Bismillah
Asalaamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu,
I pray that this finds you all in the best of health and iman! For our Spring issue, SISTERS is asking the bloggers one question:
What two things are you grateful for and why?
Answer in as many as 10 sentences and make it as eloquent, inspiring and individual as you are!
JazakunnAllahu khairan wasalaam
SISTERS.
Please send your responses to editor@sisters-magazine.com as soon as possible to be included in the next issue, insha Allah.
Don't forget sisters is now in PRINT! To celebrate SISTERS are offering FREE postage on all online orders until the end of the month!
Alhamdulillah I have to say this is the first edition that I'm able to read thoroughly. I've been sitting with my magazine while Maymoonah sits with her books. AND since its 'tangible' and Animate Image-free I was able to leave it lying around and even Abu M Picked it up and had a browse through it!
In this Issue...
10 Things to hand down to your daughter
Losing a child - sisters speak
How to obtain the Love of Allah
Balancing work and Motherhood
Superfoods from the Sunnah
A sensuous makeover for your bedroom
and... Funky Winter Fashion Feature!
So what are you waiting for? Where else can you find a combination of Knowledge, Advice on various issues health and beauty tips, household matters, cooking tips, poetry, brothers thoughts ;-) and so much more!
Subscribe today!
Monday, 10 December 2007
Sunday, 2 December 2007
Parenting Course Notes - Week 3
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Tarbiyya
We started off the lesson with a discussion of the meaning of the Arabic word Tarbiyya. We brainstormed the following meanings:
• Education
• Training
• Discipline
• Morals
• Upbringing
• Self development
We then discussed the following ayah in the Qur’an
“My Lord! Bestow on them your mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.” (Al-Isra: 24)
We discussed the importance of parents and the fact that they should be treated with kindness, as it was our parents who took care of us when we were young and incapable of doing things ourselves.
We then discussed the hadith narrated by Abdullah Ibn ‘Amr (RA)
“All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care and each of you will be questioned about your flock. The imam is the guardian of his subjects and is responsible for them, and a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s house and is responsible for it….…” (Bukhari and Muslim)
How does this hadith apply to us as mothers? We as mothers are responsible for our children’s care, education and well-being because we will be questioned about this on the Day of Judgment. So sisters, we should do our level best to fulfill this obligation which Allah (SWT) has commanded us to do. We as Muslim mothers have a great task of raising righteous children insha’Allah. Children who will be shining examples to the society, those who will revive the message of Islam and bring immense benefit to the ummah, ameen.
Allah (SWT) accepts the dua of the mother for her child, so we should be asking Him to guide our children and grant them the best in the duniya and the akhira. This reminds me of a beautiful example of the power of a mother’s dua. Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury mentioned in a talk that he asked Imam Abdurrahman Sudais, “How did you become the imam of Al-Haram?” Imam Sudais replied “I was a very naughty child and every time I misbehaved my mother would say “may you become the imam of Al-Haram””. So instead of becoming angry with him, she made dua to Allah. Subhan’Allah, this goes to show how powerful a mother’s dua is for her children. We should try to implement this method when dealing with our children insha’Allah.
Importance of balance
This flower illustrates that a child needs a balance of everything to develop into a healthy individual. Spiritual is in the centre because that is the most important aspect for a Muslim child. As parents we should attend to all five aspect of their development and not just focus on one aspect, as is the case in many families. We have some parents over-emphasizing on the mental aspect, they push them to do well at school, get good grades and become a doctor, lawyer, engineer etc. However, they neglect the spiritual aspect. On the other hand, there are parents who focus on their children’s Islamic education and by doing so they neglect physical, social and emotional aspects. They do not allow their children to have fun. We need to have a balance because Islam is a way of life and can be incorporated into everything we do insha’Allah.
The story of Luqman Al-Hakim provides us with exceptional advice which we should pass onto our children. Luqman advised his son the following pieces of advice;
a) Tawheed – Do not join in worship others with Allah (SWT), for this is the greatest wrong doing.
b) Accountability – That indeed Allah has knowledge of the smallest objects in the heavens and the Earth. He alone understands their finer mysteries and is capable of bringing them forth.
c) Importance of salah – Establish regular prayer.
d) Enjoin what is just and forbid what is wrong.
e) Be patient with the hardships that befall you.
f) Not to be arrogant and boastful – Beware of false pride.
g) Be moderate in pace.
h) Ways of communication – Lower your voice, for the harshest of sounds is that of the donkey.
We should place great emphasis on making our children aware of the greatest dhulm (injustice)…SHIRK. (Luqman verses 13-19)
Subhan’Allah, what priceless advice. If we strive to teach our children these things and make dua to Allah (SWT), then we will equip our children with excellent manners insha’Allah.
And Allah (SWT) knows best.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah.
Tarbiyya
We started off the lesson with a discussion of the meaning of the Arabic word Tarbiyya. We brainstormed the following meanings:
• Education
• Training
• Discipline
• Morals
• Upbringing
• Self development
We then discussed the following ayah in the Qur’an
“My Lord! Bestow on them your mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.” (Al-Isra: 24)
We discussed the importance of parents and the fact that they should be treated with kindness, as it was our parents who took care of us when we were young and incapable of doing things ourselves.
We then discussed the hadith narrated by Abdullah Ibn ‘Amr (RA)
“All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care and each of you will be questioned about your flock. The imam is the guardian of his subjects and is responsible for them, and a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s house and is responsible for it….…” (Bukhari and Muslim)
How does this hadith apply to us as mothers? We as mothers are responsible for our children’s care, education and well-being because we will be questioned about this on the Day of Judgment. So sisters, we should do our level best to fulfill this obligation which Allah (SWT) has commanded us to do. We as Muslim mothers have a great task of raising righteous children insha’Allah. Children who will be shining examples to the society, those who will revive the message of Islam and bring immense benefit to the ummah, ameen.
Allah (SWT) accepts the dua of the mother for her child, so we should be asking Him to guide our children and grant them the best in the duniya and the akhira. This reminds me of a beautiful example of the power of a mother’s dua. Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury mentioned in a talk that he asked Imam Abdurrahman Sudais, “How did you become the imam of Al-Haram?” Imam Sudais replied “I was a very naughty child and every time I misbehaved my mother would say “may you become the imam of Al-Haram””. So instead of becoming angry with him, she made dua to Allah. Subhan’Allah, this goes to show how powerful a mother’s dua is for her children. We should try to implement this method when dealing with our children insha’Allah.
Importance of balance
This flower illustrates that a child needs a balance of everything to develop into a healthy individual. Spiritual is in the centre because that is the most important aspect for a Muslim child. As parents we should attend to all five aspect of their development and not just focus on one aspect, as is the case in many families. We have some parents over-emphasizing on the mental aspect, they push them to do well at school, get good grades and become a doctor, lawyer, engineer etc. However, they neglect the spiritual aspect. On the other hand, there are parents who focus on their children’s Islamic education and by doing so they neglect physical, social and emotional aspects. They do not allow their children to have fun. We need to have a balance because Islam is a way of life and can be incorporated into everything we do insha’Allah.
The story of Luqman Al-Hakim provides us with exceptional advice which we should pass onto our children. Luqman advised his son the following pieces of advice;
a) Tawheed – Do not join in worship others with Allah (SWT), for this is the greatest wrong doing.
b) Accountability – That indeed Allah has knowledge of the smallest objects in the heavens and the Earth. He alone understands their finer mysteries and is capable of bringing them forth.
c) Importance of salah – Establish regular prayer.
d) Enjoin what is just and forbid what is wrong.
e) Be patient with the hardships that befall you.
f) Not to be arrogant and boastful – Beware of false pride.
g) Be moderate in pace.
h) Ways of communication – Lower your voice, for the harshest of sounds is that of the donkey.
We should place great emphasis on making our children aware of the greatest dhulm (injustice)…SHIRK. (Luqman verses 13-19)
Subhan’Allah, what priceless advice. If we strive to teach our children these things and make dua to Allah (SWT), then we will equip our children with excellent manners insha’Allah.
And Allah (SWT) knows best.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah.
Saturday, 17 November 2007
Hajj Coach
As salamu alaykum,
Muhammad Alshareef, the founder of AlMaghrib Institute, just launched
this new website called Hajjcoach.com. He's got 10 multimedia sessions
that will prepare you amazingly for Hajj.
Even if you are not going for Hajj, he's got multimedia sessions on:
1. Keeping patient,
2. How to increase concentration in prayer, and
3. ...a lot of other stuff I'm sure you'll find valuable.
**Action Requested**
Just click on this link and check it out:
http://www.hajjcoach.com
Best Regards,
PS: Just click the link and see if you like it or not:
www.Hajjcoach.com
Muhammad Alshareef, the founder of AlMaghrib Institute, just launched
this new website called Hajjcoach.com. He's got 10 multimedia sessions
that will prepare you amazingly for Hajj.
Even if you are not going for Hajj, he's got multimedia sessions on:
1. Keeping patient,
2. How to increase concentration in prayer, and
3. ...a lot of other stuff I'm sure you'll find valuable.
**Action Requested**
Just click on this link and check it out:
http://www.hajjcoach.com
Best Regards,
PS: Just click the link and see if you like it or not:
www.Hajjcoach.com
Thursday, 25 October 2007
Why do I need to write?
When there are so many great writers out there!
Umm Yusuf talks about 'That Lovin’ Feeling!'
By Fatima Barkatulla
Wondering what’s happened to the romance since you became parents? It needn’t be that way! With a little effort, your relationship can be stronger and more meaningful than ever before. After all, your children are the fruits of your love and commitment to each other. So come on…renew the strength of your relationship and through it, you’ll re-ignite the passion you have for one another…
Pray together
In any situation, even the most stressful, remind each other of how Allah would want his true servants to behave. Pray together at least once a day, standing as servants together in front of your Creator. Remind each other to have sabr (patience) and tawakkul (reliance upon Allah).
Embrace one another
Physical contact is so important and even an embrace and a simple back rub or head massage can reduce stress levels and keep you connected to each other. Take time out to have a hug and renew yourselves.
Argue with boundaries
Arguments can make you eventually closer to your husband if they are constructive. How? Well, say you wanted him to do something, he doesn’t understand why, you explain how it makes you feel, he eventually sees why you are upset and why it means so much to you, so in the end you understand each others needs a little bit better…you have been fighting yourselves closer to one another! Don’t cross the boundaries of decency when you argue. Don’t character assassinate and do not deny his good qualities. Being unthankful to our husbands is one of the characteristics we have to avoid.
Be prepared to apologise.
Apologise sincerely when you are wrong and accept his apologies. Don’t bring up the past…deal with the present. Life is too short for bickering and you’ll be surprised at how saying sorry can allow you both to move on and start afresh.
Notice the beauty and it will magnify.
Why is it that we tend to treat strangers with more courtesy and respect than those whom we are closest to? Treat your husband with the respect, careful choice of words and body language that you would treat a person who you have met for the first time and want to leave a good impression on. Praise your husband for his skills and characteristics. Notice the good and it will increase and grow!
Have a routine
If your kids are up till late, and your home is disorderly, then it’s hardly surprising that you don’t get a chance to bond with your spouse. There has to be time for you to be together as a couple, for you to be able to pay full attention to each other. So get your kids into a good meal and bedtime routine and stick to it! It’ll change your life!
Go on a date!
Have regular time alone together…uninterrupted! Even if that means asking your mum to keep the kids for a few hours. You could use that time to talk, remember how you met and what your feelings were for each other when you got married. Eat out together or go to a quiet spot by a river or for a stroll in the park. Only talk about positive things in that time that you have set aside for yourselves.
Keep communicating
Listen and empathise with your husband’s struggles. Communicate to him what your needs are, don’t expect him to guess! Things that seem obvious to you aren’t always to him, so tell him how he could make things easier for you and work to make things easier for him too.
Don’t go to sleep on an argument
Try to resolve issues before you go to bed. Leaving things unresolved can lead to a build up of bad feelings which eat away at your relationship.
Flirt with each other!
Leave a little love note in his lunch box or stick it on his rear-view mirror. Send him a text message with a message of love and gratitude for all he has done for you. You are never more attractive than when you are smiling and happy. Be a bit of a bimbo sometimes! What I mean by that is: joke and be light hearted around your husband and don’t always bring up the heavy stuff when you’re with him.
Get your glad rags out!
You know! The make-up and jewellery you once wore but now don’t seem to be able to find. Make an effort to look good and both you and your husband will benefit! Even if you can’t do it every day, dress up once in a while and your husband is sure to notice the extra effort you’ve put in. Indulge in nice smelling bath scrubs that’ll make your skin soft and smelling sensual. A mud mask or facial, once a week will make your face shine with radiance!
Copyright Sisters Magazine 2007
http://www.sisters-magazine.com/
Umm Yusuf talks about 'That Lovin’ Feeling!'
By Fatima Barkatulla
Wondering what’s happened to the romance since you became parents? It needn’t be that way! With a little effort, your relationship can be stronger and more meaningful than ever before. After all, your children are the fruits of your love and commitment to each other. So come on…renew the strength of your relationship and through it, you’ll re-ignite the passion you have for one another…
Pray together
In any situation, even the most stressful, remind each other of how Allah would want his true servants to behave. Pray together at least once a day, standing as servants together in front of your Creator. Remind each other to have sabr (patience) and tawakkul (reliance upon Allah).
Embrace one another
Physical contact is so important and even an embrace and a simple back rub or head massage can reduce stress levels and keep you connected to each other. Take time out to have a hug and renew yourselves.
Argue with boundaries
Arguments can make you eventually closer to your husband if they are constructive. How? Well, say you wanted him to do something, he doesn’t understand why, you explain how it makes you feel, he eventually sees why you are upset and why it means so much to you, so in the end you understand each others needs a little bit better…you have been fighting yourselves closer to one another! Don’t cross the boundaries of decency when you argue. Don’t character assassinate and do not deny his good qualities. Being unthankful to our husbands is one of the characteristics we have to avoid.
Be prepared to apologise.
Apologise sincerely when you are wrong and accept his apologies. Don’t bring up the past…deal with the present. Life is too short for bickering and you’ll be surprised at how saying sorry can allow you both to move on and start afresh.
Notice the beauty and it will magnify.
Why is it that we tend to treat strangers with more courtesy and respect than those whom we are closest to? Treat your husband with the respect, careful choice of words and body language that you would treat a person who you have met for the first time and want to leave a good impression on. Praise your husband for his skills and characteristics. Notice the good and it will increase and grow!
Have a routine
If your kids are up till late, and your home is disorderly, then it’s hardly surprising that you don’t get a chance to bond with your spouse. There has to be time for you to be together as a couple, for you to be able to pay full attention to each other. So get your kids into a good meal and bedtime routine and stick to it! It’ll change your life!
Go on a date!
Have regular time alone together…uninterrupted! Even if that means asking your mum to keep the kids for a few hours. You could use that time to talk, remember how you met and what your feelings were for each other when you got married. Eat out together or go to a quiet spot by a river or for a stroll in the park. Only talk about positive things in that time that you have set aside for yourselves.
Keep communicating
Listen and empathise with your husband’s struggles. Communicate to him what your needs are, don’t expect him to guess! Things that seem obvious to you aren’t always to him, so tell him how he could make things easier for you and work to make things easier for him too.
Don’t go to sleep on an argument
Try to resolve issues before you go to bed. Leaving things unresolved can lead to a build up of bad feelings which eat away at your relationship.
Flirt with each other!
Leave a little love note in his lunch box or stick it on his rear-view mirror. Send him a text message with a message of love and gratitude for all he has done for you. You are never more attractive than when you are smiling and happy. Be a bit of a bimbo sometimes! What I mean by that is: joke and be light hearted around your husband and don’t always bring up the heavy stuff when you’re with him.
Get your glad rags out!
You know! The make-up and jewellery you once wore but now don’t seem to be able to find. Make an effort to look good and both you and your husband will benefit! Even if you can’t do it every day, dress up once in a while and your husband is sure to notice the extra effort you’ve put in. Indulge in nice smelling bath scrubs that’ll make your skin soft and smelling sensual. A mud mask or facial, once a week will make your face shine with radiance!
Copyright Sisters Magazine 2007
http://www.sisters-magazine.com/
Thursday, 18 October 2007
Toddler Tantrums
18 - 24 Months: Tame Your Toddler’s Tantrums
Taken from bootsparentingclub.com
Let’s talk tantrums. We know you don’t want to but you need to be ready. Because at some point between 18 months and three, your sweet, lovely, smiley baby’s going to treat you to a fair few contrary, wilful, ear-splitting toddler strops.
