Below are some thoughts by Fatima Barkatullah on Remembering the Metaphysical laws in the Qur'an.
I have also posted some related comments by Imam Anwar Awlaki and Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury hafidahumallaah.
This brutality will never break our will to be free
The Meaning Of Gaza
Advice from Sheikh Tawfique
Here is also the comment of an Evil Zionist woman living in occupied Palestine about the Zionist Terrorist Attacks and Ethnic cleansing in Gaza. La'natullaahi Alaihim.
Evil Zionist Womans' response, 'What's been happening in Gaza is fantastic'
Remembering the Metaphysical laws in the Qur'an
Fatima Barkatullah.
We can do something about what is happening to our Muslim brothers and sisters. Boycott Israeli products (look at every product you buy and boycott it if it comes from Israel). Encourage our men to go to the demonstrations. Make sincere du'a to Allah for our situation. How pathetic we feel, and how little we can really do in the here and now to impact the situation.
Let's look to the future, to changing the state of the Ummah completely. The Jihad for justice starts in our homes.
I believe that the greatest and most powerful contribution we can make as mothers is this:
Bring up your children to be Mu'mineen, who take the laws of Allah seriously, who are attached to the life of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam and his Sunnah
Teach your children history and the lessons of history.
Teach them not just about the physical laws that Newton elucidated so well, but the Metaphysical laws that the Qur'an elucidates so perfectly.
A few days ago we went through the story of the Battle of Badr and I taught my children about the Sunnah of Allah, that if He wills he can make a small group of people overpower a huge number of people...I taught them that no one knows the army of Allah but He. 300 men who were less well armed beat 1000 well armed men that day - I want them to remember that forever. It can mean so many things in their lives: that the little kid can overcome the big bully, that when the odds are stacked against you, if you have Iman, you can win...that quality is more important than quantity...that if Allah is on your side, you have nothing and no one to fear...
The metaphysical laws that are the Sunnah of Allah are mentioned throughout the Qur'an.
The law that:
after hardship will come ease.
that Allah obliterates Riba (as we have recently seen) and make Sadaqah profitable
that if you thank Allah, he will give you more...all of these and many more have been mentioned in the Qur'an.
That the Jews and Christians will never be pleased with you until you follow their religion and way of life.
That if you are conscious of Allah, He will give you a way out and provide for you from means that you never imagined.
These are all laws that we can observe and that are talked about in the Qur'an.
If they grow up with yaqeen (true belief and conviction) in these metaphysical laws, they will be the bravest of men, because the apparent will not deter them...what is visible to the eye will not scare them...they will not be risk averse, rather they will leap off the most dangerous mountain, knowing that they will only be hurt if Allah wills it, they will jump into that deepest ocean, believing that if they are doing so for the sake of Allah then Allah will grant them victory over the waves. They will not be fooled by what seems to be reality because they will be aware that anything is possible if you have Allah on your side.
That is what this Ummah needs. A generation of people who have so much Iman in the sunan of Allah that they will take risks, they will dare to do what no one's done before, they will be willing to go against the grain, unapologetic, firm in their resolve.
The problems of the Ummah did not appear overnight and they will not disappear overnight. But we, the mothers of the Ummah can set that change in motion...we must set that change in motion.
Sunday, 28 December 2008
Thursday, 18 December 2008
Dedicated to all 'stay at home Mums!'
A man came home from work and found his three children outside,
still in their pajamas,
playing in the mud,
with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open,
as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the cat.
Proceeding into the entry,
he found an even bigger mess.
A lamp had been knocked over,
and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel,
and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen dishes filled the sink,
breakfast food was spilled on the counter,
the fridge door was open wide,
cat food was spilled on the floor,
a broken glass lay under the table,
and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs,
stepping over toys and more piles of clothes,
looking for his wife.
He was worried she may be ill,
or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels,
scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.
Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to t he bedroom,
he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yeah," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
Taken from AlMaghrib Forum.
still in their pajamas,
playing in the mud,
with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open,
as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the cat.
Proceeding into the entry,
he found an even bigger mess.
A lamp had been knocked over,
and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel,
and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen dishes filled the sink,
breakfast food was spilled on the counter,
the fridge door was open wide,
cat food was spilled on the floor,
a broken glass lay under the table,
and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs,
stepping over toys and more piles of clothes,
looking for his wife.
He was worried she may be ill,
or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels,
scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.
Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to t he bedroom,
he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yeah," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
Taken from AlMaghrib Forum.
Sunday, 16 November 2008
Parenting Course – Week 9
Use of the tongue
We were presented with a list of words which are often used by mothers to their children. Then we were put into groups and we had to put these words in one of three categories; good, bad or neutral.
1. Get lost
2. Put it here please
3. That’s naughty
4. I’ll give you a bollocking
5. Gandhi (dirty)
6. MashaAllah you finished
7. Put your ass here
8. Do want a slap
9. Well done!
10. Shorer bacha (son of a pig)
11. Bloody cow
12. Shall I help you
13. Shaytaan
14. Go away
15. InshaAllah you can do it
16. Stupid
17. Slam it
18. I am not happy
19. Greedy pig
20. Liar
21. Shut up
Every single group was in agreement that words listed below definitely belonged in the ‘bad’ category.
• I’ll give you a bollocking
• Gandhi (dirty)
• Put your ass here
• Do you want a slap
• Shorer bacha (son of a pig)
• Bloody cow
• Shaytaan
• Stupid
• Greedy cow
• Liar
• Shut up
I think that the most surprising thing is that we often hear practicing sisters or those involved in dawah activities using such terms. What we need to understand is that words can REALLY hurt, so we have to be careful how we address our children. Sometimes it may be helpful to put ourselves in our children’s shoes and think how would we feel if we were referred to as “stupid” or a “greedy pig” or being told to “shut up” for asking a question!. I know that I would find it degrading and it would definitely have an impact on my self-esteem. We need to use positive words so that our children grow up to be confident and positive individuals’ insha’Allah.
The messenger of Allah (SWS) said:
“Let whoever believes in Allah and the last day either speak good or remain silent” (Muslim and Bukhari)
We discussed this hadith primarily because small children cannot differentiate between good and bad words. They usually imitate their parents or grandparents if they are living with them. Therefore, we need to be good role models for them insha’Allah.
In Sura An-Nur verse 26 Allah (SWT) says:
“Bad statements are for bad people and bad people for bad statements. Good statements are for good people and good people for good statements; such are innocent of (every) bad statement which they say; for them is forgiveness, and honored provision.”
This verse was reveled after the incident regarding ‘Aishah known as the Ifk. Ibn Abbas said regarding this verse
“Evil words are for evil men, and evil men are for evil words; good words are for good men and good men are for good words. This was reveled concerning ‘Aishah and the people of slander.” (At-Tabari)
Therefore if we make bad statement about good people it will bounce back to the person saying it. I can assume that we all want to be good; therefore we should engage in good speech and stay away from bad speech insha’Allah.
I will end with the hadith which states that the Prophet (sws)said;
“If anyone guarantees me what is between his jaws and between his legs, I shall guarantee him Jannah” (Bukhari)
We see the importance of speaking good words especially to our children because the way we address them will surely have an effect on their psychological well-being. If we address them using positive words then they will address others in the same manner insha’Allah. For example, if we say ‘Thank you’ and ‘Please’ they will imitate us. May Allah protect us from bad speech and help us to speak good words .Ameen.
We were presented with a list of words which are often used by mothers to their children. Then we were put into groups and we had to put these words in one of three categories; good, bad or neutral.
1. Get lost
2. Put it here please
3. That’s naughty
4. I’ll give you a bollocking
5. Gandhi (dirty)
6. MashaAllah you finished
7. Put your ass here
8. Do want a slap
9. Well done!
10. Shorer bacha (son of a pig)
11. Bloody cow
12. Shall I help you
13. Shaytaan
14. Go away
15. InshaAllah you can do it
16. Stupid
17. Slam it
18. I am not happy
19. Greedy pig
20. Liar
21. Shut up
Every single group was in agreement that words listed below definitely belonged in the ‘bad’ category.
• I’ll give you a bollocking
• Gandhi (dirty)
• Put your ass here
• Do you want a slap
• Shorer bacha (son of a pig)
• Bloody cow
• Shaytaan
• Stupid
• Greedy cow
• Liar
• Shut up
I think that the most surprising thing is that we often hear practicing sisters or those involved in dawah activities using such terms. What we need to understand is that words can REALLY hurt, so we have to be careful how we address our children. Sometimes it may be helpful to put ourselves in our children’s shoes and think how would we feel if we were referred to as “stupid” or a “greedy pig” or being told to “shut up” for asking a question!. I know that I would find it degrading and it would definitely have an impact on my self-esteem. We need to use positive words so that our children grow up to be confident and positive individuals’ insha’Allah.
The messenger of Allah (SWS) said:
“Let whoever believes in Allah and the last day either speak good or remain silent” (Muslim and Bukhari)
We discussed this hadith primarily because small children cannot differentiate between good and bad words. They usually imitate their parents or grandparents if they are living with them. Therefore, we need to be good role models for them insha’Allah.
In Sura An-Nur verse 26 Allah (SWT) says:
“Bad statements are for bad people and bad people for bad statements. Good statements are for good people and good people for good statements; such are innocent of (every) bad statement which they say; for them is forgiveness, and honored provision.”
This verse was reveled after the incident regarding ‘Aishah known as the Ifk. Ibn Abbas said regarding this verse
“Evil words are for evil men, and evil men are for evil words; good words are for good men and good men are for good words. This was reveled concerning ‘Aishah and the people of slander.” (At-Tabari)
Therefore if we make bad statement about good people it will bounce back to the person saying it. I can assume that we all want to be good; therefore we should engage in good speech and stay away from bad speech insha’Allah.
I will end with the hadith which states that the Prophet (sws)said;
“If anyone guarantees me what is between his jaws and between his legs, I shall guarantee him Jannah” (Bukhari)
We see the importance of speaking good words especially to our children because the way we address them will surely have an effect on their psychological well-being. If we address them using positive words then they will address others in the same manner insha’Allah. For example, if we say ‘Thank you’ and ‘Please’ they will imitate us. May Allah protect us from bad speech and help us to speak good words .Ameen.
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
Dispelling Marital Fears...
Cruising through cyber space I'm always left with a feeling of sadness, especially at the situation of sisters.
And right now I don't even mean the speaking without knowledge, or the self tafseer of the words of Allah that are just an insult to Allah and this beautiful deen, nor am I talking about the pictures or avatars of what's probably your favorite photograph or picture (being a woman I know that you wouldn't display anything other than your favorite picture publicly).
Nor am I talking about the effect that older more experienced sisters are having on the younger ones - influencing them in their views, recklessly opening up a can of worms in discussion with no conclusion, leaving them confused, their questions unanswered.
