I can Be.

I came across these great books in Cairo. I've never seen these books in the UK and the publishers, Sunflower Books are located in Nasr City, Cairo.

The series is called The Best Me I Can be written by David Parker.
The titles are as follows:
I'm a Good Friend!
I Show Respect!
I Will Keep Trying!
I Care About Others
I Accept You As You Are.
I can Share.I can Coorperate.
I Am Generous.
I Am Responsible.
I Am Positive

Here's an excerpt from I Accept You As You Are, (my favourite).
I Want to be special, important- just me.
With so many others, how can that be?
Some children have different color skin.
Some are tall, and some are thin.
Some see with their fingers [the picture is of a child reading Braille] or talk with their hands.
Other children ride because they cannot stand.
I may not know their names or their family, but all the children who I see are important just like me.

The Parental Note from I show Respect, (Maymoonahs favourite - although she calls it 'I show respex') reads: This book is about respect. Respect is a very difficult concept to explain to young children. Long before children understand what respect is, they need to learn some of the behaviours associated with it. Repetition is a wonderful way to teach this. It is the goal here through repetition to teach, review and reinforce some of the behaviours of respect.

Each book also comes with a 'Try This' idea to help you and your child to interact with the book.

The books cost me 1 British Pound each which really is a bargain since quality childrens books are hard to come by these days.

I've searched online and it seems there arn't many places that these books are available, Amazon has one or two available and so do Scholastic.com. The main website is hellodavid.com to purchase the books, that's if you wanted those particular titles mentioned (there are more titles than that though.)

If anybody from Manchester would like me to bring some books back for them (or anybody from outside Greater Manchester if you are likely to see me or my husband at some point,) you can leave your Name and Number in this comments section (I will not display them) or you can email me. Please state the titles and how many you would like.

Parenting Course Notes – Week 10, Role Model.

Role model

All of us have role models, a person whom we may imitate, look up to or admire. Role models influence the way we behave. Therefore, we need to be wise when choosing a role model. Obviously the perfect role model for any Muslim is the best human, the one whom was sent as a mercy to the worlds, the prophet (SAW). Imam Anwar Al-Awlaki mentioned in a lecture that it is best to have a role model who has passed away because that way there will be no fear of following their mistakes.

We were asked to inform the group of our role model. I think a majority of the sisters said it was their “mother”, other role models included, Khadija (RA), ‘Umar (RA), the prophet (SAW), Umm Talha.
We discussed the question; ‘what does having a role-model do to a person?’. The following were some of the responses we came up with;

• Makes us observant of that person
• Humble
• Shapes our behaviour
• Imitate them
• Aspire to be like them
• Find out everything about them
• Motivates us to follow them
• Inspiration
• Moulding our speech like them
• Copy them, whether good or bad (bad behaviour destroys us)
• Obey them
• Struggle to be like them
• Self-reflection- think am I still following that person
• Makes us want to be in their company (passed away-read/talk about them)
• Imagine them
• Affects us socially

Muslim Youth Culture

The company a child keeps is very important as it will influence their behaviour.
Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet (SAW) said “People are like gold and silver; those who were best in jahiliyah are the best in Islam if they have religious understanding and souls are like recruited soldiers, they get mixed up with those similar to them in qualities and oppose and drift away from those who do not share their qualities” (Muslim). This hadith distinguishes between two types of people suggesting that some people are better than others. It also emphasizes the fact that certain people ‘click’ instantly when they meet because they have similar qualities. I am sure we can think of certain people we feel comfortable talking to and just being in their company and others we dread bumping into! Also the statement “souls are like recruited soldiers” signifies the natural difference of nature and temperament in people. Noble ones would be introduced to the pious ones. Those fascinated by evil will be introduced to mischievous ones.

Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet (SAW) said “A man is upon the deen of his friends so look at those who you befriend” (Hassan,tirmidi, Abu dawood).

In surah Al-Furqan verses 28-29 Allah says that the Zalimun will say,”Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so and so as a khalil (intimate friend)! He indeed led me astray from the reminder (this Qur’aan) after it had come to me. And shaytaan is to man ever a deserter in the hour of need”.

Also in surah Al-Kahf verse 28 Allah says “And keep yourself (O Muhammad SAW) patiently with those who call on their Lord (i.e your companions who remember their lord with glorification ,praising in prayers and other righteous deeds) morning and afternoon, seeking His face; and let not your eyes overlook them, desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world; and obey not him whose heart We have made heedless of our remembrance, and who follows his own lusts, and whose affair (deeds) has been lost”.

From these ahadith and verses of the Qur’aan it is clear that having good friends and being in the company of pious people is the key to success inshaAllah. Our friends influence us in so many different ways. Sometimes we may walk, talk or even dress the same! Also our children will be exposed to the children of our friends; therefore, we need to be selective when it comes to choosing our friends.

We as parents are the very first role-models for our children. Therefore, it is essential that we are positive role-models and act in accordance with Islamic principles. We should not tell them to do certain things while we act in contradiction to that. For, example, if we explain to our children the importance of offering salaah at it appointed times and expect them to do so, we should not delay our salaah because they will see a contradiction. Basically, we should practice what we preach. Also as mothers we need to be extra cautious because a small child will imitate almost EVERYTHING we do or say. subhanAllah my three year old daughter imitates me while she plays “mummy” with her dolls! She speaks to them exactly the way I speak to her. Therefore, it is essential to always check our behaviour and refine our speech because we are being followed and imitated by our children.
Allah knows best.

