By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
Friday, 20 November 2009
URGENT APPEAL FOR FUNDS - HHUGS IN DIRE NEED
HHUGS urgently requires funds as our financial situation is currently very dire and if we are to continue providing the vital support that we do to the HHUGS families we need YOU to donate.“Whoever relieves a believer in distress, Allah will relieve his distress in this world and the next" Prophet Mohammed (pbuh)
Over the last year HHUGS has continued to provide vital services which include:
Family day trips out
Prison visits
Children’s activities
Eid parties
Eid presents
Food rotas
Help with school fees
Help with household costs
HHUGS has started many projects over the last year to empower the women to look after themselves, these include:
Development courses
Driving lessons
We hope to introduce many new projects in the near future, these include:
English classes
Skills courses like sewing classes
Financial management courses and support
Life in the UK courses
Here is what two families we help have to say about us:
"We didn't get any support from anyone else, the support is fantastic. They are very considerate and listen to me, I don't find that support anywhere else. What you are doing for the families is unbelievable, I don't know how the people survive without you." West London family
"When he was not allowed to go out, for example, to do paperwork and shopping - they helped me a lot. We don't have family here. Until now the only help we've had is from HHUGS." East London family
To donate:
Regular donations
Standing orders are the most important source of income for HHUGS. You can set up a standing order by filling in our standing order form which can be found here, http://www.hhugs.org.uk/downloads/hhugs-standing-order-form.pdf please fill it in and send to:
HHUGS
PO Box 415
New Malden
KT3 9AF
One off payments
Online
http://www.hhugs.org.uk/index.php?state=10&cat=3
By post
Please print this form http://www.hhugs.org.uk/downloads/hhugs-donation-form.pdf fill it in and send to the address above.
Sunday, 15 November 2009
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Tuesday, 20 October 2009
A Letter From Afghanistan: Bagram, Afghan suffering and the futility of war
Andy Worthington
12.10.09
Last year, I received one of those special emails out of the blue, from someone wise and compassionate, who, to my great delight, wished to thank me for the courage of my writing. This woman, who has worked in rural development and post-disaster rehabilitation for 20 years, mostly in Africa, has spent the last few years in Afghanistan, and last week I unexpectedly received the following letter by email, which was so perceptive and so informative that I asked for her permission to reproduce it here, and was delighted when she said yes.
A letter from Afghanistan
I’m making a valiant attempt at watching your al-Jazeera interview on YouTube, but at this pace (about three minutes in two hours) it’ll take all night. Since our last correspondence I have, via your website, also started following the ACLU. Together, you’re making one of my dearest hopes come true: international attention and lawsuits for the Bagram victims. I do hope that not only the foreigners will benefit, but also, and maybe mostly, the perfectly innocent random Afghans, stopped at checkpoints and too poor to bail themselves out, denounced by a neighbor who has an eye on their land or their daughter, sold for a “reward,” or others who were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. According to the ACLU, there are some 50,000 persons, who, over the past years, have been arrested in Afghanistan by the foreign armies. Their fingerprints were taken on those occasions and transmitted to US security forces as “potential terrorists.” How many of them were released, how many have been imprisoned in some black hole, how many have died there?
Below, a “delation box”* (for whatever else can it be? After all, army field posts must have gone out with the First World War). It is placed just outside Aliabad, on the road to Kunduz, close to where some mental case from ISAF [NATO’s International Security Assistance Force] recently dropped bombs on two fuel tankers, a crime his conscience will have to live with for the rest of his life. It’s placed along the road, but in between two big announcement boards (with unrelated contents), which would conveniently shelter from public view whoever would be slipping a sheet of paper into it. The slot is too narrow for anything else:
How many poor buggers will have disappeared through that slot into Bagram or other such places? And whenever I pass by it, I realize that there are some advantages to having a high illiteracy rate … Later I saw another one in Kunduz bazaar, but did not have time for a picture and won’t have anymore; the area is out of bounds now, too dangerous.
Most of the local detainees are NOT persons caught red-handed at the scene of the crime, who need to be “held off the street” after “bombing poor women and children.” If the bloody ISAF and US armies would stop moving around at rush hour, when scores of innocent civilians are going to school or to work, then the “Taliban” would have no reason to detonate bombs there!
The prime targets are army targets; UN or other ex-pats are rarely targeted and usually by mistake, although that is unfortunately changing, thanks to our own aggressive attitude. As for Afghans, some schools for girls are targeted in remote areas, but mostly those who supposedly (delations work both ways) or truly (though not necessarily voluntarily) are collaborating with the foreign armies. So yes, its the “terrorists” who ignite the bomb, but the armies are co-responsible for provoking it in densely populated areas, at rush hours in the cities, going in their Rambo outfits to bazaars in country towns, etc. Sometimes I wonder whether they do that on purpose, as the civilian “collateral damage” gives them excuses to further incriminate the “Taliban.” If they traveled by night and were attacked, they would be the only victims; no women and children, because they are not out in the street at night.
Incidentally, the Turks who left their armored vehicles so carelessly parked on one of Kabul’s main thoroughfares at rush hour, are in fact probably the most decent of all the foreign armies, as they walk around in shirtsleeves with just a handgun on their hip: no helmet, bulletproof vest or machine gun, as the other nationalities do. And, sure enough, they have fewer victims than the other nations … Aggression invites aggression. Trust invites trust.
As for the situation in Bagram now, we are TOLD that there’s no more torturing, but who’s to check that? Only the ICRC has (scarce) access, and what guarantee do we have that they have access to ALL prisoners? If there never had been any abuse there, I might agree that there probably is not any now either, but there is hard evidence that there was torture, even lethal, so now it is up to the torturers and their superiors to prove to us that these practices have stopped. They can not claim to be “presumed innocent,” as we know they are not.
And one way of showing improvement is by opening the prison(s), at least letting in UN human rights representatives, providing regular admission for the ICRC, a full list of all the prisoners, how long they’ve been there, what they are accused of, etc.
So far, the procedure apparently is that every six months a prisoner’s file is opened and they either let him go or add another six months. He himself is not heard. In the last year or so, some of them have had contact with their families, who can communicate with them through telephone and video located in ICRC HQ in Kabul. And that already is huge progress.
Even the UN Special Rapporteur on extrajudicial killings, who was here a year ago, was not able to ascertain who some of the uniformed Rambos were who raided houses at night, etc. No army would acknowledge them as theirs. Yet their – surviving — victims are among the prisoners. And surely Bagram is not the only lawless foreign prison here.
Tragically, even semantics are a basic problem here, for traditionally a war is either between two or more countries/states, or a civil war within one given country. This is neither. Actually it is not a war at all. Afghanistan, apart from being the more or less random victim of Bush’s need to show that he was avenging 9/11, is a live training camp for NATO and the US, as well as a huge source of income for some. Some governments with little experience of democracy and the diplomacy that goes with it, candidly say that they send their armies here in order for them to gain hands-on experience in warfare, and to gain more importance within NATO. It is cheaper and more effective than organizing training camps at home.
So there is no real war, rather an oversized militarized secret service operation, with the civil population as a hostage between the armies and the ever-increasing number of militants. And depending on our needs, we either tell them that we are here to protect them, to increase security, to stabilize the country, to introduce democracy, to rid the world of al-Qaeda (whom they thoroughly loathe) and other politically correct bullshit. However, when we are accused of prisoner abuse, then suddenly this is a country at war, which allows us to play it dirty.
But who’s the adversary? Surely not the “average Afghan” whose most ardent dream is to finally have peace, rebuild his house, plant some fruit trees, send his kids to school, enjoy something called a “normal life.” This is seemingly an extremely modest wish, but here it is more and more Utopian. Yet scores of such “average Afghans” are detained without accusation let alone a trial, and their wives and kids are literally in danger. This is not a good place for abandoned women.
Stating that you cannot have it both ways — increased security as well as humane treatment of prisoners — is too cynical for words, for in spite of the increased numbers of soldiers, sophisticated equipment etc., security is steadily decreasing, and the downward curve is getting steeper and steeper. And it is decreasing precisely because of our boundless stupidity and arrogance, because for each of the local prisoners in Bagram or elsewhere, particularly the many innocent ones, scores of new insurgents rise, often nolens volens, but if your brother has already spent long years in one of those black holes, I dare anyone to suggest what argument you could use to refuse to support the insurgents, when one night they come to claim you. They’re all over the country, they have been quietly infiltrating over the years, while our generals and politicians were holding success speeches about battles won, hearts and minds conquered.
And McChrystal is dead right when he says that our armies, by sacrificing civilians in order to save their own skins, will never win the war (provided we assume that there is a war to win, see above). However, he is tragically wrong when he thinks that victory can be achieved by pumping billions of dollars of “development” funds into those armies and to let them pretend to be Santa Claus, here to rebuild the country. If that was ever possible at all, it is certainly way too late for that now. Afghans are all but stupid, and they see through all those fairy-tales (this apart from the impossibility of having the same army killing and distributing candies).
McChrystal thinks it’s possible because he can distinguish between the different units, but the villagers cannot, as both categories appear out of the same camp gate every day. Schizophrenia must be heaven compared to that. It is true that this country desperately needs development, foremost employment (I remember in 1999 in Kosovo watching a silent march in Pristina — hundreds of young men evidently desperate for action, any action, a potential time-bomb) to fill the stomachs of their extended families and to keep them too busy to think about fighting.
At the same time this military “development” surge (absurd to start with, of course, because development is a profession, and just like I could not become a military professional after a one-week crash course, the average soldier — who, in addition, never stays longer than a maximum of six months — will still not have a clue about development even after his three or six months here) even further blurs the line between civil assistance and military interference and will make civilian work very soon completely impossible, to be replaced by military pseudo-development specialists or a handful of civilians who, for a fortune, will let themselves be hired by the armies, and won’t be able to achieve anything, as they will not be allowed to go anywhere without a bullet-proof vest, helmet and armed escort, which does not exactly facilitate functional communication with the development beneficiaries. Not to mention the fact that their “civilian” candidates will mostly be those who cannot find a decent “normal” job, and go for the outrageous income and/or CV credits, not for professional and ethical quality. The field work will be carried out by Afghans, who will be sitting ducks for the insurgents but will have no choice, as they usually need to feed extended families of some 25 persons.
Add to this the fact that, no matter what exactly the outcome of the “elections,” Karzai comes out of them as a wounded lion, with little credit from his countrymen, and publicly abandoned by his foreign supporters. And when the lion king is wounded, the hyenas, which laid low when he had strong backing, will come out. They have already started. And that’s how a beautiful country, with beautiful people, is mangled, over and over again. The only real hope left is not McChrystal’s sweet talk, but the fact that the Afghans are so utterly fed-up with war. However, will that be enough to stop them, when their stomachs are empty and someone offers “employment” in yet another war?
I’ve only been in Bagram once and swore never to set foot there again. It was for the presidential elections in 2005, when we did not yet have an embassy in Kabul.
A sprawling “village” (some 14,000 troops), with barracks, streets with regular names, a stubby female soldier in shorts walking down one of them with a machine gun over her shoulder and licking an ice-cream, McDonalds, 7-Eleven, Afghan souvenir shops: an outlandish place, completely cut-off from the reality of Afghanistan.
In those times Poland did not have a real army here, and the 50-odd Polish de-miners (only for the enlargement of the base, not for civilian territory) would invite the handful of Polish civilians for Christmas Eve. I never went. The mere idea that I would sit there stuffing myself with imported goodies and singing Christmas carols, while at that very moment somewhere on the same compound severe suffering or outright torture was inflicted on other people, made my stomach turn. Many of them will have children like these hard working kids: courageous, smiling, with great dignity, never asking for hand-outs.
It’s such kids that you are working for. They say thank you, for caring for their fathers or uncles, forgotten by the rest of the world.
* Delation: An accusation by an informer (Webster’s Dictionary).
Andy Worthington is the author of The Guantánamo Files: The Stories of the 774 Detainees in America’s Illegal Prison (published by Pluto Press, distributed by Macmillan in the US, and available from Amazon
12.10.09
Last year, I received one of those special emails out of the blue, from someone wise and compassionate, who, to my great delight, wished to thank me for the courage of my writing. This woman, who has worked in rural development and post-disaster rehabilitation for 20 years, mostly in Africa, has spent the last few years in Afghanistan, and last week I unexpectedly received the following letter by email, which was so perceptive and so informative that I asked for her permission to reproduce it here, and was delighted when she said yes.