Nor am I talking about the visible influence of western thought on the minds and thoughts of our sisters, mainly feminism, which has led to unjustified attacks against brothers - unlimited man bashing. Maybe they forget that by insulting men they are insulting our fathers, brothers, husbands, the scholars not to mention the Mujahideen. Maybe they forget or maybe they don't care.
So what's upsetting me at this moment?
Its the fear of marriage that so many sisters have. I don't mean the natural fear of having a man in your life. Or the butterflies in your stomach and natural blush on your cheeks at a meeting with your husband to be, wondering if you look okay and say the right things. Or the apprehension of wondering if the wedding day will go smoothly.
It seems to be another type of fear that is leading sisters to delay marriage as far as possible, to prefer a single life alone rather than get married. A fear of marrying a dictator, into a patriarchal relationship - where they fear they will not have a say in anything. A fear of no longer having any freedom. A fear of being burdened with too many responsibilities.
Maybe in some ways this fear is justified with the increasing divorce rates, horror stories of marriage that people shouldn't be spreading anyway, and western discussion on the mainly misperceived oppression of Muslim women.
You don't hear of many positive stories or beautiful stories about modern day marriages or family life. (Everyone assumes that good marriages only existed at the time of the Prophet peace be upon him.) What about the small things that happen in your marriage that make your heart melt? Funny things that happen that make the extended family laugh and affirm that indeed your family are absolutely crazy!
That in many ways in many instances you feel like a child again when the family play tig or hide and seek or compete in games and then the big kid (the husband) makes 99 excuses - for himself when you beat him at something!
That the beauty of any argument or bickering is that it leads you to know your spouse better and you learn together and grow together as a result.
That marriage is like the greatest challenge (for those of us who buzz off challenges!). And in fact the psychology in it is actually fun. Using womanly intelligence and power (what Muhammad Alshareef calls halal magic) trying to get your own way with something, and when you finally do get you own way (most of the time if you're clever about it) feeling that sense of 'Alhamdulillah indeed Allah has made the woman different from the man!'
I personally and many sisters I know will tell you that the good in marriage and family life far outweighs any bad in it (Note I may change my mind during pregnancy!)
Not long ago at an AlKauthar course we were discussing some adverse affects of delaying marriage, some of the things mentioned were also things that I had heard from sisters from their own personal experiences.
The following are just a few.
Marrying at a late age can adversely affect a marital relationship in that both parties are already developed in their personality and thoughts and may be less willing to give and take.
They may find it hard to adjust to married life after such a long time of being single and 'independent.'
Women need to remember that our biological clock will not tick forever and the longer we wait to have children the more difficulties we may come across in conception, childbirth etc.
Research shows that women who marry at a later age tend to be less confident in their beauty and physical disposition than younger women.
Also regarding the effect of western thought and feminism on our expectations, again here are a few examples mentioned by some sisters.
Sisters may get into marriage having a bad opinion of men, being paranoid, criticizing etc and thus negatively affect their relationship
Nobody finds attraction in a person who is defiant, argumentative and moaning all the time. If we are unhappy about something there are wiser ways of getting that across.
Going into a marriage with cynicism is unfair to the relationship to begin with.
An overly negative view of marriage may subdue anything slightly positive in the marriage
In saying all this we also need to look at the flip side of the coin - we cannot go into anything with an over zealous attitude either. If we expect the perfect, romantic, faultless husband we are going to be very VERY disappointed. Like my husband once mentioned we can't expect marital life to be liKe a romance novel. We need to be realistic. It rains in every relationship. The key is the way we deal with the rain, who we turn to, whether we let it drench us or provide for us the water to help us grow.
We need to put our trust in Allah, make sincere du'aa to Him at all times, be grateful in ease and patient in trials. Its the over negativity and over zealousness that is destroying ourselves, those around us and our societies - where is the balanced Ummah?
My advise to sisters would be not to expect too much in marriage nor sell yourself short on things that really matter to you as that may also adversely affect your relationship. And ask questions in meetings. Don't be too shy to ask questions about things that really matter to you. Clarify ALL doubts before marriage.
Make sure you do things in the right way and never have 'private' conversations or meetings with a prospective spouse. Our fathers and brothers or other people can usually see through things that may 'woo' us.
Always meet his family too and make sure family are involved in the process. Many sisters who marry without the support of family are often left with no support network. And like my parents always taught me - a guy who has no interest in your family is not someone whom you can trust.
We need to prevent ourselves from being affected too much by the horror stories we hear and remember that every person, every situation is different. There are many decent just brothers out there and I can honestly say that I know of many.
Most importantly we need to remember that we need to trust in our Lord and have confidence that He is the one who we can truly depend on, He is the one who provides, and He is the only one that can answers our prayers.
Your sister Umm Maymoonah,
Contributions by Saabirah and Umm Zaidah Nusaybah.
And right now I don't even mean the speaking without knowledge, or the self tafseer of the words of Allah that are just an insult to Allah and this beautiful deen, nor am I talking about the pictures or avatars of what's probably your favorite photograph or picture (being a woman I know that you wouldn't display anything other than your favorite picture publicly).
Nor am I talking about the effect that older more experienced sisters are having on the younger ones - influencing them in their views, recklessly opening up a can of worms in discussion with no conclusion, leaving them confused, their questions unanswered.
Nor am I talking about the visible influence of western thought on the minds and thoughts of our sisters, mainly feminism, which has led to unjustified attacks against brothers - unlimited man bashing. Maybe they forget that by insulting men they are insulting our fathers, brothers, husbands, the scholars not to mention the Mujahideen. Maybe they forget or maybe they don't care.
So what's upsetting me at this moment?
Its the fear of marriage that so many sisters have. I don't mean the natural fear of having a man in your life. Or the butterflies in your stomach and natural blush on your cheeks at a meeting with your husband to be, wondering if you look okay and say the right things. Or the apprehension of wondering if the wedding day will go smoothly.
It seems to be another type of fear that is leading sisters to delay marriage as far as possible, to prefer a single life alone rather than get married. A fear of marrying a dictator, into a patriarchal relationship - where they fear they will not have a say in anything. A fear of no longer having any freedom. A fear of being burdened with too many responsibilities.
Maybe in some ways this fear is justified with the increasing divorce rates, horror stories of marriage that people shouldn't be spreading anyway, and western discussion on the mainly misperceived oppression of Muslim women.
You don't hear of many positive stories or beautiful stories about modern day marriages or family life. (Everyone assumes that good marriages only existed at the time of the Prophet peace be upon him.) What about the small things that happen in your marriage that make your heart melt? Funny things that happen that make the extended family laugh and affirm that indeed your family are absolutely crazy!
That in many ways in many instances you feel like a child again when the family play tig or hide and seek or compete in games and then the big kid (the husband) makes 99 excuses - for himself when you beat him at something!
That the beauty of any argument or bickering is that it leads you to know your spouse better and you learn together and grow together as a result.
That marriage is like the greatest challenge (for those of us who buzz off challenges!). And in fact the psychology in it is actually fun. Using womanly intelligence and power (what Muhammad Alshareef calls halal magic) trying to get your own way with something, and when you finally do get you own way (most of the time if you're clever about it) feeling that sense of 'Alhamdulillah indeed Allah has made the woman different from the man!'
I personally and many sisters I know will tell you that the good in marriage and family life far outweighs any bad in it (Note I may change my mind during pregnancy!)
Not long ago at an AlKauthar course we were discussing some adverse affects of delaying marriage, some of the things mentioned were also things that I had heard from sisters from their own personal experiences.
The following are just a few.
Marrying at a late age can adversely affect a marital relationship in that both parties are already developed in their personality and thoughts and may be less willing to give and take.
They may find it hard to adjust to married life after such a long time of being single and 'independent.'
Women need to remember that our biological clock will not tick forever and the longer we wait to have children the more difficulties we may come across in conception, childbirth etc.
Research shows that women who marry at a later age tend to be less confident in their beauty and physical disposition than younger women.
Also regarding the effect of western thought and feminism on our expectations, again here are a few examples mentioned by some sisters.
Sisters may get into marriage having a bad opinion of men, being paranoid, criticizing etc and thus negatively affect their relationship
Nobody finds attraction in a person who is defiant, argumentative and moaning all the time. If we are unhappy about something there are wiser ways of getting that across.
Going into a marriage with cynicism is unfair to the relationship to begin with.
An overly negative view of marriage may subdue anything slightly positive in the marriage
In saying all this we also need to look at the flip side of the coin - we cannot go into anything with an over zealous attitude either. If we expect the perfect, romantic, faultless husband we are going to be very VERY disappointed. Like my husband once mentioned we can't expect marital life to be liKe a romance novel. We need to be realistic. It rains in every relationship. The key is the way we deal with the rain, who we turn to, whether we let it drench us or provide for us the water to help us grow.
We need to put our trust in Allah, make sincere du'aa to Him at all times, be grateful in ease and patient in trials. Its the over negativity and over zealousness that is destroying ourselves, those around us and our societies - where is the balanced Ummah?
My advise to sisters would be not to expect too much in marriage nor sell yourself short on things that really matter to you as that may also adversely affect your relationship. And ask questions in meetings. Don't be too shy to ask questions about things that really matter to you. Clarify ALL doubts before marriage.
Make sure you do things in the right way and never have 'private' conversations or meetings with a prospective spouse. Our fathers and brothers or other people can usually see through things that may 'woo' us.
Always meet his family too and make sure family are involved in the process. Many sisters who marry without the support of family are often left with no support network. And like my parents always taught me - a guy who has no interest in your family is not someone whom you can trust.
We need to prevent ourselves from being affected too much by the horror stories we hear and remember that every person, every situation is different. There are many decent just brothers out there and I can honestly say that I know of many.
Most importantly we need to remember that we need to trust in our Lord and have confidence that He is the one who we can truly depend on, He is the one who provides, and He is the only one that can answers our prayers.
Your sister Umm Maymoonah,
Contributions by Saabirah and Umm Zaidah Nusaybah.
Saturday, 13 September 2008
Speech by Moazzam Begg at Cage Prisoners dinner
Here is part of the speech by Brother Moazzam at the Cageprisoners Iftar last weekend. The whole speech is not available yet but the part we can hear does indeed speak miles. Moazzam went on to talk about the brothers who are released and the ongoing test for them - that is their freedom.
Sister Yvonne Ridley had also spoken as did Imam Anwar Al Awlaki - which I will post at a later date InshaAllah.
I could only see the teary eyes of many sisters as Yvonne spoke, but as the saying goes, 'The eyes are the windows to what is in the hearts.' Her speech focusing on the plight of our sister Aafia Siddique and also The Grey Lady of Bagram - aka prisoner 650. Her identity still remains unknown.
It was not only a reminder for us but also for the Ex detainees, of what Allah had brought them through with faith and strength. One of the largest gatherings of ex - Caged Prisoners to date, I could see the happiness on my husbands face and I could hear it in his voice at seeing all the other brothers. Happiness mixed with sadness at the same time for the other brothers who were still there and for our brothers And Sisters in similar and Far Worse oppression.