So, what on earth’s making your child so mad? Perhaps the first thing to understand is that tantrums are a fact of toddler life. And, at this age, it’s not about disobedience but simple frustration: at not being able to get the jigsaw piece in the hole; at being yanked from the muddy puddle when she was having so much fun; at not being able to find the words to say what she means. This is not the time for time-outs and naughty steps. Yes, your child needs you to be firm and clear about what’s acceptable and what’s not, but she also needs your help in dealing with the storm of emotions that’s spinning her out of control. And to do that, you need our three-step tantrum-tackling masterclass…
Avoid the triggers
Put your toddler in certain situations and you can practically guarantee a tantrum. Solution? Avoid these situations in the first place and:
* Don’t overdo it. A tired and hungry child is a tantrum waiting to happen. Stick to a daily routine of regular mealtimes and bedtimes and at least one nap a day.
* Explain what’s happening. If you are doing anything out of the ordinary, talk your child through it first. If she has some idea of what to expect, she’s less likely to kick up a fuss.
* Switch to toddler time. Toddlers don’t do rushing. They just don’t understand why you’re in such a hurry to get to nursery, the shops, your friend’s house. And frantically chivvying them up can set off a strop. Build in extra time to get places and you’ll save tempers all round.
* Make your house toddler-safe. If all you ever say is, ‘Don’t touch that!’, you’re just inviting rebellion.
Learn the tactics
Oh no, that bottom lip’s beginning to wobble. To stop a tantrum before it really starts, you need to:
* Distract her. Point with huge excitement at a car in the street or a toy across the room: anything that will divert her attention from what’s upsetting her.
* Act the fool. She won’t get in her buggy? You get in instead! Even toddlers can’t laugh and strop at the same time.
* Seem to agree. She wants a biscuit; you don’t want to spoil her appetite for lunch. Substitute, ‘No, no biscuits!’ for ‘Yes, we’ll have a biscuit at lunchtime.’
* Offer choices. Older toddlers love having choices: it makes them feel in control. Just be sure both choices get you the result you’re after! So, instead of, ‘Put your coat on or we don’t go to the park!’, say, ‘Which coat are you wearing to the park: the red one or the blue one?’
* Think big picture. And let the small things go. Don’t make an issue of every little toddler annoyance.
Know the tamers
Despite your very best intentions, your child's imploded into all-out tantrum mode. Now’s the time to:
* Hold her. Screaming toddlers can often be scared by the intensity of their own emotions. Sometimes, holding them gently but firmly can help them keep it together.
* Count to ten. Tantrums are upsetting or annoying for parents, too. Before you react in a way you might regret, take a little time to regain your cool.
* Ignore her. Nothing deflates a strop faster than a lack of audience.
* Stick to your guns. Don't give in or your child will learn that tantrums get her what she wants.
* Hug her when it’s over. After the storm, don’t lecture, punish or ask for apologies. Your child’s been through enough. Give her a big cuddle and move on.
Friday, 14 September 2007
Ramadan
Some things to read.
Ramadhân: Have You Got What It Takes?
Ramadan Guide.
How Our Pious Predecessors Spent Ramadan
Welcoming the Arrival of Ramadan
“The fasting person has two occasions for joy”
Islamtoday - Fasting and Itikaaf, articles and rulings for Ramadan.
Last but not least Issue 3 of sisters-magazine is Out!
Highlights of this issue include:
Ramadhan in the Qur'an and Sunnah
The wisdom behind fasting
Exerting oneself in the last ten days of Ramadhan
Preparing your home for Ramadhan
Make this Eid your best ever with our fabulous celebration ideas!
AND... Gorgeous Eid fashion feature
.
Ramadhân: Have You Got What It Takes?
Ramadan Guide.
How Our Pious Predecessors Spent Ramadan
Welcoming the Arrival of Ramadan
“The fasting person has two occasions for joy”
Islamtoday - Fasting and Itikaaf, articles and rulings for Ramadan.
Last but not least Issue 3 of sisters-magazine is Out!
Highlights of this issue include:Ramadhan in the Qur'an and Sunnah
The wisdom behind fasting
Exerting oneself in the last ten days of Ramadhan
Preparing your home for Ramadhan
Make this Eid your best ever with our fabulous celebration ideas!
AND... Gorgeous Eid fashion feature
.
Friday, 7 September 2007
A blend of cultures for dinner.
At this years JIMAS conference Sheikh Mamdouh Muhammad gave us some really good advice - when you invite someone for dinner, never just invite people from one country to your house, try to have people from different countries attend.
I know a sister who did this and used to count to herself, 'Today we have a blend of Bengali, Pakistani, Jamaican, Algerian and Lybian guests!'
MashaAllah It was really nice and I've met many sisters of different nationalities through her.
I know a sister who did this and used to count to herself, 'Today we have a blend of Bengali, Pakistani, Jamaican, Algerian and Lybian guests!'
MashaAllah It was really nice and I've met many sisters of different nationalities through her.
Wednesday, 29 August 2007
JIMAS
Another JIMAS conference gone by and I'm left feeling tired and exhausted but not quite wanting to be back.Some Benefits of attending the JIMAS Conference.
Sisterhood/brotherhood. Different ages, race, backgrounds, professions. Meeting brothers and sisters that you only see once a year at JIMAS!
A few sisters and I played 'guess what race percentages' (ourselves) and our children are- it was humorous to say the least, (other sisters looked on like we were a tad crazy.)
Fresh Green Air, close to nature, green trees and plenty of weeping willows (my favorite!)
Being among the people of knowledge who all differ in their beautiful, charismatic, dynamic and humorous personalities.
Knowledge - each teacher/scholar taught us in a variety of different ways you actually remember what you listened to and don't get bored of 3 days of lectures.
Keeping fit - walking to and from lectures, lunch, salah all day for 3 days - you certainly feel the effects on the body.
Family time. Back in your rooms there is no internet, cooking, laundry or distractions - just the family. You're 'forced' to spend quality time together :-)
Safety. You actually let your children run around here and there and know that they are safe with sisters looking out for each others children.
Alkauthar revision :-) The finance seminars for the first time didn't go over my head thanks to my teacher Sheikh Abu Yusuf and the Alkauthar Real Deal course. I found myself engrossed in what Tarek Al Diwany had to say about the monetary/banking systems, keen to hear more and captivated by the seminar on inheritance.
I cant wait till The Real Deal 201!
Ok here's the girly bit. I can't forget shopping can I? Being able to shop in a halal music free environment. A vast selection of fabrics, cuts, styles in Abaya's and Hijaab and the once a year opportunity to find the 'perfect' Niqaab for you that aren't always available locally.
Some sisters actually let their customers take items home without paying, promising that they will send a cheque when they get back home. Thats what I call real trust.
And Cons? - The Price? Yes its more expensive than previous years, but is without a doubt worth it. And today I recieved a cheque through the post from tax returns that I had forgotten about - when you spend in the way of Allah - Allah always gives back more. SubhanAllah.
Anyway Here's more on JIMAS....
Monday, 20 August 2007
Don’t just blame the parents; blame us too
It was better when we all took it upon ourselves to discipline children
Carol Sarler
Blame the parents, by all means. Blame the social workers, while you’re at it. Both are rational responses to the revulsion evoked when a mother and her boyfriend are convicted of murdering her four-year-old child over a prolonged period of 100 blows; not again, we say, not again. And then, three days after sentence was passed on Sharon Wright and Peter McKenzie-Seaton in Bradford, a couple are arrested in London for the suspicious death of their toddler and we cry not again. Again.
By the same token, we blame the parents for feral gangs who roam the streets; for violence, for crime, for unprecedented numbers of fatal shootings by gunslingers still only children themselves. Whether it is damage to children or damage by children, sensibly alarmed politicians turn their sights towards families and those professionally charged with effecting cure upon dysfunctional ones. The message reads clearly: they are your children, therefore your job and your responsibility – and, of course, they are. The less clear question, however, might be: are they solely the responsibility of those who raise them? Or should the civilian rest of us also reasonably be expected to play a bigger part?
Current thinking says no. Inadequacies within the insularity of the family are addressed by, for instance, “parenting classes” or, at the posh end, “family therapy”, both designed to address the inadequacies while retaining the insular structure of the unit. In the light of the manifest failure of such an approach, is it time to wonder whether the root of the problems lies in the insularity itself?
The model of the nuclear family, apparently accepted without question by those who seek to nurture it, is not, I venture, entirely historically correct. Its emergence, according to conventional wisdom, is explained something like this: once upon a time, we all lived in enormous, sprawling multigenerational families, paying feudal dues and doffing caps to his liege as young and old scratched a happy living in bucolic pastures where we slept with our goats and breast-fed our chickens – until along came the Industrial Revolution and blew the whistle for time. The need for a mobile workforce became paramount, so the population helpfully parcelled itself into two-generation families, moved into two-up two-downs and slammed the front door behind them.
Police chief calls for alcohol ban in public
Cheshire Chief Constable stepped up his campaign on drink-related youth crime today with call for ban on street-drinking
* Police chief calls drinks industry to account for yob culture
* A daughter’s last letter to father killed tackling gang of vandals
* Father who confronted gang 'was best dad'
Which, I suppose, was pretty much the gist of it, save this: it does not tally with personal observation. Those front doors slammed not in the 19th century, but only in the past few years. In the street where my mother was raised (urban, poor) and, even more recently, in the street where I was raised (shires, middle) the doors of the family units were open – literally and otherwise.
Everybody involved themselves with the maintenance of other people’s children; should a child bunk off school for the day, every adult in the street would know and would think nothing of reprimanding him. We took it for granted that there were eyes everywhere: “Hey, young Sarler! Cut it out! Now!” And when two teenage girls were trusted alone in the house overnight and elected to – how shall I put this? – have a few friends around, our parents came home the next day to a disorderly queue of neighbours busting guts to tell them about it. BLEEP.
The corollary, however, was that if it was inconceivable that we could misbehave without being spotted, so it was inconceivable that anybody could misbehave towards us without equal scrutiny; paedophilia existed, but was scant terror given that pretty much everyone – especially the children – knew who, what and where lay the local kiddie-fiddlers. Strangers they were not.
As for parents of ineptitude or ill intent, they could not possibly have systematically beaten a child to a deathly pulp in one of our streets. It wasn’t just a matter of our being prepared to snitch to authorities, either; face-to-face confrontation was coded, but all understood what it meant. Mrs Jones would be asked, with an air of concern, if she was all right – looking a little tired, we thought; children getting you down? And Mr Jones was home so late last night . . . The Joneses, thus, would know that we knew.
This may well be too much of a Hovis commercial for your taste and naturally it is not a full social snapshot. Nevertheless, in many respects it was better than what followed when, as every sitcom cast a character to remind us, neighbour came to mean nosy and nosy to mean bad. We became fearful of the accusation of interfering in other people’s lives, let alone in other people’s children and – as that made us unknown to the children and they to us – we became fearful of the children themselves.
Last week, in the dappled sunshine of a London park, I did tick off a bunch of brats: surly, early teens who were being horrid to our dog, or I surely would neither have bothered nor, probably, dared. Certainly, there was anxiety; you hear such stories; don’t they all carry knives these days?
The thing is, though, they were local kids – had to be, to be there at all. And if I had engaged with them in the past when they were much smaller, I would have known their names and homes and schools and very likely wouldn’t have felt nervous at all. But I hadn’t, so I didn’t and next time, for all I know, the dog gets it.
Because of our mutual unfamiliarity I may be at risk – and so, in their homes, may they. Two sides of the same chasm. All in the interests of what? Privacy? Rights? Minding our own business?
Hillary Clinton, in 1996, contentiously borrowed from an old African saying and applied to America the idea that “it takes a village to raise a child”. She was roundly condemned, most notably by Robert Dole, who retorted briskly that, no, it doesn’t; it takes a family.
A decade later, with children dying and with children killing, we may ask why we should have to choose between the two positions. The probable truth is that it is now as it ever was: we still need both.
Carol Sarler
Blame the parents, by all means. Blame the social workers, while you’re at it. Both are rational responses to the revulsion evoked when a mother and her boyfriend are convicted of murdering her four-year-old child over a prolonged period of 100 blows; not again, we say, not again. And then, three days after sentence was passed on Sharon Wright and Peter McKenzie-Seaton in Bradford, a couple are arrested in London for the suspicious death of their toddler and we cry not again. Again.
By the same token, we blame the parents for feral gangs who roam the streets; for violence, for crime, for unprecedented numbers of fatal shootings by gunslingers still only children themselves. Whether it is damage to children or damage by children, sensibly alarmed politicians turn their sights towards families and those professionally charged with effecting cure upon dysfunctional ones. The message reads clearly: they are your children, therefore your job and your responsibility – and, of course, they are. The less clear question, however, might be: are they solely the responsibility of those who raise them? Or should the civilian rest of us also reasonably be expected to play a bigger part?
Current thinking says no. Inadequacies within the insularity of the family are addressed by, for instance, “parenting classes” or, at the posh end, “family therapy”, both designed to address the inadequacies while retaining the insular structure of the unit. In the light of the manifest failure of such an approach, is it time to wonder whether the root of the problems lies in the insularity itself?
The model of the nuclear family, apparently accepted without question by those who seek to nurture it, is not, I venture, entirely historically correct. Its emergence, according to conventional wisdom, is explained something like this: once upon a time, we all lived in enormous, sprawling multigenerational families, paying feudal dues and doffing caps to his liege as young and old scratched a happy living in bucolic pastures where we slept with our goats and breast-fed our chickens – until along came the Industrial Revolution and blew the whistle for time. The need for a mobile workforce became paramount, so the population helpfully parcelled itself into two-generation families, moved into two-up two-downs and slammed the front door behind them.
Police chief calls for alcohol ban in public
Cheshire Chief Constable stepped up his campaign on drink-related youth crime today with call for ban on street-drinking
* Police chief calls drinks industry to account for yob culture
* A daughter’s last letter to father killed tackling gang of vandals
* Father who confronted gang 'was best dad'
Which, I suppose, was pretty much the gist of it, save this: it does not tally with personal observation. Those front doors slammed not in the 19th century, but only in the past few years. In the street where my mother was raised (urban, poor) and, even more recently, in the street where I was raised (shires, middle) the doors of the family units were open – literally and otherwise.
Everybody involved themselves with the maintenance of other people’s children; should a child bunk off school for the day, every adult in the street would know and would think nothing of reprimanding him. We took it for granted that there were eyes everywhere: “Hey, young Sarler! Cut it out! Now!” And when two teenage girls were trusted alone in the house overnight and elected to – how shall I put this? – have a few friends around, our parents came home the next day to a disorderly queue of neighbours busting guts to tell them about it. BLEEP.
The corollary, however, was that if it was inconceivable that we could misbehave without being spotted, so it was inconceivable that anybody could misbehave towards us without equal scrutiny; paedophilia existed, but was scant terror given that pretty much everyone – especially the children – knew who, what and where lay the local kiddie-fiddlers. Strangers they were not.
As for parents of ineptitude or ill intent, they could not possibly have systematically beaten a child to a deathly pulp in one of our streets. It wasn’t just a matter of our being prepared to snitch to authorities, either; face-to-face confrontation was coded, but all understood what it meant. Mrs Jones would be asked, with an air of concern, if she was all right – looking a little tired, we thought; children getting you down? And Mr Jones was home so late last night . . . The Joneses, thus, would know that we knew.
This may well be too much of a Hovis commercial for your taste and naturally it is not a full social snapshot. Nevertheless, in many respects it was better than what followed when, as every sitcom cast a character to remind us, neighbour came to mean nosy and nosy to mean bad. We became fearful of the accusation of interfering in other people’s lives, let alone in other people’s children and – as that made us unknown to the children and they to us – we became fearful of the children themselves.
Last week, in the dappled sunshine of a London park, I did tick off a bunch of brats: surly, early teens who were being horrid to our dog, or I surely would neither have bothered nor, probably, dared. Certainly, there was anxiety; you hear such stories; don’t they all carry knives these days?
The thing is, though, they were local kids – had to be, to be there at all. And if I had engaged with them in the past when they were much smaller, I would have known their names and homes and schools and very likely wouldn’t have felt nervous at all. But I hadn’t, so I didn’t and next time, for all I know, the dog gets it.
Because of our mutual unfamiliarity I may be at risk – and so, in their homes, may they. Two sides of the same chasm. All in the interests of what? Privacy? Rights? Minding our own business?
Hillary Clinton, in 1996, contentiously borrowed from an old African saying and applied to America the idea that “it takes a village to raise a child”. She was roundly condemned, most notably by Robert Dole, who retorted briskly that, no, it doesn’t; it takes a family.
A decade later, with children dying and with children killing, we may ask why we should have to choose between the two positions. The probable truth is that it is now as it ever was: we still need both.
Friday, 17 August 2007
Do all good things come to an end?
Only in this world.
When three friends so dear to you (including a teacher) leave the country within the space of a few weeks - whether its to the UAE or Europe, it really reminds you that everything in this world is temporary.
Yet another reason to strive to please Allah. So that InshaAllah we can be with those whom we love in Janaat.
When three friends so dear to you (including a teacher) leave the country within the space of a few weeks - whether its to the UAE or Europe, it really reminds you that everything in this world is temporary.
Yet another reason to strive to please Allah. So that InshaAllah we can be with those whom we love in Janaat.
