Sunday, 2 December 2007

Parenting Course Notes - Week 3

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

We started off the lesson with a discussion of the meaning of the Arabic word Tarbiyya. We brainstormed the following meanings:
• Education
• Training
• Discipline
• Morals
• Upbringing
• Self development

We then discussed the following ayah in the Qur’an
My Lord! Bestow on them your mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.” (Al-Isra: 24)
We discussed the importance of parents and the fact that they should be treated with kindness, as it was our parents who took care of us when we were young and incapable of doing things ourselves.

We then discussed the hadith narrated by Abdullah Ibn ‘Amr (RA)
All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care and each of you will be questioned about your flock. The imam is the guardian of his subjects and is responsible for them, and a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s house and is responsible for it….…” (Bukhari and Muslim)
How does this hadith apply to us as mothers? We as mothers are responsible for our children’s care, education and well-being because we will be questioned about this on the Day of Judgment. So sisters, we should do our level best to fulfill this obligation which Allah (SWT) has commanded us to do. We as Muslim mothers have a great task of raising righteous children insha’Allah. Children who will be shining examples to the society, those who will revive the message of Islam and bring immense benefit to the ummah, ameen.

Allah (SWT) accepts the dua of the mother for her child, so we should be asking Him to guide our children and grant them the best in the duniya and the akhira. This reminds me of a beautiful example of the power of a mother’s dua. Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury mentioned in a talk that he asked Imam Abdurrahman Sudais, “How did you become the imam of Al-Haram?” Imam Sudais replied “I was a very naughty child and every time I misbehaved my mother would say “may you become the imam of Al-Haram””. So instead of becoming angry with him, she made dua to Allah. Subhan’Allah, this goes to show how powerful a mother’s dua is for her children. We should try to implement this method when dealing with our children insha’Allah.

Importance of balance

This flower illustrates that a child needs a balance of everything to develop into a healthy individual. Spiritual is in the centre because that is the most important aspect for a Muslim child. As parents we should attend to all five aspect of their development and not just focus on one aspect, as is the case in many families. We have some parents over-emphasizing on the mental aspect, they push them to do well at school, get good grades and become a doctor, lawyer, engineer etc. However, they neglect the spiritual aspect. On the other hand, there are parents who focus on their children’s Islamic education and by doing so they neglect physical, social and emotional aspects. They do not allow their children to have fun. We need to have a balance because Islam is a way of life and can be incorporated into everything we do insha’Allah.

The story of Luqman Al-Hakim provides us with exceptional advice which we should pass onto our children. Luqman advised his son the following pieces of advice;
a) Tawheed – Do not join in worship others with Allah (SWT), for this is the greatest wrong doing.
b) Accountability – That indeed Allah has knowledge of the smallest objects in the heavens and the Earth. He alone understands their finer mysteries and is capable of bringing them forth.
c) Importance of salah – Establish regular prayer.
d) Enjoin what is just and forbid what is wrong.
e) Be patient with the hardships that befall you.
f) Not to be arrogant and boastful – Beware of false pride.
g) Be moderate in pace.
h) Ways of communication – Lower your voice, for the harshest of sounds is that of the donkey.
We should place great emphasis on making our children aware of the greatest dhulm (injustice)…SHIRK. (Luqman verses 13-19)

Subhan’Allah, what priceless advice. If we strive to teach our children these things and make dua to Allah (SWT), then we will equip our children with excellent manners insha’Allah.
And Allah (SWT) knows best.

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah.


Jeasmin said...


It was a nice reminder marshAllah. Jazakallahu khyran for taking the time out to post.We did have lots of fun didn't we marshAllah.


Umm Hannah (Jeasmin)

Umm Zaidah Nusaybah said...

wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

yes mashaAllah that class was so much fun and we accquired soo much knowledge as well alhamdulillah!!

looking forward to the next course inshaAllah.

umm asma said...


Thank you for the useful advice, May Allah reward you with good.
I was wondering if you or anyone had any references of any books/articles/lectures that gives some depth about the cognitive development of children from an islamic perspective.

wa' alaykumasalaam

Umm M said...

JazakiAllah Khair for these notes Umm ZN - Love the flower. I think we can even apply it to our own lifestyles.

Umm Asma - I haven't come across any but will let you know if I do InshaAllah.

Maybe someone else can help?

Umm Zaidah Nusaybah said...

baraak Allahu feek umm M, actually it was my husband who drew the flower for me since I'm no computer whizz, may Allah reward him insha Allah.

umm Asma, there are a series of lectures called "Children around the prophet" by hesham awadi,he talks about how the prophet (saw) dealt with children, the different techniques he used in teaching them aqeedah, morals ect. its very good masha Allah.

Anonymous said...

As salamaualikum
I could do with some advice. My nephew who is 6yrs old is just impossible. At home when he's alone his mother says he is well behaved. But when around people he goes crazy. Tell him nicely, he doesnt listen. Shout, he doesnt listen. Only when you hit him and make him cry does he listen. He is sooo hyper active. He doesnt even switch off properly when he's asleep, he sleep talks! Masha'Allah he can be so sweet and he's a clever boy. But he's more than a handful and was wondering if yo had any advice?

As salamualaikum

Umm Maymoonah said...

Dear Anonymous
My husband and I are no experts on this matter but the first thing that crossed both our minds was 'food' and not coz we were hungr! Maybe try to assess the foods he is eating and what he is drinking.

We don't give Maymoonah certain drinks etc and when I go to a party or something and she does have certain drinks I notice she is extra hyper.

Also how about trying 'wind down time'? about an hour and a half before bedtime make sure the house and family are calm, do quiet things - read books to him etc, recite and maybe this will calm him down and allow him to wind down before bedtime?

Umm Zaidah Nusaybah said...

You say he is well behaved when he is at home with his mum so maybe when he is around people he acts this way for attention.Allah knows best.

you could try these six steps for dicipline insha Allah:

1.calmness- be calm and don't lose your temper

2. confident- know what the child has done

3. consistency- be consistent when dealing with the child.

4. clarity- explaining and being clear.

5. control- have control over the situation

6. communication- the child needs to know what he has done wrong

I hope this helps insha Allah. I will be posting the rest of my notes on this blog so there maybe some topics that may further help you insha Allah, for example boundaries/discipline, use of tongue, praise and rewards.....and more.

Anonymous said...

Jazakh for your advice. I'll tell his mother too and insha'Allah he will calm dwn. Because its getting crazy now.

umm asma said...

Assalamwalaikum, jazakillah khairan. Thanks for the advice about the book, 'Children around the Prophet'

Also to the sister who is worried about her nephew I would advise discussing the problem with his health visitor or perhaps to see his GP. The symptoms you describe seem to indicate some sort of sensory issue, and he may benefit from occupational therepy. In any case it can often be beneficial to ask to see a paediatrician to discuss developmental concerns.

Occupational therapy for children can involve certain activities which help regulate the nervous system and can make the difference between a child being able to sit in a room with new people and interacting with them or spend the whole time crying.

May Allah make things easy for him and his family.

wa' alaikumsalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu

Anonymous said...

wa' alaikumsalaam sister umm asma.
i did think about this, but i find it hard to tell his mother this.
thank you for your advice. The therapy you mentioned is very interesting, worth looking into insha'Allah.
his dad and him now pray together, masha'Allah its amazing to see how still he is during salaah and how much he picks up.
Masha'Allah he's a clever boy.