The evening was Inspiring, heartwarming and more importantly - heart awakening. May Allah reward Cageprisoners and all those who are helping in this ongoing cause for the sake of Allah.
Monday, 11 August 2008
Parenting course notes - week 8
Boundary and discipline
All of us have boundaries and we try to stay within that boundary. We live within our boundary and we know that there are consequences if that boundary is broken. So why do we need to have boundaries? And how should we deal with those who go outside the boundary? What methods should we use to discipline? These were some of the questions that were raised in this session and to which answers were given alhamdulillah.
The following are some of the definitions we brainstormed of what we understood ‘boundary’ to mean:
· Limits
· Rules
· Consequences
· Discipline when boundaries are broken
· Physical barrier
· Line one cannot pass
· Distinguish between right and wrong
· Expectations
· Boundaries are not set in stone
· Boundaries of Allah cannot change. An example of this is the command of Allah that parents should order children to pray by the age of seven and smacked if they do not pray when they turn ten.
How to set boundaries?
· Giving children instructions and advising them. We should not be dictators and say ‘you can’t do this’ and ‘you can’t do that’. But we need to explain to them in a pleasant way and explain why they are not allowed to do certain things insha’Allah.
· Reward and discipline chart. This is used to reward good behaviour and punish bad behaviour. Every time a child performs an act that pleases the parents, then that behaviour is recognised as good behaviour and in return the child is awarded a sticker for the chart. Every displeasing act means the removal of stickers. This method usually works well when there are more than one sibling in the house, thus encourages competition for good behaviour.
· Role-modelling. As parents we need to have boundaries too so that a child does not feel boundaries only apply to them. We can relate to them the boundaries set by Allah and what happens when these boundaries are transgressed. This will make them appreciate that boundaries are placed in our lives for our well-being and protection.
· It is crucial to remember that a child should only be admonished after the boundary has been set and that boundary is then broken.
· We should try to raise ‘thinking children’. How can we do that you may wonder? This can be done by getting them to think about things and getting them to search for answers to their own questions instead of providing the answers for them. We should relate stories from the Qur’aan, give them parables. SubhanAllah this is the method Allah uses to make us think. For example, if we ponder over the story in surah Qalam we see that this story explains to us that we should not be selfish. This method is more effective and interesting rather than saying ‘don’t be selfish’.
Good Manners
So how do we teach our children good manners? The best method of instilling good manners is by modelling. For example, if we want them to say ‘Bismillah’ before eating. We should practice this so that they will listen and learn. This method is excellent mashaAllah because my daughter has learnt a few duaas through this. We should make it a regular habit o f reciting duaas and surahs aloud to them from a young age so that they become familiar with them and insha’Allah start imitating us and memorising them.
Dicipline
We discussed the methods used to discipline children and came up with following :
· Shouting
· Punishment
· Explain
· Standing on the wall
· ‘Naughty Chair’ but we could use positive words such as ‘thinking area’.
· Advise
· Taking away privileges
· Rewards
· Also it is vital to discipline ourselves first because children imitate our behaviour. For example if we don’t want our children not to use bad language we should avoid using it ourselves.
Six C’s for discipline
1. Calmness- Be calm when you discipline and do not lose your temper.
2. Confident-Appear confident and know what the child has done
3. Consistency- Be consistent when you discipline and do not contradict yourself.
4. Clarity- Explain clearly to the child and make sure that they understand what you are trying to explain.
5. Control- have control over the situation and do not lose your temper.
6. Communication- The child needs to be aware of what he has done wrong. Sometimes the child is unaware of why he is being punished. The hadith of the young boy who ate with his left hand was told that eating with the left hand is wrong. But he was corrected and he was told to eat with his right hand. He was also provided with additional information of eating the food nearest to him. This illustrates that a child needs to be told of the incorrect behaviour but also shown the correct behaviour.
All of us have boundaries and we try to stay within that boundary. We live within our boundary and we know that there are consequences if that boundary is broken. So why do we need to have boundaries? And how should we deal with those who go outside the boundary? What methods should we use to discipline? These were some of the questions that were raised in this session and to which answers were given alhamdulillah.
The following are some of the definitions we brainstormed of what we understood ‘boundary’ to mean:
· Limits
· Rules
· Consequences
· Discipline when boundaries are broken
· Physical barrier
· Line one cannot pass
· Distinguish between right and wrong
· Expectations
· Boundaries are not set in stone
· Boundaries of Allah cannot change. An example of this is the command of Allah that parents should order children to pray by the age of seven and smacked if they do not pray when they turn ten.
How to set boundaries?
· Giving children instructions and advising them. We should not be dictators and say ‘you can’t do this’ and ‘you can’t do that’. But we need to explain to them in a pleasant way and explain why they are not allowed to do certain things insha’Allah.
· Reward and discipline chart. This is used to reward good behaviour and punish bad behaviour. Every time a child performs an act that pleases the parents, then that behaviour is recognised as good behaviour and in return the child is awarded a sticker for the chart. Every displeasing act means the removal of stickers. This method usually works well when there are more than one sibling in the house, thus encourages competition for good behaviour.
· Role-modelling. As parents we need to have boundaries too so that a child does not feel boundaries only apply to them. We can relate to them the boundaries set by Allah and what happens when these boundaries are transgressed. This will make them appreciate that boundaries are placed in our lives for our well-being and protection.
· It is crucial to remember that a child should only be admonished after the boundary has been set and that boundary is then broken.
· We should try to raise ‘thinking children’. How can we do that you may wonder? This can be done by getting them to think about things and getting them to search for answers to their own questions instead of providing the answers for them. We should relate stories from the Qur’aan, give them parables. SubhanAllah this is the method Allah uses to make us think. For example, if we ponder over the story in surah Qalam we see that this story explains to us that we should not be selfish. This method is more effective and interesting rather than saying ‘don’t be selfish’.
Good Manners
So how do we teach our children good manners? The best method of instilling good manners is by modelling. For example, if we want them to say ‘Bismillah’ before eating. We should practice this so that they will listen and learn. This method is excellent mashaAllah because my daughter has learnt a few duaas through this. We should make it a regular habit o f reciting duaas and surahs aloud to them from a young age so that they become familiar with them and insha’Allah start imitating us and memorising them.
Dicipline
We discussed the methods used to discipline children and came up with following :
· Shouting
· Punishment
· Explain
· Standing on the wall
· ‘Naughty Chair’ but we could use positive words such as ‘thinking area’.
· Advise
· Taking away privileges
· Rewards
· Also it is vital to discipline ourselves first because children imitate our behaviour. For example if we don’t want our children not to use bad language we should avoid using it ourselves.
Six C’s for discipline
1. Calmness- Be calm when you discipline and do not lose your temper.
2. Confident-Appear confident and know what the child has done
3. Consistency- Be consistent when you discipline and do not contradict yourself.
4. Clarity- Explain clearly to the child and make sure that they understand what you are trying to explain.
5. Control- have control over the situation and do not lose your temper.
6. Communication- The child needs to be aware of what he has done wrong. Sometimes the child is unaware of why he is being punished. The hadith of the young boy who ate with his left hand was told that eating with the left hand is wrong. But he was corrected and he was told to eat with his right hand. He was also provided with additional information of eating the food nearest to him. This illustrates that a child needs to be told of the incorrect behaviour but also shown the correct behaviour.
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
Aafia Siddiqui
SubhanAllah I remember about 4 years ago browsing through the prisoner profiles on Cageprisoners.com and noticing one case in particular.
That of 'Ghost prisoner' Aafia siddiqui. Her picture and her story in particular touched my heart and stayed with me - she had dissapeared with her 3 children.
Now 5 years after she disapeared and only after Asian Human Rights Commission issued an Urgent Appeal in the case of her disappearance as well as mounting international pressure, the FBI has now announced that "Dr. Afia Siddiqui is alive, she is in Afghanistan but she is injured" The fate of her children is still unknown.
Below are some related articles - the BBC article has a recent picture of our dear sister in Islam - one can only imagine what she has been through.
Please please remember this sister and her children in your du'aa and all the other brothers and sisters, known and unknown who remain in similar situations.
Prisoners : Ghost: Aafia Siddiqui
FBI is Responsible for Disappearances, Illegal Detention and Torture
BBC US hearing for 'al-Qaeda' woman
Cageprisoners Demand Answers on Siddiqui Custody
That of 'Ghost prisoner' Aafia siddiqui. Her picture and her story in particular touched my heart and stayed with me - she had dissapeared with her 3 children.
Now 5 years after she disapeared and only after Asian Human Rights Commission issued an Urgent Appeal in the case of her disappearance as well as mounting international pressure, the FBI has now announced that "Dr. Afia Siddiqui is alive, she is in Afghanistan but she is injured" The fate of her children is still unknown.
Below are some related articles - the BBC article has a recent picture of our dear sister in Islam - one can only imagine what she has been through.
Please please remember this sister and her children in your du'aa and all the other brothers and sisters, known and unknown who remain in similar situations.
Prisoners : Ghost: Aafia Siddiqui
FBI is Responsible for Disappearances, Illegal Detention and Torture
BBC US hearing for 'al-Qaeda' woman
Cageprisoners Demand Answers on Siddiqui Custody
Friday, 1 August 2008
The Man Rules
Some light humour - my husband sent me this.....
The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story
We always hear
'the rules'
From the female side
Now here are the rules from the male side
These are our rules!
Please note... they are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one! Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as computers or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.
The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story
We always hear
'the rules'
From the female side
Now here are the rules from the male side
These are our rules!
Please note... they are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one! Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as computers or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
Summer Holidays
Well its that time of the year again, the kids are off school, the suns out, and my stepchildren are visiting for 2 weeks.
This time i'm even more stuck for activity ideas as I have my 2 and a half year old and my youngest is only 5 months old.
Including my stepchildren there are 5 children from 5 months to 10 years to look after, and including me and my husband there will be 6 eaters for 2 weeks, (newborn not included).
I would like ideas for:
1. Family activities that we can all do together inside the home and outdoors.
2. Simple recipes that i can cook for all 6 of us without spending all day in the kitchen.
This time i'm even more stuck for activity ideas as I have my 2 and a half year old and my youngest is only 5 months old.
Including my stepchildren there are 5 children from 5 months to 10 years to look after, and including me and my husband there will be 6 eaters for 2 weeks, (newborn not included).
I would like ideas for:
1. Family activities that we can all do together inside the home and outdoors.
2. Simple recipes that i can cook for all 6 of us without spending all day in the kitchen.
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Why US is 'stuck' with Guantanamo Bay
By Paul Reynolds
World affairs correspondent, BBC News website
The statement by US Defence Secretary Robert Gates that Washington is "stuck" with Guantanamo Bay is a reflection of the mounting problems that the camp faces.