Paradise Island Adventure Golf Course

Wondering what to do for fun when the weather's as unpredictable as it has been recently? Something family friendly, doesn’t break the bank, minimal haram/doubtful stuff, minimal contact with the elements, convenient to get to...

There are several options with their pros and cons.

Bowling is quite fun but sooo much music.

Laser quest is fun, energising, and even gives a moderate work out to those who usually are a stranger to exercise! But again, a lot of music and not suitable for those with asthma - what with all the smoke - or intolerance to flashing lights.

Museums/aquariums are a good option; educating and interesting.

Adventure golf!

Or, to be more precise, The Trafford Centre (sheltered from the cold, easy to get to, shop to your heart’s content afterwards, FREE PARKING!)

Paradise Island Adventure Golf Course. Located in the Dome (near the Odeon cinema), it comprises of two 18 hole indoor golf courses with tropical themes, complete with jungle animal and thunder noises (yes, no music!), boulders, stone and wood carvings, huts, and exotic animals sprawled around.

The slogan is “There’s only one thing you need to remember – it’s not the taking part that counts… it’s the winning.” Not really, it’s a fun activity not to be taken too seriously.





We had a good laugh taking the mick out of the less skilled who took up to 6/7 hits before we could put the ball into the tricky holes – as you can see, I don’t even know the proper lingo. Not that anyone noticed; I didn’t see anyone wearing diamond patterned (argyle)jumpers, which means it’s not like “proper” golf (which I think is mind-numblingly boring) and is just good fun.



The open times are 10am-11pm everyday. Prices start at £3.50 for under 5s to £7.00 for adults, but there are special offers for groups/families.

website http://www.paradiseislandgolf.com

More pictures on http://www.paradiseislandgolf.com/manchester/course-gallery/

What's the real problem here?

The Cbeebies presenter Cerrie Burnell with only one arm has sparked controversy regarding her appearance and has become the centre of a Political Correctness row after a minority of parents have claimed she is scaring their children.

When I first noticed Cerrie her appearance did surprise me I must admit, this was despite the fact that I myself have a minor 'dissability'. I wondered as to whether she was born that way or had lost her arm in an accident.

I let my daugher watch Cbeebies when we visit my mum and ocassionally we watch it online at home, when Maymoonah (nearly 3) first noticed the presenters arm I was right next to her. I saw her tilt her head to the side and crease her brows a little as she does when she is thinking and that was it. She continued watching as normal. My 7 year old neice on the other hand asked her mum, 'Mum, why has that lady only got one arm?' My sister told her that God had made her that way and that God creates everybody different, special and beautiful in their own way. And even though she only has one arm it doesn't stop her from doing anything.' She accepted that answer and said no more about it. While my other nephew and neice both aged 2, have watched and seen her more than a few times but haven't seemed to notice or say anything so far.

In an interview with the The Daily Telegraph, the 29-year-old theatre graduate said she was not ashamed of her disability and hopes to secure serious stage roles in the future.

"People assume there is a sadness attached to a disability like this. But to me, there is no sadness. If I had to change anything about myself, it wouldn't be this," she said.

"It would be to make my hair blonder so I didn't have to keep paying for highlights."

Burnell also denied that she was only cast because of the corporation's quota-filling equal opportunities policies, adding that she had faced discrimination in the past because of her disability.

"People are reluctant to cast disabled actors in main roles; so we don't get any profile, and then, casting directors presume we don't exist, and even disabled roles go to actors without disabilities. And the vicious cycle goes on," she said.

"For this job, there was no mention of it in the brief, and in the final round of auditions, I was the only disabled one of four."

A handful of viewers condemned Burnell's casting on the official message board of the BBC children's channel, with one parent writing that their child had "freaked out" on seeing the new presenter. They added: "There's a time and a place for showing kids all the differences that people can have, but nine in the morning in front of two-year-olds is not the place."

But the comments sparked a backlash from other viewers and disability campaigners, and Burnell has been deluged with messages of support.

She told the Telegraph that she was not surprised by the negative reaction of a minority and hoped her profile would boost the public image of disabled people. "People are frightened by disability so they don't want to see it; yet, if they saw more of it on television they wouldn't be so frightened," she said.

Burnell abandoned her prosthetic arm at primary school and has resisted all pressure to go wear one again despite the advice of tutors at Manchester Metropolitan University's school of theatre.

"One warned that were I to be cast as Juliet I would have to wear a cardigan," she said.

"I thought to myself, why would Juliet have to wear a cardigan? Would it be breezy on the balcony? Then the penny dropped – it was to cover my lack of limb." (Telegraph)


I find myself wondering what the real problem is here. I have a feeling that the real issue at hand is not the awkward questions that are being asked by children as some parents have complained of, if anythng, isn't it better that awkward questions that our children ask, are asked in the comfort of our own homes to us - their parents? As we will try to answer them in the best way since we care most for their development and needs and know what level of undrstanding they have, rather than have these questions asked to a teacher who may not give them the individual attention they need or worse than that, have the questions asked in public places whenever they seeing somebody who is different.

Embarrasing questions like, 'mummy why has that man got no teeth, did he eat too many sweets?' Or daddy look at that man. Why is he so fat? Is he going to have a baby?' Or Mummy why is your belly gone so big (a child to his pregnant mother). Not that a dissability is an embarrasing subject but the questions may be awkward or even cause offence to some. I would much rather answer my child's queeries when they arise thoughtfully and inshaAllah with wisdom in the comfort of my home.