A letter from Afghanistan
I’m making a valiant attempt at watching your al-Jazeera interview on YouTube, but at this pace (about three minutes in two hours) it’ll take all night. Since our last correspondence I have, via your website, also started following the ACLU. Together, you’re making one of my dearest hopes come true: international attention and lawsuits for the Bagram victims. I do hope that not only the foreigners will benefit, but also, and maybe mostly, the perfectly innocent random Afghans, stopped at checkpoints and too poor to bail themselves out, denounced by a neighbor who has an eye on their land or their daughter, sold for a “reward,” or others who were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. According to the ACLU, there are some 50,000 persons, who, over the past years, have been arrested in Afghanistan by the foreign armies. Their fingerprints were taken on those occasions and transmitted to US security forces as “potential terrorists.” How many of them were released, how many have been imprisoned in some black hole, how many have died there?
Below, a “delation box”* (for whatever else can it be? After all, army field posts must have gone out with the First World War). It is placed just outside Aliabad, on the road to Kunduz, close to where some mental case from ISAF [NATO’s International Security Assistance Force] recently dropped bombs on two fuel tankers, a crime his conscience will have to live with for the rest of his life. It’s placed along the road, but in between two big announcement boards (with unrelated contents), which would conveniently shelter from public view whoever would be slipping a sheet of paper into it. The slot is too narrow for anything else:
How many poor buggers will have disappeared through that slot into Bagram or other such places? And whenever I pass by it, I realize that there are some advantages to having a high illiteracy rate … Later I saw another one in Kunduz bazaar, but did not have time for a picture and won’t have anymore; the area is out of bounds now, too dangerous.
Most of the local detainees are NOT persons caught red-handed at the scene of the crime, who need to be “held off the street” after “bombing poor women and children.” If the bloody ISAF and US armies would stop moving around at rush hour, when scores of innocent civilians are going to school or to work, then the “Taliban” would have no reason to detonate bombs there!
The prime targets are army targets; UN or other ex-pats are rarely targeted and usually by mistake, although that is unfortunately changing, thanks to our own aggressive attitude. As for Afghans, some schools for girls are targeted in remote areas, but mostly those who supposedly (delations work both ways) or truly (though not necessarily voluntarily) are collaborating with the foreign armies. So yes, its the “terrorists” who ignite the bomb, but the armies are co-responsible for provoking it in densely populated areas, at rush hours in the cities, going in their Rambo outfits to bazaars in country towns, etc. Sometimes I wonder whether they do that on purpose, as the civilian “collateral damage” gives them excuses to further incriminate the “Taliban.” If they traveled by night and were attacked, they would be the only victims; no women and children, because they are not out in the street at night.
Incidentally, the Turks who left their armored vehicles so carelessly parked on one of Kabul’s main thoroughfares at rush hour, are in fact probably the most decent of all the foreign armies, as they walk around in shirtsleeves with just a handgun on their hip: no helmet, bulletproof vest or machine gun, as the other nationalities do. And, sure enough, they have fewer victims than the other nations … Aggression invites aggression. Trust invites trust.
As for the situation in Bagram now, we are TOLD that there’s no more torturing, but who’s to check that? Only the ICRC has (scarce) access, and what guarantee do we have that they have access to ALL prisoners? If there never had been any abuse there, I might agree that there probably is not any now either, but there is hard evidence that there was torture, even lethal, so now it is up to the torturers and their superiors to prove to us that these practices have stopped. They can not claim to be “presumed innocent,” as we know they are not.
And one way of showing improvement is by opening the prison(s), at least letting in UN human rights representatives, providing regular admission for the ICRC, a full list of all the prisoners, how long they’ve been there, what they are accused of, etc.
So far, the procedure apparently is that every six months a prisoner’s file is opened and they either let him go or add another six months. He himself is not heard. In the last year or so, some of them have had contact with their families, who can communicate with them through telephone and video located in ICRC HQ in Kabul. And that already is huge progress.
Even the UN Special Rapporteur on extrajudicial killings, who was here a year ago, was not able to ascertain who some of the uniformed Rambos were who raided houses at night, etc. No army would acknowledge them as theirs. Yet their – surviving — victims are among the prisoners. And surely Bagram is not the only lawless foreign prison here.
Tragically, even semantics are a basic problem here, for traditionally a war is either between two or more countries/states, or a civil war within one given country. This is neither. Actually it is not a war at all. Afghanistan, apart from being the more or less random victim of Bush’s need to show that he was avenging 9/11, is a live training camp for NATO and the US, as well as a huge source of income for some. Some governments with little experience of democracy and the diplomacy that goes with it, candidly say that they send their armies here in order for them to gain hands-on experience in warfare, and to gain more importance within NATO. It is cheaper and more effective than organizing training camps at home.
So there is no real war, rather an oversized militarized secret service operation, with the civil population as a hostage between the armies and the ever-increasing number of militants. And depending on our needs, we either tell them that we are here to protect them, to increase security, to stabilize the country, to introduce democracy, to rid the world of al-Qaeda (whom they thoroughly loathe) and other politically correct bullshit. However, when we are accused of prisoner abuse, then suddenly this is a country at war, which allows us to play it dirty.
But who’s the adversary? Surely not the “average Afghan” whose most ardent dream is to finally have peace, rebuild his house, plant some fruit trees, send his kids to school, enjoy something called a “normal life.” This is seemingly an extremely modest wish, but here it is more and more Utopian. Yet scores of such “average Afghans” are detained without accusation let alone a trial, and their wives and kids are literally in danger. This is not a good place for abandoned women.
Stating that you cannot have it both ways — increased security as well as humane treatment of prisoners — is too cynical for words, for in spite of the increased numbers of soldiers, sophisticated equipment etc., security is steadily decreasing, and the downward curve is getting steeper and steeper. And it is decreasing precisely because of our boundless stupidity and arrogance, because for each of the local prisoners in Bagram or elsewhere, particularly the many innocent ones, scores of new insurgents rise, often nolens volens, but if your brother has already spent long years in one of those black holes, I dare anyone to suggest what argument you could use to refuse to support the insurgents, when one night they come to claim you. They’re all over the country, they have been quietly infiltrating over the years, while our generals and politicians were holding success speeches about battles won, hearts and minds conquered.
And McChrystal is dead right when he says that our armies, by sacrificing civilians in order to save their own skins, will never win the war (provided we assume that there is a war to win, see above). However, he is tragically wrong when he thinks that victory can be achieved by pumping billions of dollars of “development” funds into those armies and to let them pretend to be Santa Claus, here to rebuild the country. If that was ever possible at all, it is certainly way too late for that now. Afghans are all but stupid, and they see through all those fairy-tales (this apart from the impossibility of having the same army killing and distributing candies).
McChrystal thinks it’s possible because he can distinguish between the different units, but the villagers cannot, as both categories appear out of the same camp gate every day. Schizophrenia must be heaven compared to that. It is true that this country desperately needs development, foremost employment (I remember in 1999 in Kosovo watching a silent march in Pristina — hundreds of young men evidently desperate for action, any action, a potential time-bomb) to fill the stomachs of their extended families and to keep them too busy to think about fighting.
At the same time this military “development” surge (absurd to start with, of course, because development is a profession, and just like I could not become a military professional after a one-week crash course, the average soldier — who, in addition, never stays longer than a maximum of six months — will still not have a clue about development even after his three or six months here) even further blurs the line between civil assistance and military interference and will make civilian work very soon completely impossible, to be replaced by military pseudo-development specialists or a handful of civilians who, for a fortune, will let themselves be hired by the armies, and won’t be able to achieve anything, as they will not be allowed to go anywhere without a bullet-proof vest, helmet and armed escort, which does not exactly facilitate functional communication with the development beneficiaries. Not to mention the fact that their “civilian” candidates will mostly be those who cannot find a decent “normal” job, and go for the outrageous income and/or CV credits, not for professional and ethical quality. The field work will be carried out by Afghans, who will be sitting ducks for the insurgents but will have no choice, as they usually need to feed extended families of some 25 persons.
Add to this the fact that, no matter what exactly the outcome of the “elections,” Karzai comes out of them as a wounded lion, with little credit from his countrymen, and publicly abandoned by his foreign supporters. And when the lion king is wounded, the hyenas, which laid low when he had strong backing, will come out. They have already started. And that’s how a beautiful country, with beautiful people, is mangled, over and over again. The only real hope left is not McChrystal’s sweet talk, but the fact that the Afghans are so utterly fed-up with war. However, will that be enough to stop them, when their stomachs are empty and someone offers “employment” in yet another war?
I’ve only been in Bagram once and swore never to set foot there again. It was for the presidential elections in 2005, when we did not yet have an embassy in Kabul.
A sprawling “village” (some 14,000 troops), with barracks, streets with regular names, a stubby female soldier in shorts walking down one of them with a machine gun over her shoulder and licking an ice-cream, McDonalds, 7-Eleven, Afghan souvenir shops: an outlandish place, completely cut-off from the reality of Afghanistan.
In those times Poland did not have a real army here, and the 50-odd Polish de-miners (only for the enlargement of the base, not for civilian territory) would invite the handful of Polish civilians for Christmas Eve. I never went. The mere idea that I would sit there stuffing myself with imported goodies and singing Christmas carols, while at that very moment somewhere on the same compound severe suffering or outright torture was inflicted on other people, made my stomach turn. Many of them will have children like these hard working kids: courageous, smiling, with great dignity, never asking for hand-outs.
It’s such kids that you are working for. They say thank you, for caring for their fathers or uncles, forgotten by the rest of the world.
* Delation: An accusation by an informer (Webster’s Dictionary).
Andy Worthington is the author of The Guantánamo Files: The Stories of the 774 Detainees in America’s Illegal Prison (published by Pluto Press, distributed by Macmillan in the US, and available from Amazon
Saturday, 10 October 2009
10 Pressing World Issues?
Not necessarily in order of importance to people apart from Number 1 it seems...
10... Racism.
Number 9.... Environment Issues Including Food and Agriculture.
Number 8.... World Wide Rape and Abuse of Women and Children
Number 7.... Domestic Violence.
Number 6.... Secret Prisons, Rendition, Ghost Prisoners, Extradition, Unlawful Detention without Trial.
Number 5... TORTURE, Interrogation, Forced Evidence.
Number 4... Global Child and Human Sex and Labor Trafficking.
Number 3... War, Occupation, Genocide and Ethnic Cleansing.
At Number 2... World Hunger, Poverty, Famine, Infectious Diseases.
Number 1?
The Number one most important Issue affecting the International Community, the thing affecting peoples hearts and minds the most seems to be....
We choose to cover our Faces?(!)
Bizarre isn't it? So much pain and suffering in the dying world and all the people can think about is how I choose to dress and what's in my wardrobe?
Perhaps we all need a priority check...
10... Racism.
Number 9.... Environment Issues Including Food and Agriculture.
Number 8.... World Wide Rape and Abuse of Women and Children
Number 7.... Domestic Violence.
Number 6.... Secret Prisons, Rendition, Ghost Prisoners, Extradition, Unlawful Detention without Trial.
Number 5... TORTURE, Interrogation, Forced Evidence.
Number 4... Global Child and Human Sex and Labor Trafficking.
Number 3... War, Occupation, Genocide and Ethnic Cleansing.
At Number 2... World Hunger, Poverty, Famine, Infectious Diseases.
Number 1?
The Number one most important Issue affecting the International Community, the thing affecting peoples hearts and minds the most seems to be....
We choose to cover our Faces?(!)
Bizarre isn't it? So much pain and suffering in the dying world and all the people can think about is how I choose to dress and what's in my wardrobe?
Perhaps we all need a priority check...
Friday, 18 September 2009
Rumaysa Rahma Mustafa
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah
I would like to take this opportunity to announce the birth of my second princess, Rumaysa Rahma Mustafa Alhamdulillah. After having an emergency c-section with Zaidah I made plenty of duaa for a natural birth and Alhamdulillah by the mercy of Allah I did have a normal birth. I went into hospital at 5.30am and she was born at 7.45am. Her birth weight was six and a half pounds Alhamdulillah. Her middle name is Rahma because she was born in the month of ramadhan (the month of mercy). please make duaa for us inshaAllah.
Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
I would like to take this opportunity to announce the birth of my second princess, Rumaysa Rahma Mustafa Alhamdulillah. After having an emergency c-section with Zaidah I made plenty of duaa for a natural birth and Alhamdulillah by the mercy of Allah I did have a normal birth. I went into hospital at 5.30am and she was born at 7.45am. Her birth weight was six and a half pounds Alhamdulillah. Her middle name is Rahma because she was born in the month of ramadhan (the month of mercy). please make duaa for us inshaAllah.
Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
Update: Abeer Hamza
Life for US soldier's Iraq crimes
Mahmudiyah killings
I know Wikipedia isn't exactly the best authority to cite but the entry details how the crime would have easily been blamed on 'insurgents' and the rape and the murders only came to light when soilder - Justin Watt (of the same platoon) revealed them during a psychological health counseling session he received consequent to the killings of two other soldiers.
My previous post on Abeer
Mahmudiyah killings
I know Wikipedia isn't exactly the best authority to cite but the entry details how the crime would have easily been blamed on 'insurgents' and the rape and the murders only came to light when soilder - Justin Watt (of the same platoon) revealed them during a psychological health counseling session he received consequent to the killings of two other soldiers.
My previous post on Abeer
Friday, 21 August 2009
Quiet times...
The blog will probably be quite for awhile, even after Ramadan - although there may be some good news shared by somebody in a few weeks... In-sha-Allah.
In the meantime here's an article very much worth reading by Fatima in The Times:
Living Ramadan: a 30-day spiritual detox
By Fatima Barkatulla
Also don't forget the Cageprisoners Fundraising dinner on the 30th of August in London. My husband and I decided to attend pretty much last minute to last years dinner, we booked our train tickets and hotel and I packed for a night for myself and the 2 babies within half an hour and we went. We didn't regret it.
Here's my post on last years event.
Eid Gifts!
I'm also giving out 5 copies of Enemy Combatant, A British Muslim's Journey To Guantanamo And Back.
By Moazzam Begg (Author), Victoria Brittain (Contributor), posted straight to your door in time for Eid (!) to the first 5 people who request a copy. Just email me or leave a comment (will not be published) with your name and postal address. If you've already read it you can request it for somebody else who's very likely to read it, (UK only).
In the meantime here's an article very much worth reading by Fatima in The Times:
Living Ramadan: a 30-day spiritual detox
By Fatima Barkatulla
Also don't forget the Cageprisoners Fundraising dinner on the 30th of August in London. My husband and I decided to attend pretty much last minute to last years dinner, we booked our train tickets and hotel and I packed for a night for myself and the 2 babies within half an hour and we went. We didn't regret it.
Here's my post on last years event.
Eid Gifts!
I'm also giving out 5 copies of Enemy Combatant, A British Muslim's Journey To Guantanamo And Back.
By Moazzam Begg (Author), Victoria Brittain (Contributor), posted straight to your door in time for Eid (!) to the first 5 people who request a copy. Just email me or leave a comment (will not be published) with your name and postal address. If you've already read it you can request it for somebody else who's very likely to read it, (UK only).
Wednesday, 8 July 2009
Parenting course notes
Routine
We discussed what the word ‘routine’ means to us and we came up with the following list:
• Repetition
• Good environment
• Organisation
• Responsibility
• Stability
• Support
• Skills for life
• Consistency
• Time-keeping
• Good health
• Way of life
For the second activity we described a typical day with our children. One example was
• Pray Fajr
• Wake up (recite morning du'aa)
• Brushing teeth and getting changed
• Breakfast
• Play and tidy up
• Do activity with the child
• Snack time
• Time for mum
• Lunch and Salaah
• Time with child (e.g play group)
• spend time with dad
• bath followed by supper
• bed
In life we need to do certain things that are obligatory. In Islam we believe in ‘DO AS I DO’, so if we want our children to do certain things we must adopt these things into our lives. For example, if we want our children to recite the Qur’aan regularly or pray Salaah at its appropriate time then we should do these things so that we can be an example to them and these things will became a part of our children’s’ nature inshaAllah. It is also very vital to remember that children need to have FUN!! Therefore, it shouldn’t be work, work,work all the time because if we are clever we can incorporate learning while they are playing or through activities they enjoy doing. Having fun should be part of their routine inshaAllah.
When our children are young we should focus on care, looking after them, feeding them and getting them used to a routine because a routine gives them stability and security. We should not focus too much on education while they are young. To establish a routine we need to have a good structure. Therefore, as parents we need to know our roles and what is required from us as mothers and fathers. Allah has not created fathers to be mothers because no matter how good a father is, he cannot replace the mother. Mothers have a natural bond with children. Allah has stated our roles clearly and we should fulfill our roles as much as possible inshaAllah because secure children come from a secure parent background.
There is a hadith narrated by Hanzala Usayyidi he reported: I met Abu Bakr. He said: who are you? I (Hanzala ) said ; Hanzala has turned into a hypocrite. He (Abu Bakr) said: What are you saying? Therefore he said: I say that when we are in the company of Allah’s messenger (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) we ponder on hell-fire and paradise as if we are seeing them with our very eyes and when we are away from Allah’s messenger (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) we attend to our wives, children, our business, most of these things (pertaining to after-life) slip out of our minds. Abu Bakr said: By Allah, I also experience the same. So I and Abu Bakr went to Allah’s messenger (sws) and said to him: Allah’s messenger, Hanzala has turned into a hypocrite. Thereupon Allah’s messenger asked me what happened. After hearing what I (Hanzala) said. Allah’s messenger (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said : By whose hand is my life, if your state of mind remains the same as it is at the time of remembrance of Allah, the angels would shake hands with you, there is a time for worldly affairs and a time for worship (Sahih Muslim)
Relating this hadith back to our children and routine, we need to incorporate worship and worldly affairs into their routine InshaAllah. We need to dedicate some time for worship and some time for them to have fun.
Allah knows best.
We discussed what the word ‘routine’ means to us and we came up with the following list:
• Repetition
• Good environment
• Organisation
• Responsibility
• Stability
• Support
• Skills for life
• Consistency
• Time-keeping
• Good health
• Way of life
For the second activity we described a typical day with our children. One example was
• Pray Fajr
• Wake up (recite morning du'aa)
• Brushing teeth and getting changed
• Breakfast
• Play and tidy up
• Do activity with the child
• Snack time
• Time for mum
• Lunch and Salaah
• Time with child (e.g play group)
• spend time with dad
• bath followed by supper
• bed
In life we need to do certain things that are obligatory. In Islam we believe in ‘DO AS I DO’, so if we want our children to do certain things we must adopt these things into our lives. For example, if we want our children to recite the Qur’aan regularly or pray Salaah at its appropriate time then we should do these things so that we can be an example to them and these things will became a part of our children’s’ nature inshaAllah. It is also very vital to remember that children need to have FUN!! Therefore, it shouldn’t be work, work,work all the time because if we are clever we can incorporate learning while they are playing or through activities they enjoy doing. Having fun should be part of their routine inshaAllah.
When our children are young we should focus on care, looking after them, feeding them and getting them used to a routine because a routine gives them stability and security. We should not focus too much on education while they are young. To establish a routine we need to have a good structure. Therefore, as parents we need to know our roles and what is required from us as mothers and fathers. Allah has not created fathers to be mothers because no matter how good a father is, he cannot replace the mother. Mothers have a natural bond with children. Allah has stated our roles clearly and we should fulfill our roles as much as possible inshaAllah because secure children come from a secure parent background.
There is a hadith narrated by Hanzala Usayyidi he reported: I met Abu Bakr. He said: who are you? I (Hanzala ) said ; Hanzala has turned into a hypocrite. He (Abu Bakr) said: What are you saying? Therefore he said: I say that when we are in the company of Allah’s messenger (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) we ponder on hell-fire and paradise as if we are seeing them with our very eyes and when we are away from Allah’s messenger (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) we attend to our wives, children, our business, most of these things (pertaining to after-life) slip out of our minds. Abu Bakr said: By Allah, I also experience the same. So I and Abu Bakr went to Allah’s messenger (sws) and said to him: Allah’s messenger, Hanzala has turned into a hypocrite. Thereupon Allah’s messenger asked me what happened. After hearing what I (Hanzala) said. Allah’s messenger (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said : By whose hand is my life, if your state of mind remains the same as it is at the time of remembrance of Allah, the angels would shake hands with you, there is a time for worldly affairs and a time for worship (Sahih Muslim)
Relating this hadith back to our children and routine, we need to incorporate worship and worldly affairs into their routine InshaAllah. We need to dedicate some time for worship and some time for them to have fun.
Allah knows best.
Sunday, 28 June 2009
Niqabi, Interrupted
Wearing my niqab is a choice freely made, for spiritual reasons - Naima B.Robert
I put on my niqab, my face veil, each day before I leave the house, without a second thought. I drape it over my face, tie the ribbons at the back and adjust the opening over my eyes to make sure my peripheral vision is not affected.
Had I a full-length mirror next to the front door, I would be able to see what others see: a woman of average height and build, covered in several layers of fabric, a niqab, a jilbab, sometimes an abayah, sometimes all black, other times blue or brown. A Muslim woman in 'full veil'. A niqabi.
But is that truly how people see me? When I walk through the park with my little ones in tow, when I reverse my car into a parking space, when I browse the shelves in the frozen section, when I ask how to best cook asparagus at a market stall, what do people see? An oppressed woman? A nameless, voiceless individual? A criminal?
Well, if Mr Sarkozy and others like him have their way, I suppose I will be a criminal, won't I? Never mind that "it's a free country"; never mind that I made this choice from my own free will, as did the vast majority of covered women of my generation; never mind that I am, in every other respect, an upstanding citizen who works hard as a mother, author and magazine publisher, spends responsibly, recycles and tries to eat seasonally and buy local produce!
Yes, I cover my face, but I am still of this society. And, as crazy as it might sound, I am human, a human being with my own thoughts, feelings and opinions. I refuse to allow those who cannot know my reality to paint me as a cardboard cut-out, an oppressed, submissive, silenced relic of the Dark Ages. I am not a stereotype and, God willing, I never will be.
But where are those who will listen? At the end of the day, Muslim women have been saying for years that the hijab et al are not oppressive, that we cover as an act of faith, that this is a bonafide spiritual lifestyle choice. But the debate rages on, ironically, largely to the exclusion of the women who actually do cover their faces.
The focus on the niqab is, in my opinion, utterly misplaced. Don't the French have anything better to do than tell Muslim women how to dress? Don't our societies have bigger problems than a relative handful of women choosing to cover their faces out of religious conviction? The "burka issue" has become a red herring: there are issues that Muslim women face that are more pressing, more wide-reaching and, essentially, more relevant than whether or not they should be covering with a niqab, burqa or hijab.
At the end of the day, all a ban will do is force Muslim women who choose to cover to retreat even further - it is not going to result in a mass "liberation" of Muslim women from the veil. All women, covered or not, deserve the opportunity to dress as they see fit, to be educated, to work where they deem appropriate and run their lives in accordance with their principles, as long as these choices do not impinge on others' freedoms. And last time I looked, being able to see a woman's hair, legs or face were not rights granted alongside "liberté, egalité et fraternité".
As a Muslim woman living in the UK, I am so grateful for the fact that my society does not force me to choose between being a practising Muslim and an active member of society. I have been able to study, to work, to establish a writing career and run a magazine business, all while wearing a niqaab. I think that that is a credit to British society, no matter what the anti-multiculturali sts may say, and I think the French could learn some very valuable lessons from the British approach.
So, three cheers for those women who make the choice to cover, in whatever way and still go out there every day. Go out to brave the scorn and ridicule of those who think they understand the burka better than those who actually wear it. Go out to face the humiliating headlines. Go out to face the taunts of schoolchildren. Go out to fight another day. Go out to do their bit for society and the common good. Because you never know, if Mr Sarkozy and his supporters have their way, there could come a day when these women think twice about going out there into a society that cannot bear the way they look. And, who knows, I could be one of them.
And, while some would disagree, I think that would be a sad day.
Na'ima B. Robert is the founding editor of SISTERS , a magazine for Muslim women and author of 'From My Sisters' Lips ', a look at the lives of British Muslim women who cover.
Times Online June 26, 2009
I put on my niqab, my face veil, each day before I leave the house, without a second thought. I drape it over my face, tie the ribbons at the back and adjust the opening over my eyes to make sure my peripheral vision is not affected.
Had I a full-length mirror next to the front door, I would be able to see what others see: a woman of average height and build, covered in several layers of fabric, a niqab, a jilbab, sometimes an abayah, sometimes all black, other times blue or brown. A Muslim woman in 'full veil'. A niqabi.