Mr Gates told a Senate committee that out of the 270 or so prisoners still there, about 50 to 70 were an "irreducible" minimum.
He said: "The problem is that either their home government won't accept them or we're concerned that the home government will let them loose once we return them home."
Some released prisoners, Mr Gates suggested, had returned to the battlefield. One is thought to have become a suicide bomber in Mosul in Iraq.
Yet these 50 to 70 prisoners could not be charged either, he said. This is presumably because there is not enough or no evidence against them.
The prospect for these prisoners therefore is indefinite detention, which raises its own legal and moral problems.
Eventual closure is the stated policy of the Bush administration, but one which looks like being missed in the remaining months of the presidential term. Human rights groups and other governments have for long argued for closure anyway.
Returnees issue
"Gates is admitting they have a problem we all knew about," said Andy Worthington of the British group Reprieve, which monitors and offers legal advice to Guantanamo Bay prisoners.
"These are the 50-70 who have been cleared for release but who cannot be returned. They come from China, Uzbekistan, Tunisia, Libya and Algeria mainly.
"The US tried last year to agree memoranda of understanding with some countries, including Tunisia and two prisoners were sent back there. They have been jailed for three and seven years after an unsatisfactory trial. A US court has blocked a third return.
"Several Chinese Muslims picked up in Afghanistan were sent to Albania and all but one are thought to be there still. One has applied for asylum in Sweden."
Mr Worthington says there is another group that will also hold up any plans for closure. "This group is made up of prisoners who are regarded as too dangerous to release but against whom there is not sufficient evidence to justify a charge and trial by a military commission.
"But what kind of legal handbook does this come from? They face unlimited imprisonment."
Military tribunals
The administration has also faced huge problems in starting the military commissions or tribunals that Congress has authorised.
The tribunals were supposed to be starting soon but the first two had to be put off after military judges ruled that the defendants had not been formally classified as "unlawful enemy combatants," as required by the law, and only as "enemy combatants."
One of those defendants was Osama Bin Laden's driver Salim Ahmed Hamdan. His trial has now been put off for another reason.
The US Supreme Court is due to rule by the end of June on whether prisoners at Guantanamo Bay have a constitutional right to habeas corpus, a procedure whereby a prisoner has to be brought to a court for justification of his detention. Until this issue is ruled upon, the military trials are unlikely to start.
Evidence and torture
There is also a question of evidence. One major al-Qaeda suspect Mohammed al-Qatani, one of six so-called "high-value" prisoners who were charged earlier this year, has had charges against him dropped.
The upshot is that the system is in some doubt, not to say chaos.
It is thought this is because he was subject to what a military inquiry called "abusive" questioning, described as torture by his lawyer, at Guantanamo Bay and that his defence could move to have evidence based on these interrogations dismissed.
Mohammed al-Qatani is often referred to as the missing "2Oth hijacker" on 9/11, He was not allowed to enter the US on arrival at Orlando, where the hijackers' leader Mohammed Atta is thought to have been waiting to pick him up.
Prosecutors' unease
There have also been problems for the administration among the military prosecutors themselves, several of whom have resigned rather than enforce the system of military tribunals.
One of them, Colonel Morris Davis, was chief prosecutor and he has stated that he did not want to use al-Qatani's alleged confessions as evidence because the prisoner had been abused. Col Davis claims that the senior legal officer for the commissions, Brigadier-General Thomas Hartmann clashed with him on this, though Brig Gen Hartmann denies that he discussed the issue of coerced confessions with Col Davis.
The upshot is that the system is in some doubt, not to say chaos.
However the administration is determined to try to press on with the remaining five "high-value" trials. The defendants include the alleged 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.
He was subjected to waterboarding process but not at Guantanamo Bay , so it is possible that a trial could ignore that. There has been an effort to get subsequent "clean confessions" from these prisoners which could then be presented in court.
In more than one way, Guantanamo Bay continues in its legal limbo.
Paul.Reynolds-INTERNET@bbc.co.uk
World affairs correspondent, BBC News website
The statement by US Defence Secretary Robert Gates that Washington is "stuck" with Guantanamo Bay is a reflection of the mounting problems that the camp faces.
Mr Gates told a Senate committee that out of the 270 or so prisoners still there, about 50 to 70 were an "irreducible" minimum.
He said: "The problem is that either their home government won't accept them or we're concerned that the home government will let them loose once we return them home."
Some released prisoners, Mr Gates suggested, had returned to the battlefield. One is thought to have become a suicide bomber in Mosul in Iraq.
Yet these 50 to 70 prisoners could not be charged either, he said. This is presumably because there is not enough or no evidence against them.
The prospect for these prisoners therefore is indefinite detention, which raises its own legal and moral problems.
Eventual closure is the stated policy of the Bush administration, but one which looks like being missed in the remaining months of the presidential term. Human rights groups and other governments have for long argued for closure anyway.
Returnees issue
"Gates is admitting they have a problem we all knew about," said Andy Worthington of the British group Reprieve, which monitors and offers legal advice to Guantanamo Bay prisoners.
"These are the 50-70 who have been cleared for release but who cannot be returned. They come from China, Uzbekistan, Tunisia, Libya and Algeria mainly.
"The US tried last year to agree memoranda of understanding with some countries, including Tunisia and two prisoners were sent back there. They have been jailed for three and seven years after an unsatisfactory trial. A US court has blocked a third return.
"Several Chinese Muslims picked up in Afghanistan were sent to Albania and all but one are thought to be there still. One has applied for asylum in Sweden."
Mr Worthington says there is another group that will also hold up any plans for closure. "This group is made up of prisoners who are regarded as too dangerous to release but against whom there is not sufficient evidence to justify a charge and trial by a military commission.
"But what kind of legal handbook does this come from? They face unlimited imprisonment."
Military tribunals
The administration has also faced huge problems in starting the military commissions or tribunals that Congress has authorised.
The tribunals were supposed to be starting soon but the first two had to be put off after military judges ruled that the defendants had not been formally classified as "unlawful enemy combatants," as required by the law, and only as "enemy combatants."
One of those defendants was Osama Bin Laden's driver Salim Ahmed Hamdan. His trial has now been put off for another reason.
The US Supreme Court is due to rule by the end of June on whether prisoners at Guantanamo Bay have a constitutional right to habeas corpus, a procedure whereby a prisoner has to be brought to a court for justification of his detention. Until this issue is ruled upon, the military trials are unlikely to start.
Evidence and torture
There is also a question of evidence. One major al-Qaeda suspect Mohammed al-Qatani, one of six so-called "high-value" prisoners who were charged earlier this year, has had charges against him dropped.
The upshot is that the system is in some doubt, not to say chaos.
It is thought this is because he was subject to what a military inquiry called "abusive" questioning, described as torture by his lawyer, at Guantanamo Bay and that his defence could move to have evidence based on these interrogations dismissed.
Mohammed al-Qatani is often referred to as the missing "2Oth hijacker" on 9/11, He was not allowed to enter the US on arrival at Orlando, where the hijackers' leader Mohammed Atta is thought to have been waiting to pick him up.
Prosecutors' unease
There have also been problems for the administration among the military prosecutors themselves, several of whom have resigned rather than enforce the system of military tribunals.
One of them, Colonel Morris Davis, was chief prosecutor and he has stated that he did not want to use al-Qatani's alleged confessions as evidence because the prisoner had been abused. Col Davis claims that the senior legal officer for the commissions, Brigadier-General Thomas Hartmann clashed with him on this, though Brig Gen Hartmann denies that he discussed the issue of coerced confessions with Col Davis.
The upshot is that the system is in some doubt, not to say chaos.
However the administration is determined to try to press on with the remaining five "high-value" trials. The defendants include the alleged 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.
He was subjected to waterboarding process but not at Guantanamo Bay , so it is possible that a trial could ignore that. There has been an effort to get subsequent "clean confessions" from these prisoners which could then be presented in court.
In more than one way, Guantanamo Bay continues in its legal limbo.
Paul.Reynolds-INTERNET@bbc.co.uk
Thursday, 19 June 2008
This makes me smile everytime I read it...
Things Mum Taught
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."
5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
6. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
12. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
13. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."
14. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
15. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
16. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
17. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
18. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
19. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
20. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
21. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
22. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
23. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Taken from Islamway Sisters.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."
5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
6. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
12. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
13. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."
14. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
15. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
16. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
17. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
18. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
19. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
20. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
21. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
22. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
23. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Taken from Islamway Sisters.
Thursday, 5 June 2008
Al Furqan Mosque & Coffee
My Long Lost Coffee...
Well this probably doesn't tie in very well after Umm Zaida's post on 'Balanced Diet,' but I'm sure she'll forgive me after trying this coffee!
My husband and I are very into our coffee and trying different ones. Not long ago I was at the hairdressers and they made me a cup of coffee. It was the nicest coffee that I have ever tasted, trust me - I've been drinking coffee since I was 8!
My Nanny, an elderly English Widow who would often look after us, used to make it for me as a way to make me drink milk.
So since tasting it at the hairdressers I've been wondering which coffee it is and Alhamdulillah I finally found it!
Al Furqan Mosque
And Speaking of coffee or rather coffee breaks... Myself and Umm Zaida, (a former Mancunian,) used to teach at Al Furqan Mosque In Rusholme.
The Masjid is in urgent need of charity donations in order to secure their premises.
Please check out their website on http://www.alfurqancentre.org.uk and donate whatever you can for the sake of Allah.
The brothers and sisters there do many things for children and the youth, as Myself and Umm Zaidah both witnessed first hand whilst working there.
With regards to the children we taught - many of whom were the children of the brothers who run the Mosque, I have to say I have never met such well mannered children. MashaAllah they were all so respectful and helpful, they would actually fight over who would help to carry our books, bags and even my umbrella! I had to have a child carry each of my things for me so that they all got a chance to help! May Allah have mercy on them all.
They have until October to raise these funds so please pass this message on to as many people as possible and support this.
.
Well this probably doesn't tie in very well after Umm Zaida's post on 'Balanced Diet,' but I'm sure she'll forgive me after trying this coffee!
My husband and I are very into our coffee and trying different ones. Not long ago I was at the hairdressers and they made me a cup of coffee. It was the nicest coffee that I have ever tasted, trust me - I've been drinking coffee since I was 8!
My Nanny, an elderly English Widow who would often look after us, used to make it for me as a way to make me drink milk.
So since tasting it at the hairdressers I've been wondering which coffee it is and Alhamdulillah I finally found it!
Al Furqan Mosque
And Speaking of coffee or rather coffee breaks... Myself and Umm Zaida, (a former Mancunian,) used to teach at Al Furqan Mosque In Rusholme.
The Masjid is in urgent need of charity donations in order to secure their premises.
Please check out their website on http://www.alfurqancentre.org.uk and donate whatever you can for the sake of Allah.
The brothers and sisters there do many things for children and the youth, as Myself and Umm Zaidah both witnessed first hand whilst working there.
