Hajj Coach

As salamu alaykum,

Muhammad Alshareef, the founder of AlMaghrib Institute, just launched
this new website called Hajjcoach.com. He's got 10 multimedia sessions
that will prepare you amazingly for Hajj.

Even if you are not going for Hajj, he's got multimedia sessions on:
1. Keeping patient,
2. How to increase concentration in prayer, and
3. ...a lot of other stuff I'm sure you'll find valuable.

**Action Requested**
Just click on this link and check it out:
http://www.hajjcoach.com

Best Regards,

PS: Just click the link and see if you like it or not:
www.Hajjcoach.com

Why do I need to write?

When there are so many great writers out there!

Umm Yusuf talks about 'That Lovin’ Feeling!'

By Fatima Barkatulla

Wondering what’s happened to the romance since you became parents? It needn’t be that way! With a little effort, your relationship can be stronger and more meaningful than ever before. After all, your children are the fruits of your love and commitment to each other. So come on…renew the strength of your relationship and through it, you’ll re-ignite the passion you have for one another…

Pray together
In any situation, even the most stressful, remind each other of how Allah would want his true servants to behave. Pray together at least once a day, standing as servants together in front of your Creator. Remind each other to have sabr (patience) and tawakkul (reliance upon Allah).

Embrace one another
Physical contact is so important and even an embrace and a simple back rub or head massage can reduce stress levels and keep you connected to each other. Take time out to have a hug and renew yourselves.

Argue with boundaries
Arguments can make you eventually closer to your husband if they are constructive. How? Well, say you wanted him to do something, he doesn’t understand why, you explain how it makes you feel, he eventually sees why you are upset and why it means so much to you, so in the end you understand each others needs a little bit better…you have been fighting yourselves closer to one another! Don’t cross the boundaries of decency when you argue. Don’t character assassinate and do not deny his good qualities. Being unthankful to our husbands is one of the characteristics we have to avoid.

Be prepared to apologise.
Apologise sincerely when you are wrong and accept his apologies. Don’t bring up the past…deal with the present. Life is too short for bickering and you’ll be surprised at how saying sorry can allow you both to move on and start afresh.

Notice the beauty and it will magnify.
Why is it that we tend to treat strangers with more courtesy and respect than those whom we are closest to? Treat your husband with the respect, careful choice of words and body language that you would treat a person who you have met for the first time and want to leave a good impression on. Praise your husband for his skills and characteristics. Notice the good and it will increase and grow!

Have a routine
If your kids are up till late, and your home is disorderly, then it’s hardly surprising that you don’t get a chance to bond with your spouse. There has to be time for you to be together as a couple, for you to be able to pay full attention to each other. So get your kids into a good meal and bedtime routine and stick to it! It’ll change your life!

Go on a date!
Have regular time alone together…uninterrupted! Even if that means asking your mum to keep the kids for a few hours. You could use that time to talk, remember how you met and what your feelings were for each other when you got married. Eat out together or go to a quiet spot by a river or for a stroll in the park. Only talk about positive things in that time that you have set aside for yourselves.

Keep communicating
Listen and empathise with your husband’s struggles. Communicate to him what your needs are, don’t expect him to guess! Things that seem obvious to you aren’t always to him, so tell him how he could make things easier for you and work to make things easier for him too.

Don’t go to sleep on an argument
Try to resolve issues before you go to bed. Leaving things unresolved can lead to a build up of bad feelings which eat away at your relationship.

Flirt with each other!
Leave a little love note in his lunch box or stick it on his rear-view mirror. Send him a text message with a message of love and gratitude for all he has done for you. You are never more attractive than when you are smiling and happy. Be a bit of a bimbo sometimes! What I mean by that is: joke and be light hearted around your husband and don’t always bring up the heavy stuff when you’re with him.

Get your glad rags out!
You know! The make-up and jewellery you once wore but now don’t seem to be able to find. Make an effort to look good and both you and your husband will benefit! Even if you can’t do it every day, dress up once in a while and your husband is sure to notice the extra effort you’ve put in. Indulge in nice smelling bath scrubs that’ll make your skin soft and smelling sensual. A mud mask or facial, once a week will make your face shine with radiance!

Copyright Sisters Magazine 2007
http://www.sisters-magazine.com/

Toddler Tantrums

18 - 24 Months: Tame Your Toddler’s Tantrums
Taken from bootsparentingclub.com

Let’s talk tantrums. We know you don’t want to but you need to be ready. Because at some point between 18 months and three, your sweet, lovely, smiley baby’s going to treat you to a fair few contrary, wilful, ear-splitting toddler strops.