So is it a problem that some children are scared by her? I personally have seen far scarier things on childrens channels and as a child I would surely have been more scared of Beasley and No-heart from the Carebears than a lady with one arm. I understand that some children may be scared but children will always be scared of something or another and naturally some children have more fears than others,

As Ms Brunell herself said to the BBC, "Children come up to me in the street every day and say 'What's that?' I wouldn't say they're frightened but certainly they're inquisitive.

"I would always take the time to explain to a child. All they want is an explanation. They want to know 'What's that?' and 'What's happened?' and 'Why are you different?' And then they will move on."

If the child asks questions then they are old enough to understand the answer and I thnk the problem really lies with the parents inability or lack of confidence in answering their childrens questions or perhaps they are even projecting their own fears or insecurities onto their children...

The Many Facets of Happiness

Sheikh Salmaan Al Oadah Hafidhahullah

I went on an outing with my children. Our main intention was to swim and for the children to have their fair share of recreation and of my quality time. It was also a chance for me as a father, to have my rightful share of the joy of being with my children, for truly we need our children as much as they need us, if not more. I found myself busy on that day with all sorts of little tasks – like making sandwiches, setting the picnic table, and handing out sweets. It was a beautiful day to harvest some of the fruits of happiness just by enjoying ordinary activities in total relaxation and familiarity.

That day made me think about how much we, as people, speak about happiness. Hundreds of books are published every year to address the issue from a dry, philosophical standpoint. These works strive to define happiness and reveal its connection with factors like prosperity, pleasure, and our state of mind. There is considerable controversy about what brings about happiness and, more essentially, what it actually means to be happy. This leads to the more mundane questions of role that health, wealth, one's job, one's marriage, and being successful play in our chances for happiness.

We might fail to see that happiness is an inner state of our being, which comes into its being within ourselves, and is often connected with the most ordinary and seemingly insignificant events of our lives. It is the normal state of a person's mind when that person is enjoying an experience or an activity. Those of us who disdain engaging in some pleasant activities, or simply fail to admit our enjoyment of them – due to our preconceived notions of what is suitable for us as adults, or as elderly people, or as people of social prominence – need to rethink some of our ideas. We should not rob ourselves of life's small but significant pleasures.

Be like a small child and really enjoy that cup of tea you are drinking. Take time to taste it. The same goes for a piece of chocolate or your ordinary daily meal. Enjoy it. Enjoy eating alone and in the company of people you care about.

Allah says: "There is nothing wrong with you eating together or by yourselves." [Sûrah al-Nûr: 61]

Be like a child who looks forward excitedly to taking a ride. Look forward to pleasant things. Laugh at a funny joke without first examining it to deduce whether the humor of the joke holds up under close scrutiny. Look forward to your sleep. Recognize it as being Allah's blessing and a refreshment for your body and mind. Maybe you will dream about those you love.

Look forward to the activity that is ahead of you. Take pleasure in the accomplishment – however small – that completing your task provides you with. This can be said of reading a book, preparing a letter, a lesson that you attend, or a social event that you participate in.

Try to see the beauty of a flower in bloom, the fields of crops, a flowing stream, the sparrow's song, and a child in play. Do not block these things from your sight, thinking them to be unimportant. Indeed, our sense of importance and of what carries weight with us – this is one of the greatest obstacles to happiness. This is an affliction that we impose upon ourselves. We need no enemy to do this to us.

We are happiest when we are the least inhibited in acknowledging and expressing how we feel. This is the case whether we are in the company of those we know or those we do not know. Expressing our feelings should not carry with it a sense of dread as if we are disclosing the most sensitive of state secrets.

We are happiest when we shed our ostentation and inflated sense of self-importance, so we can really listen to ourselves and acknowledge our inner needs and aspirations.

We are happiest when we are not pining after unrealistic and overly idealistic dreams but look at our lives naturally, without shame, and without exaggerating things.

We are happiest when we focus keenly on the experience of the moment, taking note of the billions – nay trillions – of blessings that are right in front of us. Allah's generosity extends to each living cell of our bodies and to everything on the land, the air, and in the sea. His grace extends to all the intangibles as well, like those feelings and sensations that we cannot describe in physical terms. Faith is a good example, love, pleasure, the apprehension of language, longing, joy, hope…

We may be happiest of all when we realize that happiness is not a package we receive in the mail – either by design or fortune – nor is it a degree conferred upon us like a diploma. It is rather the felling of the moment, if we harvest well what that moment has to offer and resolve to make the best of it. It is when we shove aside despair, worry, fear, hatred, envy, and the other negative emotions that too often preoccupy our thoughts.

We are the happiest we can be when we choose to be happy.

Source

Spending more time with my eldest child.

I enjoyed this years JIMAS Conference more than previous years. I'd looked forward to it since last year, we stayed at a hotel where they brought me breakfast in bed since I had a young baby - Maymoonah and her dad had breakfast downstairs. Also Umm Zaidah and her family were there. We hadn't spent that much time together for nearly 4 years since we both got married and she moved to London. Before that Umm Z and I would see each other almost everyday since school, college and Uni as well at work since most of our jobs were also together.

So for the 3 days it felt much like a reunion. Not only was I able to benefit from the lectures, the fresh air and green surroundings, I was also able to witness first hand Umm Zaidah's relationship with Zaidah, It felt a though I was seeing a living example of what I had been reading from The Parenting Course Notes.

Seeing something in action obviously has a stronger impact on someone than reading. It made me reflect on my own parenting skills, that I should be spending more one to one time and doing more educational activities with my eldest - Maymoonah, something that I felt I had neglected since I had my second daughter. With the 2 year the age gap between them and their differing needs, Maymoonah had very much become her fathers Girl and Jannah became Mine. Even down to feeding, changing Nappies and putting them to bed.