With regards to the children we taught - many of whom were the children of the brothers who run the Mosque, I have to say I have never met such well mannered children. MashaAllah they were all so respectful and helpful, they would actually fight over who would help to carry our books, bags and even my umbrella! I had to have a child carry each of my things for me so that they all got a chance to help! May Allah have mercy on them all.
They have until October to raise these funds so please pass this message on to as many people as possible and support this.
.
Monday, 12 May 2008
Parenting Course Notes - Week 7
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Balanced diet
In this session we discussed the importance of eating a balanced diet, the different food groups and how we can incorporate healthy eating in our own families.
We were asked to discuss what it means to have a balanced diet. We came up with the following points:
• Protein
• Dairy products
• Rest/sleep
• Moderation-in what we eat
• Regular meals-not skipping any meals
• Variety
• Fluids
• 5 a day
• Exercise
• Full fat for under ones
We discussed the five food groups and the types of foods in each group. We also discussed the amounts we should consume from each group.
Protein-fish, meat
Fibre-brown bread, brown rice oats
Carbohydrates-pasta, potatoes
Fats and dairy-cheese, milk
Fruits and vegetables- apples, strawberries, cabbage.
Carbohydrates can be classified into two categories, refined carbohydrates which consist of white rice, white flour and unrefined carbohydrates which consist of wholemeal bread, brown rice, brown pasta etc. Unrefined carbohydrate is better for us to consume especially for those of us trying to lose a few pounds.
Fruits and vegetables have a lot of vitamins and minerals. We should try to eat at least five portions every day. I know this can be quite hard with all the unhealthy alternatives on offer (i.e. cakes, biscuits) but we should adopt this habit especially when we have our children to think about. So instead of giving them sweets, biscuits and other junk food as snacks we should replace these with fruits and other healthier snacks insha’Allah.
It is sad to so many children who are over-weight. We as Muslims should remember that our children are a trust from Allah for whom we will be questioned about. Therefore, we must make sure that they eat a healthy balanced diet to keep them fit and free from illness insha’Allah.
Most vitamins cannot be made by our bodies so we need to take supplements.
Vitamin A looks after our eyes and skin cells. Examples of some food that contain vitamin A are sweet potatoes, oranges, dark green leafy vegetables and carrots. Vitamin A deficiency may lead to impaired vision or blindness.
Vitamin D is obtained from direct sunlight. This vitamin helps us to absolve calcium into our bodies. Foods that contain vitamin D are oily fish and dairy products. Vitamin D deficiency is known to cause several bone diseases.
Vitamin E fights free-radicals (which damage our cells). This vitamin is found in vegetables, poultry, fish and fortified cereals. A deficiency of vitamin E may result in muscle weakness, blindness, poor transmission of nerve impulse.
Vitamin K helps us to make protein. Foods containing vitamin K are soya oil and margarine. Lack of Vitamin K may lead to massive uncontrolled bleeding, malformation of developing bones.
Vitamin B helps the flow of blood smoothly. Foods that contain this vitamin are potatoes, bananas, lentils, liver oil, liver, turkey and tuna. Vitamin B deficiency can result in anemia, acne, disease of the nervous system and heart.
Vitamin C is important for the development of bones and skin. It also helps to observe iron. Foods containing vitamin C are spinach, broccoli, and citrus fruits (did you know that peppers contain four times more vitamin C than oranges!!) Lack of vitamin C may lead to developing scurvy.
Minerals such as Calcium, Magnesium, Phosphorus and Sodium are also needed. Foods containing these minerals are milk and dairy products.
Allah says “And eat of the things which Allah has provided for you, lawful and good and fear Allah in whom you believe” (Mai’dah V:88)
Allah has blessed us with so many variety of foods alhamdulillah but we should stick to the ones that are lawful and GOOD insha’Allah.
And Allah knows best.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Balanced diet
In this session we discussed the importance of eating a balanced diet, the different food groups and how we can incorporate healthy eating in our own families.
We were asked to discuss what it means to have a balanced diet. We came up with the following points:
• Protein
• Dairy products
• Rest/sleep
• Moderation-in what we eat
• Regular meals-not skipping any meals
• Variety
• Fluids
• 5 a day
• Exercise
• Full fat for under ones
We discussed the five food groups and the types of foods in each group. We also discussed the amounts we should consume from each group.
Protein-fish, meat
Fibre-brown bread, brown rice oats
Carbohydrates-pasta, potatoes
Fats and dairy-cheese, milk
Fruits and vegetables- apples, strawberries, cabbage.
Carbohydrates can be classified into two categories, refined carbohydrates which consist of white rice, white flour and unrefined carbohydrates which consist of wholemeal bread, brown rice, brown pasta etc. Unrefined carbohydrate is better for us to consume especially for those of us trying to lose a few pounds.
Fruits and vegetables have a lot of vitamins and minerals. We should try to eat at least five portions every day. I know this can be quite hard with all the unhealthy alternatives on offer (i.e. cakes, biscuits) but we should adopt this habit especially when we have our children to think about. So instead of giving them sweets, biscuits and other junk food as snacks we should replace these with fruits and other healthier snacks insha’Allah.
It is sad to so many children who are over-weight. We as Muslims should remember that our children are a trust from Allah for whom we will be questioned about. Therefore, we must make sure that they eat a healthy balanced diet to keep them fit and free from illness insha’Allah.
Most vitamins cannot be made by our bodies so we need to take supplements.
Vitamin A looks after our eyes and skin cells. Examples of some food that contain vitamin A are sweet potatoes, oranges, dark green leafy vegetables and carrots. Vitamin A deficiency may lead to impaired vision or blindness.
Vitamin D is obtained from direct sunlight. This vitamin helps us to absolve calcium into our bodies. Foods that contain vitamin D are oily fish and dairy products. Vitamin D deficiency is known to cause several bone diseases.
Vitamin E fights free-radicals (which damage our cells). This vitamin is found in vegetables, poultry, fish and fortified cereals. A deficiency of vitamin E may result in muscle weakness, blindness, poor transmission of nerve impulse.
Vitamin K helps us to make protein. Foods containing vitamin K are soya oil and margarine. Lack of Vitamin K may lead to massive uncontrolled bleeding, malformation of developing bones.
Vitamin B helps the flow of blood smoothly. Foods that contain this vitamin are potatoes, bananas, lentils, liver oil, liver, turkey and tuna. Vitamin B deficiency can result in anemia, acne, disease of the nervous system and heart.
Vitamin C is important for the development of bones and skin. It also helps to observe iron. Foods containing vitamin C are spinach, broccoli, and citrus fruits (did you know that peppers contain four times more vitamin C than oranges!!) Lack of vitamin C may lead to developing scurvy.
Minerals such as Calcium, Magnesium, Phosphorus and Sodium are also needed. Foods containing these minerals are milk and dairy products.
Allah says “And eat of the things which Allah has provided for you, lawful and good and fear Allah in whom you believe” (Mai’dah V:88)
Allah has blessed us with so many variety of foods alhamdulillah but we should stick to the ones that are lawful and GOOD insha’Allah.
And Allah knows best.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Friday, 25 April 2008
I ask again...
Well now that I've got two little ones I ask again....
Is it REALLY possible to be a busy wife, mother AND look good?
Here's a post I wrote a year ago in March O7. Some Spring Fashion stuff will follow in a few days InshaAllah.
Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "When a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), preserves her chastity, and obeys her husband, then she may enter the Jannah (Paradise) from any door she chooses." [Ahmad and others; authentic]
Before marriage we read many books on how to obey our husbands and how to be good wives. One of the main things that was emphasized was adorning ourselves for our husbands.
How easy! We would think. Is that it? And we couldn't understand it when we would see married sisters who didn't.
After marriage - 'It's still easy - with the odd 'bad hair day' here and there.'
After children - quotes:
'HELP!!'
'HUSBAND WHO?'
'I can't remember the last time I had a hair cut!'
'Maybe I'll just wait till Jannah InshaAllah to look beautiful....'
'I don't know where to start, it seems like sooo long ago....'
'I need to loose 2 stones first!'
Lately I've been thinking. We make too many excuses, there are too many beautiful woman out there to make excuses. As for the last excuse, a sister responded, 'We know that losing even a few pounds doesn't happen over night. And what to do in the meantime? Plus we could die tommorrow so lets make the most of how we look.'
A sister commented about adorning herself for her husband, 'I'd honestly rather have him expect to come home to see his wife in the best form and therefore push himself harder to lower his gaze, than have him expect to come home and find me in jogging pants and a t-shirt and find it harder to resist the temptations. He's out all day, and he sees all kinds of things. When he knows that if he lowers his gaze, he will be rewarded in the akhirah by Allah, and in the dunya by going home to a wife who can show him what he saw and better (because it's halal) it makes the struggle all the more worth it for him. '
Allah describes the woman as: “…one brought up among adornments” [Sûrah al-Zukhruf: 18]
Below are some practical tips and advice from various sisters that inshaAllah will help us to balance our obligations, to Allah, our husbands and children.
* Buy clothes that are crease resistant or drip dry them to save time on ironing.
* Wear kohl - it takes a second to apply and you can do wudu over it without removing it.
* Try to find out what your husband likes, styles, clothes etc. That always makes things easier. (Ebay is great for this because you can show the pictures of the items before buying - pictures without women in them of course.)
* Time is of the essence! Learn to have quick showers and get ready in a few minutes.
* Practice doing different hairstyles and keep a note of quick ones that look good. Loose buns look great with casual clothes.
* Wear perfume and matching body lotion. A sister said, 'I quickly apply body lotion to sweat areas (ie under arms) straight after a shower and a quick spray of matching perfume to my home clothes so I'm always smelling good.
* Buy clothes that are comfortable - but look good. A sister said, 'Lately I've bought a new wardrobe from ebay (bargain prices! My husbands favourite dress cost me 2 pounds - including postage and packaging!) I've bought some dresses that are comfortable, flattering, not too long so i don't trip over it and can climb up and down the stairs with my daughter. I buy dresses that have some sleeves so i can wear them in front of other women also . I try to look for Warm fabric so i don't freeze on cold days and Comfortable enough to do all household chores in. Also I make sure it has a side zip, or i can pull down the neck because im breastfeeding still.'
* Wear Simple Jewelery that don't get in the way of things.
* Try to balance things ie cooking, cleaning, dressing up. Don't do too much of any so it ends up that you're neglecting the others.
* Going out. A sister said, 'I try not to go out too much Because my hijab makes my hair flat. Also I do most of my shopping online rather than spend a whole day in town with my toddler moaning in her buggy and not getting anything I needed or wanted.'
* Mirror Mirror.... A sister once said, 'A wise woman is one who has a mirror in her Kitchen!'
* Water of life. Remember to always drink plenty of water for radiant skin.
* Oh Sugar! Sugar and water is a fast, cheap and effective way to Exfoliate!