But is that truly how people see me? When I walk through the park with my little ones in tow, when I reverse my car into a parking space, when I browse the shelves in the frozen section, when I ask how to best cook asparagus at a market stall, what do people see? An oppressed woman? A nameless, voiceless individual? A criminal?
Well, if Mr Sarkozy and others like him have their way, I suppose I will be a criminal, won't I? Never mind that "it's a free country"; never mind that I made this choice from my own free will, as did the vast majority of covered women of my generation; never mind that I am, in every other respect, an upstanding citizen who works hard as a mother, author and magazine publisher, spends responsibly, recycles and tries to eat seasonally and buy local produce!
Yes, I cover my face, but I am still of this society. And, as crazy as it might sound, I am human, a human being with my own thoughts, feelings and opinions. I refuse to allow those who cannot know my reality to paint me as a cardboard cut-out, an oppressed, submissive, silenced relic of the Dark Ages. I am not a stereotype and, God willing, I never will be.
But where are those who will listen? At the end of the day, Muslim women have been saying for years that the hijab et al are not oppressive, that we cover as an act of faith, that this is a bonafide spiritual lifestyle choice. But the debate rages on, ironically, largely to the exclusion of the women who actually do cover their faces.
The focus on the niqab is, in my opinion, utterly misplaced. Don't the French have anything better to do than tell Muslim women how to dress? Don't our societies have bigger problems than a relative handful of women choosing to cover their faces out of religious conviction? The "burka issue" has become a red herring: there are issues that Muslim women face that are more pressing, more wide-reaching and, essentially, more relevant than whether or not they should be covering with a niqab, burqa or hijab.
At the end of the day, all a ban will do is force Muslim women who choose to cover to retreat even further - it is not going to result in a mass "liberation" of Muslim women from the veil. All women, covered or not, deserve the opportunity to dress as they see fit, to be educated, to work where they deem appropriate and run their lives in accordance with their principles, as long as these choices do not impinge on others' freedoms. And last time I looked, being able to see a woman's hair, legs or face were not rights granted alongside "liberté, egalité et fraternité".
As a Muslim woman living in the UK, I am so grateful for the fact that my society does not force me to choose between being a practising Muslim and an active member of society. I have been able to study, to work, to establish a writing career and run a magazine business, all while wearing a niqaab. I think that that is a credit to British society, no matter what the anti-multiculturali sts may say, and I think the French could learn some very valuable lessons from the British approach.
So, three cheers for those women who make the choice to cover, in whatever way and still go out there every day. Go out to brave the scorn and ridicule of those who think they understand the burka better than those who actually wear it. Go out to face the humiliating headlines. Go out to face the taunts of schoolchildren. Go out to fight another day. Go out to do their bit for society and the common good. Because you never know, if Mr Sarkozy and his supporters have their way, there could come a day when these women think twice about going out there into a society that cannot bear the way they look. And, who knows, I could be one of them.
And, while some would disagree, I think that would be a sad day.
Na'ima B. Robert is the founding editor of SISTERS , a magazine for Muslim women and author of 'From My Sisters' Lips ', a look at the lives of British Muslim women who cover.
Times Online June 26, 2009
Saturday, 20 June 2009
After Hardship comes ease.
Almost 4 years ago while I was expecting Maymoonah I had become extremely unwell. I remember feeling sick throughout my pregnancy, not just in the morning but all day and all night. But I could never actually throw up as I was not eating anything either. My weight plummeted to below 6 stones despite being pregnant and for the most part I would just try to sleep most of the day, I felt that at least if I was asleep, I would not be feeling so sick. I would wake up only to pray. I'm sure it was a miserable time for my husband too. I completely lost track of time, day and night seemed the same for me and one day when I received a phone call from a sister I didn't know very well, I asked her why on earth she was calling me at 3 o clock at night! (It was actually only afternoon.) She asked me, "Sister, are you okay? Do you need help?" She asked so many times I think I actually fell asleep on the phone while she was talking to me.
I avoided visiting my mum as I knew she would try to force me to eat, and she would also try to tempt me with my favorite foods. Curry was the last thing I wanted to smell. My poor husband would try to cook for himself and then have to face me complaining about the smells and the mess in my kitchen. Looking back - I was such a misery guts that if I had to live with me I would have probably left!
One day I woke up and thought to myself I need to get out and feel some fresh air. I rang a friend and asked her to meet me. At the time we lived in quite a multicultural area and there were many takeaways and fast food places all around us.
My husband seemed very surprised to see me dressed and I told him where I would be going and who with in case he needed to contact me.
I left the house and walked to the end of our street, managing to get to the bus stop. All of a sudden I felt like I couldn't breath properly and felt completely engulfed by the smell of curry - the worst possible smell for me at the time. I remember thinking that I needed to get way from this smell and trying to find my way home but everything seemed to be spinning around me, the shops, the people, the cars - they all seemed blurred. I can't really remember what happened after that, the next thing I remember is being placed by somebody on our doorstep, my husband took me inside and thanked the person and after that I was taken to hospital.
Alhamdulillah Allah brought me through all of that and my birth was by the mercy of Allah relatively straightforward, quick and easy. My second pregnancy was pretty much the same but by then I had learnt that the way to avoid the continuing sick feeling is to actually eat something. It doesn't make it go way but if you eat and then throw up at least you feel some relief for a little while. Also this time I couldn't sleep at all since I already had Maymoonah who was 1 years old at the time, I just learnt to get on with things and spent a lot of time at my mums.
Nobody seems to believe me (except my husband) when I say I would rather actually go through the birth process a few times in a row than go though 9 months of morning sickness!
We know that it is a promise of Allah mentioned in the Qur'an that: "After hardship comes ease. Indeed after hardship comes ease." But quite often after we feel the ease we tend to forget the hardship.
Today I was shopping at the local supermarket with my husband and the girls. A young man who works at the supermarket approached me in the aisle and smiled at me. At first I thought he was just asking me if I needed any help. He repeated himself: "Do you remember me?"
I looked at him and wondered if I had perhaps worked with him at some point in my life or whether he had been at the same college or Uni with me.
"No, sorry."
"About 3 years ago... You fainted on the road. I took you home.... I recognized your husband." He indicated towards my husband who was down the aisle.
He waited for my husband to approach us and introduced himself to him. "Is this the one?" He patted Maymoonah on the head, (my husband must have told him after he took me home that day that I was pregnant).
I felt really embarrassed to meet him and probably will not want to bump into him again, but at the same time it was a reminder for me to thank Allah for His mercy, that He had bought me through such testing times for me and has given me ease - so much so that if it wasn't for meeting this young man I would not have even remembered that time of hardship in my life.
I also felt relieved to know that this young man, whom Allah entrusted with looking after me (my unborn child and anything else I had with me,) that day was a decent Muslim man.
My husband told me that his name is Ihsaan.
I avoided visiting my mum as I knew she would try to force me to eat, and she would also try to tempt me with my favorite foods. Curry was the last thing I wanted to smell. My poor husband would try to cook for himself and then have to face me complaining about the smells and the mess in my kitchen. Looking back - I was such a misery guts that if I had to live with me I would have probably left!
One day I woke up and thought to myself I need to get out and feel some fresh air. I rang a friend and asked her to meet me. At the time we lived in quite a multicultural area and there were many takeaways and fast food places all around us.
My husband seemed very surprised to see me dressed and I told him where I would be going and who with in case he needed to contact me.
I left the house and walked to the end of our street, managing to get to the bus stop. All of a sudden I felt like I couldn't breath properly and felt completely engulfed by the smell of curry - the worst possible smell for me at the time. I remember thinking that I needed to get way from this smell and trying to find my way home but everything seemed to be spinning around me, the shops, the people, the cars - they all seemed blurred. I can't really remember what happened after that, the next thing I remember is being placed by somebody on our doorstep, my husband took me inside and thanked the person and after that I was taken to hospital.
Alhamdulillah Allah brought me through all of that and my birth was by the mercy of Allah relatively straightforward, quick and easy. My second pregnancy was pretty much the same but by then I had learnt that the way to avoid the continuing sick feeling is to actually eat something. It doesn't make it go way but if you eat and then throw up at least you feel some relief for a little while. Also this time I couldn't sleep at all since I already had Maymoonah who was 1 years old at the time, I just learnt to get on with things and spent a lot of time at my mums.
Nobody seems to believe me (except my husband) when I say I would rather actually go through the birth process a few times in a row than go though 9 months of morning sickness!
We know that it is a promise of Allah mentioned in the Qur'an that: "After hardship comes ease. Indeed after hardship comes ease." But quite often after we feel the ease we tend to forget the hardship.
Today I was shopping at the local supermarket with my husband and the girls. A young man who works at the supermarket approached me in the aisle and smiled at me. At first I thought he was just asking me if I needed any help. He repeated himself: "Do you remember me?"
I looked at him and wondered if I had perhaps worked with him at some point in my life or whether he had been at the same college or Uni with me.
"No, sorry."
"About 3 years ago... You fainted on the road. I took you home.... I recognized your husband." He indicated towards my husband who was down the aisle.
He waited for my husband to approach us and introduced himself to him. "Is this the one?" He patted Maymoonah on the head, (my husband must have told him after he took me home that day that I was pregnant).
I felt really embarrassed to meet him and probably will not want to bump into him again, but at the same time it was a reminder for me to thank Allah for His mercy, that He had bought me through such testing times for me and has given me ease - so much so that if it wasn't for meeting this young man I would not have even remembered that time of hardship in my life.
I also felt relieved to know that this young man, whom Allah entrusted with looking after me (my unborn child and anything else I had with me,) that day was a decent Muslim man.
My husband told me that his name is Ihsaan.
Saturday, 6 June 2009
Redressing The Balance
The Virtues of Marrying Older Sisters and Other Points of Benefit.
By Anonymous
Due lack of Islamic resources/education, etc in the 80s/90s, a lot of us sisters grew up mainly with a secular model, only until we were at late stages of college/uni when we re-established our relationship with Islam. By this stage we have chosen our career/academic path...and were happily bobbing along, until we realised we had unwittingly become less and less sought after in the marital field....and slowly got labelled as 'ambitious', 'career-type', 'too independent', ' too fussy', 'too clever', 'can only read..but can't cook'.
So as the rejections pour in, what do we do...so not to let our grey matter shrivel...we hit the books some more...get a few more qualifications in the bag and make ourselves a new social order 'the unmarriagables'.
Joking aside, think of how many decent sisters you know, who are not married. I have watched this space steadily increase, as the years go by.
I don't think enough has been done/said to promote the virtues of this breed of sisters. So here is my little bit...to redress the balance.
-The maternal desire is no less in these sisters, in fact for many it is stronger, as they have waited longer than most.
-They have the wisdom of years, have achieved a lot for themselves, so are ready to sacrifice for their husband and kids, and due to more life opportunities and experiences have a lot to offer.
-Can be a companion for husband on an intellectual level, so he does not have to escape nappy talk to be with his educated friends, but rather appreciate his wife's company.
-Just because they have a career now, does not mean that they would not drop it (or modify it) to put their family first. Please ask, before you make assumptions based on their job title/qualifications. Most sisters in this situation that I know, are yearning to be a wife/mother, and realise this is where fulfillment is.
-Usually are less clingy, allowing their husband the breathing space he needs, and with some financial independence, put less pressure on him as the sole provider. He can feel confident that his children are in capable hands, should anything happen to him..n'authoo billah.
-Also ambitious women, become ambitious mothers for their kids, so rather than a negative trait, it is a driving force for the ummah. Educated women, promoting the next generation...is what we need for a respected, strong ummah.
-Motherhood in the 30s, can be less stressful, due to having more patience. And having the experience of others around us, so are more mentally prepared and willing for this new role!
These are generalisations, and do not ring true to all individuals, but is food for thought....with a credit crunch and ageing population looming, we may become popular once more.
Please dont get me wrong, I am not saying don't marry young...please do...
rather this is just a plea on behalf of our sisters who have been written off unnecessarily, they need to be considered as they have a lot to offer.
2. The Art Of Rejection.
Let's face it, most of us will face the prospect of being rejected/ or being the rejector at some point in our journey of finding a spouse.
This needs to be done with tact, and many do not know how. How many bros have been invited to a dinner to meet a prospective, and when he realised she wasn't his cuppa chai....he/his family failed to call to pass on this vital information. In the meanwhile, the sis is choosing baby names that will suit his surname.....heartbreaking stuff (us sisters can get carried away)!