So at JIMAS I made the intention to do more activities with her. There was a time, before I got married or had children that I would often make mental plans for my future, of things I'd do with my children, plans regarding lifestyle and their schooling etc. I wanted to homeschool, study, foster and adopt. I wanted to do all of it.

Although I studied Law at College and Uni, the majority of my work experience involved working with children. At various Schools and Barnados Childrens centres, I worked with Billingual childen and those with special needs as a Behaviour Support Assistant. At the time I rather naively thought it would all make me better prepared for parenting.

So there I was after returning from the JIMAS Conference not quite knowing where to start in educating my 2 year old despite all my years of working with children. I still very much stuck to the same old reading, acting, scribbling, building bricks and simiar things that my 6 month old could also join in with.

A few months ago Umm Zaidah came to visit me again. This time I was glad to have more time to talk, I very much felt I needed the guidance and we were able to focus more on talking about the girls Education. Since our meeting I have had more Ideas on things to do with Maymoonah who is nearly 3 now.

Below is one of the activities we now do often. She has learnt many shapes within a few weeks as well as 4 letters of the alphabet. I am not actively teaching her anything as she is still very young but we are doing these things together and she is picking up tings and remembering them along the way.

Cutting and pasting with letters and shapes.

1. The first week I started with a few shapes and only one letter 'M' for her name. Umm Zaidah had given me the Idea to start with the the first letter of her name rather than writing out her whole name or the alphabet. That way they are not over burdened.






2. I draw out the outline of the letter and shape and she has fun sticking them down in her scrap book.

3.Each week I have introduced a new colour, letter or shape.


_

Aid Convoy to Gaza

Hundreds of British volunteers are driving an aid convoy of over 100 donated vehicles packed with practical aid to Gaza. The convoy left London on Saturday the 14th February. This remarkable convoy will be over a mile long and carry a million pounds of aid. Visit www.vivapalestina.org to keep up to date with the progress.

For more pictures and regular updates of the Manchester convoy, visit the Manchester Gaza Convoy website at www.gazaconvoy.com Feel free to ask questions or leave messages of support!

These are the representatives of Israel?!!

Let us be intelligent, moral and confident representatives of the truth.

(Note the clip has a few inappropriate words.)

Let us not think Israel has won or that this war is over. These few weeks have bought the Palestinian cause into people’s homes and onto the streets like never before. Even People who used to be pro Israel now view Israel as fascist Nazi war mongers. And Israel know very well that they are increasingly losing face and have resorted to paying people to gain public support as this article in the guardian shows.

The PR War is one we can all fight and it takes as little as a few minutes s every day. Let’s not let this be out of sight out and out of mind and let’s not let the fever and restlessness stop.

I for one am not going to let people forget this massacre. Usually when I’ve put the kids to bed I study, read, keep up with the news. From now on I’m going to send at least 2 email a day explaining the Palestinian cause including some pictures and news footage in each one.
To Who? MPs, charities - local and international, Journalists, possibly eventually even large businesses and celebs or ex celebs (many tend to retire into politics as I learned from those who are fighting for the closure of Guantanamo). It will literally take me 2 minutes and no more each day as I already have my letter written and will just need to edit it each time with a name and email address of the recipient.

The genocide of the people in Gaza has left me surprised as to how little people know about the Middle East. That people are Surprised at the ‘war crimes’ –that are in reality far worse than we have heard or can even imagine, that Palestine isn't even called Palestine anymore but is referred to as the Palestinian territories. And that Muslims were surprised at the Arab Leaders non – action.


Here is a news site that my family visits regularly. http://www.iraq-war.ru/home/ They collect important news from around the world from all the mainstream Media outlets with comments, Current and historical analysis and economics.

The meaning of Hayaa

Hayaa itself is derived from the word hayaat which means life.

In English, it may be translated as modesty, shyness, self-respect, bashfulness, shame, honour, etc.

The original meaning of Hayaa according to a believer's nature, refers to a bad and painful feeling accompanied by embarrassment, caused by one's fear of being exposed or censured for some unworthy or indecent conduct.

"Surely Allaah (is One who) has hayaa and is the Protector. He loves hayaa and people who cover each others faults." Saheeh al-Bukhaaree

"Every way of life has a innate character. The character of Islaam is hayaa." Abu Daawood

"Hayaa does not bring anything except good." al-Bukhaaree

"Hayaa comes from eeman; eeman leads to Paradise. Obscenity comes from antipathy; and antipathy leads to the fire." al-Bukhaaree

"Hayaa and Trustworthiness will be the first to go from this world; therefore keep asking Allaah for them." al-Bayhaaqee

"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allaah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty..." [Soorah an-Noor (24):30-31]


(AlMaghrib Forum)

Motion and Progress.

"Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress."

Remembering the Metaphysical laws in the Qur'an

Below are some thoughts by Fatima Barkatullah on Remembering the Metaphysical laws in the Qur'an.

I have also posted some related comments by Imam Anwar Awlaki and Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury hafidahumallaah.


This brutality will never break our will to be free

The Meaning Of Gaza

Advice from Sheikh Tawfique

Here is also the comment of an Evil Zionist woman living in occupied Palestine about the Zionist Terrorist Attacks and Ethnic cleansing in Gaza. La'natullaahi Alaihim.
Evil Zionist Womans' response, 'What's been happening in Gaza is fantastic'


Remembering the Metaphysical laws in the Qur'an
Fatima Barkatullah.