Sunday, 12 August 2007
Hands On Dawa!
Alhamdulillah we had a few new sisters at the Adab class this week. One of the new Muslim sisters, an English sister who reverted a few months ago, knew of a Pakistani family in her local community.
She went to visit them before the class and said to them, 'If I can go to the mosque then so can you!' And dragged them to the class with her!
She went to visit them before the class and said to them, 'If I can go to the mosque then so can you!' And dragged them to the class with her!
Monday, 6 August 2007
Abeer Hamza
Taken from muslimmatters.org
In memory of our sister, Abeer al-Janabi…
See also: Injustice, Injustice, Injustice
[graphic content, not suitable for children].
In memory of our sister, Abeer al-Janabi…
See also: Injustice, Injustice, Injustice
[graphic content, not suitable for children].
Sunday, 5 August 2007
A Bleak Future?
After having dinner at my father in laws today we decided to pop by my sister in Laws house before heading home. We arrived to see the street filled with people and a fire engine parked on the street.
Some boys had set fire to her neighbors (whom we also know) back garden shed. Why? Well simply because the boys were hanging around doing no good around her back garden and she had politely asked them to leave.
Her shed had burned to complete ashes along with a plastic slide and her swimming pool that were inside (the fumes were probably almost as dangerous as the flames.)
The seriousness of the matter was evident on a tree in the next garden behind her shed - the leaves had blackened all the way to the top.
Here comes the Bleak bit... the boys were only 7 years old.
Later on emerged rumors of more shootings in the Moss side area (where she lives) of Manchester. She was used to it now she said, it wasn't unusual for her to arrive back home from somewhere only to find the neighborhood partitioned of and blockaded with police patrol vehicles unable to go to her house. (Related Article here.)
I found myself feeling slightly fearful as we left the neighborhood to come home.
Then It dawned on me that this is probably less than a percent of the fear that innocent Iraqi and Palestinian civilians have to live with every day of their lives.
And speaking of Fear I urge all of you to raise your hands and sincerely make dua for four brothers who are forcibly being repatriated from Guantánamo Bay to Algeria on Monday, August 6, 2007.
Amongst these prisoners is Ahmed Belbacha, a former British resident of Algerian origin, who was cleared for release by the U.S in February 2007 after having been deemed to ‘pose no threat’ to the USA.Urgent action is required for Ahmed Belbacha. Please visit Cageprisoners here for more information.
Some boys had set fire to her neighbors (whom we also know) back garden shed. Why? Well simply because the boys were hanging around doing no good around her back garden and she had politely asked them to leave.
Her shed had burned to complete ashes along with a plastic slide and her swimming pool that were inside (the fumes were probably almost as dangerous as the flames.)
The seriousness of the matter was evident on a tree in the next garden behind her shed - the leaves had blackened all the way to the top.
Here comes the Bleak bit... the boys were only 7 years old.
Later on emerged rumors of more shootings in the Moss side area (where she lives) of Manchester. She was used to it now she said, it wasn't unusual for her to arrive back home from somewhere only to find the neighborhood partitioned of and blockaded with police patrol vehicles unable to go to her house. (Related Article here.)
I found myself feeling slightly fearful as we left the neighborhood to come home.
Then It dawned on me that this is probably less than a percent of the fear that innocent Iraqi and Palestinian civilians have to live with every day of their lives.
And speaking of Fear I urge all of you to raise your hands and sincerely make dua for four brothers who are forcibly being repatriated from Guantánamo Bay to Algeria on Monday, August 6, 2007.
Amongst these prisoners is Ahmed Belbacha, a former British resident of Algerian origin, who was cleared for release by the U.S in February 2007 after having been deemed to ‘pose no threat’ to the USA.Urgent action is required for Ahmed Belbacha. Please visit Cageprisoners here for more information.
Thursday, 2 August 2007
Monday, 30 July 2007
Be like the Bee
Taken from muslimmatters.org
As people are content with the world, so you should be content with Allah. As they are delighted by the world, so you should be delighted with Allah. As they are intimate with their loved ones, so you should seek intimacy with Allah. As they desire to know their kings and their leaders, and to draw near to them in order for honour and status to be conferred on them, so you should come to know Allah and seek His love: this will lead to the utmost honour and distinction.
Said one of the ascetics (zuhhåd): “I can never imagine that someone could hear about Paradise and Hellfire and can still waste an hour without performing any act of obedience to Allah; neither remembrance, prayer, reciting Qur’an nor an act of charity or kindness.” Someone said to him: I weep profusely. He replied: “That you laugh while confessing your sin is better than weeping yet being puffed-up with pride because of your deeds. For the deeds of a conceited person will never rise above his head.” The person then requested: Please counsel me. So the ascetic replied:
“Leave the world to those who hanker after it, as they leave the Afterlife to its seekers. And be in this world as the bee: it eats only good, produces only good, and when it rests upon anything it neither ruins it nor deflowers it.”
FOOTNOTES
* Al-Fawa’id (Riyadh: Maktabah al-Rushd, 2001), 187; trans. Surkheel Sharif.
As people are content with the world, so you should be content with Allah. As they are delighted by the world, so you should be delighted with Allah. As they are intimate with their loved ones, so you should seek intimacy with Allah. As they desire to know their kings and their leaders, and to draw near to them in order for honour and status to be conferred on them, so you should come to know Allah and seek His love: this will lead to the utmost honour and distinction.
Said one of the ascetics (zuhhåd): “I can never imagine that someone could hear about Paradise and Hellfire and can still waste an hour without performing any act of obedience to Allah; neither remembrance, prayer, reciting Qur’an nor an act of charity or kindness.” Someone said to him: I weep profusely. He replied: “That you laugh while confessing your sin is better than weeping yet being puffed-up with pride because of your deeds. For the deeds of a conceited person will never rise above his head.” The person then requested: Please counsel me. So the ascetic replied:
“Leave the world to those who hanker after it, as they leave the Afterlife to its seekers. And be in this world as the bee: it eats only good, produces only good, and when it rests upon anything it neither ruins it nor deflowers it.”
FOOTNOTES
* Al-Fawa’id (Riyadh: Maktabah al-Rushd, 2001), 187; trans. Surkheel Sharif.
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
The Weeping Willow
Taken from here.
The Weeping Willow
The darkness had arrived. But it didn't make a difference to the Tree. Day and night were the same. The Tree would stand alone. The morning light provided no comfort, except for, of course, the fact that it was essential for the sun to shine sometimes in order to survive. Survival of the fittest, The Tree smiled bitterly to himself. But only The Tree wasn't the fittest. In fact it was barely surviving. Loneliness is a killer......'Your too far out' they would say. 'It's not a proper place for our kind.' Meaning what? Am I not a tree, like you?
He knew the truth. It had nothing to do with the location as their branches reached out far and wide. He knew full well what they meant by 'our kind.' He was of an odd nature compared to them. His branches drooped whilst theirs expanded out. His trunk was hidden by waves of shadow, even if it was to be seen it was crumbled and wrinkled unattractive to the eye. Theirs a deep brown, strong and hard, perfect for climbing. Their leaves green, a forest green. But depending on seasonal change they shone golden and orange and at peak times they jeweled red. Not to forget being decorated with the pink and white blossoms under the crisp spring sky.
And me......Pale yellow fragile leaves, which naturally drooped as the downturn of a mouth would. In the rain they would become brown and give away to nothingness. Nothing but the remains of unwanted mess under shoes squelching in the mud. At my best, my leaves would turn a light shade of green (I rather like the colour) but my fellow trees would still scorn. Ooooh fancy that, faded green, who's known a tree to be of that colour. Indeed you are strange species. Rejected and hurt, I turn away. I have still some dignity left, I do not let them see me weep. I try to lift myself, but to no avail. I am weighed down by my branches. And there I remain. I stand alone again.
But then one early morning, before the morning sun rose, my life changed. Dramatically. Oh I will never forget that day of sweet sounding melody. I awoke like I do; just in time to see the pink horizon. This is my daily dose of hope of a better day. And the Lord above chose today to be that day, Alhamdulillah! (how can I not praise my Lord, the bestower of unexpected bounties). I felt a movement against me. Ok wake up, dream time finish, I told myself, you know in reality there is never any sign of life around me. But there it was again. The shuffling, the exclamations of delight, the warmth of a presence. Allahu Akbar! This was no dream. This was a different kind of motion. Whilst I was trying to figure out what this was, earnestly frowning at this strange visitor. The most beautiful sound came out. If I had a heart it would literally stop. Pleasure was not something I was familiar with, but this I knew to be pure pleasure. I crouched further to be in closer range so i could make out the words. And did they flow out. They carried out to reach the heavens I'm sure.
They said, "Alif Lam Mim.
This is the Book, whereof there is no doubt, a guidance to those who are Al Muttaqoon.
Who beleive in the Ghaib and perform As salat and spend out of what we have provided for them, (spend on themselves, their parents, their children, their wives and also give in charity to the poor and also in Allah's Cause)."
{Al Baqarah: 1-3}
I knew then what it was. It was The Book that our Lord had blessed the humans with. The divine scripture promised to be protected by God Himself. And I the weeping willow was shelter to the reciter of these beautiful words. Never had any object of nature reached such a status to give refuge to one reading the Qur'an. This person had voluntarily come to me. Out of all the trees, I was the most appropriate location. Why? Because it was the humility of my branches that stood out against all the upright boastful trees.
This person did not want their identity to be known out of shyness. She wanted to be hidden from everything else but Allah as it was Allah's Pleasure alone she was seeking. She knew the angels would surround the recitation at dawn time and she wanted them to go and report to Allah. We knew while the world was sleeping we were awake in harmony. How blessed I felt at that moment. Allah chose the ground under me to bear witness to her faith. In that instance I recalled the story of the tree that cried when the Messenger of Allah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) moved away from it. I could now empathize the loss it must have felt. This moment, this memory will only die with me and not before.
I no longer wallowed in my loneliness, instead I looked forward to the morning dawn as my beautiful earthling would use my branches to carry out the Words of Allah to the world. Alhamdulillah I am The Weeping Willow, with a new meaning to life.
You can imagine how much the recitation of the following verses delighted me as they rose to the top of my trunk . I felt beautiful like I had never felt before. A true honour for the creation of His Majesty's trees...
"See you not how Allah sets forth a parable? A goodly word as a goodly tree, whose root is firmly fixed, and its branches (reach) to the sky.
Giving its fruit at all times, by the Leave of its Lord, and Allah sets parables for mankind in order that they may remember.
And the parable of an evil word is that of an evil tree uprooted from the surface of earth, having no stability.
Allah will keep firm those who believe, with the word that stands firm in this world and in the Hereafter. And Allah will cause to go astray those who are zaalimun and Allah does what He wills."
{Ibrahim: 24-27}
The Weeping Willow
The darkness had arrived. But it didn't make a difference to the Tree. Day and night were the same. The Tree would stand alone. The morning light provided no comfort, except for, of course, the fact that it was essential for the sun to shine sometimes in order to survive. Survival of the fittest, The Tree smiled bitterly to himself. But only The Tree wasn't the fittest. In fact it was barely surviving. Loneliness is a killer......'Your too far out' they would say. 'It's not a proper place for our kind.' Meaning what? Am I not a tree, like you?
He knew the truth. It had nothing to do with the location as their branches reached out far and wide. He knew full well what they meant by 'our kind.' He was of an odd nature compared to them. His branches drooped whilst theirs expanded out. His trunk was hidden by waves of shadow, even if it was to be seen it was crumbled and wrinkled unattractive to the eye. Theirs a deep brown, strong and hard, perfect for climbing. Their leaves green, a forest green. But depending on seasonal change they shone golden and orange and at peak times they jeweled red. Not to forget being decorated with the pink and white blossoms under the crisp spring sky.
And me......Pale yellow fragile leaves, which naturally drooped as the downturn of a mouth would. In the rain they would become brown and give away to nothingness. Nothing but the remains of unwanted mess under shoes squelching in the mud. At my best, my leaves would turn a light shade of green (I rather like the colour) but my fellow trees would still scorn. Ooooh fancy that, faded green, who's known a tree to be of that colour. Indeed you are strange species. Rejected and hurt, I turn away. I have still some dignity left, I do not let them see me weep. I try to lift myself, but to no avail. I am weighed down by my branches. And there I remain. I stand alone again.
But then one early morning, before the morning sun rose, my life changed. Dramatically. Oh I will never forget that day of sweet sounding melody. I awoke like I do; just in time to see the pink horizon. This is my daily dose of hope of a better day. And the Lord above chose today to be that day, Alhamdulillah! (how can I not praise my Lord, the bestower of unexpected bounties). I felt a movement against me. Ok wake up, dream time finish, I told myself, you know in reality there is never any sign of life around me. But there it was again. The shuffling, the exclamations of delight, the warmth of a presence. Allahu Akbar! This was no dream. This was a different kind of motion. Whilst I was trying to figure out what this was, earnestly frowning at this strange visitor. The most beautiful sound came out. If I had a heart it would literally stop. Pleasure was not something I was familiar with, but this I knew to be pure pleasure. I crouched further to be in closer range so i could make out the words. And did they flow out. They carried out to reach the heavens I'm sure.
They said, "Alif Lam Mim.
This is the Book, whereof there is no doubt, a guidance to those who are Al Muttaqoon.
Who beleive in the Ghaib and perform As salat and spend out of what we have provided for them, (spend on themselves, their parents, their children, their wives and also give in charity to the poor and also in Allah's Cause)."
{Al Baqarah: 1-3}
I knew then what it was. It was The Book that our Lord had blessed the humans with. The divine scripture promised to be protected by God Himself. And I the weeping willow was shelter to the reciter of these beautiful words. Never had any object of nature reached such a status to give refuge to one reading the Qur'an. This person had voluntarily come to me. Out of all the trees, I was the most appropriate location. Why? Because it was the humility of my branches that stood out against all the upright boastful trees.
This person did not want their identity to be known out of shyness. She wanted to be hidden from everything else but Allah as it was Allah's Pleasure alone she was seeking. She knew the angels would surround the recitation at dawn time and she wanted them to go and report to Allah. We knew while the world was sleeping we were awake in harmony. How blessed I felt at that moment. Allah chose the ground under me to bear witness to her faith. In that instance I recalled the story of the tree that cried when the Messenger of Allah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) moved away from it. I could now empathize the loss it must have felt. This moment, this memory will only die with me and not before.
I no longer wallowed in my loneliness, instead I looked forward to the morning dawn as my beautiful earthling would use my branches to carry out the Words of Allah to the world. Alhamdulillah I am The Weeping Willow, with a new meaning to life.
You can imagine how much the recitation of the following verses delighted me as they rose to the top of my trunk . I felt beautiful like I had never felt before. A true honour for the creation of His Majesty's trees...
"See you not how Allah sets forth a parable? A goodly word as a goodly tree, whose root is firmly fixed, and its branches (reach) to the sky.
Giving its fruit at all times, by the Leave of its Lord, and Allah sets parables for mankind in order that they may remember.
And the parable of an evil word is that of an evil tree uprooted from the surface of earth, having no stability.
Allah will keep firm those who believe, with the word that stands firm in this world and in the Hereafter. And Allah will cause to go astray those who are zaalimun and Allah does what He wills."
{Ibrahim: 24-27}
Friday, 20 July 2007
In Cuba - simple pleasures.
In Cuba (Guantanamo Bay), the brothers would try to save the stalk of any apple or pear they were given. They would then hide it and wait for it to dry out so that they could then use it as Miswaak.When the US soldiers found out they would search them - and their 'cages' for it - a fruit stalk of all things. But then it was a small luxury for the brothers. And they weren't supposed to have basic needs and necessities - never mind luxuries.
Tuesday, 17 July 2007
Parenting Course Notes – Week 2
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Teaching children Aqeedah
At the beginning of this class we were asked by Umm Talha to give an example of something we have learnt recently and how that information was acquired. Some of the responses were as follows:
“I learnt how to cook rice without a rice cooker by trial and error”
“I discovered I needed to wear glasses whilst driving. My driving instructor advised me to go to the optician.”
“I learnt that babies can be given solids at 6 months. This information was related to me by my friend”
The thing I learnt that morning was the fact that I could get a different bus to my class. My husband drove me to the other bus stop, showed me where to get on, took the same route as the bus and finally showed me where to get off Alhamdulillah (I still haven’t taken that route because it seems too complicated!!).
You’re probably thinking, what was the point of this exercise? The reason why this exercise was conducted was to get us to think about the different methods involved in learning new information. After listening to the examples given by the sisters we came up with a list of the methods involved in learning new information. These are as follows:
Reading
Listening
Seeing/watching (visual)
Tasting
Experience
Smell
Thinking
Questioning
Touching and feeling
Exploring
Repeating
The most effective method by which children acquire new skills and information is by exploring, seeing, touching and feeling. Therefore, it is not wise to tell a small child to sit down for an hour or two while you explain to them the different categories of Tawheed from a big text book. Forget children this method of learning sometimes puts adults off!!