So please, let people know in a reasonable amount of time in a reasonable way.
i.e. after about 1 week (so at least you seem like you have deliberated), and on the lines of ' it was lovely meeting your family, thankyou for the meal, I don't think they are a suitable match, however we will keep your daughter/son in mind if we come across anyone more suitable...jazakAllah khair.'
Wow..so easy, job done, relations in tact. This saves awkwardness/bitterness at next social gathering.
Just to illustrate the problem...consider this.
Sister A: age 30,
Profession - Medical Doctor
Height - tall
born- -UK
Brother A: age 30
Profession - Medical Doctor
Height -tall
born - UK
So the only variable is gender, yet due to society norms...look at the difference in possible potentials. Generally speaking...
Sister A could only consider someone older, taller, with a similar/higher education, someone also born/raised in UK, to understand her attitudes/role (we were raised in a different atmosphere which has moulded us, compared to our sisters in the sub-continent).
Brother B could consider someone up to 10 yrs younger perhaps, even someone older, someone significantly shorter or perhaps taller, someone less educated or perhaps same level, and someone from 'back home' as they make apparently more submissive/homely wives or they can choose from here.
As you can see, it's a boys market.
Solutions...
-Educating the parents, at a community level, pre-marital education, etiquettes in searching for a suitable spouse.
-Start looking earlier.
-Marital events for over 30s./ Professionals.
-Friends who are married should play an active role in thinking of their unmarried bros/sister, and play the matchmaker....it works....Nafeesa (ra)was a shining example, helping a twice-widowed older friend (our beloved mother Khadeejah-ra) marry our Nabi (saw).
-Maybe bros should consider a sister a few years older than him.
-If you are still not married in you late 20s/30s..then don't be shy/reserved, let people know, so they can look out for you...we are a caring ummah, no stigmas allowed!
By Anonymous
Due lack of Islamic resources/education, etc in the 80s/90s, a lot of us sisters grew up mainly with a secular model, only until we were at late stages of college/uni when we re-established our relationship with Islam. By this stage we have chosen our career/academic path...and were happily bobbing along, until we realised we had unwittingly become less and less sought after in the marital field....and slowly got labelled as 'ambitious', 'career-type', 'too independent', ' too fussy', 'too clever', 'can only read..but can't cook'.
So as the rejections pour in, what do we do...so not to let our grey matter shrivel...we hit the books some more...get a few more qualifications in the bag and make ourselves a new social order 'the unmarriagables'.
Joking aside, think of how many decent sisters you know, who are not married. I have watched this space steadily increase, as the years go by.
I don't think enough has been done/said to promote the virtues of this breed of sisters. So here is my little bit...to redress the balance.
-The maternal desire is no less in these sisters, in fact for many it is stronger, as they have waited longer than most.
-They have the wisdom of years, have achieved a lot for themselves, so are ready to sacrifice for their husband and kids, and due to more life opportunities and experiences have a lot to offer.
-Can be a companion for husband on an intellectual level, so he does not have to escape nappy talk to be with his educated friends, but rather appreciate his wife's company.
-Just because they have a career now, does not mean that they would not drop it (or modify it) to put their family first. Please ask, before you make assumptions based on their job title/qualifications. Most sisters in this situation that I know, are yearning to be a wife/mother, and realise this is where fulfillment is.
-Usually are less clingy, allowing their husband the breathing space he needs, and with some financial independence, put less pressure on him as the sole provider. He can feel confident that his children are in capable hands, should anything happen to him..n'authoo billah.
-Also ambitious women, become ambitious mothers for their kids, so rather than a negative trait, it is a driving force for the ummah. Educated women, promoting the next generation...is what we need for a respected, strong ummah.
-Motherhood in the 30s, can be less stressful, due to having more patience. And having the experience of others around us, so are more mentally prepared and willing for this new role!
These are generalisations, and do not ring true to all individuals, but is food for thought....with a credit crunch and ageing population looming, we may become popular once more.
Please dont get me wrong, I am not saying don't marry young...please do...
rather this is just a plea on behalf of our sisters who have been written off unnecessarily, they need to be considered as they have a lot to offer.
2. The Art Of Rejection.
Let's face it, most of us will face the prospect of being rejected/ or being the rejector at some point in our journey of finding a spouse.
This needs to be done with tact, and many do not know how. How many bros have been invited to a dinner to meet a prospective, and when he realised she wasn't his cuppa chai....he/his family failed to call to pass on this vital information. In the meanwhile, the sis is choosing baby names that will suit his surname.....heartbreaking stuff (us sisters can get carried away)!
So please, let people know in a reasonable amount of time in a reasonable way.
i.e. after about 1 week (so at least you seem like you have deliberated), and on the lines of ' it was lovely meeting your family, thankyou for the meal, I don't think they are a suitable match, however we will keep your daughter/son in mind if we come across anyone more suitable...jazakAllah khair.'
Wow..so easy, job done, relations in tact. This saves awkwardness/bitterness at next social gathering.
Just to illustrate the problem...consider this.
Sister A: age 30,
Profession - Medical Doctor
Height - tall
born- -UK
Brother A: age 30
Profession - Medical Doctor
Height -tall
born - UK
So the only variable is gender, yet due to society norms...look at the difference in possible potentials. Generally speaking...
Sister A could only consider someone older, taller, with a similar/higher education, someone also born/raised in UK, to understand her attitudes/role (we were raised in a different atmosphere which has moulded us, compared to our sisters in the sub-continent).
Brother B could consider someone up to 10 yrs younger perhaps, even someone older, someone significantly shorter or perhaps taller, someone less educated or perhaps same level, and someone from 'back home' as they make apparently more submissive/homely wives or they can choose from here.
As you can see, it's a boys market.
Solutions...
-Educating the parents, at a community level, pre-marital education, etiquettes in searching for a suitable spouse.
-Start looking earlier.
-Marital events for over 30s./ Professionals.
-Friends who are married should play an active role in thinking of their unmarried bros/sister, and play the matchmaker....it works....Nafeesa (ra)was a shining example, helping a twice-widowed older friend (our beloved mother Khadeejah-ra) marry our Nabi (saw).
-Maybe bros should consider a sister a few years older than him.
-If you are still not married in you late 20s/30s..then don't be shy/reserved, let people know, so they can look out for you...we are a caring ummah, no stigmas allowed!
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Fighting Your Nature
In ‘Hilyat al-Awliya” (10/287), it’s related that al-Junayd said:
الإنسان لا يعاب بما في طبعه إنما يعاب إذا فعل بما في طبعه
“A person is not to be blamed for his nature. Rather, he is to be blamed if he acts according to his nature.”
This is a very deep statement.
A person should not bring his status as an imperfect human being to serve as an excuse for manifesting blameworthy characteristics and actions. Yes, we were fashioned with varying degrees of negative attributes within us, such as envy, greed, lack of gratitude, arrogance, the desire to commit certain sins, etc.
However, we were also fashioned with the ability to repel, change, and strive against the inclinations to openly manifest them.
It is possible to abandon negative traits you find in yourself and change your character for the better. You just have to know what you want to become, and want it badly enough to put up a fight whenever the negative traits that get in the way begin to surface.
From http://iskandrani.wordpress.com/2009/05/11/fighting-your-nature
الإنسان لا يعاب بما في طبعه إنما يعاب إذا فعل بما في طبعه
“A person is not to be blamed for his nature. Rather, he is to be blamed if he acts according to his nature.”
This is a very deep statement.
A person should not bring his status as an imperfect human being to serve as an excuse for manifesting blameworthy characteristics and actions. Yes, we were fashioned with varying degrees of negative attributes within us, such as envy, greed, lack of gratitude, arrogance, the desire to commit certain sins, etc.
However, we were also fashioned with the ability to repel, change, and strive against the inclinations to openly manifest them.
It is possible to abandon negative traits you find in yourself and change your character for the better. You just have to know what you want to become, and want it badly enough to put up a fight whenever the negative traits that get in the way begin to surface.
From http://iskandrani.wordpress.com/2009/05/11/fighting-your-nature
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Parenting Course notes week 11 - Praise and Reward
Praise and reward
In this session we looked at different methods of praise and the effects of rewards. When children receive positive praise, they are likely to repeat that behaviour. However, when they receive negative feedback they are not likely to repeat that behaviour.
Types of praise
a) Descriptive praise- this type of praise is to tell the child what we are praising them for. For example, “MashaAllah you have tidied up your room.” We can say “good boy/girl” provided that we tell them what they have done to receive that praise. Also private praise is more effective than public praise.
b) Summary praise- Summing up with one word praise. For example, “Excellent”, “Fantastic”
c) Self-praise-This method of praising is very powerful for children. This is basically to let them praise themselves. Get them to acknowledge their achievements. For example, when a child says “I did that really well”.
Common mistakes with praise
Some of the common mistakes done while praising is just saying “well done” without explaining the reason for that praise.
Also we need to make sure that the things we praise them for actually deserve praise. The age of the child also needs to be considered while praising. As parents we need to make sure we mean it when we praise because children can see through it. One thing a lot parents do is to mix praise with criticism. This is something which should be avoided. For example, “well done BUT you can do better.” Praise can also be done without words, e.g. smiles.
Praise – How to do it – 7 steps
1) We need to look at our child, use their name and make eye contact with them.
2- Move close to our child
3- Smile at them
4- Say a lot of nice things
5- Praise what we see, hear.
6- Show physical affection
7- Praise immediately.
It is also important that we look at the style of praising of the prophet (SAW). Praise reinforces good behaviour because good behaviour is part of good akhlaq.
In a hadith narrated by Jubair (RA) it is reported that the prophet (SAW) said:
“Whenever Muslims plant a tree, they will earn he reward of charity because of the food that comes from it; and likewise what is stolen from it, what the wild beast eat out of it, what the birds eat out of it and what people take from it is charity for them” (Muslim)
This hadith encourages us to be dedicated, giving us a guarantee of reward from Allah. It also helps to create a generous society. It encourages us to be generous, caring and sharing. We should realise that we shouldn’t care about what happens to the tree because the reward is from Allah (SWT).
In another hadith Abu Darr (RA) reports that the prophet (SAW) said:
“Do not belittle any good deed, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face” (Muslim)
This hadith encourages us to behave in a positive manner. We should smile at people because this simple act will get us reward insha-Allah.
In conclusion we see that praising a child encourages good behaviour, and also it may increase their self-esteem. The anticipation of reward encourages generosity and dedication especially when the expectation of reward is from Allah (SWT).
And Allah knows best.
In this session we looked at different methods of praise and the effects of rewards. When children receive positive praise, they are likely to repeat that behaviour. However, when they receive negative feedback they are not likely to repeat that behaviour.
Types of praise
a) Descriptive praise- this type of praise is to tell the child what we are praising them for. For example, “MashaAllah you have tidied up your room.” We can say “good boy/girl” provided that we tell them what they have done to receive that praise. Also private praise is more effective than public praise.
b) Summary praise- Summing up with one word praise. For example, “Excellent”, “Fantastic”
c) Self-praise-This method of praising is very powerful for children. This is basically to let them praise themselves. Get them to acknowledge their achievements. For example, when a child says “I did that really well”.
Common mistakes with praise
Some of the common mistakes done while praising is just saying “well done” without explaining the reason for that praise.
Also we need to make sure that the things we praise them for actually deserve praise. The age of the child also needs to be considered while praising. As parents we need to make sure we mean it when we praise because children can see through it. One thing a lot parents do is to mix praise with criticism. This is something which should be avoided. For example, “well done BUT you can do better.” Praise can also be done without words, e.g. smiles.
Praise – How to do it – 7 steps
1) We need to look at our child, use their name and make eye contact with them.
2- Move close to our child
3- Smile at them
4- Say a lot of nice things
5- Praise what we see, hear.
6- Show physical affection
7- Praise immediately.
It is also important that we look at the style of praising of the prophet (SAW). Praise reinforces good behaviour because good behaviour is part of good akhlaq.
In a hadith narrated by Jubair (RA) it is reported that the prophet (SAW) said:
“Whenever Muslims plant a tree, they will earn he reward of charity because of the food that comes from it; and likewise what is stolen from it, what the wild beast eat out of it, what the birds eat out of it and what people take from it is charity for them” (Muslim)
This hadith encourages us to be dedicated, giving us a guarantee of reward from Allah. It also helps to create a generous society. It encourages us to be generous, caring and sharing. We should realise that we shouldn’t care about what happens to the tree because the reward is from Allah (SWT).