We can do something about what is happening to our Muslim brothers and sisters. Boycott Israeli products (look at every product you buy and boycott it if it comes from Israel). Encourage our men to go to the demonstrations. Make sincere du'a to Allah for our situation. How pathetic we feel, and how little we can really do in the here and now to impact the situation.

Let's look to the future, to changing the state of the Ummah completely. The Jihad for justice starts in our homes.

I believe that the greatest and most powerful contribution we can make as mothers is this:

Bring up your children to be Mu'mineen, who take the laws of Allah seriously, who are attached to the life of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam and his Sunnah
Teach your children history and the lessons of history.
Teach them not just about the physical laws that Newton elucidated so well, but the Metaphysical laws that the Qur'an elucidates so perfectly.

A few days ago we went through the story of the Battle of Badr and I taught my children about the Sunnah of Allah, that if He wills he can make a small group of people overpower a huge number of people...I taught them that no one knows the army of Allah but He. 300 men who were less well armed beat 1000 well armed men that day - I want them to remember that forever. It can mean so many things in their lives: that the little kid can overcome the big bully, that when the odds are stacked against you, if you have Iman, you can win...that quality is more important than quantity...that if Allah is on your side, you have nothing and no one to fear...

The metaphysical laws that are the Sunnah of Allah are mentioned throughout the Qur'an.

The law that:
after hardship will come ease.
that Allah obliterates Riba (as we have recently seen) and make Sadaqah profitable
that if you thank Allah, he will give you more...all of these and many more have been mentioned in the Qur'an.
That the Jews and Christians will never be pleased with you until you follow their religion and way of life.
That if you are conscious of Allah, He will give you a way out and provide for you from means that you never imagined.

These are all laws that we can observe and that are talked about in the Qur'an.
If they grow up with yaqeen (true belief and conviction) in these metaphysical laws, they will be the bravest of men, because the apparent will not deter them...what is visible to the eye will not scare them...they will not be risk averse, rather they will leap off the most dangerous mountain, knowing that they will only be hurt if Allah wills it, they will jump into that deepest ocean, believing that if they are doing so for the sake of Allah then Allah will grant them victory over the waves. They will not be fooled by what seems to be reality because they will be aware that anything is possible if you have Allah on your side.

That is what this Ummah needs. A generation of people who have so much Iman in the sunan of Allah that they will take risks, they will dare to do what no one's done before, they will be willing to go against the grain, unapologetic, firm in their resolve.

The problems of the Ummah did not appear overnight and they will not disappear overnight. But we, the mothers of the Ummah can set that change in motion...we must set that change in motion.

Dedicated to all 'stay at home Mums!'

A man came home from work and found his three children outside,
still in their pajamas,
playing in the mud,
with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open,
as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the cat.
Proceeding into the entry,
he found an even bigger mess.
A lamp had been knocked over,
and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel,
and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen dishes filled the sink,
breakfast food was spilled on the counter,
the fridge door was open wide,
cat food was spilled on the floor,
a broken glass lay under the table,
and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs,
stepping over toys and more piles of clothes,
looking for his wife.
He was worried she may be ill,
or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels,
scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.
Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to t he bedroom,
he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yeah," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Taken from AlMaghrib Forum.

Parenting Course – Week 9

Use of the tongue

We were presented with a list of words which are often used by mothers to their children. Then we were put into groups and we had to put these words in one of three categories; good, bad or neutral.

1. Get lost
2. Put it here please
3. That’s naughty
4. I’ll give you a bollocking
5. Gandhi (dirty)
6. MashaAllah you finished
7. Put your ass here
8. Do want a slap
9. Well done!
10. Shorer bacha (son of a pig)
11. Bloody cow
12. Shall I help you
13. Shaytaan
14. Go away
15. InshaAllah you can do it
16. Stupid
17. Slam it
18. I am not happy
19. Greedy pig
20. Liar
21. Shut up

Every single group was in agreement that words listed below definitely belonged in the ‘bad’ category.

• I’ll give you a bollocking
• Gandhi (dirty)
• Put your ass here
• Do you want a slap
• Shorer bacha (son of a pig)
• Bloody cow
• Shaytaan
• Stupid
• Greedy cow
• Liar
• Shut up

I think that the most surprising thing is that we often hear practicing sisters or those involved in dawah activities using such terms. What we need to understand is that words can REALLY hurt, so we have to be careful how we address our children. Sometimes it may be helpful to put ourselves in our children’s shoes and think how would we feel if we were referred to as “stupid” or a “greedy pig” or being told to “shut up” for asking a question!. I know that I would find it degrading and it would definitely have an impact on my self-esteem. We need to use positive words so that our children grow up to be confident and positive individuals’ insha’Allah.

The messenger of Allah (SWS) said:

“Let whoever believes in Allah and the last day either speak good or remain silent” (Muslim and Bukhari)

We discussed this hadith primarily because small children cannot differentiate between good and bad words. They usually imitate their parents or grandparents if they are living with them. Therefore, we need to be good role models for them insha’Allah.

In Sura An-Nur verse 26 Allah (SWT) says:

“Bad statements are for bad people and bad people for bad statements. Good statements are for good people and good people for good statements; such are innocent of (every) bad statement which they say; for them is forgiveness, and honored provision.”

This verse was reveled after the incident regarding ‘Aishah known as the Ifk. Ibn Abbas said regarding this verse

“Evil words are for evil men, and evil men are for evil words; good words are for good men and good men are for good words. This was reveled concerning ‘Aishah and the people of slander.” (At-Tabari)

Therefore if we make bad statement about good people it will bounce back to the person saying it. I can assume that we all want to be good; therefore we should engage in good speech and stay away from bad speech insha’Allah.