* Remember the most important thing is DUA!!! A sister said, 'I pray to Allah in Sujood to make me the most beautiful woman for my Husband in this world and the next.'
May Allah help us to keep steadfast on the deen and be balanced Muslimaat. Ameen.
Is it REALLY possible to be a busy wife, mother AND look good?
Here's a post I wrote a year ago in March O7. Some Spring Fashion stuff will follow in a few days InshaAllah.
Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "When a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), preserves her chastity, and obeys her husband, then she may enter the Jannah (Paradise) from any door she chooses." [Ahmad and others; authentic]
Before marriage we read many books on how to obey our husbands and how to be good wives. One of the main things that was emphasized was adorning ourselves for our husbands.
How easy! We would think. Is that it? And we couldn't understand it when we would see married sisters who didn't.
After marriage - 'It's still easy - with the odd 'bad hair day' here and there.'
After children - quotes:
'HELP!!'
'HUSBAND WHO?'
'I can't remember the last time I had a hair cut!'
'Maybe I'll just wait till Jannah InshaAllah to look beautiful....'
'I don't know where to start, it seems like sooo long ago....'
'I need to loose 2 stones first!'
Lately I've been thinking. We make too many excuses, there are too many beautiful woman out there to make excuses. As for the last excuse, a sister responded, 'We know that losing even a few pounds doesn't happen over night. And what to do in the meantime? Plus we could die tommorrow so lets make the most of how we look.'
A sister commented about adorning herself for her husband, 'I'd honestly rather have him expect to come home to see his wife in the best form and therefore push himself harder to lower his gaze, than have him expect to come home and find me in jogging pants and a t-shirt and find it harder to resist the temptations. He's out all day, and he sees all kinds of things. When he knows that if he lowers his gaze, he will be rewarded in the akhirah by Allah, and in the dunya by going home to a wife who can show him what he saw and better (because it's halal) it makes the struggle all the more worth it for him. '
Allah describes the woman as: “…one brought up among adornments” [Sûrah al-Zukhruf: 18]
Below are some practical tips and advice from various sisters that inshaAllah will help us to balance our obligations, to Allah, our husbands and children.
* Buy clothes that are crease resistant or drip dry them to save time on ironing.
* Wear kohl - it takes a second to apply and you can do wudu over it without removing it.
* Try to find out what your husband likes, styles, clothes etc. That always makes things easier. (Ebay is great for this because you can show the pictures of the items before buying - pictures without women in them of course.)
* Time is of the essence! Learn to have quick showers and get ready in a few minutes.
* Practice doing different hairstyles and keep a note of quick ones that look good. Loose buns look great with casual clothes.
* Wear perfume and matching body lotion. A sister said, 'I quickly apply body lotion to sweat areas (ie under arms) straight after a shower and a quick spray of matching perfume to my home clothes so I'm always smelling good.
* Buy clothes that are comfortable - but look good. A sister said, 'Lately I've bought a new wardrobe from ebay (bargain prices! My husbands favourite dress cost me 2 pounds - including postage and packaging!) I've bought some dresses that are comfortable, flattering, not too long so i don't trip over it and can climb up and down the stairs with my daughter. I buy dresses that have some sleeves so i can wear them in front of other women also . I try to look for Warm fabric so i don't freeze on cold days and Comfortable enough to do all household chores in. Also I make sure it has a side zip, or i can pull down the neck because im breastfeeding still.'
* Wear Simple Jewelery that don't get in the way of things.
* Try to balance things ie cooking, cleaning, dressing up. Don't do too much of any so it ends up that you're neglecting the others.
* Going out. A sister said, 'I try not to go out too much Because my hijab makes my hair flat. Also I do most of my shopping online rather than spend a whole day in town with my toddler moaning in her buggy and not getting anything I needed or wanted.'
* Mirror Mirror.... A sister once said, 'A wise woman is one who has a mirror in her Kitchen!'
* Water of life. Remember to always drink plenty of water for radiant skin.
* Oh Sugar! Sugar and water is a fast, cheap and effective way to Exfoliate!
* Remember the most important thing is DUA!!! A sister said, 'I pray to Allah in Sujood to make me the most beautiful woman for my Husband in this world and the next.'
May Allah help us to keep steadfast on the deen and be balanced Muslimaat. Ameen.
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
Tuesday, 15 April 2008
Why Costs Are Climbing
As food prices surge, starvation looms for millions. Experts call for emergency action but admit there's no quick fix
By Eric Reguly
12/04/08 "Globe and Mail" -- -ROME — Fatal food riots in Haiti. Violent food-price protests in Egypt and Ivory Coast. Rice so valuable it is transported in armoured convoys. Soldiers guarding fields and warehouses. Export bans to keep local populations from starving.
For the first time in decades, the spectre of widespread hunger for millions looms as food prices explode. Two words not in common currency in recent years — famine and starvation — are now being raised as distinct possibilities in the poorest, food-importing countries.
Unlike past food crises, solved largely by throwing aid at hungry stomachs and boosting agricultural productivity, this one won't go away quickly, experts say. Prices are soaring and stand every chance of staying high because this crisis is different.
A swelling global population, soaring energy prices, the clamouring for meat from the rising Asian middle class, competition from biofuels and hot money pouring into the commodity markets are all factors that make this crisis unique and potentially calamitous. Even with concerted global action, such as rushing more land into cultivation, it will take years to fix the problem.
The price increases and food shortages have been nothing short of shocking. In February, stockpiles of wheat hit a 60-year low in the United States as prices soared. Almost all other commodities, from rice and soybeans to sugar and corn, have posted triple-digit price increases in the past year or two.
Read More...
Source: Information Clearing House
By Eric Reguly
12/04/08 "Globe and Mail" -- -ROME — Fatal food riots in Haiti. Violent food-price protests in Egypt and Ivory Coast. Rice so valuable it is transported in armoured convoys. Soldiers guarding fields and warehouses. Export bans to keep local populations from starving.
For the first time in decades, the spectre of widespread hunger for millions looms as food prices explode. Two words not in common currency in recent years — famine and starvation — are now being raised as distinct possibilities in the poorest, food-importing countries.
Unlike past food crises, solved largely by throwing aid at hungry stomachs and boosting agricultural productivity, this one won't go away quickly, experts say. Prices are soaring and stand every chance of staying high because this crisis is different.
A swelling global population, soaring energy prices, the clamouring for meat from the rising Asian middle class, competition from biofuels and hot money pouring into the commodity markets are all factors that make this crisis unique and potentially calamitous. Even with concerted global action, such as rushing more land into cultivation, it will take years to fix the problem.
The price increases and food shortages have been nothing short of shocking. In February, stockpiles of wheat hit a 60-year low in the United States as prices soared. Almost all other commodities, from rice and soybeans to sugar and corn, have posted triple-digit price increases in the past year or two.
Read More...
Source: Information Clearing House
Thursday, 27 March 2008
Where's the Logic?
Charlotte gives jack a shopping list, among the list was 'white cabbage'.
Jack returns home with the shopping.
Jack, 'I didn't find any white cabbage so I got you some lettuce instead.'
I mean like - where's the logic?!!
More About Lettuce.
More about Cabbage.
Jack returns home with the shopping.
Jack, 'I didn't find any white cabbage so I got you some lettuce instead.'
I mean like - where's the logic?!!
More About Lettuce.
More about Cabbage.
Parenting Course – Week 6
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Play
There are numerous definitions for the word “PLAY”. However, the one which was chosen by our teacher is that “play is s child's work”.
At the beginning of the session we were asked about what kind of games we played in our childhood. The answers varied from racing, playing pirates, cooking games, five stones (ful-ghuti) and the game I remember playing is elastics. I remember that I would play with my neighbours. I would come home from the Masjid, climb over the garden wall and play with them. Subhan’Allah, this brings back so many fond memories and it’s amazing how life was so simple as a child, so care free alhamdulillah!
How are they developing?
Children develop certain skills through play. What we call playing is really the way children learn. With toys and their imaginations they practice all the skills they will need as they grow up. The more they play, the more they learn and the best thing about it is that they love it!
Intellectual development
• Intellectually they are developing their knowledge and understanding of the world
• Development of language and communication
• Development of mathematics and scientific concepts
Social development
• Learn to interact with others
• Appreciate the value of friendship
• Learn to take lead roles in decision making
Motor development
• Learn to move effectively and safely
• Learn to control their movements
• Learn to enjoy sports
• Learn to gain confidence in tackling new challenging movements
Emotional development
• Learn to express feeling and emotions
• Learn to approach new situations with confidence
• Learn to cope with anxieties
• Learn to cry in appropriate situations (when there is a need)
In the second part of the lesson we all participated in role play. I will demonstrate the one done by my group insha’Allah.
Actresses: Mother (Umm Yahya), child (Umm Zaidah) and guest (Umm Zaynab)
~Roll-camera-action~
A mother and her child are playing a game called ‘Guess who’. They are in the middle of the game when suddenly the door bell goes off and in walks next doors Aunty.
Mum: “Assalamu’alaikum, come in take a seat insha’Allah”
Guest: “Wa alaikum assalam, how are you both?”
Child: “We are well; alhamdulillah Aunty, mum and I are playing ‘Guess who’, would you like to play?”
Mum interrupts...
Mum: “Don’t be silly, Aunty isn’t here to play. Go and get some cake and biscuits for her while I make the tea”
Child: “But mum you promised to play with me”
Mum: “Go and get the food." (Looking a bit annoyed.)
Mum is busy chatting to next doors Aunty, making a fuss over what food to give her and ignoring her child, while the child is desperately seeking attention.
The child puts the cake and biscuits on the table looking very upset.
Child: “can we play now mum? It’s your turn, go on ask me a question”
Mum: “Shhh, I am trying to speak to Aunty” (she faces the guest and complains)
“Children these days don’t listen, she wants me to play with her while you are here”
Guest: “Yeah, I know what you mean. All they want to do is play all the time. Dunyai bodli-gese (the world has changed)
Child: “Mum can we just finish off the game pleeeease, you promised. It’s not fair (getting emotional and giving the guest dirty looks).
Guest: “What a rude child! You know the girls across the street, they are soo well behaved and extremely polite, not like you!
Child: “Well why don’t you go to their house then so I can play with my mum”
Mum: “Bethtomiz furi (naughty child) apologise to your auntie now!!
Child almost in tears, mums very cross and the guest is appalled.
Child “I don’t even like Aunty cuz’ she eats paan (beetle nut) and she smells of shutki (dried fish) all the time.
Mum “okay, thats enough, go to your room and I will deal with you later!!!
After watching all the role-plays we were asked to re-perform our role-plays but this time refine the situation so that the mother gives the child more attention.
In our role-play what we did was to include the guest in the game after giving her tea and biscuits of course! We all played nicely together and when the game was completed, the guest and mother chatted while the child did her own things.