A better approach would be to take them out to the zoo or park and inform them that Allah has created the animals and He is the creator of everything. Therefore, he is known as Al-Khaaliq. You could point to a tree and say “did you know that even when a leaf falls from that tree, Allah knows about it.”
We should make teaching fun so that they are learning about Allah as well as having fun. We should constantly mention the name of Allah so that the child grows up loving Allah (SWT).
Also, when we are teaching them to say “Bismillah” before eating for example we should say it rhythmically or we could ask the child “what do you say before eating?” and the child can answer by saying “Bis-mill-llah”. However, one thing we should NEVER do is to force them to say something. Don’t be dictators because the most likely result of that would be rebellion. Instead of forcing them to say something, we should say it and they will copy us.
An example of this would be getting them to memorize, let’s say, the dua for traveling. So as soon as we get in the car we should say it out aloud and get the child to say it along with us. SubhanAllah, this method really works, my husband once told me how his colleague taught his children the times table by playing a cassette in the car on their journey to their school.
We should always use Standard English with our children because they will imitate what they hear. We should say “Alhamdulillah” and “Masha Allah” so that they will be familiar with these words. We should take the time out and communicate with them, play and bond with them. How often do we see the mother always disciplining, feeding, changing the child (basically doing all the boring chores), whilst the father plays with them and takes them out. We can be creative and make our own books with lots of bright pictures; this is fun and cost effective.
We should use references from the Qur’an and make children reflect on Allah’s creations. Every time we are out with our children we should try to relate everything back to Allah. We should use visual images from the Qur’an, for example when Allah (SWT) says:
"Have we not made for him to eyes, and a tongue and two lips?" Surah Balad: ayat 8-9
We can point to our eyes, tongue and lips while reciting the ayah and inform our children that Allah (swt) has given us these things so that they become thankful to Allah for His blessings.
I just want to finish off by mentioning a beautiful example given by a sister about an incident that occurred with her son. Her son was talking to her about what he wanted to be when he grows up, he mentioned a few things and then he said “I want to be Allah” (because he loved Allah so much he wanted to be like him). I think the normal response from mothers would be “Astaghfirullah, don’t say things like that”, wouldn’t it? Or “don’t be silly how can you be Allah?” However, Masha Allah this sister used her wisdom. She remembered the story of Ibraheem (AS) and Nimrud so she said to her son “okay, you want to be Allah? Can you create the sun and make it move from one place to the next? Can you give life to the dead? Her son realised he couldn’t do these things so he knew he couldn’t be Allah. SubhanAllah what a beautiful story and what an effective way to teach children About Allah’s attributes.
May Allah give us the ability to raise pious children with the correct Aqeedah. Ameen
Teaching children Aqeedah
At the beginning of this class we were asked by Umm Talha to give an example of something we have learnt recently and how that information was acquired. Some of the responses were as follows:
“I learnt how to cook rice without a rice cooker by trial and error”
“I discovered I needed to wear glasses whilst driving. My driving instructor advised me to go to the optician.”
“I learnt that babies can be given solids at 6 months. This information was related to me by my friend”
The thing I learnt that morning was the fact that I could get a different bus to my class. My husband drove me to the other bus stop, showed me where to get on, took the same route as the bus and finally showed me where to get off Alhamdulillah (I still haven’t taken that route because it seems too complicated!!).
You’re probably thinking, what was the point of this exercise? The reason why this exercise was conducted was to get us to think about the different methods involved in learning new information. After listening to the examples given by the sisters we came up with a list of the methods involved in learning new information. These are as follows:
Reading
Listening
Seeing/watching (visual)
Tasting
Experience
Smell
Thinking
Questioning
Touching and feeling
Exploring
Repeating
The most effective method by which children acquire new skills and information is by exploring, seeing, touching and feeling. Therefore, it is not wise to tell a small child to sit down for an hour or two while you explain to them the different categories of Tawheed from a big text book. Forget children this method of learning sometimes puts adults off!!
A better approach would be to take them out to the zoo or park and inform them that Allah has created the animals and He is the creator of everything. Therefore, he is known as Al-Khaaliq. You could point to a tree and say “did you know that even when a leaf falls from that tree, Allah knows about it.”
We should make teaching fun so that they are learning about Allah as well as having fun. We should constantly mention the name of Allah so that the child grows up loving Allah (SWT).
Also, when we are teaching them to say “Bismillah” before eating for example we should say it rhythmically or we could ask the child “what do you say before eating?” and the child can answer by saying “Bis-mill-llah”. However, one thing we should NEVER do is to force them to say something. Don’t be dictators because the most likely result of that would be rebellion. Instead of forcing them to say something, we should say it and they will copy us.
An example of this would be getting them to memorize, let’s say, the dua for traveling. So as soon as we get in the car we should say it out aloud and get the child to say it along with us. SubhanAllah, this method really works, my husband once told me how his colleague taught his children the times table by playing a cassette in the car on their journey to their school.
We should always use Standard English with our children because they will imitate what they hear. We should say “Alhamdulillah” and “Masha Allah” so that they will be familiar with these words. We should take the time out and communicate with them, play and bond with them. How often do we see the mother always disciplining, feeding, changing the child (basically doing all the boring chores), whilst the father plays with them and takes them out. We can be creative and make our own books with lots of bright pictures; this is fun and cost effective.
We should use references from the Qur’an and make children reflect on Allah’s creations. Every time we are out with our children we should try to relate everything back to Allah. We should use visual images from the Qur’an, for example when Allah (SWT) says:
"Have we not made for him to eyes, and a tongue and two lips?" Surah Balad: ayat 8-9
We can point to our eyes, tongue and lips while reciting the ayah and inform our children that Allah (swt) has given us these things so that they become thankful to Allah for His blessings.
I just want to finish off by mentioning a beautiful example given by a sister about an incident that occurred with her son. Her son was talking to her about what he wanted to be when he grows up, he mentioned a few things and then he said “I want to be Allah” (because he loved Allah so much he wanted to be like him). I think the normal response from mothers would be “Astaghfirullah, don’t say things like that”, wouldn’t it? Or “don’t be silly how can you be Allah?” However, Masha Allah this sister used her wisdom. She remembered the story of Ibraheem (AS) and Nimrud so she said to her son “okay, you want to be Allah? Can you create the sun and make it move from one place to the next? Can you give life to the dead? Her son realised he couldn’t do these things so he knew he couldn’t be Allah. SubhanAllah what a beautiful story and what an effective way to teach children About Allah’s attributes.
May Allah give us the ability to raise pious children with the correct Aqeedah. Ameen
Friday, 13 July 2007
Make things EASY
[Hadith]
Rasul Allah, sal Allah alayhi wa sallam, said, "There was once a
merchant who would lend money to people. Whenever the person he lent money to was in difficult circumstances, he would say to
his employees, 'Forgive him so that Allah may forgive us.' So,
Allah forgave him."
- Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 3, Hadith 292
[Lessons from this Hadith]
When you and I forgive people, who are we actually setting free?
OURSELVES! Because of the outstanding way this man dealt with
people, Allah forgave him, and blessed him with profit in this
life and the next. Is there someone in your life that you are
making things difficult for? What can you do to make it easy for
them?
With best wishes to see you succeed at the highest level!
- Muhammad Alshareef
.
Rasul Allah, sal Allah alayhi wa sallam, said, "There was once a
merchant who would lend money to people. Whenever the person he lent money to was in difficult circumstances, he would say to
his employees, 'Forgive him so that Allah may forgive us.' So,
Allah forgave him."
- Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 3, Hadith 292
[Lessons from this Hadith]
When you and I forgive people, who are we actually setting free?
OURSELVES! Because of the outstanding way this man dealt with
people, Allah forgave him, and blessed him with profit in this
life and the next. Is there someone in your life that you are
making things difficult for? What can you do to make it easy for
them?
With best wishes to see you succeed at the highest level!
- Muhammad Alshareef
.
Thursday, 28 June 2007
Parenting Course Notes, Week 1.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Bismillahir Rahmaneer Raheem
I am currently studying a parenting course which looks at it from an Islamic point of view Alhamdulillah. I think there is a great need for courses such as this because as Muslim women we have a great responsibility of raising righteous children inshaAllah. We are our children’s first institute for learning. Therefore it is incumbent on us to know how to raise our children according to Islamic principles insha Allah. Although motherhood can be demanding I see it as a privilege because there are many women out there yearning for children but are unable to have any due to various circumstances. May Allah (SWT) grant these women children who will be the coolness for their eyes, Ameen.
The course is designed to be interactive with lively discussions. We also participate in role-play (which I enjoy very much!).
Notes from Week One
Children’s rights
Allah (SWT) says in the Noble Qur’an:
“O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah but do (precisely) what they are commanded” (SurahTahreem: verse 6)
In the first session we discussed the rights of a new born child having this ayah as a guideline.
1- Tasmiya. The first right that was discussed was the right to give the child a good name (Tasmiya). The proof of this is the hadith of the prophet (SWS):
“A child will be called by his name”
Unfortunately we find that when it comes to naming children people have some weird customs. For example, some people point to the Qur’an and pick any word. Thus calling their children names such as khinzil, jaheem, Riba etc. Others even name their children after their animals. So you end up with Mimi, Fifi or kitty!! Other people choose the names of actors and singers. My personal favorites have to the names of fruits such as Lesu, anggur, khomla, khazur, khola (translated into English from Bengali means Lychee, grape, orange, dates, banana). I’m sure you guys have come across these names right??! (note: no offence intended)
2-Aqiqa – slaughtering one sheep for a girl and two for a boy. Preferably this is done on the seventh day, if not then on the 14th or 21st. If you cannot do it on those days then you can do it on any other Insha Allah. The proof for this:
“Every child is tied to his aqiqa so shed blood for him”.
3-Circumcission (Khitaan) – Everybody knows circumcision for a boy is wajib but many people do not realise that female circumcision is also part of the Sunnah (Note: this is not the same as genital mutilation practiced by some people)
Prophet (sws) said fitra acts are five (a) circumcision (b) shaving (c) trimming the moustache (d) clipping the nails (e) removing armpit hair. (Bukhari and Muslim)
4-Teaching aqeedah (life skills, adaab, aklaaq)
“A child is born a Muslim and it is his parents who change him into a Jew or Christian”
5-Breastfeeding- it is recommended that a child should be breastfed for the first two years of his life if possible. This is sometimes quite difficult for sisters to practice due to pressure from family members to give the child the bottle. I feel quite sad when I hear sisters having to put up a fight so that they can breastfeed their child. Sheikh Shuhaib Hassan once said:
“....the child should be suckled for the first two years of his life, instead of given powdered milk which has been stored in tin for months. Few adults would abandon fresh fruits and vegetables for stale, tinned foods, yet they are quite happy to feed nothing but tinned milk and foods to their infants. Secondly, just as the mother’s blood in the womb passes nutrients and her emotions through to the blood of her child so her milk also passes her characteristics and emotions to her child while she is suckling him, causing him to feel immense comfort and confidence”.
Other rights include, shaving his hair, giving him knowledge of the deen and the Duniya, providing food shelter and TLC (tender love care), teaching him about hygiene and safety.
Bismillahir Rahmaneer Raheem
I am currently studying a parenting course which looks at it from an Islamic point of view Alhamdulillah. I think there is a great need for courses such as this because as Muslim women we have a great responsibility of raising righteous children inshaAllah. We are our children’s first institute for learning. Therefore it is incumbent on us to know how to raise our children according to Islamic principles insha Allah. Although motherhood can be demanding I see it as a privilege because there are many women out there yearning for children but are unable to have any due to various circumstances. May Allah (SWT) grant these women children who will be the coolness for their eyes, Ameen.
The course is designed to be interactive with lively discussions. We also participate in role-play (which I enjoy very much!).
Notes from Week One
Children’s rights
Allah (SWT) says in the Noble Qur’an:
“O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah but do (precisely) what they are commanded” (SurahTahreem: verse 6)
In the first session we discussed the rights of a new born child having this ayah as a guideline.
1- Tasmiya. The first right that was discussed was the right to give the child a good name (Tasmiya). The proof of this is the hadith of the prophet (SWS):
“A child will be called by his name”
Unfortunately we find that when it comes to naming children people have some weird customs. For example, some people point to the Qur’an and pick any word. Thus calling their children names such as khinzil, jaheem, Riba etc. Others even name their children after their animals. So you end up with Mimi, Fifi or kitty!! Other people choose the names of actors and singers. My personal favorites have to the names of fruits such as Lesu, anggur, khomla, khazur, khola (translated into English from Bengali means Lychee, grape, orange, dates, banana). I’m sure you guys have come across these names right??! (note: no offence intended)
2-Aqiqa – slaughtering one sheep for a girl and two for a boy. Preferably this is done on the seventh day, if not then on the 14th or 21st. If you cannot do it on those days then you can do it on any other Insha Allah. The proof for this:
“Every child is tied to his aqiqa so shed blood for him”.
3-Circumcission (Khitaan) – Everybody knows circumcision for a boy is wajib but many people do not realise that female circumcision is also part of the Sunnah (Note: this is not the same as genital mutilation practiced by some people)
Prophet (sws) said fitra acts are five (a) circumcision (b) shaving (c) trimming the moustache (d) clipping the nails (e) removing armpit hair. (Bukhari and Muslim)
4-Teaching aqeedah (life skills, adaab, aklaaq)
“A child is born a Muslim and it is his parents who change him into a Jew or Christian”
5-Breastfeeding- it is recommended that a child should be breastfed for the first two years of his life if possible. This is sometimes quite difficult for sisters to practice due to pressure from family members to give the child the bottle. I feel quite sad when I hear sisters having to put up a fight so that they can breastfeed their child. Sheikh Shuhaib Hassan once said:
“....the child should be suckled for the first two years of his life, instead of given powdered milk which has been stored in tin for months. Few adults would abandon fresh fruits and vegetables for stale, tinned foods, yet they are quite happy to feed nothing but tinned milk and foods to their infants. Secondly, just as the mother’s blood in the womb passes nutrients and her emotions through to the blood of her child so her milk also passes her characteristics and emotions to her child while she is suckling him, causing him to feel immense comfort and confidence”.
Other rights include, shaving his hair, giving him knowledge of the deen and the Duniya, providing food shelter and TLC (tender love care), teaching him about hygiene and safety.
Dispelling Marital Fears...
Cruising through cyber space I'm always left with a feeling of sadness, especially at the situation of sisters.
And right now I don't even mean the speaking without knowledge, or the self tafseer of the words of Allah that are just an insult to Allah and this beautiful deen, nor am I talking about the pictures or avatars of what's probably your favorite photograph or picture (being a woman I know that you wouldn't display anything other than your favorite picture publicly).
Nor am I talking about the effect that older more experienced sisters are having on the younger ones - influencing them in their views, recklessly opening up a can of worms in discussion with no conclusion, leaving them confused, their questions unanswered.
Nor am I talking about the visible influence of western thought on the minds and thoughts of our sisters, mainly feminism, which has led to unjustified attacks against brothers - unlimited man bashing. Maybe they forget that by insulting men they are insulting our fathers, brothers, husbands, the scholars not to mention the Mujahideen. Maybe they forget or maybe they don't care.
So what's upsetting me at this moment?
Its the fear of marriage that so many sisters have. I don't mean the natural fear of having a man in your life. Or the butterflies in your stomach and natural blush on your cheeks at a meeting with your husband to be, wondering if you look okay and say the right things. Or the apprehension of wondering if the wedding day will go smoothly.
It seems to be another type of fear that is leading sisters to delay marriage as far as possible, to prefer a single life alone rather than get married. A fear of marrying a dictator, into a patriarchal relationship - where they fear they will not have a say in anything. A fear of no longer having any freedom. A fear of being burdened with too many responsibilities.
Maybe in some ways this fear is justified with the increasing divorce rates, horror stories of marriage that people shouldn't be spreading anyway, and western discussion on the mainly misperceived oppression of Muslim women.
You don't hear of many positive stories or beautiful stories about modern day marriages or family life. (Everyone assumes that good marriages only existed at the time of the Prophet peace be upon him.) What about the small things that happen in your marriage that make your heart melt? Funny things that happen that make the extended family laugh and affirm that indeed your family are absolutely crazy!
That in many ways in many instances you feel like a child again when the family play tig or hide and seek or compete in games and then the big kid (the husband) makes 99 excuses - for himself when you beat him at something!
That the beauty of any argument or bickering is that it leads you to know your spouse better and you learn together and grow together as a result.
That marriage is like the greatest challenge (for those of us who buzz off challenges!). And in fact the psychology in it is actually fun. Using womanly intelligence and power (what Muhammad Alshareef calls halal magic) trying to get your own way with something, and when you finally do get you own way (most of the time if you're clever about it) feeling that sense of 'Alhamdulillah indeed Allah has made the woman different from the man!'
I personally and many sisters I know will tell you that the good in marriage and family life far outweighs any bad in it (Note I may change my mind during pregnancy!)