I will end with the hadith which states that the Prophet (sws)said;

“If anyone guarantees me what is between his jaws and between his legs, I shall guarantee him Jannah” (Bukhari)

We see the importance of speaking good words especially to our children because the way we address them will surely have an effect on their psychological well-being. If we address them using positive words then they will address others in the same manner insha’Allah. For example, if we say ‘Thank you’ and ‘Please’ they will imitate us. May Allah protect us from bad speech and help us to speak good words .Ameen.

Dispelling Marital Fears...

Cruising through cyber space I'm always left with a feeling of sadness, especially at the situation of sisters.

And right now I don't even mean the speaking without knowledge, or the self tafseer of the words of Allah that are just an insult to Allah and this beautiful deen, nor am I talking about the pictures or avatars of what's probably your favorite photograph or picture (being a woman I know that you wouldn't display anything other than your favorite picture publicly).

Nor am I talking about the effect that older more experienced sisters are having on the younger ones - influencing them in their views, recklessly opening up a can of worms in discussion with no conclusion, leaving them confused, their questions unanswered.

Nor am I talking about the visible influence of western thought on the minds and thoughts of our sisters, mainly feminism, which has led to unjustified attacks against brothers - unlimited man bashing. Maybe they forget that by insulting men they are insulting our fathers, brothers, husbands, the scholars not to mention the Mujahideen. Maybe they forget or maybe they don't care.

So what's upsetting me at this moment?

Its the fear of marriage that so many sisters have. I don't mean the natural fear of having a man in your life. Or the butterflies in your stomach and natural blush on your cheeks at a meeting with your husband to be, wondering if you look okay and say the right things. Or the apprehension of wondering if the wedding day will go smoothly.

It seems to be another type of fear that is leading sisters to delay marriage as far as possible, to prefer a single life alone rather than get married. A fear of marrying a dictator, into a patriarchal relationship - where they fear they will not have a say in anything. A fear of no longer having any freedom. A fear of being burdened with too many responsibilities.

Maybe in some ways this fear is justified with the increasing divorce rates, horror stories of marriage that people shouldn't be spreading anyway, and western discussion on the mainly misperceived oppression of Muslim women.

You don't hear of many positive stories or beautiful stories about modern day marriages or family life. (Everyone assumes that good marriages only existed at the time of the Prophet peace be upon him.) What about the small things that happen in your marriage that make your heart melt? Funny things that happen that make the extended family laugh and affirm that indeed your family are absolutely crazy!

That in many ways in many instances you feel like a child again when the family play tig or hide and seek or compete in games and then the big kid (the husband) makes 99 excuses - for himself when you beat him at something!

That the beauty of any argument or bickering is that it leads you to know your spouse better and you learn together and grow together as a result.

That marriage is like the greatest challenge (for those of us who buzz off challenges!). And in fact the psychology in it is actually fun. Using womanly intelligence and power (what Muhammad Alshareef calls halal magic) trying to get your own way with something, and when you finally do get you own way (most of the time if you're clever about it) feeling that sense of 'Alhamdulillah indeed Allah has made the woman different from the man!'

I personally and many sisters I know will tell you that the good in marriage and family life far outweighs any bad in it (Note I may change my mind during pregnancy!)

Not long ago at an AlKauthar course we were discussing some adverse affects of delaying marriage, some of the things mentioned were also things that I had heard from sisters from their own personal experiences.

The following are just a few.

Marrying at a late age can adversely affect a marital relationship in that both parties are already developed in their personality and thoughts and may be less willing to give and take.

They may find it hard to adjust to married life after such a long time of being single and 'independent.'

Women need to remember that our biological clock will not tick forever and the longer we wait to have children the more difficulties we may come across in conception, childbirth etc.

Research shows that women who marry at a later age tend to be less confident in their beauty and physical disposition than younger women.

Also regarding the effect of western thought and feminism on our expectations, again here are a few examples mentioned by some sisters.

Sisters may get into marriage having a bad opinion of men, being paranoid, criticizing etc and thus negatively affect their relationship

Nobody finds attraction in a person who is defiant, argumentative and moaning all the time. If we are unhappy about something there are wiser ways of getting that across.

Going into a marriage with cynicism is unfair to the relationship to begin with.

An overly negative view of marriage may subdue anything slightly positive in the marriage

In saying all this we also need to look at the flip side of the coin - we cannot go into anything with an over zealous attitude either. If we expect the perfect, romantic, faultless husband we are going to be very VERY disappointed. Like my husband once mentioned we can't expect marital life to be liKe a romance novel. We need to be realistic. It rains in every relationship. The key is the way we deal with the rain, who we turn to, whether we let it drench us or provide for us the water to help us grow.

We need to put our trust in Allah, make sincere du'aa to Him at all times, be grateful in ease and patient in trials. Its the over negativity and over zealousness that is destroying ourselves, those around us and our societies - where is the balanced Ummah?

My advise to sisters would be not to expect too much in marriage nor sell yourself short on things that really matter to you as that may also adversely affect your relationship. And ask questions in meetings. Don't be too shy to ask questions about things that really matter to you. Clarify ALL doubts before marriage.

Make sure you do things in the right way and never have 'private' conversations or meetings with a prospective spouse. Our fathers and brothers or other people can usually see through things that may 'woo' us.

Always meet his family too and make sure family are involved in the process. Many sisters who marry without the support of family are often left with no support network. And like my parents always taught me - a guy who has no interest in your family is not someone whom you can trust.

We need to prevent ourselves from being affected too much by the horror stories we hear and remember that every person, every situation is different. There are many decent just brothers out there and I can honestly say that I know of many.