So, what on earth’s making your child so mad? Perhaps the first thing to understand is that tantrums are a fact of toddler life. And, at this age, it’s not about disobedience but simple frustration: at not being able to get the jigsaw piece in the hole; at being yanked from the muddy puddle when she was having so much fun; at not being able to find the words to say what she means. This is not the time for time-outs and naughty steps. Yes, your child needs you to be firm and clear about what’s acceptable and what’s not, but she also needs your help in dealing with the storm of emotions that’s spinning her out of control. And to do that, you need our three-step tantrum-tackling masterclass…


Avoid the triggers

Put your toddler in certain situations and you can practically guarantee a tantrum. Solution? Avoid these situations in the first place and:

* Don’t overdo it. A tired and hungry child is a tantrum waiting to happen. Stick to a daily routine of regular mealtimes and bedtimes and at least one nap a day.

* Explain what’s happening. If you are doing anything out of the ordinary, talk your child through it first. If she has some idea of what to expect, she’s less likely to kick up a fuss.

* Switch to toddler time. Toddlers don’t do rushing. They just don’t understand why you’re in such a hurry to get to nursery, the shops, your friend’s house. And frantically chivvying them up can set off a strop. Build in extra time to get places and you’ll save tempers all round.

* Make your house toddler-safe. If all you ever say is, ‘Don’t touch that!’, you’re just inviting rebellion.


Learn the tactics

Oh no, that bottom lip’s beginning to wobble. To stop a tantrum before it really starts, you need to:

* Distract her. Point with huge excitement at a car in the street or a toy across the room: anything that will divert her attention from what’s upsetting her.

* Act the fool. She won’t get in her buggy? You get in instead! Even toddlers can’t laugh and strop at the same time.

* Seem to agree. She wants a biscuit; you don’t want to spoil her appetite for lunch. Substitute, ‘No, no biscuits!’ for ‘Yes, we’ll have a biscuit at lunchtime.’

* Offer choices. Older toddlers love having choices: it makes them feel in control. Just be sure both choices get you the result you’re after! So, instead of, ‘Put your coat on or we don’t go to the park!’, say, ‘Which coat are you wearing to the park: the red one or the blue one?’

* Think big picture. And let the small things go. Don’t make an issue of every little toddler annoyance.


Know the tamers

Despite your very best intentions, your child's imploded into all-out tantrum mode. Now’s the time to:

* Hold her. Screaming toddlers can often be scared by the intensity of their own emotions. Sometimes, holding them gently but firmly can help them keep it together.

* Count to ten. Tantrums are upsetting or annoying for parents, too. Before you react in a way you might regret, take a little time to regain your cool.

* Ignore her. Nothing deflates a strop faster than a lack of audience.

* Stick to your guns. Don't give in or your child will learn that tantrums get her what she wants.

* Hug her when it’s over. After the storm, don’t lecture, punish or ask for apologies. Your child’s been through enough. Give her a big cuddle and move on.

Ramadan

Some things to read.

Ramadhân: Have You Got What It Takes?

Ramadan Guide.

How Our Pious Predecessors Spent Ramadan

Welcoming the Arrival of Ramadan

“The fasting person has two occasions for joy”

Islamtoday - Fasting and Itikaaf, articles and rulings for Ramadan.

Last but not least Issue 3 of sisters-magazine is Out!

Highlights of this issue include:
Ramadhan in the Qur'an and Sunnah
The wisdom behind fasting
Exerting oneself in the last ten days of Ramadhan
Preparing your home for Ramadhan
Make this Eid your best ever with our fabulous celebration ideas!

AND... Gorgeous Eid fashion feature
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A blend of cultures for dinner.

At this years JIMAS conference Sheikh Mamdouh Muhammad gave us some really good advice - when you invite someone for dinner, never just invite people from one country to your house, try to have people from different countries attend.

I know a sister who did this and used to count to herself, 'Today we have a blend of Bengali, Pakistani, Jamaican, Algerian and Lybian guests!'

MashaAllah It was really nice and I've met many sisters of different nationalities through her.

JIMAS

Another JIMAS conference gone by and I'm left feeling tired and exhausted but not quite wanting to be back.

Some Benefits of attending the JIMAS Conference.

Sisterhood/brotherhood. Different ages, race, backgrounds, professions. Meeting brothers and sisters that you only see once a year at JIMAS!
A few sisters and I played 'guess what race percentages' (ourselves) and our children are- it was humorous to say the least, (other sisters looked on like we were a tad crazy.)

Fresh Green Air, close to nature, green trees and plenty of weeping willows (my favorite!)

Being among the people of knowledge who all differ in their beautiful, charismatic, dynamic and humorous personalities.

Knowledge - each teacher/scholar taught us in a variety of different ways you actually remember what you listened to and don't get bored of 3 days of lectures.

Keeping fit - walking to and from lectures, lunch, salah all day for 3 days - you certainly feel the effects on the body.