Not long ago at an AlKauthar course we were discussing some adverse affects of delaying marriage, some of the things mentioned were also things that I had heard from sisters from their own personal experiences.
The following are just a few.
Marrying at a late age can adversely affect a marital relationship in that both parties are already developed in their personality and thoughts and may be less willing to give and take.
They may find it hard to adjust to married life after such a long time of being single and 'independent.'
Women need to remember that our biological clock will not tick forever and the longer we wait to have children the more difficulties we may come across in conception, childbirth etc.
Research shows that women who marry at a later age tend to be less confident in their beauty and physical disposition than younger women.
Also regarding the effect of western thought and feminism on our expectations, again here are a few examples mentioned by some sisters.
Sisters may get into marriage having a bad opinion of men, being paranoid, criticizing etc and thus negatively affect their relationship
Nobody finds attraction in a person who is defiant, argumentative and moaning all the time. If we are unhappy about something there are wiser ways of getting that across.
Going into a marriage with cynicism is unfair to the relationship to begin with.
An overly negative view of marriage may subdue anything slightly positive in the marriage
In saying all this we also need to look at the flip side of the coin - we cannot go into anything with an over zealous attitude either. If we expect the perfect, romantic, faultless husband we are going to be very VERY disappointed. Like my husband once mentioned we can't expect marital life to be liKe a romance novel. We need to be realistic. It rains in every relationship. The key is the way we deal with the rain, who we turn to, whether we let it drench us or provide for us the water to help us grow.
We need to put our trust in Allah, make sincere du'aa to Him at all times, be grateful in ease and patient in trials. Its the over negativity and over zealousness that is destroying ourselves, those around us and our societies - where is the balanced Ummah?
My advise to sisters would be not to expect too much in marriage nor sell yourself short on things that really matter to you as that may also adversely affect your relationship. And ask questions in meetings. Don't be too shy to ask questions about things that really matter to you. Clarify ALL doubts before marriage.
Make sure you do things in the right way and never have 'private' conversations or meetings with a prospective spouse. Our fathers and brothers or other people can usually see through things that may 'woo' us.
Always meet his family too and make sure family are involved in the process. Many sisters who marry without the support of family are often left with no support network. And like my parents always taught me - a guy who has no interest in your family is not someone whom you can trust.
We need to prevent ourselves from being affected too much by the horror stories we hear and remember that every person, every situation is different. There are many decent just brothers out there and I can honestly say that I know of many.
Most importantly we need to remember that we need to trust in our Lord and have confidence that He is the one who we can truly depend on, He is the one who provides, and He is the only one that can answers our prayers.
Your sister Umm Maymoonah,
Contributions by Saabirah and Umm Zaidah Nusaybah.
And right now I don't even mean the speaking without knowledge, or the self tafseer of the words of Allah that are just an insult to Allah and this beautiful deen, nor am I talking about the pictures or avatars of what's probably your favorite photograph or picture (being a woman I know that you wouldn't display anything other than your favorite picture publicly).
Nor am I talking about the effect that older more experienced sisters are having on the younger ones - influencing them in their views, recklessly opening up a can of worms in discussion with no conclusion, leaving them confused, their questions unanswered.
Nor am I talking about the visible influence of western thought on the minds and thoughts of our sisters, mainly feminism, which has led to unjustified attacks against brothers - unlimited man bashing. Maybe they forget that by insulting men they are insulting our fathers, brothers, husbands, the scholars not to mention the Mujahideen. Maybe they forget or maybe they don't care.
So what's upsetting me at this moment?
Its the fear of marriage that so many sisters have. I don't mean the natural fear of having a man in your life. Or the butterflies in your stomach and natural blush on your cheeks at a meeting with your husband to be, wondering if you look okay and say the right things. Or the apprehension of wondering if the wedding day will go smoothly.
It seems to be another type of fear that is leading sisters to delay marriage as far as possible, to prefer a single life alone rather than get married. A fear of marrying a dictator, into a patriarchal relationship - where they fear they will not have a say in anything. A fear of no longer having any freedom. A fear of being burdened with too many responsibilities.
Maybe in some ways this fear is justified with the increasing divorce rates, horror stories of marriage that people shouldn't be spreading anyway, and western discussion on the mainly misperceived oppression of Muslim women.
You don't hear of many positive stories or beautiful stories about modern day marriages or family life. (Everyone assumes that good marriages only existed at the time of the Prophet peace be upon him.) What about the small things that happen in your marriage that make your heart melt? Funny things that happen that make the extended family laugh and affirm that indeed your family are absolutely crazy!
That in many ways in many instances you feel like a child again when the family play tig or hide and seek or compete in games and then the big kid (the husband) makes 99 excuses - for himself when you beat him at something!
That the beauty of any argument or bickering is that it leads you to know your spouse better and you learn together and grow together as a result.
That marriage is like the greatest challenge (for those of us who buzz off challenges!). And in fact the psychology in it is actually fun. Using womanly intelligence and power (what Muhammad Alshareef calls halal magic) trying to get your own way with something, and when you finally do get you own way (most of the time if you're clever about it) feeling that sense of 'Alhamdulillah indeed Allah has made the woman different from the man!'
I personally and many sisters I know will tell you that the good in marriage and family life far outweighs any bad in it (Note I may change my mind during pregnancy!)
Not long ago at an AlKauthar course we were discussing some adverse affects of delaying marriage, some of the things mentioned were also things that I had heard from sisters from their own personal experiences.
The following are just a few.
Marrying at a late age can adversely affect a marital relationship in that both parties are already developed in their personality and thoughts and may be less willing to give and take.
They may find it hard to adjust to married life after such a long time of being single and 'independent.'
Women need to remember that our biological clock will not tick forever and the longer we wait to have children the more difficulties we may come across in conception, childbirth etc.
Research shows that women who marry at a later age tend to be less confident in their beauty and physical disposition than younger women.
Also regarding the effect of western thought and feminism on our expectations, again here are a few examples mentioned by some sisters.
Sisters may get into marriage having a bad opinion of men, being paranoid, criticizing etc and thus negatively affect their relationship
Nobody finds attraction in a person who is defiant, argumentative and moaning all the time. If we are unhappy about something there are wiser ways of getting that across.
Going into a marriage with cynicism is unfair to the relationship to begin with.
An overly negative view of marriage may subdue anything slightly positive in the marriage
In saying all this we also need to look at the flip side of the coin - we cannot go into anything with an over zealous attitude either. If we expect the perfect, romantic, faultless husband we are going to be very VERY disappointed. Like my husband once mentioned we can't expect marital life to be liKe a romance novel. We need to be realistic. It rains in every relationship. The key is the way we deal with the rain, who we turn to, whether we let it drench us or provide for us the water to help us grow.
We need to put our trust in Allah, make sincere du'aa to Him at all times, be grateful in ease and patient in trials. Its the over negativity and over zealousness that is destroying ourselves, those around us and our societies - where is the balanced Ummah?
My advise to sisters would be not to expect too much in marriage nor sell yourself short on things that really matter to you as that may also adversely affect your relationship. And ask questions in meetings. Don't be too shy to ask questions about things that really matter to you. Clarify ALL doubts before marriage.
Make sure you do things in the right way and never have 'private' conversations or meetings with a prospective spouse. Our fathers and brothers or other people can usually see through things that may 'woo' us.
Always meet his family too and make sure family are involved in the process. Many sisters who marry without the support of family are often left with no support network. And like my parents always taught me - a guy who has no interest in your family is not someone whom you can trust.
We need to prevent ourselves from being affected too much by the horror stories we hear and remember that every person, every situation is different. There are many decent just brothers out there and I can honestly say that I know of many.
Most importantly we need to remember that we need to trust in our Lord and have confidence that He is the one who we can truly depend on, He is the one who provides, and He is the only one that can answers our prayers.
Your sister Umm Maymoonah,
Contributions by Saabirah and Umm Zaidah Nusaybah.
Tuesday, 26 June 2007
Here's an excercise...
Lift up your arm (either one) in the air with your fingers pointing to the ceiling.
Now leave it there for about 2 minutes.
Is it starting to feel heavy?
Well according to a childminders training course a friend of mine is doing, this is how a child feels when they hold a grown ups hand going for a walk or even to the corner shop.
Lesson? Use a Safety Harness.
Now leave it there for about 2 minutes.
Is it starting to feel heavy?
Well according to a childminders training course a friend of mine is doing, this is how a child feels when they hold a grown ups hand going for a walk or even to the corner shop.
Lesson? Use a Safety Harness.
Friday, 22 June 2007
Shaker Aamer - Guantanamo Detainee
The background Arabic song [nasheed] was written and sung by Abu Sulaiman from Bahrain, himself a former detainee of Guantanamo who was released last year. It is dedeicated to all those people held in Guantanamo and elsewhere.
I know its long but please read it...
In defense of the Muslim sisterhood
Yvonne Ridley
I have a bee in my bonnet – or hijab to be more precise. On an almost daily basis there are horrific stories pouring out of Tunisia about how the state police are ripping off the hijabs of women living there.
Some of these women, who are merely fulfilling their religious obligation to wear a hijab, have been assaulted, sexually abused and even locked up in prison by the authorities. Unbelievable when you consider western tourists are topless sunbathing on the coastal resorts, soaking up the Tunisian sun.
So it is okay to get your kit off if you are a western tourist who pays handsomely for sun, sand, sex and sangria …but try wearing a hijab and see what happens in this so-called liberal, Muslim country.
At the moment I am in Tehran where Iranian police are occasionally stopping women in the streets to remind them of their religious obligations by wearing a full hijab. There's been an outcry in the Western media about how the Iranian authorities are fining women who fail to wear their hijabs correctly in public.
I call these women the half-jabis – you know the ones, they balance their designer scarfs precariously on the back of their heads and spend the rest of the day adjusting and picking their scarfs from the nape of their necks. It might have endeared Princess Diana to half the Muslim world when she 'covered' in Muslim countries, but most women who try and emulate the Di style just look plain stupid.
But what a pity those same journalists don't travel to Tunisia and write about a real story like the human rights abuses against women in down town Tunis instead of focusing on Tehran. Why do journalists choose to ignore the Amnesty International report which outlines in clinical detail how the Tunisian authorities have increased their "harassment of women who wear the hijab"?
Is it because the Tunisian government is a craven devotee of the Bush Administration whereas Iran was identified as the now infamous Axis of Evil? Surely the media is not that fickle? (Rhetorical question merely for the benefit of the mentally challenged).
The actions of the Tunisian regime make Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his government look like a group of Tupperware party planners. For instance, the Ministers of Foreign Affairs and the Interior and the Secretary-General of Tunisia's ruling political party, the Constitutional Democratic Rally, have stated they are so concerned about rise in the use of the hijab by women and girls and beards and the qamis (knee-level shirts) by men, that they have called for a strict implementation of decree 108 of 1985 of the Ministry of Education banning the hijab at educational institutions and when working in government.
Police have ordered women to remove the head scarfs before being allowed into schools, universities or work places and others have been made to remove them in the street.
According to Amnesty's report, some women were arrested and taken to police stations where they were forced to sign written commitment to stop wearing the hijab. Amnesty International states quite clearly it believes that individuals have the right to choose whether or not to wear a headscarf or other religious covering, consistent with their right to freedom of expression.
They have called on the Tunisian government to "respect the country's obligations under both national law and international human rights law and standards, and to end the severe restrictions which continue to be used to prevent exercise of fundamental rights to freedom of expression, association and peaceful assembly". They have even kindly asked President Ben Ali's government to "end the harassment and attempted intimidation of human rights defenders".
I would like to be more forthright with Mr Ben Ali and remind him of his Islamic obligations as a Muslim. I doubt if Zine Alabidin Ben Ali would take much notice. The man is clearly an arrogant fool and somewhere in Tunisia there is a village which is missing its idiot (Hamman-Sousse in the Sahel, actually).
This is the man who once said the hijab was something foreign and not part of Tunisian culture. Hmm, he obviously has not seen pictures taken before he came to power, clearly show Tunisian women going about their business fully covered. He has a history of despising the French colonialists who occupied his country, but at least under the French, the Tunisian people had more freedom than they do now.
And since I have no family, friends or connections in Tunisia I write this without fear or favour. Also, there is no rank in Islam so I care nothing for his title nor do I have any respect for him as a man. I would certainly never doff my cap to this particular President of Tunisia and would happily spit in his face if he told me to remove my hijab.
Perhaps those Muslim women in Tehran might like to consider the plight of their sisters in Tunisia before trying to balance their hijabs on the backs of their heads. And I would ask them to read the harrowing report below before bellyaching to more journalists about their rights to parade around like Diana-look-a-likes.
It was written by an imam from Tunisia who had it smuggled out and given to me because he wants the world to know exactly what is happening to the women in his country. Here is a snippet: "The police will randomly make their way into markets and rip the hijabs from women's heads as well as take away any fabrics being sold to make hijabs.
"They will also go into factories where women are working and rip the hijabs off women's heads. This is the least of what they have done.
"I will give you just one example of what these dogs with Arab faces but the hearts of devils, have done to our sisters. They have, at one time ordered a public bus to halt in the middle of the road while two plain clothes detectives went inside. The buses are similar to the ones in the west except they will usually have three times more people inside it.
"They grabbed one women wearing hijab and took her outside of the bus. This was a sister who they had warned before. They brought her into the side of the street and began slapping her across her face and cursing at her with the worst language you could think of.
"They took her hijab off and the main policeman said, "When are you going to stop wearing this ****. She said she would never stop and she was crying. The men took her around the corner by a public bathroom.
"They ripped her clothes off. They grabbed a soda bottle, these bottles are made of glass, and they raped her with it. They were laughing and they were many people around but no one did anything. When they were done they made her wear a short skirt and a sleeveless shirt and made her walk home to her husband like this. I swear by Allah that this is true".
The time is fast approaching when sisters across the world have to unite and come together in defence of the hijab and in defence of the Muslim sisterhood. My appeal goes out to feminists of all faiths and no faith but please don't think Muslim women are weak because the reality is that Islamic feminism can be just as radical as western feminism.
Our parameters and values are slightly different as Muslims but that does not make us any better or lesser human beings than western feminists. There is certainly no room for sectarianism in the Muslim sisterhood and we have no time for petty squabbles, divisions, cultural or tribal affiliations.
The bottom line is that we need to show solidarity with our sisters in Tunisia … it is a very small country which makes it easy for the army to control the people and brutally squash any signs of resistance.
Even those Tunisians living abroad have a fear in their eyes because while they may be safe, members of their families left behind are often held to account for any actions overseas regarded as subversive. The brutality of the regime, combined with the happy clappy clerics and their narcotic-style preachings in praise of the Sufi-style government have also collectively subdued parts of the Tunisian population.
No wonder the Muslim youth no longer clamour to get into masjids on Fridays to listen to these khateebs who spend half the khutbah praising the President and his followers. Which is why I salute the bravery of those sisters in Tunisia who are fighting for the right to fulfill their religious obligation as Muslim women, to wear the hijab.
If you want to help, then copy and paste this article and send it to the nearest Tunisian Embassy demanding that Muslim womens' rights to wear the hijab are respected.
Yvonne Ridley
I have a bee in my bonnet – or hijab to be more precise. On an almost daily basis there are horrific stories pouring out of Tunisia about how the state police are ripping off the hijabs of women living there.
Some of these women, who are merely fulfilling their religious obligation to wear a hijab, have been assaulted, sexually abused and even locked up in prison by the authorities. Unbelievable when you consider western tourists are topless sunbathing on the coastal resorts, soaking up the Tunisian sun.
So it is okay to get your kit off if you are a western tourist who pays handsomely for sun, sand, sex and sangria …but try wearing a hijab and see what happens in this so-called liberal, Muslim country.
At the moment I am in Tehran where Iranian police are occasionally stopping women in the streets to remind them of their religious obligations by wearing a full hijab. There's been an outcry in the Western media about how the Iranian authorities are fining women who fail to wear their hijabs correctly in public.
I call these women the half-jabis – you know the ones, they balance their designer scarfs precariously on the back of their heads and spend the rest of the day adjusting and picking their scarfs from the nape of their necks. It might have endeared Princess Diana to half the Muslim world when she 'covered' in Muslim countries, but most women who try and emulate the Di style just look plain stupid.
But what a pity those same journalists don't travel to Tunisia and write about a real story like the human rights abuses against women in down town Tunis instead of focusing on Tehran. Why do journalists choose to ignore the Amnesty International report which outlines in clinical detail how the Tunisian authorities have increased their "harassment of women who wear the hijab"?
Is it because the Tunisian government is a craven devotee of the Bush Administration whereas Iran was identified as the now infamous Axis of Evil? Surely the media is not that fickle? (Rhetorical question merely for the benefit of the mentally challenged).
The actions of the Tunisian regime make Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his government look like a group of Tupperware party planners. For instance, the Ministers of Foreign Affairs and the Interior and the Secretary-General of Tunisia's ruling political party, the Constitutional Democratic Rally, have stated they are so concerned about rise in the use of the hijab by women and girls and beards and the qamis (knee-level shirts) by men, that they have called for a strict implementation of decree 108 of 1985 of the Ministry of Education banning the hijab at educational institutions and when working in government.
