Parenting Course – Week 5

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Respect

Respect is often associated with elders. We are taught to respect our parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. The subject of respecting youngsters is quite alien. How often do we see children being spoken to in a derogatory manner? Being criticized for not doing something correctly or being shouted at for causing an accident? Have we ever stopped to think about how that child feels when we behave in such a manner? We need to ask ourselves, how would you feel if we were being treated in this way. We would probably have low self-esteem and be scared of doing certain things due to the fear of being criticized. Subhan’Allah, there is a famous saying “Respect, give it to get it”. So think about this for a moment, if we do not respect our children then what guarantee do we have that they will respect us.

At the beginning of this session we were asked to narrate an incident where we felt disrespected. The following are some of the responses. One sister said she feels disrespected when people look at her with pity because she wears hijab and jilbab because they she is oppressed. Another sister said she felt disrespected when someone called her stupid because she didn’t know where a certain country was situated. One sister said she felt disrespected when a guest said they didn’t like her cooking, which she spent hours preparing! Another sister spoke about people swearing and the fact that she finds it offensive and disrespectful. It is even more shocking when practising Muslims use foul language.

After listening to everyone’s accounts we came up with a list of actions which we find disrespectful. These include;
• Being mocked
• Not listening
• Being shouted at
• Being criticised
• Pointing fingers
• Breaking boundaries
• Accusing
• Having no eye contact
• Hearing swear words
• Opinions not being valued
• Using inappropriate speech
• Being judged
• Abusing trust
• Backbiting
• Lying

In the next part of the session we were put into groups of three and presented with different scenarios involving parents and their children. What we were asked to do was determine whether the child was respected or disrespected in each scenario.

Scenario one
At a party a child breaks a glass by accident. The mother goes over to the child, shouts at him in front of everyone and leaves the child there.
We decided it was disrespectful as well as neglect. The mother should have removed the child from the area where the accident occurred and maybe she should have talked to him away from the people. She should not shout at him because it was an accident.

Scenario 2
A mother changes her babies’ nappy and exclaims in front of people “This is the third time I have had to change you!” The mother is annoyed with the child.
We decided this was disrespect because the child may have been embarrassed. Also, the child may have an upset stomach. Instead of the mother being annoyed she should remember that she will be rewarded for changing her baby’s nappy insha’Allah.

Scenario 3
A father takes his little girl shopping and buys her a pair of shoes HE liked.
There was disagreement between the different groups. Those who said this was disrespect explained that the father did not give the child any choice. Those who said it was not disrespect said maybe the father knew if he gave the girl a choice she would choose something impractical. Maybe what the father should have done is to pick a few pairs and ask her which one she would prefer.

Scenario 4
A child is running and is about to cross the road. The mother shouts “stop” and the child stops.
We decide this was not disrespect although we had previously suggested being shouted at is a form of disrespect. In this incident it was necessary for the mother to shout to get the child’s attention and if she hadn’t shouted the child may have had an accident. Therefore, it is justified to shout in certain circumstances.

Scenario 5
At the dinner table two children are eating. One of them finishes his food so the father takes the food from the other child’s plate and puts it on the plate of the child who has finished.
We all strongly agreed that this was disrespect. Firstly the father did not ask the permission of the child. It was also suggested that some of us used to save our favourite foods to eat last and if that was the case here then the child will be very upset.

Scenario 6
A mother takes her child to the nursery for the first time. The child starts crying and the mother says to the teacher “she’s always like this”.
We decided this was disrespect because the mother should have been more sympathetic as it was the child’s first day at the nursery and almost everybody cries on their first day!!

Disrespect – conclusion
These scenarios actually do exist, so we should think carefully about what we say to our children. We should choose the words carefully and try our best not to disrespect them. We must look at the example of our beloved prophet (SAW) and how he dealt with children around him. He (SAW) always showed respect to children and was very affectionate towards them. For example, when a young boy’s father died, the prophet (SAW) said to him “I am sorry for your loss”. These words suggest that the prophet (SAW) treated the boy like an adult, therefore, giving him respect.
And Allah knows best.