In another hadith Abu Darr (RA) reports that the prophet (SAW) said:
“Do not belittle any good deed, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face” (Muslim)
This hadith encourages us to behave in a positive manner. We should smile at people because this simple act will get us reward insha-Allah.
In conclusion we see that praising a child encourages good behaviour, and also it may increase their self-esteem. The anticipation of reward encourages generosity and dedication especially when the expectation of reward is from Allah (SWT).
And Allah knows best.
Friday, 1 May 2009
"Only the first glance is allowed..."
"...so make it last."
I'm sure many of us have heard that joke. According to this article, I don't think we should take the quote as advice!
8.2 seconds needed to fall in love
The time needed for a man to fall in love at first sight is 8.2 seconds, scientists claim.
The longer a man's gaze rests on a woman when they meet for the first time, the more interested he is.
If it last just four seconds, he may not be all that impressed. But if it breaks the 8.2 second barrier, he could already be in love they say.
However the same is not true for women. They let their eyes linger on men for the same length of time whether they find them attractive or not.
Hidden cameras were used to secretly track the eye movements of 115 students as they spoke to actors and actresses. They were then asked to rate their conversation partner's attractiveness.
The men looked into the eyes of actresses they considered beautiful for an average of 8.2 seconds, but that dropped to 4.5 seconds when gazing at those they rated less attractive, the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior reported.
The female students, however, looked at the actors for the same length of time. The researchers believe that men use eye contact to seek out fit and fertile mates.
But women are more wary of attracting unwanted attention because of the risks of unwanted pregnancy and single parenthood.
I'm sure many of us have heard that joke. According to this article, I don't think we should take the quote as advice!
8.2 seconds needed to fall in love
The time needed for a man to fall in love at first sight is 8.2 seconds, scientists claim.
The longer a man's gaze rests on a woman when they meet for the first time, the more interested he is.
If it last just four seconds, he may not be all that impressed. But if it breaks the 8.2 second barrier, he could already be in love they say.
However the same is not true for women. They let their eyes linger on men for the same length of time whether they find them attractive or not.
Hidden cameras were used to secretly track the eye movements of 115 students as they spoke to actors and actresses. They were then asked to rate their conversation partner's attractiveness.
The men looked into the eyes of actresses they considered beautiful for an average of 8.2 seconds, but that dropped to 4.5 seconds when gazing at those they rated less attractive, the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior reported.
The female students, however, looked at the actors for the same length of time. The researchers believe that men use eye contact to seek out fit and fertile mates.
But women are more wary of attracting unwanted attention because of the risks of unwanted pregnancy and single parenthood.
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
The Best Me I can Be.
I came across these great books in Cairo. I've never seen these books in the UK and the publishers, Sunflower Books are located in Nasr City, Cairo.
The series is called The Best Me I Can be written by David Parker.
The titles are as follows:
I'm a Good Friend!
I Show Respect!
I Will Keep Trying!
I Care About Others
I Accept You As You Are.
I can Share.I can Coorperate.
I Am Generous.
I Am Responsible.
I Am Positive
Here's an excerpt from I Accept You As You Are, (my favourite).
I Want to be special, important- just me.
With so many others, how can that be?
Some children have different color skin.
Some are tall, and some are thin.
Some see with their fingers [the picture is of a child reading Braille] or talk with their hands.
Other children ride because they cannot stand.
I may not know their names or their family, but all the children who I see are important just like me.
The Parental Note from I show Respect, (Maymoonahs favourite - although she calls it 'I show respex') reads: This book is about respect. Respect is a very difficult concept to explain to young children. Long before children understand what respect is, they need to learn some of the behaviours associated with it. Repetition is a wonderful way to teach this. It is the goal here through repetition to teach, review and reinforce some of the behaviours of respect.
Each book also comes with a 'Try This' idea to help you and your child to interact with the book.
The books cost me 1 British Pound each which really is a bargain since quality childrens books are hard to come by these days.
I've searched online and it seems there arn't many places that these books are available, Amazon has one or two available and so do Scholastic.com. The main website is hellodavid.com to purchase the books, that's if you wanted those particular titles mentioned (there are more titles than that though.)
If anybody from Manchester would like me to bring some books back for them (or anybody from outside Greater Manchester if you are likely to see me or my husband at some point,) you can leave your Name and Number in this comments section (I will not display them) or you can email me. Please state the titles and how many you would like.
The series is called The Best Me I Can be written by David Parker.
The titles are as follows:
I'm a Good Friend!
I Show Respect!
I Will Keep Trying!
I Care About Others
I Accept You As You Are.
I can Share.I can Coorperate.
I Am Generous.
I Am Responsible.
I Am Positive
Here's an excerpt from I Accept You As You Are, (my favourite).
I Want to be special, important- just me.With so many others, how can that be?
Some children have different color skin.
Some are tall, and some are thin.
Some see with their fingers [the picture is of a child reading Braille] or talk with their hands.
Other children ride because they cannot stand.
I may not know their names or their family, but all the children who I see are important just like me.
The Parental Note from I show Respect, (Maymoonahs favourite - although she calls it 'I show respex') reads: This book is about respect. Respect is a very difficult concept to explain to young children. Long before children understand what respect is, they need to learn some of the behaviours associated with it. Repetition is a wonderful way to teach this. It is the goal here through repetition to teach, review and reinforce some of the behaviours of respect.Each book also comes with a 'Try This' idea to help you and your child to interact with the book.
The books cost me 1 British Pound each which really is a bargain since quality childrens books are hard to come by these days.
I've searched online and it seems there arn't many places that these books are available, Amazon has one or two available and so do Scholastic.com. The main website is hellodavid.com to purchase the books, that's if you wanted those particular titles mentioned (there are more titles than that though.)
If anybody from Manchester would like me to bring some books back for them (or anybody from outside Greater Manchester if you are likely to see me or my husband at some point,) you can leave your Name and Number in this comments section (I will not display them) or you can email me. Please state the titles and how many you would like.
Sunday, 8 March 2009
Parenting Course Notes – Week 10, Role Model.
Role model
All of us have role models, a person whom we may imitate, look up to or admire. Role models influence the way we behave. Therefore, we need to be wise when choosing a role model. Obviously the perfect role model for any Muslim is the best human, the one whom was sent as a mercy to the worlds, the prophet (SAW). Imam Anwar Al-Awlaki mentioned in a lecture that it is best to have a role model who has passed away because that way there will be no fear of following their mistakes.
We were asked to inform the group of our role model. I think a majority of the sisters said it was their “mother”, other role models included, Khadija (RA), ‘Umar (RA), the prophet (SAW), Umm Talha.
We discussed the question; ‘what does having a role-model do to a person?’. The following were some of the responses we came up with;
• Makes us observant of that person
• Humble
• Shapes our behaviour
• Imitate them
• Aspire to be like them
• Find out everything about them
• Motivates us to follow them
• Inspiration
• Moulding our speech like them
• Copy them, whether good or bad (bad behaviour destroys us)
• Obey them
• Struggle to be like them
• Self-reflection- think am I still following that person
• Makes us want to be in their company (passed away-read/talk about them)
• Imagine them
• Affects us socially
Muslim Youth Culture
The company a child keeps is very important as it will influence their behaviour.
Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet (SAW) said “People are like gold and silver; those who were best in jahiliyah are the best in Islam if they have religious understanding and souls are like recruited soldiers, they get mixed up with those similar to them in qualities and oppose and drift away from those who do not share their qualities” (Muslim). This hadith distinguishes between two types of people suggesting that some people are better than others. It also emphasizes the fact that certain people ‘click’ instantly when they meet because they have similar qualities. I am sure we can think of certain people we feel comfortable talking to and just being in their company and others we dread bumping into! Also the statement “souls are like recruited soldiers” signifies the natural difference of nature and temperament in people. Noble ones would be introduced to the pious ones. Those fascinated by evil will be introduced to mischievous ones.
Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet (SAW) said “A man is upon the deen of his friends so look at those who you befriend” (Hassan,tirmidi, Abu dawood).
In surah Al-Furqan verses 28-29 Allah says that the Zalimun will say,”Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so and so as a khalil (intimate friend)! He indeed led me astray from the reminder (this Qur’aan) after it had come to me. And shaytaan is to man ever a deserter in the hour of need”.
Also in surah Al-Kahf verse 28 Allah says “And keep yourself (O Muhammad SAW) patiently with those who call on their Lord (i.e your companions who remember their lord with glorification ,praising in prayers and other righteous deeds) morning and afternoon, seeking His face; and let not your eyes overlook them, desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world; and obey not him whose heart We have made heedless of our remembrance, and who follows his own lusts, and whose affair (deeds) has been lost”.
From these ahadith and verses of the Qur’aan it is clear that having good friends and being in the company of pious people is the key to success inshaAllah. Our friends influence us in so many different ways. Sometimes we may walk, talk or even dress the same! Also our children will be exposed to the children of our friends; therefore, we need to be selective when it comes to choosing our friends.
We as parents are the very first role-models for our children. Therefore, it is essential that we are positive role-models and act in accordance with Islamic principles. We should not tell them to do certain things while we act in contradiction to that. For, example, if we explain to our children the importance of offering salaah at it appointed times and expect them to do so, we should not delay our salaah because they will see a contradiction. Basically, we should practice what we preach. Also as mothers we need to be extra cautious because a small child will imitate almost EVERYTHING we do or say. subhanAllah my three year old daughter imitates me while she plays “mummy” with her dolls! She speaks to them exactly the way I speak to her. Therefore, it is essential to always check our behaviour and refine our speech because we are being followed and imitated by our children.
Allah knows best.
All of us have role models, a person whom we may imitate, look up to or admire. Role models influence the way we behave. Therefore, we need to be wise when choosing a role model. Obviously the perfect role model for any Muslim is the best human, the one whom was sent as a mercy to the worlds, the prophet (SAW). Imam Anwar Al-Awlaki mentioned in a lecture that it is best to have a role model who has passed away because that way there will be no fear of following their mistakes.
We were asked to inform the group of our role model. I think a majority of the sisters said it was their “mother”, other role models included, Khadija (RA), ‘Umar (RA), the prophet (SAW), Umm Talha.
We discussed the question; ‘what does having a role-model do to a person?’. The following were some of the responses we came up with;
• Makes us observant of that person
• Humble
• Shapes our behaviour
• Imitate them
• Aspire to be like them
• Find out everything about them
• Motivates us to follow them
• Inspiration
• Moulding our speech like them
• Copy them, whether good or bad (bad behaviour destroys us)
• Obey them
• Struggle to be like them
• Self-reflection- think am I still following that person
• Makes us want to be in their company (passed away-read/talk about them)
• Imagine them
• Affects us socially
Muslim Youth Culture
The company a child keeps is very important as it will influence their behaviour.
Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet (SAW) said “People are like gold and silver; those who were best in jahiliyah are the best in Islam if they have religious understanding and souls are like recruited soldiers, they get mixed up with those similar to them in qualities and oppose and drift away from those who do not share their qualities” (Muslim). This hadith distinguishes between two types of people suggesting that some people are better than others. It also emphasizes the fact that certain people ‘click’ instantly when they meet because they have similar qualities. I am sure we can think of certain people we feel comfortable talking to and just being in their company and others we dread bumping into! Also the statement “souls are like recruited soldiers” signifies the natural difference of nature and temperament in people. Noble ones would be introduced to the pious ones. Those fascinated by evil will be introduced to mischievous ones.
Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet (SAW) said “A man is upon the deen of his friends so look at those who you befriend” (Hassan,tirmidi, Abu dawood).
In surah Al-Furqan verses 28-29 Allah says that the Zalimun will say,”Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so and so as a khalil (intimate friend)! He indeed led me astray from the reminder (this Qur’aan) after it had come to me. And shaytaan is to man ever a deserter in the hour of need”.
Also in surah Al-Kahf verse 28 Allah says “And keep yourself (O Muhammad SAW) patiently with those who call on their Lord (i.e your companions who remember their lord with glorification ,praising in prayers and other righteous deeds) morning and afternoon, seeking His face; and let not your eyes overlook them, desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world; and obey not him whose heart We have made heedless of our remembrance, and who follows his own lusts, and whose affair (deeds) has been lost”.
From these ahadith and verses of the Qur’aan it is clear that having good friends and being in the company of pious people is the key to success inshaAllah. Our friends influence us in so many different ways. Sometimes we may walk, talk or even dress the same! Also our children will be exposed to the children of our friends; therefore, we need to be selective when it comes to choosing our friends.