Police have ordered women to remove the head scarfs before being allowed into schools, universities or work places and others have been made to remove them in the street.
According to Amnesty's report, some women were arrested and taken to police stations where they were forced to sign written commitment to stop wearing the hijab. Amnesty International states quite clearly it believes that individuals have the right to choose whether or not to wear a headscarf or other religious covering, consistent with their right to freedom of expression.
They have called on the Tunisian government to "respect the country's obligations under both national law and international human rights law and standards, and to end the severe restrictions which continue to be used to prevent exercise of fundamental rights to freedom of expression, association and peaceful assembly". They have even kindly asked President Ben Ali's government to "end the harassment and attempted intimidation of human rights defenders".
I would like to be more forthright with Mr Ben Ali and remind him of his Islamic obligations as a Muslim. I doubt if Zine Alabidin Ben Ali would take much notice. The man is clearly an arrogant fool and somewhere in Tunisia there is a village which is missing its idiot (Hamman-Sousse in the Sahel, actually).
This is the man who once said the hijab was something foreign and not part of Tunisian culture. Hmm, he obviously has not seen pictures taken before he came to power, clearly show Tunisian women going about their business fully covered. He has a history of despising the French colonialists who occupied his country, but at least under the French, the Tunisian people had more freedom than they do now.
And since I have no family, friends or connections in Tunisia I write this without fear or favour. Also, there is no rank in Islam so I care nothing for his title nor do I have any respect for him as a man. I would certainly never doff my cap to this particular President of Tunisia and would happily spit in his face if he told me to remove my hijab.
Perhaps those Muslim women in Tehran might like to consider the plight of their sisters in Tunisia before trying to balance their hijabs on the backs of their heads. And I would ask them to read the harrowing report below before bellyaching to more journalists about their rights to parade around like Diana-look-a-likes.
It was written by an imam from Tunisia who had it smuggled out and given to me because he wants the world to know exactly what is happening to the women in his country. Here is a snippet: "The police will randomly make their way into markets and rip the hijabs from women's heads as well as take away any fabrics being sold to make hijabs.
"They will also go into factories where women are working and rip the hijabs off women's heads. This is the least of what they have done.
"I will give you just one example of what these dogs with Arab faces but the hearts of devils, have done to our sisters. They have, at one time ordered a public bus to halt in the middle of the road while two plain clothes detectives went inside. The buses are similar to the ones in the west except they will usually have three times more people inside it.
"They grabbed one women wearing hijab and took her outside of the bus. This was a sister who they had warned before. They brought her into the side of the street and began slapping her across her face and cursing at her with the worst language you could think of.
"They took her hijab off and the main policeman said, "When are you going to stop wearing this ****. She said she would never stop and she was crying. The men took her around the corner by a public bathroom.
"They ripped her clothes off. They grabbed a soda bottle, these bottles are made of glass, and they raped her with it. They were laughing and they were many people around but no one did anything. When they were done they made her wear a short skirt and a sleeveless shirt and made her walk home to her husband like this. I swear by Allah that this is true".
The time is fast approaching when sisters across the world have to unite and come together in defence of the hijab and in defence of the Muslim sisterhood. My appeal goes out to feminists of all faiths and no faith but please don't think Muslim women are weak because the reality is that Islamic feminism can be just as radical as western feminism.
Our parameters and values are slightly different as Muslims but that does not make us any better or lesser human beings than western feminists. There is certainly no room for sectarianism in the Muslim sisterhood and we have no time for petty squabbles, divisions, cultural or tribal affiliations.
The bottom line is that we need to show solidarity with our sisters in Tunisia … it is a very small country which makes it easy for the army to control the people and brutally squash any signs of resistance.
Even those Tunisians living abroad have a fear in their eyes because while they may be safe, members of their families left behind are often held to account for any actions overseas regarded as subversive. The brutality of the regime, combined with the happy clappy clerics and their narcotic-style preachings in praise of the Sufi-style government have also collectively subdued parts of the Tunisian population.
No wonder the Muslim youth no longer clamour to get into masjids on Fridays to listen to these khateebs who spend half the khutbah praising the President and his followers. Which is why I salute the bravery of those sisters in Tunisia who are fighting for the right to fulfill their religious obligation as Muslim women, to wear the hijab.
If you want to help, then copy and paste this article and send it to the nearest Tunisian Embassy demanding that Muslim womens' rights to wear the hijab are respected.
Tuesday, 19 June 2007
Camel Meat
My husband came home with some camel meat today. A brother gave some to him. Alhamdulillah he has always wanted to try it but hasn't had the opportunity to. Until now. He's really excited about it too, MashaAllah.
So how do I cook it? Asian, Jamaican? The brother who gave it to him just said to cut it into small pieces and that it should cook for slightly longer than beef. I've never cooked beef either...
So how do I cook it? Asian, Jamaican? The brother who gave it to him just said to cut it into small pieces and that it should cook for slightly longer than beef. I've never cooked beef either...
Thursday, 14 June 2007
Talking too much
So Charlotte tells Jack, 'I have a new ambition in life.'
Jack wearily, 'Oh no..... sounds dangerous....'
Charlotte continues seriously, 'I'm going to talk less.'
Jack roles his eyes and tries to hide a smirk.
So now Charlotte wants to know how can a person train themselves to talk less?
.
Jack wearily, 'Oh no..... sounds dangerous....'
Charlotte continues seriously, 'I'm going to talk less.'
Jack roles his eyes and tries to hide a smirk.
So now Charlotte wants to know how can a person train themselves to talk less?
.
Sunday, 10 June 2007
Her reward is with her Lord.
As I walked into the sisters section in one of the Masjids in Manchester the other day. The room was empty apart from a sister who was hoovering. Well, I thought it was a hoover, untill I noticed that it had water in it and a small tube attached to it. I assumed that she must be the cleaner.
When we started chatting I realised that she wasn't a cleaner. I enquired about her 'hoover thingy' and she told me that it was a carpet cleaning machine. She seemed hesitant to supply all the information, but I probably forced her to with all my questions.
She had - from her own initiative ordered the carpet cleaner from Ebay - at a bargain price of £122 including delivery, (they are usually double the price or more.)
So she had come in at a quiet time to clean the Masjid. She isn't hired or paid to do so. Her reward is with her Lord.
AND she is a full time mother! She had her two young children with her who were playing happily outside.
When we started chatting I realised that she wasn't a cleaner. I enquired about her 'hoover thingy' and she told me that it was a carpet cleaning machine. She seemed hesitant to supply all the information, but I probably forced her to with all my questions.
She had - from her own initiative ordered the carpet cleaner from Ebay - at a bargain price of £122 including delivery, (they are usually double the price or more.)
So she had come in at a quiet time to clean the Masjid. She isn't hired or paid to do so. Her reward is with her Lord.
AND she is a full time mother! She had her two young children with her who were playing happily outside.
Friday, 8 June 2007
Frightening SubhanAllah.
Inna Lillahi wa inna ilahi raji'oon.
Forget Ghost stories or jinn stories. This is probably one of the most frightening things I have seen. I was eating something when my husband decided to show me this, if anything has ever put me of my food - its this.
Forget Ghost stories or jinn stories. This is probably one of the most frightening things I have seen. I was eating something when my husband decided to show me this, if anything has ever put me of my food - its this.
Thursday, 31 May 2007
The Coffin: Another Way Out of Guantanamo
Moazzam Begg
Cageprisoners
31-05-07
News of yet another death in my former place of torment, Guantánamo Bay, comes with great sadness, but little surprise. When three young Muslim men detained in Guantanamo returned home in coffins last year - two Saudis and one Yemeni – the US commander, Rear Admiral Harry Harris and assistant secretary of state for public diplomacy Colleen Graffy, the described the alleged suicides as acts of ‘asymmetric warfare’ and ‘a good PR move’. These tactless words proved embarrassing even for the usually hard-line President himself. Henceforth, the stated aim of Mr. Bush was that he ‘would like to see Guantánamo closed’. It’s almost a year to date since these men died, yet results of the autopsy have still not been released. Since attention regarding these cases tapered off into insignificance for the Bush administration conditions in Guantanamo have deteriorated according to visiting detainee lawyers, human rights organisations and the handful of released prisoners.
I’ve spoken with some of my former cell mates released this year who tell me conditions have worsened and are unbearably bleak and harsh in all sections of the camp. Concentrations of large numbers of prisoners in tiny cells, with no natural light, solitary confinement, constant glaring lights, no communication with the outside world and very little recreation have brought many more people to breaking point than the US administration would have us believe.
Instead of informing families directly, the US administration has deemed it more appropriate to simply release a terse press statement which mentions only the dead man’s nationality and time of death. When I called the Guantanamo public affairs office they were unable to confirm the name or the number of the deceased man. There are over 60 Saudi families with loved ones held in Guantanamo and I’ve been on the phone with a few of them already. They are undoubtedly distraught with anxiety, each one bracing itself for the worst. One of them is the family of my friend, Shaker Aamer, a Saudi national and South London resident, whose British family – including a son he’s never seen – have waited for him in anguish for five and a half years. He has been on hungers-strike for over six months, kept alive having liquid food forced through his nasal passage into his stomach. Shaker has spent a total of over three years in solitary confinement. When I received a letter from him last year he was in a state of paranoia - feeling he could trust no one. One of the last letters received by his family states:
“I am dying here every day, mentally and physically. This is happening to all of us. We have been ignored, locked up in the middle of the ocean for years. Rather than humiliate myself, having to beg for water, I would rather hurry up the process [of dying] that is going to happen anyway.
“I would like to die quietly, by myself. I was once 250 lbs (17 stone 12 lbs). I dropped to 130 lbs (9 stone 4 lbs) in the first hunger strike. I want to make it easy on everyone. I want no feeding, no forced tubes, no ‘help’, no ‘intensive assisted feeding’. This is my legal right.
“The British government refuses to help me. What is the point of my wife being British? I thought Britain stood for justice, but they … abandoned us [British residents], people who have lived in Britain for years, and who have British wives and children. I hold the British government responsible for my death, as I do the Americans.”
The British government maintains that it cannot make representations on behalf of non-UK citizens held in Guantánamo, the way it did – after three years – for me. But only a few weeks ago Bisher al-Rawi, an Iraqi national and British resident, was returned to the UK and released after the UK government negotiated his repatriation due to ‘special interests’. We – including Bisher - are all agreed that the UK government’s stance is now untenable. They must call for Shaker’s return home – if it isn’t already too late. Some of the last words Shaker related to his (and my) lawyer in Guantanamo, Clive Stafford Smith, was the US military response to his protest against treatment and imprisonment without charge or trial:
“Do you think the world will ever learn of your hunger strike? We will never let them know…We care nothing if [any] one of you dies.”
I used to escape from Guantánamo every night in my sleep – praying that I’d never awake. Waking up the next day was part of a slow death which I was finally delivered from. Many Guantánamo prisoners I believe now make the same prayer, and if they are not released, more of them will be escaping: in coffins.
Moazzam Begg
Spokesman
Cageprisoners
PO Box 45798
London
SW16 4XS
Email: moazzam.begg@cageprisoners.com
Web: www.cageprisoners.com
Cageprisoners
31-05-07
News of yet another death in my former place of torment, Guantánamo Bay, comes with great sadness, but little surprise. When three young Muslim men detained in Guantanamo returned home in coffins last year - two Saudis and one Yemeni – the US commander, Rear Admiral Harry Harris and assistant secretary of state for public diplomacy Colleen Graffy, the described the alleged suicides as acts of ‘asymmetric warfare’ and ‘a good PR move’. These tactless words proved embarrassing even for the usually hard-line President himself. Henceforth, the stated aim of Mr. Bush was that he ‘would like to see Guantánamo closed’. It’s almost a year to date since these men died, yet results of the autopsy have still not been released. Since attention regarding these cases tapered off into insignificance for the Bush administration conditions in Guantanamo have deteriorated according to visiting detainee lawyers, human rights organisations and the handful of released prisoners.
I’ve spoken with some of my former cell mates released this year who tell me conditions have worsened and are unbearably bleak and harsh in all sections of the camp. Concentrations of large numbers of prisoners in tiny cells, with no natural light, solitary confinement, constant glaring lights, no communication with the outside world and very little recreation have brought many more people to breaking point than the US administration would have us believe.
Instead of informing families directly, the US administration has deemed it more appropriate to simply release a terse press statement which mentions only the dead man’s nationality and time of death. When I called the Guantanamo public affairs office they were unable to confirm the name or the number of the deceased man. There are over 60 Saudi families with loved ones held in Guantanamo and I’ve been on the phone with a few of them already. They are undoubtedly distraught with anxiety, each one bracing itself for the worst. One of them is the family of my friend, Shaker Aamer, a Saudi national and South London resident, whose British family – including a son he’s never seen – have waited for him in anguish for five and a half years. He has been on hungers-strike for over six months, kept alive having liquid food forced through his nasal passage into his stomach. Shaker has spent a total of over three years in solitary confinement. When I received a letter from him last year he was in a state of paranoia - feeling he could trust no one. One of the last letters received by his family states:
“I am dying here every day, mentally and physically. This is happening to all of us. We have been ignored, locked up in the middle of the ocean for years. Rather than humiliate myself, having to beg for water, I would rather hurry up the process [of dying] that is going to happen anyway.
“I would like to die quietly, by myself. I was once 250 lbs (17 stone 12 lbs). I dropped to 130 lbs (9 stone 4 lbs) in the first hunger strike. I want to make it easy on everyone. I want no feeding, no forced tubes, no ‘help’, no ‘intensive assisted feeding’. This is my legal right.
“The British government refuses to help me. What is the point of my wife being British? I thought Britain stood for justice, but they … abandoned us [British residents], people who have lived in Britain for years, and who have British wives and children. I hold the British government responsible for my death, as I do the Americans.”
The British government maintains that it cannot make representations on behalf of non-UK citizens held in Guantánamo, the way it did – after three years – for me. But only a few weeks ago Bisher al-Rawi, an Iraqi national and British resident, was returned to the UK and released after the UK government negotiated his repatriation due to ‘special interests’. We – including Bisher - are all agreed that the UK government’s stance is now untenable. They must call for Shaker’s return home – if it isn’t already too late. Some of the last words Shaker related to his (and my) lawyer in Guantanamo, Clive Stafford Smith, was the US military response to his protest against treatment and imprisonment without charge or trial:
“Do you think the world will ever learn of your hunger strike? We will never let them know…We care nothing if [any] one of you dies.”
I used to escape from Guantánamo every night in my sleep – praying that I’d never awake. Waking up the next day was part of a slow death which I was finally delivered from. Many Guantánamo prisoners I believe now make the same prayer, and if they are not released, more of them will be escaping: in coffins.
Moazzam Begg
Spokesman
Cageprisoners
PO Box 45798
London
SW16 4XS
Email: moazzam.begg@cageprisoners.com
Web: www.cageprisoners.com
Wednesday, 30 May 2007
Holidays... who needs the tele?
New scheme at libraries.
At my local library yesterday as my daughter and I had scanned out our books and were leaving, I noticed a rail with some brightly colored red bags hanging. 'Book Bags for under 5's'
"Are they free?" I asked the librarian. (Who doesn't love Freebies.).
She replied in the affirmative, so naturally I went over to have a look.
Yes they were free, for 3 weeks. Just like the rest of our books.
The book bags each have their own theme. I chose the one labeled, 'FOOD'.
Each sack provides a fiction and non-fiction book, a parent guide and a matching educational toy or game to go with the theme. Some will include an audio tape or CD and sometimes even scenery.
Here is what was in my bag,
A toy toaster with 2 slices of toast. (My daughter toasted them, tried to eat them and then threw them in the bin when she had finished thinking they were real.)
A fictional and a non- fictional book.
Both of them to go with the food theme.
Other themes available are Animals, Mummy, Daddy,Clothes, Colours, Farming and more.
What did I love the most about my story bag?
Inside there was an activity sheet labeled, 'Top Tips for using the bag...'
Tip number 1 was - Turn the television off.'
New Scheme at Libraries
And among other tips were the following...
Find a comfortable place to sit together and look at the book or play.
Look at the pictures, read the story or just talk about what you see. Feel free to change the story!
Take turns pointing picture out in the book.
Maybe your child likes to color, cut, or scribble on the activity sheet.
Try to take 5 to 10 minutes special time in the day to have fun together.
`
At my local library yesterday as my daughter and I had scanned out our books and were leaving, I noticed a rail with some brightly colored red bags hanging. 'Book Bags for under 5's'
"Are they free?" I asked the librarian. (Who doesn't love Freebies.).
She replied in the affirmative, so naturally I went over to have a look.
Yes they were free, for 3 weeks. Just like the rest of our books.
The book bags each have their own theme. I chose the one labeled, 'FOOD'.