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

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Ramadan

Some things to read.

Ramadhân: Have You Got What It Takes?

Ramadan Guide.

How Our Pious Predecessors Spent Ramadan

Welcoming the Arrival of Ramadan

“The fasting person has two occasions for joy”

Islamtoday - Fasting and Itikaaf, articles and rulings for Ramadan.

Last but not least Issue 3 of sisters-magazine is Out!

Highlights of this issue include:
Ramadhan in the Qur'an and Sunnah
The wisdom behind fasting
Exerting oneself in the last ten days of Ramadhan
Preparing your home for Ramadhan
Make this Eid your best ever with our fabulous celebration ideas!

AND... Gorgeous Eid fashion feature
.

A blend of cultures for dinner.

At this years JIMAS conference Sheikh Mamdouh Muhammad gave us some really good advice - when you invite someone for dinner, never just invite people from one country to your house, try to have people from different countries attend.

I know a sister who did this and used to count to herself, 'Today we have a blend of Bengali, Pakistani, Jamaican, Algerian and Lybian guests!'

MashaAllah It was really nice and I've met many sisters of different nationalities through her.

JIMAS

Another JIMAS conference gone by and I'm left feeling tired and exhausted but not quite wanting to be back.

Some Benefits of attending the JIMAS Conference.

Sisterhood/brotherhood. Different ages, race, backgrounds, professions. Meeting brothers and sisters that you only see once a year at JIMAS!
A few sisters and I played 'guess what race percentages' (ourselves) and our children are- it was humorous to say the least, (other sisters looked on like we were a tad crazy.)

Fresh Green Air, close to nature, green trees and plenty of weeping willows (my favorite!)

Being among the people of knowledge who all differ in their beautiful, charismatic, dynamic and humorous personalities.

Knowledge - each teacher/scholar taught us in a variety of different ways you actually remember what you listened to and don't get bored of 3 days of lectures.

Keeping fit - walking to and from lectures, lunch, salah all day for 3 days - you certainly feel the effects on the body.

Family time. Back in your rooms there is no internet, cooking, laundry or distractions - just the family. You're 'forced' to spend quality time together :-)

Safety. You actually let your children run around here and there and know that they are safe with sisters looking out for each others children.

Alkauthar revision :-) The finance seminars for the first time didn't go over my head thanks to my teacher Sheikh Abu Yusuf and the Alkauthar Real Deal course. I found myself engrossed in what Tarek Al Diwany had to say about the monetary/banking systems, keen to hear more and captivated by the seminar on inheritance.
I cant wait till The Real Deal 201!

Ok here's the girly bit. I can't forget shopping can I? Being able to shop in a halal music free environment. A vast selection of fabrics, cuts, styles in Abaya's and Hijaab and the once a year opportunity to find the 'perfect' Niqaab for you that aren't always available locally.
Some sisters actually let their customers take items home without paying, promising that they will send a cheque when they get back home. Thats what I call real trust.

And Cons? - The Price? Yes its more expensive than previous years, but is without a doubt worth it. And today I recieved a cheque through the post from tax returns that I had forgotten about - when you spend in the way of Allah - Allah always gives back more. SubhanAllah.

Anyway Here's more on JIMAS....

Hands On Dawa!

Alhamdulillah we had a few new sisters at the Adab class this week. One of the new Muslim sisters, an English sister who reverted a few months ago, knew of a Pakistani family in her local community.

She went to visit them before the class and said to them, 'If I can go to the mosque then so can you!' And dragged them to the class with her!

Be like the Bee

Taken from muslimmatters.org

As people are content with the world, so you should be content with Allah. As they are delighted by the world, so you should be delighted with Allah. As they are intimate with their loved ones, so you should seek intimacy with Allah. As they desire to know their kings and their leaders, and to draw near to them in order for honour and status to be conferred on them, so you should come to know Allah and seek His love: this will lead to the utmost honour and distinction.