This session left us in stitches due to laughter. Subhan Allah it was great fun performing the role-plays and observing the other sisters’ acting skills. The lessons to be learnt from these role-plays is the fact that many of us do not take time out to play with our children and they feel neglected when we are busy doing other things. We should not ignore their needs even if we have guests to entertain. We should listen to their needs; otherwise they may play up and misbehave out of frustration.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Play
There are numerous definitions for the word “PLAY”. However, the one which was chosen by our teacher is that “play is s child's work”.
At the beginning of the session we were asked about what kind of games we played in our childhood. The answers varied from racing, playing pirates, cooking games, five stones (ful-ghuti) and the game I remember playing is elastics. I remember that I would play with my neighbours. I would come home from the Masjid, climb over the garden wall and play with them. Subhan’Allah, this brings back so many fond memories and it’s amazing how life was so simple as a child, so care free alhamdulillah!
How are they developing?
Children develop certain skills through play. What we call playing is really the way children learn. With toys and their imaginations they practice all the skills they will need as they grow up. The more they play, the more they learn and the best thing about it is that they love it!
Intellectual development
• Intellectually they are developing their knowledge and understanding of the world
• Development of language and communication
• Development of mathematics and scientific concepts
Social development
• Learn to interact with others
• Appreciate the value of friendship
• Learn to take lead roles in decision making
Motor development
• Learn to move effectively and safely
• Learn to control their movements
• Learn to enjoy sports
• Learn to gain confidence in tackling new challenging movements
Emotional development
• Learn to express feeling and emotions
• Learn to approach new situations with confidence
• Learn to cope with anxieties
• Learn to cry in appropriate situations (when there is a need)
In the second part of the lesson we all participated in role play. I will demonstrate the one done by my group insha’Allah.
Actresses: Mother (Umm Yahya), child (Umm Zaidah) and guest (Umm Zaynab)
~Roll-camera-action~
A mother and her child are playing a game called ‘Guess who’. They are in the middle of the game when suddenly the door bell goes off and in walks next doors Aunty.
Mum: “Assalamu’alaikum, come in take a seat insha’Allah”
Guest: “Wa alaikum assalam, how are you both?”
Child: “We are well; alhamdulillah Aunty, mum and I are playing ‘Guess who’, would you like to play?”
Mum interrupts...
Mum: “Don’t be silly, Aunty isn’t here to play. Go and get some cake and biscuits for her while I make the tea”
Child: “But mum you promised to play with me”
Mum: “Go and get the food." (Looking a bit annoyed.)
Mum is busy chatting to next doors Aunty, making a fuss over what food to give her and ignoring her child, while the child is desperately seeking attention.
The child puts the cake and biscuits on the table looking very upset.
Child: “can we play now mum? It’s your turn, go on ask me a question”
Mum: “Shhh, I am trying to speak to Aunty” (she faces the guest and complains)
“Children these days don’t listen, she wants me to play with her while you are here”
Guest: “Yeah, I know what you mean. All they want to do is play all the time. Dunyai bodli-gese (the world has changed)
Child: “Mum can we just finish off the game pleeeease, you promised. It’s not fair (getting emotional and giving the guest dirty looks).
Guest: “What a rude child! You know the girls across the street, they are soo well behaved and extremely polite, not like you!
Child: “Well why don’t you go to their house then so I can play with my mum”
Mum: “Bethtomiz furi (naughty child) apologise to your auntie now!!
Child almost in tears, mums very cross and the guest is appalled.
Child “I don’t even like Aunty cuz’ she eats paan (beetle nut) and she smells of shutki (dried fish) all the time.
Mum “okay, thats enough, go to your room and I will deal with you later!!!
After watching all the role-plays we were asked to re-perform our role-plays but this time refine the situation so that the mother gives the child more attention.
In our role-play what we did was to include the guest in the game after giving her tea and biscuits of course! We all played nicely together and when the game was completed, the guest and mother chatted while the child did her own things.
This session left us in stitches due to laughter. Subhan Allah it was great fun performing the role-plays and observing the other sisters’ acting skills. The lessons to be learnt from these role-plays is the fact that many of us do not take time out to play with our children and they feel neglected when we are busy doing other things. We should not ignore their needs even if we have guests to entertain. We should listen to their needs; otherwise they may play up and misbehave out of frustration.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Tuesday, 26 February 2008
Do you envision us meeting,
Hal Turaana Naltaqi MP3 by Saad Al-Ghamdi
Wording in Arabic
English Translation
Do you envision us meeting, or has it already,
Taken place in the land of the mirage;
Then it withdrew and its shadow vanished,
And turned into torturous memories;
Thus asks my heart whenever,
The days grow long, after your absence;
When your shadow stares, smiling,
It is as if I am listening to the response;
Did we not walk upon Truth together,
So that Good can return to barren land;
So we walked along a thorny path,
Abandoning all our ambitions;
We buried our desires deep within ourselves,
And we strove on in contentment, expecting reward from Allah;
We had made a pact to walk together,
And then you hurried in responding and departing;
When a Benevolent Lord called me,
To a life amidst gardens and vast lands;
And towards a sublime meeting amidst divine favours,
With the Soldiers of Allah, joyful in companionship;
Presenting their souls and lives, a sacrifice,
Responding without slightest doubts;
So to renew your heart from its slumber,
An ever-lasting meeting in such a land;
Oh traveler, Forgiveness from my complaints,
Unto me is your ghost, to him a patient reproach;
I abandoned my heart to bleed heavily,
Lost in the night, in the depths of fog;
And if I traverse, confused and alone,
I'll interrupt the path, long it is in depression;
And if in the night, I find a gloomy sea,
Encountering in it waves of pain;
Ceasing in my nights, is the radiance of lightening,
And the brightness of stars have disappeared;
Despite this, I shall continue just as,
You used to find me, in the face of adversity;
I shall continue keeping my head raised, And won't,
Consent to weakness in speech, nor reply;
I shall be guided by the sweet-scented blood,
And light has illuminated the horizons of escape;
Do you envision us meeting, or has it already,
Taken place in the land of the mirage;
Then it withdrew and its shadow vanished,
And turned into torturous memories;
Thus asks my heart whenever,
The days grow long, after your absence;
When your shadow stares, smiling,
It is as if I am listening to the response
Wording in Arabic
English Translation
Do you envision us meeting, or has it already,
Taken place in the land of the mirage;
Then it withdrew and its shadow vanished,
And turned into torturous memories;
Thus asks my heart whenever,
The days grow long, after your absence;
When your shadow stares, smiling,
It is as if I am listening to the response;
Did we not walk upon Truth together,
So that Good can return to barren land;
So we walked along a thorny path,
Abandoning all our ambitions;
We buried our desires deep within ourselves,
And we strove on in contentment, expecting reward from Allah;
We had made a pact to walk together,
And then you hurried in responding and departing;
When a Benevolent Lord called me,
To a life amidst gardens and vast lands;
And towards a sublime meeting amidst divine favours,
With the Soldiers of Allah, joyful in companionship;
Presenting their souls and lives, a sacrifice,
Responding without slightest doubts;
So to renew your heart from its slumber,
An ever-lasting meeting in such a land;
Oh traveler, Forgiveness from my complaints,
Unto me is your ghost, to him a patient reproach;
I abandoned my heart to bleed heavily,
Lost in the night, in the depths of fog;
And if I traverse, confused and alone,
I'll interrupt the path, long it is in depression;
And if in the night, I find a gloomy sea,
Encountering in it waves of pain;
Ceasing in my nights, is the radiance of lightening,
And the brightness of stars have disappeared;
Despite this, I shall continue just as,
You used to find me, in the face of adversity;
I shall continue keeping my head raised, And won't,
Consent to weakness in speech, nor reply;
I shall be guided by the sweet-scented blood,
And light has illuminated the horizons of escape;
Do you envision us meeting, or has it already,
Taken place in the land of the mirage;
Then it withdrew and its shadow vanished,
And turned into torturous memories;
Thus asks my heart whenever,
The days grow long, after your absence;
When your shadow stares, smiling,
It is as if I am listening to the response
Saturday, 16 February 2008
Maymoonahs' lttle sister.
AssalamuAlaikum
Don't forget to read Week 5 of the Parenting Course Notes by Umm Zaidah Nusaybah (below), no doubt we can all benefit from them.
I'd just like to announce a little addition to my family, the birth of Maymoonahs' little sister on Wednesday Morning Alhamdulillah. All family members are doing well mashaAllah :-)
I tell you, at times like this mums really need their mums...
Your Du'aa (and links to Muslim name websites) would be greatly appreciated!
Don't forget to read Week 5 of the Parenting Course Notes by Umm Zaidah Nusaybah (below), no doubt we can all benefit from them.
I'd just like to announce a little addition to my family, the birth of Maymoonahs' little sister on Wednesday Morning Alhamdulillah. All family members are doing well mashaAllah :-)
I tell you, at times like this mums really need their mums...
Your Du'aa (and links to Muslim name websites) would be greatly appreciated!
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
Parenting Course – Week 5
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Respect
Respect is often associated with elders. We are taught to respect our parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. The subject of respecting youngsters is quite alien. How often do we see children being spoken to in a derogatory manner? Being criticized for not doing something correctly or being shouted at for causing an accident? Have we ever stopped to think about how that child feels when we behave in such a manner? We need to ask ourselves, how would you feel if we were being treated in this way. We would probably have low self-esteem and be scared of doing certain things due to the fear of being criticized. Subhan’Allah, there is a famous saying “Respect, give it to get it”. So think about this for a moment, if we do not respect our children then what guarantee do we have that they will respect us.
At the beginning of this session we were asked to narrate an incident where we felt disrespected. The following are some of the responses. One sister said she feels disrespected when people look at her with pity because she wears hijab and jilbab because they she is oppressed. Another sister said she felt disrespected when someone called her stupid because she didn’t know where a certain country was situated. One sister said she felt disrespected when a guest said they didn’t like her cooking, which she spent hours preparing! Another sister spoke about people swearing and the fact that she finds it offensive and disrespectful. It is even more shocking when practising Muslims use foul language.
After listening to everyone’s accounts we came up with a list of actions which we find disrespectful. These include;
• Being mocked
• Not listening
• Being shouted at
• Being criticised
• Pointing fingers
• Breaking boundaries
• Accusing
• Having no eye contact
• Hearing swear words
• Opinions not being valued
• Using inappropriate speech
• Being judged
• Abusing trust
• Backbiting
• Lying
In the next part of the session we were put into groups of three and presented with different scenarios involving parents and their children. What we were asked to do was determine whether the child was respected or disrespected in each scenario.
Scenario one
At a party a child breaks a glass by accident. The mother goes over to the child, shouts at him in front of everyone and leaves the child there.
We decided it was disrespectful as well as neglect. The mother should have removed the child from the area where the accident occurred and maybe she should have talked to him away from the people. She should not shout at him because it was an accident.