Family time. Back in your rooms there is no internet, cooking, laundry or distractions - just the family. You're 'forced' to spend quality time together :-)

Safety. You actually let your children run around here and there and know that they are safe with sisters looking out for each others children.

Alkauthar revision :-) The finance seminars for the first time didn't go over my head thanks to my teacher Sheikh Abu Yusuf and the Alkauthar Real Deal course. I found myself engrossed in what Tarek Al Diwany had to say about the monetary/banking systems, keen to hear more and captivated by the seminar on inheritance.
I cant wait till The Real Deal 201!

Ok here's the girly bit. I can't forget shopping can I? Being able to shop in a halal music free environment. A vast selection of fabrics, cuts, styles in Abaya's and Hijaab and the once a year opportunity to find the 'perfect' Niqaab for you that aren't always available locally.
Some sisters actually let their customers take items home without paying, promising that they will send a cheque when they get back home. Thats what I call real trust.

And Cons? - The Price? Yes its more expensive than previous years, but is without a doubt worth it. And today I recieved a cheque through the post from tax returns that I had forgotten about - when you spend in the way of Allah - Allah always gives back more. SubhanAllah.

Anyway Here's more on JIMAS....

Don’t just blame the parents; blame us too

It was better when we all took it upon ourselves to discipline children
Carol Sarler

Blame the parents, by all means. Blame the social workers, while you’re at it. Both are rational responses to the revulsion evoked when a mother and her boyfriend are convicted of murdering her four-year-old child over a prolonged period of 100 blows; not again, we say, not again. And then, three days after sentence was passed on Sharon Wright and Peter McKenzie-Seaton in Bradford, a couple are arrested in London for the suspicious death of their toddler and we cry not again. Again.

By the same token, we blame the parents for feral gangs who roam the streets; for violence, for crime, for unprecedented numbers of fatal shootings by gunslingers still only children themselves. Whether it is damage to children or damage by children, sensibly alarmed politicians turn their sights towards families and those professionally charged with effecting cure upon dysfunctional ones. The message reads clearly: they are your children, therefore your job and your responsibility – and, of course, they are. The less clear question, however, might be: are they solely the responsibility of those who raise them? Or should the civilian rest of us also reasonably be expected to play a bigger part?

Current thinking says no. Inadequacies within the insularity of the family are addressed by, for instance, “parenting classes” or, at the posh end, “family therapy”, both designed to address the inadequacies while retaining the insular structure of the unit. In the light of the manifest failure of such an approach, is it time to wonder whether the root of the problems lies in the insularity itself?

The model of the nuclear family, apparently accepted without question by those who seek to nurture it, is not, I venture, entirely historically correct. Its emergence, according to conventional wisdom, is explained something like this: once upon a time, we all lived in enormous, sprawling multigenerational families, paying feudal dues and doffing caps to his liege as young and old scratched a happy living in bucolic pastures where we slept with our goats and breast-fed our chickens – until along came the Industrial Revolution and blew the whistle for time. The need for a mobile workforce became paramount, so the population helpfully parcelled itself into two-generation families, moved into two-up two-downs and slammed the front door behind them.
Police chief calls for alcohol ban in public

Cheshire Chief Constable stepped up his campaign on drink-related youth crime today with call for ban on street-drinking

* Police chief calls drinks industry to account for yob culture

* A daughter’s last letter to father killed tackling gang of vandals

* Father who confronted gang 'was best dad'

Which, I suppose, was pretty much the gist of it, save this: it does not tally with personal observation. Those front doors slammed not in the 19th century, but only in the past few years. In the street where my mother was raised (urban, poor) and, even more recently, in the street where I was raised (shires, middle) the doors of the family units were open – literally and otherwise.

Everybody involved themselves with the maintenance of other people’s children; should a child bunk off school for the day, every adult in the street would know and would think nothing of reprimanding him. We took it for granted that there were eyes everywhere: “Hey, young Sarler! Cut it out! Now!” And when two teenage girls were trusted alone in the house overnight and elected to – how shall I put this? – have a few friends around, our parents came home the next day to a disorderly queue of neighbours busting guts to tell them about it. BLEEP.

The corollary, however, was that if it was inconceivable that we could misbehave without being spotted, so it was inconceivable that anybody could misbehave towards us without equal scrutiny; paedophilia existed, but was scant terror given that pretty much everyone – especially the children – knew who, what and where lay the local kiddie-fiddlers. Strangers they were not.

As for parents of ineptitude or ill intent, they could not possibly have systematically beaten a child to a deathly pulp in one of our streets. It wasn’t just a matter of our being prepared to snitch to authorities, either; face-to-face confrontation was coded, but all understood what it meant. Mrs Jones would be asked, with an air of concern, if she was all right – looking a little tired, we thought; children getting you down? And Mr Jones was home so late last night . . . The Joneses, thus, would know that we knew.