Most importantly we need to remember that we need to trust in our Lord and have confidence that He is the one who we can truly depend on, He is the one who provides, and He is the only one that can answers our prayers.

Your sister Umm Maymoonah,
Contributions by Saabirah and Umm Zaidah Nusaybah.

Speech by Moazzam Begg at Cage Prisoners dinner

Here is part of the speech by Brother Moazzam at the Cageprisoners Iftar last weekend. The whole speech is not available yet but the part we can hear does indeed speak miles. Moazzam went on to talk about the brothers who are released and the ongoing test for them - that is their freedom.

Sister Yvonne Ridley had also spoken as did Imam Anwar Al Awlaki - which I will post at a later date InshaAllah.

I could only see the teary eyes of many sisters as Yvonne spoke, but as the saying goes, 'The eyes are the windows to what is in the hearts.' Her speech focusing on the plight of our sister Aafia Siddique and also The Grey Lady of Bagram - aka prisoner 650. Her identity still remains unknown.

It was not only a reminder for us but also for the Ex detainees, of what Allah had brought them through with faith and strength. One of the largest gatherings of ex - Caged Prisoners to date, I could see the happiness on my husbands face and I could hear it in his voice at seeing all the other brothers. Happiness mixed with sadness at the same time for the other brothers who were still there and for our brothers And Sisters in similar and Far Worse oppression.

The evening was Inspiring, heartwarming and more importantly - heart awakening. May Allah reward Cageprisoners and all those who are helping in this ongoing cause for the sake of Allah.

Parenting course notes - week 8

Boundary and discipline

All of us have boundaries and we try to stay within that boundary. We live within our boundary and we know that there are consequences if that boundary is broken. So why do we need to have boundaries? And how should we deal with those who go outside the boundary? What methods should we use to discipline? These were some of the questions that were raised in this session and to which answers were given alhamdulillah.

The following are some of the definitions we brainstormed of what we understood ‘boundary’ to mean:
· Limits
· Rules
· Consequences
· Discipline when boundaries are broken
· Physical barrier
· Line one cannot pass
· Distinguish between right and wrong
· Expectations
· Boundaries are not set in stone
· Boundaries of Allah cannot change. An example of this is the command of Allah that parents should order children to pray by the age of seven and smacked if they do not pray when they turn ten.

How to set boundaries?

· Giving children instructions and advising them. We should not be dictators and say ‘you can’t do this’ and ‘you can’t do that’. But we need to explain to them in a pleasant way and explain why they are not allowed to do certain things insha’Allah.

· Reward and discipline chart. This is used to reward good behaviour and punish bad behaviour. Every time a child performs an act that pleases the parents, then that behaviour is recognised as good behaviour and in return the child is awarded a sticker for the chart. Every displeasing act means the removal of stickers. This method usually works well when there are more than one sibling in the house, thus encourages competition for good behaviour.

· Role-modelling. As parents we need to have boundaries too so that a child does not feel boundaries only apply to them. We can relate to them the boundaries set by Allah and what happens when these boundaries are transgressed. This will make them appreciate that boundaries are placed in our lives for our well-being and protection.

· It is crucial to remember that a child should only be admonished after the boundary has been set and that boundary is then broken.

· We should try to raise ‘thinking children’. How can we do that you may wonder? This can be done by getting them to think about things and getting them to search for answers to their own questions instead of providing the answers for them. We should relate stories from the Qur’aan, give them parables. SubhanAllah this is the method Allah uses to make us think. For example, if we ponder over the story in surah Qalam we see that this story explains to us that we should not be selfish. This method is more effective and interesting rather than saying ‘don’t be selfish’.

Good Manners
So how do we teach our children good manners? The best method of instilling good manners is by modelling. For example, if we want them to say ‘Bismillah’ before eating. We should practice this so that they will listen and learn. This method is excellent mashaAllah because my daughter has learnt a few duaas through this. We should make it a regular habit o f reciting duaas and surahs aloud to them from a young age so that they become familiar with them and insha’Allah start imitating us and memorising them.

Dicipline
We discussed the methods used to discipline children and came up with following :
· Shouting
· Punishment
· Explain
· Standing on the wall
· ‘Naughty Chair’ but we could use positive words such as ‘thinking area’.
· Advise
· Taking away privileges
· Rewards
· Also it is vital to discipline ourselves first because children imitate our behaviour. For example if we don’t want our children not to use bad language we should avoid using it ourselves.

Six C’s for discipline
1. Calmness- Be calm when you discipline and do not lose your temper.
2. Confident-Appear confident and know what the child has done
3. Consistency- Be consistent when you discipline and do not contradict yourself.
4. Clarity- Explain clearly to the child and make sure that they understand what you are trying to explain.
5. Control- have control over the situation and do not lose your temper.
6. Communication- The child needs to be aware of what he has done wrong. Sometimes the child is unaware of why he is being punished. The hadith of the young boy who ate with his left hand was told that eating with the left hand is wrong. But he was corrected and he was told to eat with his right hand. He was also provided with additional information of eating the food nearest to him. This illustrates that a child needs to be told of the incorrect behaviour but also shown the correct behaviour.

Aafia Siddiqui

SubhanAllah I remember about 4 years ago browsing through the prisoner profiles on Cageprisoners.com and noticing one case in particular.

That of 'Ghost prisoner' Aafia siddiqui. Her picture and her story in particular touched my heart and stayed with me - she had dissapeared with her 3 children.