Scenario 2
A mother changes her babies’ nappy and exclaims in front of people “This is the third time I have had to change you!” The mother is annoyed with the child.
We decided this was disrespect because the child may have been embarrassed. Also, the child may have an upset stomach. Instead of the mother being annoyed she should remember that she will be rewarded for changing her baby’s nappy insha’Allah.
Scenario 3
A father takes his little girl shopping and buys her a pair of shoes HE liked.
There was disagreement between the different groups. Those who said this was disrespect explained that the father did not give the child any choice. Those who said it was not disrespect said maybe the father knew if he gave the girl a choice she would choose something impractical. Maybe what the father should have done is to pick a few pairs and ask her which one she would prefer.
Scenario 4
A child is running and is about to cross the road. The mother shouts “stop” and the child stops.
We decide this was not disrespect although we had previously suggested being shouted at is a form of disrespect. In this incident it was necessary for the mother to shout to get the child’s attention and if she hadn’t shouted the child may have had an accident. Therefore, it is justified to shout in certain circumstances.
Scenario 5
At the dinner table two children are eating. One of them finishes his food so the father takes the food from the other child’s plate and puts it on the plate of the child who has finished.
We all strongly agreed that this was disrespect. Firstly the father did not ask the permission of the child. It was also suggested that some of us used to save our favourite foods to eat last and if that was the case here then the child will be very upset.
Scenario 6
A mother takes her child to the nursery for the first time. The child starts crying and the mother says to the teacher “she’s always like this”.
We decided this was disrespect because the mother should have been more sympathetic as it was the child’s first day at the nursery and almost everybody cries on their first day!!
Disrespect – conclusion
These scenarios actually do exist, so we should think carefully about what we say to our children. We should choose the words carefully and try our best not to disrespect them. We must look at the example of our beloved prophet (SAW) and how he dealt with children around him. He (SAW) always showed respect to children and was very affectionate towards them. For example, when a young boy’s father died, the prophet (SAW) said to him “I am sorry for your loss”. These words suggest that the prophet (SAW) treated the boy like an adult, therefore, giving him respect.
And Allah knows best.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Respect
Respect is often associated with elders. We are taught to respect our parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. The subject of respecting youngsters is quite alien. How often do we see children being spoken to in a derogatory manner? Being criticized for not doing something correctly or being shouted at for causing an accident? Have we ever stopped to think about how that child feels when we behave in such a manner? We need to ask ourselves, how would you feel if we were being treated in this way. We would probably have low self-esteem and be scared of doing certain things due to the fear of being criticized. Subhan’Allah, there is a famous saying “Respect, give it to get it”. So think about this for a moment, if we do not respect our children then what guarantee do we have that they will respect us.
At the beginning of this session we were asked to narrate an incident where we felt disrespected. The following are some of the responses. One sister said she feels disrespected when people look at her with pity because she wears hijab and jilbab because they she is oppressed. Another sister said she felt disrespected when someone called her stupid because she didn’t know where a certain country was situated. One sister said she felt disrespected when a guest said they didn’t like her cooking, which she spent hours preparing! Another sister spoke about people swearing and the fact that she finds it offensive and disrespectful. It is even more shocking when practising Muslims use foul language.
After listening to everyone’s accounts we came up with a list of actions which we find disrespectful. These include;
• Being mocked
• Not listening
• Being shouted at
• Being criticised
• Pointing fingers
• Breaking boundaries
• Accusing
• Having no eye contact
• Hearing swear words
• Opinions not being valued
• Using inappropriate speech
• Being judged
• Abusing trust
• Backbiting
• Lying
In the next part of the session we were put into groups of three and presented with different scenarios involving parents and their children. What we were asked to do was determine whether the child was respected or disrespected in each scenario.
Scenario one
At a party a child breaks a glass by accident. The mother goes over to the child, shouts at him in front of everyone and leaves the child there.
We decided it was disrespectful as well as neglect. The mother should have removed the child from the area where the accident occurred and maybe she should have talked to him away from the people. She should not shout at him because it was an accident.
Scenario 2
A mother changes her babies’ nappy and exclaims in front of people “This is the third time I have had to change you!” The mother is annoyed with the child.
We decided this was disrespect because the child may have been embarrassed. Also, the child may have an upset stomach. Instead of the mother being annoyed she should remember that she will be rewarded for changing her baby’s nappy insha’Allah.
Scenario 3
A father takes his little girl shopping and buys her a pair of shoes HE liked.
There was disagreement between the different groups. Those who said this was disrespect explained that the father did not give the child any choice. Those who said it was not disrespect said maybe the father knew if he gave the girl a choice she would choose something impractical. Maybe what the father should have done is to pick a few pairs and ask her which one she would prefer.
Scenario 4
A child is running and is about to cross the road. The mother shouts “stop” and the child stops.
We decide this was not disrespect although we had previously suggested being shouted at is a form of disrespect. In this incident it was necessary for the mother to shout to get the child’s attention and if she hadn’t shouted the child may have had an accident. Therefore, it is justified to shout in certain circumstances.
Scenario 5
At the dinner table two children are eating. One of them finishes his food so the father takes the food from the other child’s plate and puts it on the plate of the child who has finished.
We all strongly agreed that this was disrespect. Firstly the father did not ask the permission of the child. It was also suggested that some of us used to save our favourite foods to eat last and if that was the case here then the child will be very upset.
Scenario 6
A mother takes her child to the nursery for the first time. The child starts crying and the mother says to the teacher “she’s always like this”.
We decided this was disrespect because the mother should have been more sympathetic as it was the child’s first day at the nursery and almost everybody cries on their first day!!
Disrespect – conclusion
These scenarios actually do exist, so we should think carefully about what we say to our children. We should choose the words carefully and try our best not to disrespect them. We must look at the example of our beloved prophet (SAW) and how he dealt with children around him. He (SAW) always showed respect to children and was very affectionate towards them. For example, when a young boy’s father died, the prophet (SAW) said to him “I am sorry for your loss”. These words suggest that the prophet (SAW) treated the boy like an adult, therefore, giving him respect.
And Allah knows best.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
Parenting Course Notes – Week 4
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Love and affection
I was absent for this lesson but Alhamdulillah I have got the notes from another sister.
The question was posed “How do we feel when someone expresses love & affection towards us?” These were some of the responses:
• Happy
• Needed
• Overwhelmed
• Warm
• Good
• Valued
• Guilty
• Emotional
• Wanted
Some mothers bond straight away with their children whilst others may take longer, however one thing is agreed that all mothers have selflessness towards their child. We only need to look at our mother’s love towards us or how much we love our own children to see that selflessness.
Then when we know that Allah’s mercy towards His creation is much greater than the mothers love for her child, we can put into perspective that Allah is the MOST merciful.
Psychologists define love into three categories. The first type of love is soft love. This is a type of love which is overwhelming to show children our concern. The second type of love is firm love. Due to the mothers love for her child, she is firm as she desires what is best for the child. The third type of love is damaging love. This is having only soft love and becoming a passive parent (i.e. ignoring the negative aspects the child possesses).
So why is love and affection important? It is important because RasullAllah (SAW) encouraged parents to kiss their children. When a man saw RasullAllah (SAW) kiss Hasan, he commented “I have 10 children, but I have never kissed any of them”. RasullAllah (SAW) replied “What can I do if Allah removed mercy from your heart”.
The prophet (SAW) stated “He who does not show mercy, he will not have mercy shown to him”.
If a child learns about mercy, then she will understand better one of the names of Allah i.e. Ar-Rahman.
The prophet (SAW) said to Aisha (RA) “O Aisha, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness....and He gives to gentleness what He does not to harshness”.
Babies are helpless; they want to know “Can I trust this world?”; “Will I be looked after?”
Study of orphans post WWII
Post WWII – American orphans
Summary
American Hospitals – Children only had physical needs met. Lack of physical contact and little emotional
needs met.
Mexican Villages – They had lots of contact with people, hence emotional needs were met even though
at times physical needs may have been met less.
GOOD PRACTICES
• Physical – Kissing, hugging, massage, stroking, holding hands, swinging etc.
• Verbally express our love for them – “I love you”
• Recognise and notice them
• Award them sincere praise
• Listen to them so they feel understood
• Look at them with a pleasing face
• Always expect good of them
• Think about what you are saying to them
• Do not be afraid of apologising if you are in the wrong
• Be interested in them
• Show them gestures of love
• Help and encourage them to develop their interest
• Show them you love them for who they are
• Spend time with them
• Buy them gifts
• Do not forget to reach a balance. i.e.
Love and affection
I was absent for this lesson but Alhamdulillah I have got the notes from another sister.
The question was posed “How do we feel when someone expresses love & affection towards us?” These were some of the responses:
• Happy
• Needed
• Overwhelmed
• Warm
• Good
• Valued
• Guilty
• Emotional
• Wanted
Some mothers bond straight away with their children whilst others may take longer, however one thing is agreed that all mothers have selflessness towards their child. We only need to look at our mother’s love towards us or how much we love our own children to see that selflessness.
Then when we know that Allah’s mercy towards His creation is much greater than the mothers love for her child, we can put into perspective that Allah is the MOST merciful.
Psychologists define love into three categories. The first type of love is soft love. This is a type of love which is overwhelming to show children our concern. The second type of love is firm love. Due to the mothers love for her child, she is firm as she desires what is best for the child. The third type of love is damaging love. This is having only soft love and becoming a passive parent (i.e. ignoring the negative aspects the child possesses).
So why is love and affection important? It is important because RasullAllah (SAW) encouraged parents to kiss their children. When a man saw RasullAllah (SAW) kiss Hasan, he commented “I have 10 children, but I have never kissed any of them”. RasullAllah (SAW) replied “What can I do if Allah removed mercy from your heart”.
The prophet (SAW) stated “He who does not show mercy, he will not have mercy shown to him”.
If a child learns about mercy, then she will understand better one of the names of Allah i.e. Ar-Rahman.
The prophet (SAW) said to Aisha (RA) “O Aisha, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness....and He gives to gentleness what He does not to harshness”.
Babies are helpless; they want to know “Can I trust this world?”; “Will I be looked after?”
Study of orphans post WWII
Post WWII – American orphans
Summary
American Hospitals – Children only had physical needs met. Lack of physical contact and little emotional
needs met.
Mexican Villages – They had lots of contact with people, hence emotional needs were met even though
at times physical needs may have been met less.
GOOD PRACTICES
• Physical – Kissing, hugging, massage, stroking, holding hands, swinging etc.
• Verbally express our love for them – “I love you”
• Recognise and notice them
• Award them sincere praise
• Listen to them so they feel understood
• Look at them with a pleasing face
• Always expect good of them
• Think about what you are saying to them
• Do not be afraid of apologising if you are in the wrong
• Be interested in them
• Show them gestures of love
• Help and encourage them to develop their interest
• Show them you love them for who they are
• Spend time with them
• Buy them gifts
• Do not forget to reach a balance. i.e.
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