We as parents are the very first role-models for our children. Therefore, it is essential that we are positive role-models and act in accordance with Islamic principles. We should not tell them to do certain things while we act in contradiction to that. For, example, if we explain to our children the importance of offering salaah at it appointed times and expect them to do so, we should not delay our salaah because they will see a contradiction. Basically, we should practice what we preach. Also as mothers we need to be extra cautious because a small child will imitate almost EVERYTHING we do or say. subhanAllah my three year old daughter imitates me while she plays “mummy” with her dolls! She speaks to them exactly the way I speak to her. Therefore, it is essential to always check our behaviour and refine our speech because we are being followed and imitated by our children.
Allah knows best.
Friday, 6 March 2009
Paradise Island Adventure Golf Course
Wondering what to do for fun when the weather's as unpredictable as it has been recently? Something family friendly, doesn’t break the bank, minimal haram/doubtful stuff, minimal contact with the elements, convenient to get to...
There are several options with their pros and cons.
Bowling is quite fun but sooo much music.
Laser quest is fun, energising, and even gives a moderate work out to those who usually are a stranger to exercise! But again, a lot of music and not suitable for those with asthma - what with all the smoke - or intolerance to flashing lights.
Museums/aquariums are a good option; educating and interesting.
.jpg)
Adventure golf!
Or, to be more precise, The Trafford Centre (sheltered from the cold, easy to get to, shop to your heart’s content afterwards, FREE PARKING!)
Paradise Island Adventure Golf Course. Located in the Dome (near the Odeon cinema), it comprises of two 18 hole indoor golf courses with tropical themes, complete with jungle animal and thunder noises (yes, no music!), boulders, stone and wood carvings, huts, and exotic animals sprawled around.
The slogan is “There’s only one thing you need to remember – it’s not the taking part that counts… it’s the winning.” Not really, it’s a fun activity not to be taken too seriously.
We had a good laugh taking the mick out of the less skilled who took up to 6/7 hits before we could put the ball into the tricky holes – as you can see, I don’t even know the proper lingo. Not that anyone noticed; I didn’t see anyone wearing diamond patterned (argyle)jumpers, which means it’s not like “proper” golf (which I think is mind-numblingly boring) and is just good fun.
.JPG)
The open times are 10am-11pm everyday. Prices start at £3.50 for under 5s to £7.00 for adults, but there are special offers for groups/families.
There are several options with their pros and cons.
Bowling is quite fun but sooo much music.
Laser quest is fun, energising, and even gives a moderate work out to those who usually are a stranger to exercise! But again, a lot of music and not suitable for those with asthma - what with all the smoke - or intolerance to flashing lights.
Museums/aquariums are a good option; educating and interesting.
.jpg)
Adventure golf!Or, to be more precise, The Trafford Centre (sheltered from the cold, easy to get to, shop to your heart’s content afterwards, FREE PARKING!)
Paradise Island Adventure Golf Course. Located in the Dome (near the Odeon cinema), it comprises of two 18 hole indoor golf courses with tropical themes, complete with jungle animal and thunder noises (yes, no music!), boulders, stone and wood carvings, huts, and exotic animals sprawled around.
The slogan is “There’s only one thing you need to remember – it’s not the taking part that counts… it’s the winning.” Not really, it’s a fun activity not to be taken too seriously.
We had a good laugh taking the mick out of the less skilled who took up to 6/7 hits before we could put the ball into the tricky holes – as you can see, I don’t even know the proper lingo. Not that anyone noticed; I didn’t see anyone wearing diamond patterned (argyle)jumpers, which means it’s not like “proper” golf (which I think is mind-numblingly boring) and is just good fun. .JPG)
The open times are 10am-11pm everyday. Prices start at £3.50 for under 5s to £7.00 for adults, but there are special offers for groups/families.
More pictures on http://www.paradiseislandgolf.com/manchester/course-gallery/
Friday, 27 February 2009
What's the real problem here?
The Cbeebies presenter Cerrie Burnell with only one arm has sparked controversy regarding her appearance and has become the centre of a Political Correctness row after a minority of parents have claimed she is scaring their children. When I first noticed Cerrie her appearance did surprise me I must admit, this was despite the fact that I myself have a minor 'dissability'. I wondered as to whether she was born that way or had lost her arm in an accident.
I let my daugher watch Cbeebies when we visit my mum and ocassionally we watch it online at home, when Maymoonah (nearly 3) first noticed the presenters arm I was right next to her. I saw her tilt her head to the side and crease her brows a little as she does when she is thinking and that was it. She continued watching as normal. My 7 year old neice on the other hand asked her mum, 'Mum, why has that lady only got one arm?' My sister told her that God had made her that way and that God creates everybody different, special and beautiful in their own way. And even though she only has one arm it doesn't stop her from doing anything.' She accepted that answer and said no more about it. While my other nephew and neice both aged 2, have watched and seen her more than a few times but haven't seemed to notice or say anything so far.
In an interview with the The Daily Telegraph, the 29-year-old theatre graduate said she was not ashamed of her disability and hopes to secure serious stage roles in the future.
"People assume there is a sadness attached to a disability like this. But to me, there is no sadness. If I had to change anything about myself, it wouldn't be this," she said.
"It would be to make my hair blonder so I didn't have to keep paying for highlights."
Burnell also denied that she was only cast because of the corporation's quota-filling equal opportunities policies, adding that she had faced discrimination in the past because of her disability.
"People are reluctant to cast disabled actors in main roles; so we don't get any profile, and then, casting directors presume we don't exist, and even disabled roles go to actors without disabilities. And the vicious cycle goes on," she said.
"For this job, there was no mention of it in the brief, and in the final round of auditions, I was the only disabled one of four."
A handful of viewers condemned Burnell's casting on the official message board of the BBC children's channel, with one parent writing that their child had "freaked out" on seeing the new presenter. They added: "There's a time and a place for showing kids all the differences that people can have, but nine in the morning in front of two-year-olds is not the place."
But the comments sparked a backlash from other viewers and disability campaigners, and Burnell has been deluged with messages of support.
She told the Telegraph that she was not surprised by the negative reaction of a minority and hoped her profile would boost the public image of disabled people. "People are frightened by disability so they don't want to see it; yet, if they saw more of it on television they wouldn't be so frightened," she said.
Burnell abandoned her prosthetic arm at primary school and has resisted all pressure to go wear one again despite the advice of tutors at Manchester Metropolitan University's school of theatre.
"One warned that were I to be cast as Juliet I would have to wear a cardigan," she said.
"I thought to myself, why would Juliet have to wear a cardigan? Would it be breezy on the balcony? Then the penny dropped – it was to cover my lack of limb." (Telegraph)
I find myself wondering what the real problem is here. I have a feeling that the real issue at hand is not the awkward questions that are being asked by children as some parents have complained of, if anythng, isn't it better that awkward questions that our children ask, are asked in the comfort of our own homes to us - their parents? As we will try to answer them in the best way since we care most for their development and needs and know what level of undrstanding they have, rather than have these questions asked to a teacher who may not give them the individual attention they need or worse than that, have the questions asked in public places whenever they seeing somebody who is different.
Embarrasing questions like, 'mummy why has that man got no teeth, did he eat too many sweets?' Or daddy look at that man. Why is he so fat? Is he going to have a baby?' Or Mummy why is your belly gone so big (a child to his pregnant mother). Not that a dissability is an embarrasing subject but the questions may be awkward or even cause offence to some. I would much rather answer my child's queeries when they arise thoughtfully and inshaAllah with wisdom in the comfort of my home.
So is it a problem that some children are scared by her? I personally have seen far scarier things on childrens channels and as a child I would surely have been more scared of Beasley and No-heart from the Carebears than a lady with one arm. I understand that some children may be scared but children will always be scared of something or another and naturally some children have more fears than others,
As Ms Brunell herself said to the BBC, "Children come up to me in the street every day and say 'What's that?' I wouldn't say they're frightened but certainly they're inquisitive.
"I would always take the time to explain to a child. All they want is an explanation. They want to know 'What's that?' and 'What's happened?' and 'Why are you different?' And then they will move on."
If the child asks questions then they are old enough to understand the answer and I thnk the problem really lies with the parents inability or lack of confidence in answering their childrens questions or perhaps they are even projecting their own fears or insecurities onto their children...
Sunday, 22 February 2009
The Many Facets of Happiness
Sheikh Salmaan Al Oadah Hafidhahullah
I went on an outing with my children. Our main intention was to swim and for the children to have their fair share of recreation and of my quality time. It was also a chance for me as a father, to have my rightful share of the joy of being with my children, for truly we need our children as much as they need us, if not more. I found myself busy on that day with all sorts of little tasks – like making sandwiches, setting the picnic table, and handing out sweets. It was a beautiful day to harvest some of the fruits of happiness just by enjoying ordinary activities in total relaxation and familiarity.
That day made me think about how much we, as people, speak about happiness. Hundreds of books are published every year to address the issue from a dry, philosophical standpoint. These works strive to define happiness and reveal its connection with factors like prosperity, pleasure, and our state of mind. There is considerable controversy about what brings about happiness and, more essentially, what it actually means to be happy. This leads to the more mundane questions of role that health, wealth, one's job, one's marriage, and being successful play in our chances for happiness.
We might fail to see that happiness is an inner state of our being, which comes into its being within ourselves, and is often connected with the most ordinary and seemingly insignificant events of our lives. It is the normal state of a person's mind when that person is enjoying an experience or an activity. Those of us who disdain engaging in some pleasant activities, or simply fail to admit our enjoyment of them – due to our preconceived notions of what is suitable for us as adults, or as elderly people, or as people of social prominence – need to rethink some of our ideas. We should not rob ourselves of life's small but significant pleasures.
Be like a small child and really enjoy that cup of tea you are drinking. Take time to taste it. The same goes for a piece of chocolate or your ordinary daily meal. Enjoy it. Enjoy eating alone and in the company of people you care about.
Allah says: "There is nothing wrong with you eating together or by yourselves." [Sûrah al-Nûr: 61]
Be like a child who looks forward excitedly to taking a ride. Look forward to pleasant things. Laugh at a funny joke without first examining it to deduce whether the humor of the joke holds up under close scrutiny. Look forward to your sleep. Recognize it as being Allah's blessing and a refreshment for your body and mind. Maybe you will dream about those you love.
Look forward to the activity that is ahead of you. Take pleasure in the accomplishment – however small – that completing your task provides you with. This can be said of reading a book, preparing a letter, a lesson that you attend, or a social event that you participate in.
Try to see the beauty of a flower in bloom, the fields of crops, a flowing stream, the sparrow's song, and a child in play. Do not block these things from your sight, thinking them to be unimportant. Indeed, our sense of importance and of what carries weight with us – this is one of the greatest obstacles to happiness. This is an affliction that we impose upon ourselves. We need no enemy to do this to us.
We are happiest when we are the least inhibited in acknowledging and expressing how we feel. This is the case whether we are in the company of those we know or those we do not know. Expressing our feelings should not carry with it a sense of dread as if we are disclosing the most sensitive of state secrets.
We are happiest when we shed our ostentation and inflated sense of self-importance, so we can really listen to ourselves and acknowledge our inner needs and aspirations.
We are happiest when we are not pining after unrealistic and overly idealistic dreams but look at our lives naturally, without shame, and without exaggerating things.
We are happiest when we focus keenly on the experience of the moment, taking note of the billions – nay trillions – of blessings that are right in front of us. Allah's generosity extends to each living cell of our bodies and to everything on the land, the air, and in the sea. His grace extends to all the intangibles as well, like those feelings and sensations that we cannot describe in physical terms. Faith is a good example, love, pleasure, the apprehension of language, longing, joy, hope…
We may be happiest of all when we realize that happiness is not a package we receive in the mail – either by design or fortune – nor is it a degree conferred upon us like a diploma. It is rather the felling of the moment, if we harvest well what that moment has to offer and resolve to make the best of it. It is when we shove aside despair, worry, fear, hatred, envy, and the other negative emotions that too often preoccupy our thoughts.
We are the happiest we can be when we choose to be happy.
Source
I went on an outing with my children. Our main intention was to swim and for the children to have their fair share of recreation and of my quality time. It was also a chance for me as a father, to have my rightful share of the joy of being with my children, for truly we need our children as much as they need us, if not more. I found myself busy on that day with all sorts of little tasks – like making sandwiches, setting the picnic table, and handing out sweets. It was a beautiful day to harvest some of the fruits of happiness just by enjoying ordinary activities in total relaxation and familiarity.