Now 5 years after she disapeared and only after Asian Human Rights Commission issued an Urgent Appeal in the case of her disappearance as well as mounting international pressure, the FBI has now announced that "Dr. Afia Siddiqui is alive, she is in Afghanistan but she is injured" The fate of her children is still unknown.

Below are some related articles - the BBC article has a recent picture of our dear sister in Islam - one can only imagine what she has been through.

Please please remember this sister and her children in your du'aa and all the other brothers and sisters, known and unknown who remain in similar situations.

Prisoners : Ghost: Aafia Siddiqui

FBI is Responsible for Disappearances, Illegal Detention and Torture

BBC US hearing for 'al-Qaeda' woman

Cageprisoners Demand Answers on Siddiqui Custody

The Man Rules

Some light humour - my husband sent me this.....

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story

We always hear
'the rules'
From the female side
Now here are the rules from the male side

These are our rules!
Please note... they are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one! Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as computers or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

Summer Holidays

Well its that time of the year again, the kids are off school, the suns out, and my stepchildren are visiting for 2 weeks.

This time i'm even more stuck for activity ideas as I have my 2 and a half year old and my youngest is only 5 months old.

Including my stepchildren there are 5 children from 5 months to 10 years to look after, and including me and my husband there will be 6 eaters for 2 weeks, (newborn not included).

I would like ideas for:

1. Family activities that we can all do together inside the home and outdoors.

2. Simple recipes that i can cook for all 6 of us without spending all day in the kitchen.

Why US is 'stuck' with Guantanamo Bay

By Paul Reynolds
World affairs correspondent, BBC News website

The statement by US Defence Secretary Robert Gates that Washington is "stuck" with Guantanamo Bay is a reflection of the mounting problems that the camp faces.

Mr Gates told a Senate committee that out of the 270 or so prisoners still there, about 50 to 70 were an "irreducible" minimum.

He said: "The problem is that either their home government won't accept them or we're concerned that the home government will let them loose once we return them home."

Some released prisoners, Mr Gates suggested, had returned to the battlefield. One is thought to have become a suicide bomber in Mosul in Iraq.

Yet these 50 to 70 prisoners could not be charged either, he said. This is presumably because there is not enough or no evidence against them.

The prospect for these prisoners therefore is indefinite detention, which raises its own legal and moral problems.

Eventual closure is the stated policy of the Bush administration, but one which looks like being missed in the remaining months of the presidential term. Human rights groups and other governments have for long argued for closure anyway.

Returnees issue

"Gates is admitting they have a problem we all knew about," said Andy Worthington of the British group Reprieve, which monitors and offers legal advice to Guantanamo Bay prisoners.

"These are the 50-70 who have been cleared for release but who cannot be returned. They come from China, Uzbekistan, Tunisia, Libya and Algeria mainly.

"The US tried last year to agree memoranda of understanding with some countries, including Tunisia and two prisoners were sent back there. They have been jailed for three and seven years after an unsatisfactory trial. A US court has blocked a third return.

"Several Chinese Muslims picked up in Afghanistan were sent to Albania and all but one are thought to be there still. One has applied for asylum in Sweden."

Mr Worthington says there is another group that will also hold up any plans for closure. "This group is made up of prisoners who are regarded as too dangerous to release but against whom there is not sufficient evidence to justify a charge and trial by a military commission.

"But what kind of legal handbook does this come from? They face unlimited imprisonment."

Military tribunals

The administration has also faced huge problems in starting the military commissions or tribunals that Congress has authorised.

The tribunals were supposed to be starting soon but the first two had to be put off after military judges ruled that the defendants had not been formally classified as "unlawful enemy combatants," as required by the law, and only as "enemy combatants."

One of those defendants was Osama Bin Laden's driver Salim Ahmed Hamdan. His trial has now been put off for another reason.

The US Supreme Court is due to rule by the end of June on whether prisoners at Guantanamo Bay have a constitutional right to habeas corpus, a procedure whereby a prisoner has to be brought to a court for justification of his detention. Until this issue is ruled upon, the military trials are unlikely to start.

Evidence and torture

There is also a question of evidence. One major al-Qaeda suspect Mohammed al-Qatani, one of six so-called "high-value" prisoners who were charged earlier this year, has had charges against him dropped.


The upshot is that the system is in some doubt, not to say chaos.

It is thought this is because he was subject to what a military inquiry called "abusive" questioning, described as torture by his lawyer, at Guantanamo Bay and that his defence could move to have evidence based on these interrogations dismissed.

Mohammed al-Qatani is often referred to as the missing "2Oth hijacker" on 9/11, He was not allowed to enter the US on arrival at Orlando, where the hijackers' leader Mohammed Atta is thought to have been waiting to pick him up.

Prosecutors' unease

There have also been problems for the administration among the military prosecutors themselves, several of whom have resigned rather than enforce the system of military tribunals.

One of them, Colonel Morris Davis, was chief prosecutor and he has stated that he did not want to use al-Qatani's alleged confessions as evidence because the prisoner had been abused. Col Davis claims that the senior legal officer for the commissions, Brigadier-General Thomas Hartmann clashed with him on this, though Brig Gen Hartmann denies that he discussed the issue of coerced confessions with Col Davis.

The upshot is that the system is in some doubt, not to say chaos.

However the administration is determined to try to press on with the remaining five "high-value" trials. The defendants include the alleged 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.

He was subjected to waterboarding process but not at Guantanamo Bay , so it is possible that a trial could ignore that. There has been an effort to get subsequent "clean confessions" from these prisoners which could then be presented in court.

In more than one way, Guantanamo Bay continues in its legal limbo.

Paul.Reynolds-INTERNET@bbc.co.uk