This may well be too much of a Hovis commercial for your taste and naturally it is not a full social snapshot. Nevertheless, in many respects it was better than what followed when, as every sitcom cast a character to remind us, neighbour came to mean nosy and nosy to mean bad. We became fearful of the accusation of interfering in other people’s lives, let alone in other people’s children and – as that made us unknown to the children and they to us – we became fearful of the children themselves.

Last week, in the dappled sunshine of a London park, I did tick off a bunch of brats: surly, early teens who were being horrid to our dog, or I surely would neither have bothered nor, probably, dared. Certainly, there was anxiety; you hear such stories; don’t they all carry knives these days?

The thing is, though, they were local kids – had to be, to be there at all. And if I had engaged with them in the past when they were much smaller, I would have known their names and homes and schools and very likely wouldn’t have felt nervous at all. But I hadn’t, so I didn’t and next time, for all I know, the dog gets it.

Because of our mutual unfamiliarity I may be at risk – and so, in their homes, may they. Two sides of the same chasm. All in the interests of what? Privacy? Rights? Minding our own business?

Hillary Clinton, in 1996, contentiously borrowed from an old African saying and applied to America the idea that “it takes a village to raise a child”. She was roundly condemned, most notably by Robert Dole, who retorted briskly that, no, it doesn’t; it takes a family.

A decade later, with children dying and with children killing, we may ask why we should have to choose between the two positions. The probable truth is that it is now as it ever was: we still need both.

Do all good things come to an end?

Only in this world.

When three friends so dear to you (including a teacher) leave the country within the space of a few weeks - whether its to the UAE or Europe, it really reminds you that everything in this world is temporary.

Yet another reason to strive to please Allah. So that InshaAllah we can be with those whom we love in Janaat.

Hands On Dawa!

Alhamdulillah we had a few new sisters at the Adab class this week. One of the new Muslim sisters, an English sister who reverted a few months ago, knew of a Pakistani family in her local community.

She went to visit them before the class and said to them, 'If I can go to the mosque then so can you!' And dragged them to the class with her!

Abeer Hamza

Taken from muslimmatters.org
In memory of our sister, Abeer al-Janabi…

See also: Injustice, Injustice, Injustice
[graphic content, not suitable for children].

A Bleak Future?

After having dinner at my father in laws today we decided to pop by my sister in Laws house before heading home. We arrived to see the street filled with people and a fire engine parked on the street.

Some boys had set fire to her neighbors (whom we also know) back garden shed. Why? Well simply because the boys were hanging around doing no good around her back garden and she had politely asked them to leave.

Her shed had burned to complete ashes along with a plastic slide and her swimming pool that were inside (the fumes were probably almost as dangerous as the flames.)

The seriousness of the matter was evident on a tree in the next garden behind her shed - the leaves had blackened all the way to the top.

Here comes the Bleak bit... the boys were only 7 years old.

Later on emerged rumors of more shootings in the Moss side area (where she lives) of Manchester. She was used to it now she said, it wasn't unusual for her to arrive back home from somewhere only to find the neighborhood partitioned of and blockaded with police patrol vehicles unable to go to her house. (Related Article here.)

I found myself feeling slightly fearful as we left the neighborhood to come home.

Then It dawned on me that this is probably less than a percent of the fear that innocent Iraqi and Palestinian civilians have to live with every day of their lives.

And speaking of Fear I urge all of you to raise your hands and sincerely make dua for four brothers who are forcibly being repatriated from Guantánamo Bay to Algeria on Monday, August 6, 2007.

Amongst these prisoners is Ahmed Belbacha, a former British resident of Algerian origin, who was cleared for release by the U.S in February 2007 after having been deemed to ‘pose no threat’ to the USA.Urgent action is required for Ahmed Belbacha. Please visit Cageprisoners here for more information.

I thought I'd share this.

I love this recitation. Listen to it - it's not too long.
Surah Yaseen by Ibraheem Al-Jibreen

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Be like the Bee

Taken from muslimmatters.org

As people are content with the world, so you should be content with Allah. As they are delighted by the world, so you should be delighted with Allah. As they are intimate with their loved ones, so you should seek intimacy with Allah. As they desire to know their kings and their leaders, and to draw near to them in order for honour and status to be conferred on them, so you should come to know Allah and seek His love: this will lead to the utmost honour and distinction.

Said one of the ascetics (zuhhåd): “I can never imagine that someone could hear about Paradise and Hellfire and can still waste an hour without performing any act of obedience to Allah; neither remembrance, prayer, reciting Qur’an nor an act of charity or kindness.” Someone said to him: I weep profusely. He replied: “That you laugh while confessing your sin is better than weeping yet being puffed-up with pride because of your deeds. For the deeds of a conceited person will never rise above his head.” The person then requested: Please counsel me. So the ascetic replied:

“Leave the world to those who hanker after it, as they leave the Afterlife to its seekers. And be in this world as the bee: it eats only good, produces only good, and when it rests upon anything it neither ruins it nor deflowers it.”