Said one of the ascetics (zuhhåd): “I can never imagine that someone could hear about Paradise and Hellfire and can still waste an hour without performing any act of obedience to Allah; neither remembrance, prayer, reciting Qur’an nor an act of charity or kindness.” Someone said to him: I weep profusely. He replied: “That you laugh while confessing your sin is better than weeping yet being puffed-up with pride because of your deeds. For the deeds of a conceited person will never rise above his head.” The person then requested: Please counsel me. So the ascetic replied:

“Leave the world to those who hanker after it, as they leave the Afterlife to its seekers. And be in this world as the bee: it eats only good, produces only good, and when it rests upon anything it neither ruins it nor deflowers it.”

FOOTNOTES
* Al-Fawa’id (Riyadh: Maktabah al-Rushd, 2001), 187; trans. Surkheel Sharif.

The Weeping Willow

Taken from here.

The Weeping Willow

The darkness had arrived. But it didn't make a difference to the Tree. Day and night were the same. The Tree would stand alone. The morning light provided no comfort, except for, of course, the fact that it was essential for the sun to shine sometimes in order to survive. Survival of the fittest, The Tree smiled bitterly to himself. But only The Tree wasn't the fittest. In fact it was barely surviving. Loneliness is a killer......'Your too far out' they would say. 'It's not a proper place for our kind.' Meaning what? Am I not a tree, like you?

He knew the truth. It had nothing to do with the location as their branches reached out far and wide. He knew full well what they meant by 'our kind.' He was of an odd nature compared to them. His branches drooped whilst theirs expanded out. His trunk was hidden by waves of shadow, even if it was to be seen it was crumbled and wrinkled unattractive to the eye. Theirs a deep brown, strong and hard, perfect for climbing. Their leaves green, a forest green. But depending on seasonal change they shone golden and orange and at peak times they jeweled red. Not to forget being decorated with the pink and white blossoms under the crisp spring sky.

And me......Pale yellow fragile leaves, which naturally drooped as the downturn of a mouth would. In the rain they would become brown and give away to nothingness. Nothing but the remains of unwanted mess under shoes squelching in the mud. At my best, my leaves would turn a light shade of green (I rather like the colour) but my fellow trees would still scorn. Ooooh fancy that, faded green, who's known a tree to be of that colour. Indeed you are strange species. Rejected and hurt, I turn away. I have still some dignity left, I do not let them see me weep. I try to lift myself, but to no avail. I am weighed down by my branches. And there I remain. I stand alone again.

But then one early morning, before the morning sun rose, my life changed. Dramatically. Oh I will never forget that day of sweet sounding melody. I awoke like I do; just in time to see the pink horizon. This is my daily dose of hope of a better day. And the Lord above chose today to be that day, Alhamdulillah! (how can I not praise my Lord, the bestower of unexpected bounties). I felt a movement against me. Ok wake up, dream time finish, I told myself, you know in reality there is never any sign of life around me. But there it was again. The shuffling, the exclamations of delight, the warmth of a presence. Allahu Akbar! This was no dream. This was a different kind of motion. Whilst I was trying to figure out what this was, earnestly frowning at this strange visitor. The most beautiful sound came out. If I had a heart it would literally stop. Pleasure was not something I was familiar with, but this I knew to be pure pleasure. I crouched further to be in closer range so i could make out the words. And did they flow out. They carried out to reach the heavens I'm sure.

They said, "Alif Lam Mim.
This is the Book, whereof there is no doubt, a guidance to those who are Al Muttaqoon.
Who beleive in the Ghaib and perform As salat and spend out of what we have provided for them, (spend on themselves, their parents, their children, their wives and also give in charity to the poor and also in Allah's Cause)."
{Al Baqarah: 1-3}

I knew then what it was. It was The Book that our Lord had blessed the humans with. The divine scripture promised to be protected by God Himself. And I the weeping willow was shelter to the reciter of these beautiful words. Never had any object of nature reached such a status to give refuge to one reading the Qur'an. This person had voluntarily come to me. Out of all the trees, I was the most appropriate location. Why? Because it was the humility of my branches that stood out against all the upright boastful trees.