Each sack provides a fiction and non-fiction book, a parent guide and a matching educational toy or game to go with the theme. Some will include an audio tape or CD and sometimes even scenery.
Here is what was in my bag,
A toy toaster with 2 slices of toast. (My daughter toasted them, tried to eat them and then threw them in the bin when she had finished thinking they were real.)
A fictional and a non- fictional book.
Both of them to go with the food theme.
Other themes available are Animals, Mummy, Daddy,Clothes, Colours, Farming and more.
What did I love the most about my story bag?
Inside there was an activity sheet labeled, 'Top Tips for using the bag...'
Tip number 1 was - Turn the television off.'
New Scheme at Libraries
And among other tips were the following...
Find a comfortable place to sit together and look at the book or play.
Look at the pictures, read the story or just talk about what you see. Feel free to change the story!
Take turns pointing picture out in the book.
Maybe your child likes to color, cut, or scribble on the activity sheet.Try to take 5 to 10 minutes special time in the day to have fun together.
`
Tuesday, 29 May 2007
Al Adab AlMufrad Notes. By Saabirah.
Adab al Mufrad Notes (8)Monday, 30 July 2007
Hadith/athar: Ibn Umar said: "if someone fears his Lord and maintains his ties of kinship, his term of life will be prolonged, he will have abundant wealth and his people will love him."
As above with a different isnad.
Example of Bukhari-tronics – chapter title ("Allah Loves the One Who Maintains His Ties Of Kinship") doesn’t correspond with hadiths, they don’t say anything about Allah loving the person. Some imams refer to hadith where Allah says He loves so and so, then telling Jibreel to that person who tells the inhabitants of the heavens and earth to love that person. Hence we know the only way people will love a person in this way is when Allah loves him.
First narration has tadlees, but second one does not thus strengthening first. Hadtih can be reported in different ways, some ways "stronger" than others. Haddathanee (he narrated to me), akhbarnee (he informed me), qaal (he said), sami’nee (I heard) imply strength just from their wording. ‘An (on the authority of) is lesser in strength as it denotes hearing either in person or through another reporter therefore further study is required. Tadlees of 3 types:
- Tadlees al isnad. The reporter says "on the authority of" someone who he didn’t actually relate the hadith to him or from someone he didn’t actually meet which creates the impression he actually heard it from him in person.
- Tadlees ash-shuyukh. The reporter doesn’t refer to the person he heard it from by name, uses a less well-known name.
- Tadlees at-taswiyyah. Reporter misses out the weaker link before him and refers directly to the stronger link preceding the weaker link to make the chain look strong. Worst kind of tadlees. Shu'bah said, "Tadlis is the brother of lying" and "To commit adultery is more favourable to me than to report by way of Tadlis."
Athar is mauquf – doesn’t reach Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam). However we can act on it if it is marfoo’ hukman – as though Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said it. Statement shows it is impossible sahabi could say it out of own reasoning i.e. matter of ghayb.
"Fears his Lord" – taqwa often translated as fear. Word from waqa – protection, wiqayah is a shield or preservative for food. Qur'an and sunnah gives validation to linguistic definition.
Ibn Rajab al Hanbali included definition as putting something between you and the whom you are fearful of to protect you. How? By obeying Him and leaving that which displeases Him.
Surah Ra’d (13:34) – "for them will be punishment in the life of (this) world, and the punishement of the Hereafter is more severe. And they will not have from Allah any protector." Root word of taqwa has meaning of one who gives protection.
Qur'an also tells us to have taqwa of punishment, taqwa of places of punishment (grave, Hell), the One who gives punishment, the Day when punishment will be meted out. Highest form of taqwa is taqwa of Allah. Taqwa is a right of Allah. Surah Muddaththir (74:56) "…He is worthy of fear and adequate for (granting) forgiveness," and "O you who believe, fear Allah, as He should be feared, and let not yourself die save as Muslims." Surah Al Imran 3:102
Some benefits of taqwa:
- Forgives all sins
- Increases rewards
- Jannah reserved for those having taqwa
- Allah’s pleasure
- Allah supports them, is with them
- Allah doesn’t waste their deeds
- Allah makes a way out for them in their difficulties
- Allah makes his affairs easy
- Allah gives them baseerah, hidden insight
- Allah gives them furqan – criterion to judge right and wrong
- Allah gives them najwa – saves them from destruction like those of previous nations
Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) prayed, "O Allah I asked you for guidance, nobility, self-sufficiency/wealth and tuqa (from waqa)." Qur'an is guidance for the muttaqeen (surah Baqarah 2:2). Self-sufficency prevents one from depending on others. Wealth never affects people of taqwa negatively. Those it affects negatively have weak taqwa.
Two things to protect one from Hellfire – taqwa and good conduct.
Taqwa involves finding out about those things to avoid. "Ignorance is bliss" is not the attitude of the muttaqi.
Hasan al Basri "Taqwa will remain with the muttaqi as long as he keeps away from the halal fearing it may be haram." Basic level is staying away from haram, next is avoiding the doubtful matters (shubuhaat) and highest level is keeping away from some of the halal too. Muttaqis’ characteristic is he has taqwa of things people think one shouldn’t have taqwa on. Muttaqi is like someone on a path with thorns on the side to be avoided. Sufi scholars of the later generations (khalaf) divided it thus:
(1) Islam (rejecting kufr)
(2)Tauba (falls into sin and repents when he sins)
(3) Wara' (caution) (avoiding shubuhaat)
(4) Zuhd (avoiding halal)
(5) Mushahadah ("witnessing" Allah)
Very few people have these qualities hence very few muttaqeen exist unfortunately. Umar ibn Abdul Aziz: "…For those who preach about it are many, and those who actually practice it few..."
For more details esp. qur'anic/hadith references: See Here
Adab al Mufrad Notes (7)Saturday, 21 July 2007
(Classes 15/06/07 to 22/06/07)
Hadith/athar: Anas ibn Malik said: “The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said, ‘Whoever wishes to have his provision expanded and his term of life prolonged should maintain ties of kinship.’”
Hadith/athar: Abu Hurayra said: “The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said, ‘Whoever is pleased to have his provision expanded and his term of life lengthened should maintain ties of kinship.’”
Anas ibn Malik is THE narrator of hadith on adab. We see so much of the Prophet’s (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) character and qualities from his hadiths. Imam Dhahabi said of him: “He is the narrator of this religion.” He was 10 years old when he became Muslim. 20 years old when the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) passed away. In between that time he spent his life with Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) in his service. Umm Sulaym, his mother, brought him up by herself after her husband died. she later married Abu Talha ibn Thabit. She was very poor and didn’t have nice clothes for him to meet the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) in when he arrived in Madinah. She went in front of the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) and offered him her son saying she cannot give him what others can give him by way of wealth etc but he can have “Unais” (affectionate variation of the name Anas) as his servant and make du’a for him. As a result of the Prophet‘s (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) du’a for Allah to increase his wealth, progeny and lifespan, Anas had 100 offspring (109 and 129 in other narrations), remained one of the last companions to pass away and harvest his crops twice a year instead of once.
Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) used the Umm Sulaym’s house to rest in. He didn’t used to rest in any other house apart from his wives’. He’d pray nafl prayers there and make du’a for barakah in the house. Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) treated her very respectfully. She was his confidante and advisor. Umm Sulaym a woman of character and honour, sacrificing her son to be Prophet‘s (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) servant.
Really get to see someone’s true self in their private life – publicly everyone is great, those at home know what a person is really like. We get a bulk of this knowledge about Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) from Anas’ hadiths, who lived with him.
Anas taught some of kibar of imams. When in ihram he wouldn’t speak to anyone, so absorbed in ibadah. When he used to get up to pray he’d pray so much his feet would bleed. Abu Hurayra said, “I never saw anyone’s worship closer to the Prophet‘s (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) than Anas’.”
Anas died aged 103. died of plague. His mother kept some of the sweat of Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) and mixed it with perfume. Anas requested to be perfumed with that when he died.
Anas placed before Abu Hurayrah, despite the fact Abu Hurayrah pf greaster authority in area of maintaining kinship ties. Why? Perhaps because Anas ibn Malik was one of final sahabah to pass away, as though he is living testimony to the hadith – i.e. his life was prolonged.
Rizq commonly understood to mean money. But can mean anything good including that which isn’t visible including health, spirituality. Risq of intellect – truth which is "fed" to you i.e. Islamic ‘ilm.
Noonsa – prolong or delay something. In terms of life:
- physical increase of life – e.g. written in preserved tablet you will die at 60, you’re good to your parents, Allah gives you life until 70;
- Barakah in ones’ time e.g. you can do in one hour what others need a day to do. Imam Bukhari was good to his parents, he could do alone what would take a team of people;
- Ones’ old age will be worth living. One won’t have the illnesses of old age e.g. dementia. Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) used to seek refuge in Allah from becoming senile. His increase will make him realise the benefits of maintaining ties of kinship i.e. his children will be good to him.
Word atharihi used – remnants or traces, proof of something having occurred (footprints in the desert proof camel has walked there). Some say this is something that will persist after death – his children will maintain ties of kinship and make du’a for him. Ones’ children maintaining ties of kinship after death will result in people making du’a for him (e.g. rahimahuLlah) after recognising good deeds of his children.
If we’re going with interpretation of just ones’ lifespan being prolonged (Imam Tirmidhis’) why would we want a long life which is like a prison for us? Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said the best of people is he who lives a long life and does good deeds and the worst one is the one who lives a long life and does bad deeds. Life means opportunity for good deeds. Those in Hell will realise value of life hence they will ask to be returned so they can do deeds to prevent being in Hell. Exception – dying as martyr, ones’ sins are forgiven therfore permissible to pray for and desire shahadah. Also during fitnah of final days especially of Dajjal, one will pass by a grave and wish he was in the dead person’s place.
Friday, 22 June 2007Adab al Mufrad Notes (6)
(Classes: 08/06/07 to 15/06/07
Hadith/athar: Abdullah ibn Amr said, "The Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) pointed his finger towards us and said, ‘The (root word of) rahim (the kin) is derived from the word Rahman (the Merciful). Whoever maintains the connection of ties of kinship, Allah will maintain ties with him. Whoever cuts them off, Allah will cut him off. The kin will have a free and eloquent tongue on the Day of Rising.’"
Hadith/athar: Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, said: "The Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said, ‘The word rahim is derived from Allah (Rahman). Whoever maintains the ties of kinship, Allah will maintain ties with him. Whoever cuts them off, Allah cuts him off.’"
Ties of kinship depicted as a physical being.
Abdullah ibn Amr – Abu Hurayrah said of him, "He has more (hadith) than I do."
Aisha – born into the house of the greatest man after the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam), then with the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) himself, then spent the next fifty years of her life in the company of the greatest men of the ummah. From a very young age she was surrounded by knowledge. Some of the most personal matters of the deen narrated through her. Many hadith reveal her sense of humour and her natural jealousy of Khadija, the first wife of the Prophet (sal Allahi 'alaiyhi wa sallam), showing jealousy is natural and not blameworthy within the bounds. Every single characteristic of a Muslim women can be found in her yet she understood the difference between men and women. Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) didn't hide his love for her as is narrated in the hadiths. She used to compare herself with other wives and boast about her marriage to him. Only virgin wife, others were married for different reasons. Chosen by Allah – he (sal Allahu ‘alaiyhi wa sallam) saw her in a dream. Great role model for both men and women. Her status made clear when he sought permission from all of his (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) wives to spend his last days with her. He died in her lap, she was the last person to see him before he passed way. Defending her honour become a matter of aqeedah for ahl us sunnah due to the extreme shi'as who defile it, despite the Qur'anic ayahs.
Bukhari includes 2 similar hadiths together for certain reasons. Can either just take basic benefits e.g. obligatory to maintain kinship ties, Allah punishes the one who cuts them off etc or look deeper for the secrets. One such secret benefit could be looking at why Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) pointed. Physical actions sometimes directly attached to hadith e.g. in following hadith Abu Bakra said that the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu ‘alaiyhi wa sallam) said: "Shall I tell you which is the worst of the major sins?" He repeated that 3 times. They replied, "Yes, Messenger of Allah." He said, "Associating something else with Allah and disobeying parents." He had been reclining, but then he sat up and said, "Beware of lying." Abu Bakra added, "He continued to repeat it until I wished he would stop." Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) sitting up brings our attention to what he is saying, which on the face of it appears less significant than the other issues. However some physical actions not related to hadith. This hadith one such example. One benefit we can take from it is it shows how scrupulous sahabah were in noticing details – refutation of the critics of hadith.
"Derived from" – Arabic word is "shajna" – resembling roots of trees, interlocked, connected. Everything from Allah anyway – creation, our actions, including ties of kinship. But this link sets it apart from all, derived from His name and mentioned specifically.
What is the wisdom behind saying "whoever cuts them off…" when "whoever maintains them" implicitly tells us about the case of those who don’t do so? Hadith directly addresses both those who maintain-and those who cut off, not letting the latter group off the hook.
Word sila (maintains) also means gift which will render the meaning to be "whoever maintains the ties of kinship, Allah will reward him".
On the day of judgement we cannot imagine some of the things that will happen. Surah Yaseen says our limbs will testify what our actions were. Concept of those that do not speak having the ability to speak not unique to this hadith. "Non-tangible" beings will do things they logically shouldn’t be able to do e.g. Qur'an interceding for Muslims, stones bearing witness for/against us, death appearing as a ram and being killed etc. Not important how and other details but to have yaqeen that it will happen and move onto things we can know, unlike way of deviance who base whole belief system on doubtful matters.
"The kin will have a talq and dhalq tongue". Talq from talaq, to be loosened, letting go e.g. divorce, without restrictions, unhindered, without barriers, no-one to stop him. Dhalq – sharpened, tip of spear, penetrating, eloquent speech. Both together gives us meaning of speech without restriction, when spoken it is destructive. A powerful and scary combination.
Thursday, 14 June 2007Adab al Mufrad Notes (5)
(Classes: 01/06/07 to 08/06/07)
Hadith/athar: Abdur-Rahman ibn Awf said: "The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: ‘Allah, the Mighty and Exalted said, "I am the Merciful (Rahman). I have created ties of kinship (rahim) and derived a name for it from my name, whoever maintains ties of kinship, I maintain ties with him and I shall cut off from Me whoever cuts them off."’"
Imam Ibn Shihab az-Zuhri in chain. Imam Dhahabi said that he is the hafiz of his time. Didn’t just mean hafiz of Qur'an, meant the whole Qur'an and the rulings in them and at least 100,000 ahadith. Studied under 7 fuqaha of Madina: ‘Urwah b. al-Zubayr, Sa‘īd b. al-Musayyib, Abu Bakr b. ‘Abd’l-Rahmān, Al-Qāsim b. Muhammad b. Abi Bakr, ‘Ubaydullāh b. ‘Abdullāh b. ‘Utbah b. Mas’ūd, Sulaymān b. Yasār and Khārijah b. Zayd b. Thābit and also taught great imams including Sufyan Ath-Thawri, Awza’i, Umar ibn Abdul Aziz – who said about him "no-one soaked up hadith like Ibn Shihab."
A person is known by his peers. Imam az-Zuhri’s peers had glowing praises of him who were big names in themselves.
Said to be the first man to write hadith with the purpose of teaching it.
Abdur-Rahman ibn Awf one of the 10 promised Paradise, understandable why after a brief look at his biography. One of the 6 in the shura to appoint next khalifa. Became Muslim at young age, even before dar al arqam, safe house of Muslims before open da’wah. Fought at Badr – the crucial battle for establishment of Islam. Allah says about ahl ul Badr, "do as you wish for I have forgiven you." One of those who gave their pledge under the tree as mentioned in Surah Fath about whom Allah says He is pleased with them. He was paired with Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas who offered half of everything he had including his two wives, thus taking the Prophet‘s (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) request to the Ansar to host, help and share to the maximum. Abdur-Rahman ibn Awf refused and prayed for barakah in Sa’d’s wealth and family and asked for direction to the market where he could do trade.
Lesson: be self-sufficient and rely not on others but Allah, even if what people can give you is your haqq. The more you rely on people the less you rely on Allah and the less people’s opinion of you becomes. Abdur-Rahman ibn Awf became known as Al-Ghani, the rich, as he made today's equivalent of millions. Because of his wealth and in comparison the way some of the other sahabah were killed or died in poverty, he used to say he fears his reward has been given in the dunya rather than the Hereafter.
Hadith Qudsi. Allah’s speech of 3 types: (i) perfect – unchanged, protected i.e. Qur'an; (ii) Books of prophets – divine revelation before people corrupted them; (iii) Hadith qudsi – inspired via wahy, conveyed by Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) in his own words. Qudsi not always authentic. Should pay attention to what topics Allah selects for qudsi – in this case ties of kinship, has significance.
Allah could have used name Raheem, which may have been closer to rahim. Names of Allah like Raheem, Quddus etc can be used to name people (without al) but Rahman cannot, as though there’s sanctity with this name. Knowing and understanding Names of Allah gives guidance in our ‘ibadah and conduct.