FOOTNOTES
* Al-Fawa’id (Riyadh: Maktabah al-Rushd, 2001), 187; trans. Surkheel Sharif.

The Weeping Willow

Taken from here.

The Weeping Willow

The darkness had arrived. But it didn't make a difference to the Tree. Day and night were the same. The Tree would stand alone. The morning light provided no comfort, except for, of course, the fact that it was essential for the sun to shine sometimes in order to survive. Survival of the fittest, The Tree smiled bitterly to himself. But only The Tree wasn't the fittest. In fact it was barely surviving. Loneliness is a killer......'Your too far out' they would say. 'It's not a proper place for our kind.' Meaning what? Am I not a tree, like you?

He knew the truth. It had nothing to do with the location as their branches reached out far and wide. He knew full well what they meant by 'our kind.' He was of an odd nature compared to them. His branches drooped whilst theirs expanded out. His trunk was hidden by waves of shadow, even if it was to be seen it was crumbled and wrinkled unattractive to the eye. Theirs a deep brown, strong and hard, perfect for climbing. Their leaves green, a forest green. But depending on seasonal change they shone golden and orange and at peak times they jeweled red. Not to forget being decorated with the pink and white blossoms under the crisp spring sky.

And me......Pale yellow fragile leaves, which naturally drooped as the downturn of a mouth would. In the rain they would become brown and give away to nothingness. Nothing but the remains of unwanted mess under shoes squelching in the mud. At my best, my leaves would turn a light shade of green (I rather like the colour) but my fellow trees would still scorn. Ooooh fancy that, faded green, who's known a tree to be of that colour. Indeed you are strange species. Rejected and hurt, I turn away. I have still some dignity left, I do not let them see me weep. I try to lift myself, but to no avail. I am weighed down by my branches. And there I remain. I stand alone again.

But then one early morning, before the morning sun rose, my life changed. Dramatically. Oh I will never forget that day of sweet sounding melody. I awoke like I do; just in time to see the pink horizon. This is my daily dose of hope of a better day. And the Lord above chose today to be that day, Alhamdulillah! (how can I not praise my Lord, the bestower of unexpected bounties). I felt a movement against me. Ok wake up, dream time finish, I told myself, you know in reality there is never any sign of life around me. But there it was again. The shuffling, the exclamations of delight, the warmth of a presence. Allahu Akbar! This was no dream. This was a different kind of motion. Whilst I was trying to figure out what this was, earnestly frowning at this strange visitor. The most beautiful sound came out. If I had a heart it would literally stop. Pleasure was not something I was familiar with, but this I knew to be pure pleasure. I crouched further to be in closer range so i could make out the words. And did they flow out. They carried out to reach the heavens I'm sure.

They said, "Alif Lam Mim.
This is the Book, whereof there is no doubt, a guidance to those who are Al Muttaqoon.
Who beleive in the Ghaib and perform As salat and spend out of what we have provided for them, (spend on themselves, their parents, their children, their wives and also give in charity to the poor and also in Allah's Cause)."
{Al Baqarah: 1-3}

I knew then what it was. It was The Book that our Lord had blessed the humans with. The divine scripture promised to be protected by God Himself. And I the weeping willow was shelter to the reciter of these beautiful words. Never had any object of nature reached such a status to give refuge to one reading the Qur'an. This person had voluntarily come to me. Out of all the trees, I was the most appropriate location. Why? Because it was the humility of my branches that stood out against all the upright boastful trees.

This person did not want their identity to be known out of shyness. She wanted to be hidden from everything else but Allah as it was Allah's Pleasure alone she was seeking. She knew the angels would surround the recitation at dawn time and she wanted them to go and report to Allah. We knew while the world was sleeping we were awake in harmony. How blessed I felt at that moment. Allah chose the ground under me to bear witness to her faith. In that instance I recalled the story of the tree that cried when the Messenger of Allah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) moved away from it. I could now empathize the loss it must have felt. This moment, this memory will only die with me and not before.

I no longer wallowed in my loneliness, instead I looked forward to the morning dawn as my beautiful earthling would use my branches to carry out the Words of Allah to the world. Alhamdulillah I am The Weeping Willow, with a new meaning to life.

You can imagine how much the recitation of the following verses delighted me as they rose to the top of my trunk . I felt beautiful like I had never felt before. A true honour for the creation of His Majesty's trees...

"See you not how Allah sets forth a parable? A goodly word as a goodly tree, whose root is firmly fixed, and its branches (reach) to the sky.
Giving its fruit at all times, by the Leave of its Lord, and Allah sets parables for mankind in order that they may remember.
And the parable of an evil word is that of an evil tree uprooted from the surface of earth, having no stability.
Allah will keep firm those who believe, with the word that stands firm in this world and in the Hereafter. And Allah will cause to go astray those who are zaalimun and Allah does what He wills."
{Ibrahim: 24-27}

In Cuba - simple pleasures.