That day made me think about how much we, as people, speak about happiness. Hundreds of books are published every year to address the issue from a dry, philosophical standpoint. These works strive to define happiness and reveal its connection with factors like prosperity, pleasure, and our state of mind. There is considerable controversy about what brings about happiness and, more essentially, what it actually means to be happy. This leads to the more mundane questions of role that health, wealth, one's job, one's marriage, and being successful play in our chances for happiness.
We might fail to see that happiness is an inner state of our being, which comes into its being within ourselves, and is often connected with the most ordinary and seemingly insignificant events of our lives. It is the normal state of a person's mind when that person is enjoying an experience or an activity. Those of us who disdain engaging in some pleasant activities, or simply fail to admit our enjoyment of them – due to our preconceived notions of what is suitable for us as adults, or as elderly people, or as people of social prominence – need to rethink some of our ideas. We should not rob ourselves of life's small but significant pleasures.
Be like a small child and really enjoy that cup of tea you are drinking. Take time to taste it. The same goes for a piece of chocolate or your ordinary daily meal. Enjoy it. Enjoy eating alone and in the company of people you care about.
Allah says: "There is nothing wrong with you eating together or by yourselves." [Sûrah al-Nûr: 61]
Be like a child who looks forward excitedly to taking a ride. Look forward to pleasant things. Laugh at a funny joke without first examining it to deduce whether the humor of the joke holds up under close scrutiny. Look forward to your sleep. Recognize it as being Allah's blessing and a refreshment for your body and mind. Maybe you will dream about those you love.
Look forward to the activity that is ahead of you. Take pleasure in the accomplishment – however small – that completing your task provides you with. This can be said of reading a book, preparing a letter, a lesson that you attend, or a social event that you participate in.
Try to see the beauty of a flower in bloom, the fields of crops, a flowing stream, the sparrow's song, and a child in play. Do not block these things from your sight, thinking them to be unimportant. Indeed, our sense of importance and of what carries weight with us – this is one of the greatest obstacles to happiness. This is an affliction that we impose upon ourselves. We need no enemy to do this to us.
We are happiest when we are the least inhibited in acknowledging and expressing how we feel. This is the case whether we are in the company of those we know or those we do not know. Expressing our feelings should not carry with it a sense of dread as if we are disclosing the most sensitive of state secrets.
We are happiest when we shed our ostentation and inflated sense of self-importance, so we can really listen to ourselves and acknowledge our inner needs and aspirations.
We are happiest when we are not pining after unrealistic and overly idealistic dreams but look at our lives naturally, without shame, and without exaggerating things.
We are happiest when we focus keenly on the experience of the moment, taking note of the billions – nay trillions – of blessings that are right in front of us. Allah's generosity extends to each living cell of our bodies and to everything on the land, the air, and in the sea. His grace extends to all the intangibles as well, like those feelings and sensations that we cannot describe in physical terms. Faith is a good example, love, pleasure, the apprehension of language, longing, joy, hope…
We may be happiest of all when we realize that happiness is not a package we receive in the mail – either by design or fortune – nor is it a degree conferred upon us like a diploma. It is rather the felling of the moment, if we harvest well what that moment has to offer and resolve to make the best of it. It is when we shove aside despair, worry, fear, hatred, envy, and the other negative emotions that too often preoccupy our thoughts.
We are the happiest we can be when we choose to be happy.
Source
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Spending more time with my eldest child.
I enjoyed this years JIMAS Conference more than previous years. I'd looked forward to it since last year, we stayed at a hotel where they brought me breakfast in bed since I had a young baby - Maymoonah and her dad had breakfast downstairs. Also Umm Zaidah and her family were there. We hadn't spent that much time together for nearly 4 years since we both got married and she moved to London. Before that Umm Z and I would see each other almost everyday since school, college and Uni as well at work since most of our jobs were also together.
So for the 3 days it felt much like a reunion. Not only was I able to benefit from the lectures, the fresh air and green surroundings, I was also able to witness first hand Umm Zaidah's relationship with Zaidah, It felt a though I was seeing a living example of what I had been reading from The Parenting Course Notes.
Seeing something in action obviously has a stronger impact on someone than reading. It made me reflect on my own parenting skills, that I should be spending more one to one time and doing more educational activities with my eldest - Maymoonah, something that I felt I had neglected since I had my second daughter. With the 2 year the age gap between them and their differing needs, Maymoonah had very much become her fathers Girl and Jannah became Mine. Even down to feeding, changing Nappies and putting them to bed.
So at JIMAS I made the intention to do more activities with her. There was a time, before I got married or had children that I would often make mental plans for my future, of things I'd do with my children, plans regarding lifestyle and their schooling etc. I wanted to homeschool, study, foster and adopt. I wanted to do all of it.
Although I studied Law at College and Uni, the majority of my work experience involved working with children. At various Schools and Barnados Childrens centres, I worked with Billingual childen and those with special needs as a Behaviour Support Assistant. At the time I rather naively thought it would all make me better prepared for parenting.
So there I was after returning from the JIMAS Conference not quite knowing where to start in educating my 2 year old despite all my years of working with children. I still very much stuck to the same old reading, acting, scribbling, building bricks and simiar things that my 6 month old could also join in with.
A few months ago Umm Zaidah came to visit me again. This time I was glad to have more time to talk, I very much felt I needed the guidance and we were able to focus more on talking about the girls Education. Since our meeting I have had more Ideas on things to do with Maymoonah who is nearly 3 now.
Below is one of the activities we now do often. She has learnt many shapes within a few weeks as well as 4 letters of the alphabet. I am not actively teaching her anything as she is still very young but we are doing these things together and she is picking up tings and remembering them along the way.
Cutting and pasting with letters and shapes.
1. The first week I started with a few shapes and only one letter 'M' for her name. Umm Zaidah had given me the Idea to start with the the first letter of her name rather than writing out her whole name or the alphabet. That way they are not over burdened.
2. I draw out the outline of the letter and shape and she has fun sticking them down in her scrap book.
3.Each week I have introduced a new colour, letter or shape.
_
So for the 3 days it felt much like a reunion. Not only was I able to benefit from the lectures, the fresh air and green surroundings, I was also able to witness first hand Umm Zaidah's relationship with Zaidah, It felt a though I was seeing a living example of what I had been reading from The Parenting Course Notes.
Seeing something in action obviously has a stronger impact on someone than reading. It made me reflect on my own parenting skills, that I should be spending more one to one time and doing more educational activities with my eldest - Maymoonah, something that I felt I had neglected since I had my second daughter. With the 2 year the age gap between them and their differing needs, Maymoonah had very much become her fathers Girl and Jannah became Mine. Even down to feeding, changing Nappies and putting them to bed.
So at JIMAS I made the intention to do more activities with her. There was a time, before I got married or had children that I would often make mental plans for my future, of things I'd do with my children, plans regarding lifestyle and their schooling etc. I wanted to homeschool, study, foster and adopt. I wanted to do all of it.
Although I studied Law at College and Uni, the majority of my work experience involved working with children. At various Schools and Barnados Childrens centres, I worked with Billingual childen and those with special needs as a Behaviour Support Assistant. At the time I rather naively thought it would all make me better prepared for parenting.
So there I was after returning from the JIMAS Conference not quite knowing where to start in educating my 2 year old despite all my years of working with children. I still very much stuck to the same old reading, acting, scribbling, building bricks and simiar things that my 6 month old could also join in with.
A few months ago Umm Zaidah came to visit me again. This time I was glad to have more time to talk, I very much felt I needed the guidance and we were able to focus more on talking about the girls Education. Since our meeting I have had more Ideas on things to do with Maymoonah who is nearly 3 now.
Below is one of the activities we now do often. She has learnt many shapes within a few weeks as well as 4 letters of the alphabet. I am not actively teaching her anything as she is still very young but we are doing these things together and she is picking up tings and remembering them along the way.
Cutting and pasting with letters and shapes.
1. The first week I started with a few shapes and only one letter 'M' for her name. Umm Zaidah had given me the Idea to start with the the first letter of her name rather than writing out her whole name or the alphabet. That way they are not over burdened.
2. I draw out the outline of the letter and shape and she has fun sticking them down in her scrap book.
3.Each week I have introduced a new colour, letter or shape.
_
Monday, 16 February 2009
Aid Convoy to Gaza
Hundreds of British volunteers are driving an aid convoy of over 100 donated vehicles packed with practical aid to Gaza. The convoy left London on Saturday the 14th February. This remarkable convoy will be over a mile long and carry a million pounds of aid. Visit www.vivapalestina.org to keep up to date with the progress.
For more pictures and regular updates of the Manchester convoy, visit the Manchester Gaza Convoy website at www.gazaconvoy.com Feel free to ask questions or leave messages of support!
Saturday, 17 January 2009
These are the representatives of Israel?!!
Let us be intelligent, moral and confident representatives of the truth.
(Note the clip has a few inappropriate words.)
Let us not think Israel has won or that this war is over. These few weeks have bought the Palestinian cause into people’s homes and onto the streets like never before. Even People who used to be pro Israel now view Israel as fascist Nazi war mongers. And Israel know very well that they are increasingly losing face and have resorted to paying people to gain public support as this article in the guardian shows.
The PR War is one we can all fight and it takes as little as a few minutes s every day. Let’s not let this be out of sight out and out of mind and let’s not let the fever and restlessness stop.
I for one am not going to let people forget this massacre. Usually when I’ve put the kids to bed I study, read, keep up with the news. From now on I’m going to send at least 2 email a day explaining the Palestinian cause including some pictures and news footage in each one.
To Who? MPs, charities - local and international, Journalists, possibly eventually even large businesses and celebs or ex celebs (many tend to retire into politics as I learned from those who are fighting for the closure of Guantanamo). It will literally take me 2 minutes and no more each day as I already have my letter written and will just need to edit it each time with a name and email address of the recipient.
The genocide of the people in Gaza has left me surprised as to how little people know about the Middle East. That people are Surprised at the ‘war crimes’ –that are in reality far worse than we have heard or can even imagine, that Palestine isn't even called Palestine anymore but is referred to as the Palestinian territories. And that Muslims were surprised at the Arab Leaders non – action.
Here is a news site that my family visits regularly. http://www.iraq-war.ru/home/ They collect important news from around the world from all the mainstream Media outlets with comments, Current and historical analysis and economics.
Monday, 12 January 2009
The meaning of Hayaa
Hayaa itself is derived from the word hayaat which means life.
In English, it may be translated as modesty, shyness, self-respect, bashfulness, shame, honour, etc.
The original meaning of Hayaa according to a believer's nature, refers to a bad and painful feeling accompanied by embarrassment, caused by one's fear of being exposed or censured for some unworthy or indecent conduct.
"Surely Allaah (is One who) has hayaa and is the Protector. He loves hayaa and people who cover each others faults." Saheeh al-Bukhaaree
"Every way of life has a innate character. The character of Islaam is hayaa." Abu Daawood
"Hayaa does not bring anything except good." al-Bukhaaree
"Hayaa comes from eeman; eeman leads to Paradise. Obscenity comes from antipathy; and antipathy leads to the fire." al-Bukhaaree
"Hayaa and Trustworthiness will be the first to go from this world; therefore keep asking Allaah for them." al-Bayhaaqee
"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allaah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty..." [Soorah an-Noor (24):30-31]
(AlMaghrib Forum)
In English, it may be translated as modesty, shyness, self-respect, bashfulness, shame, honour, etc.
The original meaning of Hayaa according to a believer's nature, refers to a bad and painful feeling accompanied by embarrassment, caused by one's fear of being exposed or censured for some unworthy or indecent conduct.
"Surely Allaah (is One who) has hayaa and is the Protector. He loves hayaa and people who cover each others faults." Saheeh al-Bukhaaree
"Every way of life has a innate character. The character of Islaam is hayaa." Abu Daawood
"Hayaa does not bring anything except good." al-Bukhaaree
"Hayaa comes from eeman; eeman leads to Paradise. Obscenity comes from antipathy; and antipathy leads to the fire." al-Bukhaaree
"Hayaa and Trustworthiness will be the first to go from this world; therefore keep asking Allaah for them." al-Bayhaaqee
"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allaah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty..." [Soorah an-Noor (24):30-31]
(AlMaghrib Forum)
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