Something attached to Allah indicates its significance e.g. slave of Allah, Ruh Allah, camel of Allah. Allah links Himself with ties of kinship, to its origin and consequence of those who have correct conduct towards it- good and bad.
Friday, 8 June 2007Adab al Mufrad Notes (4)
(Classes: 25/05/07 to 01/06/07)
Hadtih/athar: "Abu Hurayra said: "A man came to the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) and said, ‘Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I maintain connections while they cut me off. I am good to them while they are bad to me, they behave towards me like fools while I am forbearing towards them.’ The Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said, ‘If things are as you say have said, it is as if you were putting hot ashes on them* and you will not lack a supporter against them from Allah as long as you continue to do that.’"
*i.e. it will cause them harm if they continue with their behaviour but will not harm you as it will result in their humiliation and you will gain respect in this world and the Hereafter.
Reported by Muslim also. Saheeh isnad and matn.
Ibn Abi Hatim in the chain. Faqih from the tabi’ tabi’in. Known to be as knowledgeable as Imam Malik who himself said "if there is a people and among them is Ibn Abi Hatim, they will be protected." Imam Malik not known for over-praising and exaggerating; known for being austere and serious. He was probably referring to Imam Ibn Abi Hatim’s taqwa, being a wali of Allah, rather than knowledge and qada.
Man knows what he’s doing is obligatory. He’s not approaching the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) to be excused from it, he wants to know what he (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) has to say about the matter. The behaviour of his relatives akin to their own punishment. His good treatment and their bad treatment in return is like humiliation for them. Essence of maintaining kinship is difficulty, not what is easy and nice.
Repayment of good with mere neutrality is shameful. But replacement of good with bad is evil.
"If it is as you said" – allows for another side to the story, possibility of reality not being the mentioned scenario. In fatwa-seeking always a hidden side mufti doesn’t know hence he should be careful and prudent when giving verdicts. REAL men of knowledge past and present shied away from giving fatwa whereas many of us rush to give our opinion in deen matters. Should be cautious rather than hasty.
Lesson for general mass: speak and convey news and information in balanced, just and accurate manner.
"Putting hot ashes" – causing someone to get punished. Should he and others like him then not continue god treatment? No as they themselves are the cause for their own punishment. Statement following it encourages the man to continue if his good behaviour.
Friday, 1 June 2007Adab al Mufrad Notes (3)
(Classes: 18/05/07 and 25/05/07)
More adab al mufrad notes. Sorry to give them all at once but I procrastinated.
Hadith/athar: Ibn Abbas said (about the verses): "Give the relative his due, and the needy and the traveller and squander not (thy wealth) in wantonness. Lo! The squanderers were ever the brothers of devils, and the devil was ever ingrate to his Lord. But if thou turn away from them, seeking mercy from thy Lord, for which thou hopest, then speak unto them a reasonable word. And let not thy hand be chained to thy neck nor open it with a complete opening, lest thou sit down rebuked, denuded." (17:26-29) "He begins by commanding the most pressing of the obligatory dues and He directs man to the best action if he has something – by His saying – ‘Give the relative his due and the needy and the traveller.’ Likewise He teaches man how he should excuse himself if he has nothing – by His saying – ‘If you turn away from them seeking the mercy from your Lord that you are hoping for, then speak gentle words to them.’ In the form of a good promise. ‘Do not keep your hand chained to your neck’ (like a miser that you do not give anything at all) ‘nor outspread it altogether so you sit reproached…’ (that means if you give everything, those who come to you later will find you empty and reproach you) ‘denuded’. (Ibn Abbas) said, that means: The person to whom you gave everything has denuded you.
Weak chain, has unknown person in it. But less strict in accepting/rejecting because it is athar not hadith. Scholars didn’t say whole thing is weak i.e. statement itself is sound.
Ayah tells us what one should do with money – (i) give it to relative, needy and traveller. (ii) If there’s no money to give, make promise that if you have money you’ll give it to them (iii) don’t be miserly or extravagant.
Ayah uses word "qurba" – close relatives.
The word "haqqahu" (due/right) implies reference to zakah whereas the word "aati" (give) is only used referring to sadaqah. Stipulated zakah recipients don’t include relatives. If ayat taken to refer to zakah it emphasises right of relative over other fuqara/masakeen (extremely poor/poor) and travellers if relative comes under these categories too. If taken to mean sadaqah also demonstrated right of relatives over others. Either way, relative comes before other needy people.
Wrong attitude to believe giving money to relative is a favour to them; doing so is merely giving them their right.
"Seeking mercy" – hoping for what Allah provides you with. What you have and can spend is attached to Allah who gives and takes as He wills to all of creation.
"Mercy from your Lord" – not our right. May not even deserve it.
"Hope for" – not guaranteed, shouldn’t expect it.
"Say gentle words" – not whinge, be rude, insult etc. Not sufficient to say "sorry don’t have any". Rather make a promise that if you have money insha’Allah you will give it. Qur'an teaches the highest moral in this aspect.
"Tied to neck" – analogy of a prisoner who is chained. Cannot move hands e.g. reach into pockets. Incapacitated. Ayah almost telling us not to act as though we have our hands tied when we don’t.
Also telling us not to place ourselves in trouble and difficulty yet Qur'an always starts with miserliness. Reflects most prominent problem – extravagance in giving in charity not as common.
"Rebuked" – blameworthy, no-one’s fault but your own, irresponsible with own wealth.
"Denuded" – Arabic word includes meanings of trapped, tired out, destitute. The one whom you wanted to help has left you in that state.
Subtle lessons to be learnt from Imam Bukhari’s choice of narrators. Ibn Abbas – could have chosen other narrators but he chose the cream of the crop as far as mufassireen are concerned. Ijma’ of scholars that tafsir of Qur'an by sahabah comes first. Example for us to choose only the best for our deen, no matter how difficult or how convenient other options are. Often choose best for dunya matters e.g. best doctor, school etc but deen more deserving.
Monday, 28 May 2007Adab al Mufrad Notes (2)
(Classes: 04/05/07 and 11/05/07)
Hadith/athar: Abu Hurayra said: “When the following verse was revealed: ‘Warn your nearest relatives,’ (26:214), the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) rose and called out, ‘Banu Ka’b ibn Lu’ayy! Save yourselves from the Fire! Banu Abd Manaf! Save yourselves from the Fire! Banu Abdul Muttalib! Save yourselves from the Fire! Fatima daughter of Muhammad! Save yourself from the Fire! I cannot alter Allah’s decision about you (if you deserve it). Except for the fact that you have ties of kinship which I shall maintain’”
“Bani” – people Refers to his forefathers and tribes. Wisdom - da’wah more acceptable from man of status & noble lineage. His own lineage reminds people of his background. Calling one’s own people also shows sincerity in the call: wanting to save own family. Success – Prophet‘s (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) closest sahabah linked in his lineage.
Call suggests: “if you continue in your kufr I cannot do anything to save you.”
“I cannot alter Allah’s decision about you”- humility. Despite his status with Allah he affirms he is powerless.
“I shall maintain” not accurate. Literally “add moisture, wet” – moisture basis of life, implies nurturing, sustaining, keeping alive. Connection to rahim (womb) and its connection to a foetus.
Fatima (may Allah be pleased with her) only 29 years old when she died. Went through much difficulties since young age. Mother died at young age, sisters died in her lifetime, lived in poverty and hardshio during married life, aged 5-10 years old when Quraishi persecuted Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam).
“Zahra” – title meaning radiant. Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) sometimes called azhar (masculine) and she was most like him.
Hadith/athar: Abu Ayyub al Ansari said: “A Bedouin came to the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) while he was travelling. He asked, ‘tell me what will bring me near to the Garden and keep me away from the Fire.’ He replied, ‘Worship Allah and do not associate anything with Him and perform the prayer and pay the zakah and maintain ties of kinship.’”
Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) arrived in Madinah with no family, wealth, living accommodation. We often notice the sacrifice and hardship of muhajireen who left everything behind but Ansar also went out of their way & completely changed their lives to accommodate the muhajireen. Abu/Umm Ayyub put themselves under stress just to accommodate the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam).
Abu Ayyub died during conquest of Constantinople under Yazeed’s rule aged 80. A great mujahid, he insisted he march there with the army so he could hear the footsteps of the armies and horses. Buried near there.
Most simple of person (Bedouin) asking most simple of questions and given most concise and simple answer.
Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) talks about great fundamental pillars of the religion then about maintaining ties of kinship – seems out of place. Hadith shows maintaining ties of kinship among these is not out of place, it deserves to be mentioned with them.
“Worship Allah” – ‘ibadah includes meaning of humbling oneself, putting oneself down, submit. When one enslaves oneself to other than Allah inevitably they become further from ‘ibadah to Allah and when they do that inevitably they become lower in the eyes of others. ‘Izzah of someone not in need of the dunya, not chasing after its pleasures is higher than one who has become a slave to the dunya. Only in Islam does one become greater in nobility and higher in status when they lower themselves for Allah.
These days da’wah often focuses on social issues but Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) always began with tawheed and we won't lose out if we do the same.
Qur'an and sunnah often mentions salah and zakah together. Former ‘ibadah of the body and latter of wealth.
Hadith first mentions rights of Allah and then rights of the people. Because they are mentioned together it implies we should devote similar amount of time spent studying tawheed, salah, zakah to studying ties of kinship.
“Bring me near” – not “guarantee me”, implies understanding of the man that effort on his part will be required as well as hoping in Allah.
Sunday, 27 May 2007Adab al Mufrad Notes (1)
(Class: 27/04/07)
My friend took these notes for me at the adab class as I was doing the Price of Salvation Course.
Continuing with hadith/athar: Kulayb ibn Manfa’a said: “My grandfather said, ‘Messenger of Allah, towards whom should I be dutiful?’ He said, ‘Towards your mother, your father, your sister and your brother. Then towards your relative, the nearest to them. This is an obligatory duty and those ties of kinship must be maintained.’”
Our rights are first and foremost to our parents, due to their high status and importance.
After that, we have a duty to be in contact with, and in the service of, all of our extended family, whether they are practising or not, whether they are Muslim or not.
Maintaining ties of kinship is important as we are promoting key characteristics of the believers, such as love and mercy and confidence in one another. It also eradicates hatred and anger. All this ensures that a standard family unit functions in the best way possible.
We should think of the people we are in contact with in our families and ask ourselves why they are part of our lives. It should only ever be for the sake of Allah, and not for our own benefit.
The Ulema have stated that there are three potential scenarios which may lead to attaining paradise through our ties of kinship. Firstly, by maintaining ties even when the person you are maintaining ties with breaks away. This is the highest level. Secondly, by “getting even”. E.g., if someone calls you, you call them next time. If they buy you a present you buy one for them etc. Finally, where the other person does more than you do to maintain the tie of kinship. You will not enter paradise through this method.
This is an important lesson we can learn. Allah states that He is not swifter in punishment to anyone than those who break ties of kinship. For this purpose, we should endeavour to learn our lineage and family history so we aware of even the most distant of our relatives.
The title name “the obligation of maintaining ties of kinship” is revealing, as it shows that Imam Bukhari wished to make it clear from the start that maintaining ties IS an obligation. The details can be filled in later.
The hadith states we are obligated to be dutiful to our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters and then our relatives and those nearest to us.
Although this hadith is weak, it can be used for this purpose as it is not very weak and as long as we say it may not be directly from the prophet, peace be upon him.
The rights of our brothers and sisters, in particular are often neglected.
There are two types of brothers and sisters. The first is our brothers and sisters in deen, and we have a general sense of loving and wanting to fulfil our rights to other muslims.
But our highest priority should always be our direct family. In particular, when advising or teaching others, we should always start with out nearest relatives.
The prophet, peace and blessing be upon him, maintained ties of kinship even with the non-Muslim family members who tried to harm him. So, imagine the rights and obligations our Muslim family members have.
Wednesday, 25 April 2007
Adab al Mufrad Series 1 recap
I do so love the adab al mufrad classes. That Friday feeling that Abu Eesa was talking about made everyone smile and nod knowingly; it's true, there's a real feeling of peace, tranquility and iman at that specific time in that specific place.
Anyway my excuse for posting the notes so late: laziness, stuff happening at home, procrastination, going to Birmingham for Mark of a Jurist and laziness. I've decided not to post all of the notes I made last year here yet and just to post what I'm making as we're going along insha'Allah. I hope you guys benefit and I hope any mistakes I make don't weigh heavily on my scale of bad deeds and that Allah helps us all to implement the 'ilm He entrusts us with.
RECAP OF SERIES ONEDATE: 13/04/07
Weak hadiths can be used in adab if they meet the following conditions:
1. Can’t be very weak e.g. munkar narrator – known liar.
2. Has to come under something already mentioned (generally) elsewhere e.g. being good to parents.
3. Mention it is weak when relating it because otherwise attributing to the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) something he may not have said i.e. lying upon him.
Birr – not translatable in one word. Includes good; dutiful; easy – no anger, resentment, bitterness, uptightness, laidback; righteousness, merciful, obedient.
Adab to others connected to adab to parents. Good adab to others voluntary, to parents obligatory.
Birr to parents only in permissible things.
Birr to mother more emphasised – she’s more emotional, prone to get angry quicker, take bad feelings to extremes e.g. cursing, therefore imperative to please her and ensure her calmness. Displeasing father has more immediate implications – he can beat you, become socially disgraced if he disowns you, withdraws you from inheritance. With mother, easier to get false sense of security if she is displeased.
Mother has greater right of good treatment – to spend time with her, be easy on her etc. Father has greater right to obedience and your finances.
Birr not contingent on their being good to you, birr is their right whether you like it or not. Likened to taxes. :-)
Soft speech, nothing said to harm them.
Don’t think about repaying them, never possible. An obligation, have to do it hence just get on with it.
Dependence on parents from cradle to grave – physically in womb and early years, later on for advice, finance etc up to death. Even after their death we hope for inheritance. At no stage are they dependent on us so no point thinking we can repay them.
Different hadiths give emphasis in different ways how serious ‘uqooq (opposite of birr) to parents is.
Barakah of ones’ life increases with birr, not just number of years, including adding to ones’ good deeds, blotting out bad deeds, increasing ones’ honour and respect.
If ones’ parents are still alive don’t miss out on the chance to enter Paradise.
If you want anyone to make du’a for you, make it your parents.
DATE: 20/04/07
CONTINUE OF RECAP
Even fard can be put aside over service to parents e.g. jihad and hijrah (as long as they are fard kifayah).
Birr includes not just being good to them but also being wary of their emotions which influences their du’aas. Just from result of their du’aas one can end up in the fire. Knowledge of this science should be invested in and passed on just because of this – can decide whether we go to Paradise or Hell.
Treatment of parents unaffected by status or even existence of their deen (i.e. non-Muslim) or their being good to you: birr not mukafaha (from kifayah) i.e. "you be good to me, I’ll be good to you, you suffice me, I’ll suffice you."
Certain aspects of adab don’t always make logical sense e.g. not sitting before your father (one can argue my father doesn’t mind my sitting before him, I don’t see what birr has got to do with sitting before or after someone etc etc) hence needs to be studies not assumed – naql before aql.
Some athar have sahaba saying something is fard/haram – these are treated as hadith as they wouldn’t say so without it originating from the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam).
Not calling parents by first name – here cause needs to be looked at. Prohibition because it is offensive but if offence is caused if parent prefers first name then although unusual, it is to be respected.
Hadith/athar: Kulayb ibn Manfa’a said: "My grandfather said, ‘Messenger of Allah, towards whom should I be dutiful?’ He said, ‘Towards your mother, your father, your sister and your brother. Then towards your relative, the nearest to them. This is an obligatory duty and those ties of kinship must be maintained.’"
"Kinship" not accurate translation of rahim. Relation from blood, marriage or adoption.
Adab covers our interaction with everything/everyone around us – animals, environment, people. From these, adab to kin comes first, from that adab to parents comes first.
Good adab to parents is a cure for ills of society.
The way Imam Bukhari arranges and names his chapters of hadith is a field of fiqh in itself!
Rahim also means womb – place of mercy at its’ extreme where foetus completely helpless and dependent. Womb completely sustains and maintains its life.
Rahma defined as "to not punish the one who deserves punishment and to do good to the one who doesn’t deserve it".
Understanding rahma helps to understand greatness of relations of the womb and other kin.
Difference of opinion on what rahim includes:
- Family and anyone we’re related to – general.
- Those who have a defined share of inheritance – science of inheritance.
- Maternal relations only.
Sila from wasila – join, maintain.
Hadith weak. Narrator is Bakr ibn Harith. Baghdadi and Tirmidhi considered him sahabi but others didn’t which means there could be a break in chain.
Relatives not necessarily in order so not the case that one is better than the other – the word "then" not used.
Imam Bukhari includes it as it’s the only hadith on the topic that has the word obligatory in it although we know it is an obligation from other texts. Just adding extra info hence can be used.
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