In Cuba (Guantanamo Bay), the brothers would try to save the stalk of any apple or pear they were given. They would then hide it and wait for it to dry out so that they could then use it as Miswaak.

When the US soldiers found out they would search them - and their 'cages' for it - a fruit stalk of all things. But then it was a small luxury for the brothers. And they weren't supposed to have basic needs and necessities - never mind luxuries.

Parenting Course Notes – Week 2

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Teaching children Aqeedah

At the beginning of this class we were asked by Umm Talha to give an example of something we have learnt recently and how that information was acquired. Some of the responses were as follows:

“I learnt how to cook rice without a rice cooker by trial and error”
“I discovered I needed to wear glasses whilst driving. My driving instructor advised me to go to the optician.”
“I learnt that babies can be given solids at 6 months. This information was related to me by my friend”

The thing I learnt that morning was the fact that I could get a different bus to my class. My husband drove me to the other bus stop, showed me where to get on, took the same route as the bus and finally showed me where to get off Alhamdulillah (I still haven’t taken that route because it seems too complicated!!).

You’re probably thinking, what was the point of this exercise? The reason why this exercise was conducted was to get us to think about the different methods involved in learning new information. After listening to the examples given by the sisters we came up with a list of the methods involved in learning new information. These are as follows:

Reading
Listening
Seeing/watching (visual)
Tasting
Experience
Smell
Thinking
Questioning
Touching and feeling
Exploring
Repeating

The most effective method by which children acquire new skills and information is by exploring, seeing, touching and feeling. Therefore, it is not wise to tell a small child to sit down for an hour or two while you explain to them the different categories of Tawheed from a big text book. Forget children this method of learning sometimes puts adults off!!

A better approach would be to take them out to the zoo or park and inform them that Allah has created the animals and He is the creator of everything. Therefore, he is known as Al-Khaaliq. You could point to a tree and say “did you know that even when a leaf falls from that tree, Allah knows about it.”
We should make teaching fun so that they are learning about Allah as well as having fun. We should constantly mention the name of Allah so that the child grows up loving Allah (SWT).

Also, when we are teaching them to say “Bismillah” before eating for example we should say it rhythmically or we could ask the child “what do you say before eating?” and the child can answer by saying “Bis-mill-llah”. However, one thing we should NEVER do is to force them to say something. Don’t be dictators because the most likely result of that would be rebellion. Instead of forcing them to say something, we should say it and they will copy us.

An example of this would be getting them to memorize, let’s say, the dua for traveling. So as soon as we get in the car we should say it out aloud and get the child to say it along with us. SubhanAllah, this method really works, my husband once told me how his colleague taught his children the times table by playing a cassette in the car on their journey to their school.

We should always use Standard English with our children because they will imitate what they hear. We should say “Alhamdulillah” and “Masha Allah” so that they will be familiar with these words. We should take the time out and communicate with them, play and bond with them. How often do we see the mother always disciplining, feeding, changing the child (basically doing all the boring chores), whilst the father plays with them and takes them out. We can be creative and make our own books with lots of bright pictures; this is fun and cost effective.

We should use references from the Qur’an and make children reflect on Allah’s creations. Every time we are out with our children we should try to relate everything back to Allah. We should use visual images from the Qur’an, for example when Allah (SWT) says:

"Have we not made for him to eyes, and a tongue and two lips?" Surah Balad: ayat 8-9

We can point to our eyes, tongue and lips while reciting the ayah and inform our children that Allah (swt) has given us these things so that they become thankful to Allah for His blessings.

I just want to finish off by mentioning a beautiful example given by a sister about an incident that occurred with her son. Her son was talking to her about what he wanted to be when he grows up, he mentioned a few things and then he said “I want to be Allah” (because he loved Allah so much he wanted to be like him). I think the normal response from mothers would be “Astaghfirullah, don’t say things like that”, wouldn’t it? Or “don’t be silly how can you be Allah?” However, Masha Allah this sister used her wisdom. She remembered the story of Ibraheem (AS) and Nimrud so she said to her son “okay, you want to be Allah? Can you create the sun and make it move from one place to the next? Can you give life to the dead? Her son realised he couldn’t do these things so he knew he couldn’t be Allah. SubhanAllah what a beautiful story and what an effective way to teach children About Allah’s attributes.

May Allah give us the ability to raise pious children with the correct Aqeedah. Ameen

Make things EASY

[Hadith]
Rasul Allah, sal Allah alayhi wa sallam, said, "There was once a
merchant who would lend money to people. Whenever the person he lent money to was in difficult circumstances, he would say to
his employees, 'Forgive him so that Allah may forgive us.' So,
Allah forgave him."
- Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 3, Hadith 292

[Lessons from this Hadith]
When you and I forgive people, who are we actually setting free?
OURSELVES! Because of the outstanding way this man dealt with
people, Allah forgave him, and blessed him with profit in this
life and the next. Is there someone in your life that you are
making things difficult for? What can you do to make it easy for
them?

With best wishes to see you succeed at the highest level!
- Muhammad Alshareef

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Parenting Course Notes, Week 1.

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Bismillahir Rahmaneer Raheem

I am currently studying a parenting course which looks at it from an Islamic point of view Alhamdulillah. I think there is a great need for courses such as this because as Muslim women we have a great responsibility of raising righteous children inshaAllah. We are our children’s first institute for learning. Therefore it is incumbent on us to know how to raise our children according to Islamic principles insha Allah. Although motherhood can be demanding I see it as a privilege because there are many women out there yearning for children but are unable to have any due to various circumstances. May Allah (SWT) grant these women children who will be the coolness for their eyes, Ameen.
The course is designed to be interactive with lively discussions. We also participate in role-play (which I enjoy very much!).

Notes from Week One

Children’s rights
Allah (SWT) says in the Noble Qur’an:
“O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah but do (precisely) what they are commanded” (SurahTahreem: verse 6)
In the first session we discussed the rights of a new born child having this ayah as a guideline.

1- Tasmiya. The first right that was discussed was the right to give the child a good name (Tasmiya). The proof of this is the hadith of the prophet (SWS):
“A child will be called by his name”

Unfortunately we find that when it comes to naming children people have some weird customs. For example, some people point to the Qur’an and pick any word. Thus calling their children names such as khinzil, jaheem, Riba etc. Others even name their children after their animals. So you end up with Mimi, Fifi or kitty!! Other people choose the names of actors and singers. My personal favorites have to the names of fruits such as Lesu, anggur, khomla, khazur, khola (translated into English from Bengali means Lychee, grape, orange, dates, banana). I’m sure you guys have come across these names right??! (note: no offence intended)

2-Aqiqa – slaughtering one sheep for a girl and two for a boy. Preferably this is done on the seventh day, if not then on the 14th or 21st. If you cannot do it on those days then you can do it on any other Insha Allah. The proof for this:
“Every child is tied to his aqiqa so shed blood for him”.

3-Circumcission (Khitaan) – Everybody knows circumcision for a boy is wajib but many people do not realise that female circumcision is also part of the Sunnah (Note: this is not the same as genital mutilation practiced by some people)
Prophet (sws) said fitra acts are five (a) circumcision (b) shaving (c) trimming the moustache (d) clipping the nails (e) removing armpit hair. (Bukhari and Muslim)

4-Teaching aqeedah (life skills, adaab, aklaaq)
“A child is born a Muslim and it is his parents who change him into a Jew or Christian”

5-Breastfeeding- it is recommended that a child should be breastfed for the first two years of his life if possible. This is sometimes quite difficult for sisters to practice due to pressure from family members to give the child the bottle. I feel quite sad when I hear sisters having to put up a fight so that they can breastfeed their child. Sheikh Shuhaib Hassan once said:
“....the child should be suckled for the first two years of his life, instead of given powdered milk which has been stored in tin for months. Few adults would abandon fresh fruits and vegetables for stale, tinned foods, yet they are quite happy to feed nothing but tinned milk and foods to their infants. Secondly, just as the mother’s blood in the womb passes nutrients and her emotions through to the blood of her child so her milk also passes her characteristics and emotions to her child while she is suckling him, causing him to feel immense comfort and confidence”.

Other rights include, shaving his hair, giving him knowledge of the deen and the Duniya, providing food shelter and TLC (tender love care), teaching him about hygiene and safety.

Dispelling Marital Fears...

Cruising through cyber space I'm always left with a feeling of sadness, especially at the situation of sisters.

And right now I don't even mean the speaking without knowledge, or the self tafseer of the words of Allah that are just an insult to Allah and this beautiful deen, nor am I talking about the pictures or avatars of what's probably your favorite photograph or picture (being a woman I know that you wouldn't display anything other than your favorite picture publicly).

Nor am I talking about the effect that older more experienced sisters are having on the younger ones - influencing them in their views, recklessly opening up a can of worms in discussion with no conclusion, leaving them confused, their questions unanswered.

Nor am I talking about the visible influence of western thought on the minds and thoughts of our sisters, mainly feminism, which has led to unjustified attacks against brothers - unlimited man bashing. Maybe they forget that by insulting men they are insulting our fathers, brothers, husbands, the scholars not to mention the Mujahideen. Maybe they forget or maybe they don't care.

So what's upsetting me at this moment?

Its the fear of marriage that so many sisters have. I don't mean the natural fear of having a man in your life. Or the butterflies in your stomach and natural blush on your cheeks at a meeting with your husband to be, wondering if you look okay and say the right things. Or the apprehension of wondering if the wedding day will go smoothly.

It seems to be another type of fear that is leading sisters to delay marriage as far as possible, to prefer a single life alone rather than get married. A fear of marrying a dictator, into a patriarchal relationship - where they fear they will not have a say in anything. A fear of no longer having any freedom. A fear of being burdened with too many responsibilities.

Maybe in some ways this fear is justified with the increasing divorce rates, horror stories of marriage that people shouldn't be spreading anyway, and western discussion on the mainly misperceived oppression of Muslim women.

You don't hear of many positive stories or beautiful stories about modern day marriages or family life. (Everyone assumes that good marriages only existed at the time of the Prophet peace be upon him.) What about the small things that happen in your marriage that make your heart melt? Funny things that happen that make the extended family laugh and affirm that indeed your family are absolutely crazy!

That in many ways in many instances you feel like a child again when the family play tig or hide and seek or compete in games and then the big kid (the husband) makes 99 excuses - for himself when you beat him at something!

That the beauty of any argument or bickering is that it leads you to know your spouse better and you learn together and grow together as a result.

That marriage is like the greatest challenge (for those of us who buzz off challenges!). And in fact the psychology in it is actually fun. Using womanly intelligence and power (what Muhammad Alshareef calls halal magic) trying to get your own way with something, and when you finally do get you own way (most of the time if you're clever about it) feeling that sense of 'Alhamdulillah indeed Allah has made the woman different from the man!'

I personally and many sisters I know will tell you that the good in marriage and family life far outweighs any bad in it (Note I may change my mind during pregnancy!)

Not long ago at an AlKauthar course we were discussing some adverse affects of delaying marriage, some of the things mentioned were also things that I had heard from sisters from their own personal experiences.

The following are just a few.

Marrying at a late age can adversely affect a marital relationship in that both parties are already developed in their personality and thoughts and may be less willing to give and take.

They may find it hard to adjust to married life after such a long time of being single and 'independent.'

Women need to remember that our biological clock will not tick forever and the longer we wait to have children the more difficulties we may come across in conception, childbirth etc.

Research shows that women who marry at a later age tend to be less confident in their beauty and physical disposition than younger women.

Also regarding the effect of western thought and feminism on our expectations, again here are a few examples mentioned by some sisters.

Sisters may get into marriage having a bad opinion of men, being paranoid, criticizing etc and thus negatively affect their relationship

Nobody finds attraction in a person who is defiant, argumentative and moaning all the time. If we are unhappy about something there are wiser ways of getting that across.

Going into a marriage with cynicism is unfair to the relationship to begin with.

An overly negative view of marriage may subdue anything slightly positive in the marriage

In saying all this we also need to look at the flip side of the coin - we cannot go into anything with an over zealous attitude either. If we expect the perfect, romantic, faultless husband we are going to be very VERY disappointed. Like my husband once mentioned we can't expect marital life to be liKe a romance novel. We need to be realistic. It rains in every relationship. The key is the way we deal with the rain, who we turn to, whether we let it drench us or provide for us the water to help us grow.

We need to put our trust in Allah, make sincere du'aa to Him at all times, be grateful in ease and patient in trials. Its the over negativity and over zealousness that is destroying ourselves, those around us and our societies - where is the balanced Ummah?

My advise to sisters would be not to expect too much in marriage nor sell yourself short on things that really matter to you as that may also adversely affect your relationship. And ask questions in meetings. Don't be too shy to ask questions about things that really matter to you. Clarify ALL doubts before marriage.

Make sure you do things in the right way and never have 'private' conversations or meetings with a prospective spouse. Our fathers and brothers or other people can usually see through things that may 'woo' us.

Always meet his family too and make sure family are involved in the process. Many sisters who marry without the support of family are often left with no support network. And like my parents always taught me - a guy who has no interest in your family is not someone whom you can trust.

We need to prevent ourselves from being affected too much by the horror stories we hear and remember that every person, every situation is different. There are many decent just brothers out there and I can honestly say that I know of many.

Most importantly we need to remember that we need to trust in our Lord and have confidence that He is the one who we can truly depend on, He is the one who provides, and He is the only one that can answers our prayers.

Your sister Umm Maymoonah,
Contributions by Saabirah and Umm Zaidah Nusaybah.

Here's an excercise...

Lift up your arm (either one) in the air with your fingers pointing to the ceiling.

Now leave it there for about 2 minutes.

Is it starting to feel heavy?

Well according to a childminders training course a friend of mine is doing, this is how a child feels when they hold a grown ups hand going for a walk or even to the corner shop.

Lesson? Use a Safety Harness.