This person did not want their identity to be known out of shyness. She wanted to be hidden from everything else but Allah as it was Allah's Pleasure alone she was seeking. She knew the angels would surround the recitation at dawn time and she wanted them to go and report to Allah. We knew while the world was sleeping we were awake in harmony. How blessed I felt at that moment. Allah chose the ground under me to bear witness to her faith. In that instance I recalled the story of the tree that cried when the Messenger of Allah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) moved away from it. I could now empathize the loss it must have felt. This moment, this memory will only die with me and not before.

I no longer wallowed in my loneliness, instead I looked forward to the morning dawn as my beautiful earthling would use my branches to carry out the Words of Allah to the world. Alhamdulillah I am The Weeping Willow, with a new meaning to life.

You can imagine how much the recitation of the following verses delighted me as they rose to the top of my trunk . I felt beautiful like I had never felt before. A true honour for the creation of His Majesty's trees...

"See you not how Allah sets forth a parable? A goodly word as a goodly tree, whose root is firmly fixed, and its branches (reach) to the sky.
Giving its fruit at all times, by the Leave of its Lord, and Allah sets parables for mankind in order that they may remember.
And the parable of an evil word is that of an evil tree uprooted from the surface of earth, having no stability.
Allah will keep firm those who believe, with the word that stands firm in this world and in the Hereafter. And Allah will cause to go astray those who are zaalimun and Allah does what He wills."
{Ibrahim: 24-27}

Parenting Course Notes – Week 2

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Teaching children Aqeedah

At the beginning of this class we were asked by Umm Talha to give an example of something we have learnt recently and how that information was acquired. Some of the responses were as follows:

“I learnt how to cook rice without a rice cooker by trial and error”
“I discovered I needed to wear glasses whilst driving. My driving instructor advised me to go to the optician.”
“I learnt that babies can be given solids at 6 months. This information was related to me by my friend”

The thing I learnt that morning was the fact that I could get a different bus to my class. My husband drove me to the other bus stop, showed me where to get on, took the same route as the bus and finally showed me where to get off Alhamdulillah (I still haven’t taken that route because it seems too complicated!!).

You’re probably thinking, what was the point of this exercise? The reason why this exercise was conducted was to get us to think about the different methods involved in learning new information. After listening to the examples given by the sisters we came up with a list of the methods involved in learning new information. These are as follows:

Reading
Listening
Seeing/watching (visual)
Tasting
Experience
Smell
Thinking
Questioning
Touching and feeling
Exploring
Repeating

The most effective method by which children acquire new skills and information is by exploring, seeing, touching and feeling. Therefore, it is not wise to tell a small child to sit down for an hour or two while you explain to them the different categories of Tawheed from a big text book. Forget children this method of learning sometimes puts adults off!!

A better approach would be to take them out to the zoo or park and inform them that Allah has created the animals and He is the creator of everything. Therefore, he is known as Al-Khaaliq. You could point to a tree and say “did you know that even when a leaf falls from that tree, Allah knows about it.”
We should make teaching fun so that they are learning about Allah as well as having fun. We should constantly mention the name of Allah so that the child grows up loving Allah (SWT).

Also, when we are teaching them to say “Bismillah” before eating for example we should say it rhythmically or we could ask the child “what do you say before eating?” and the child can answer by saying “Bis-mill-llah”. However, one thing we should NEVER do is to force them to say something. Don’t be dictators because the most likely result of that would be rebellion. Instead of forcing them to say something, we should say it and they will copy us.

An example of this would be getting them to memorize, let’s say, the dua for traveling. So as soon as we get in the car we should say it out aloud and get the child to say it along with us. SubhanAllah, this method really works, my husband once told me how his colleague taught his children the times table by playing a cassette in the car on their journey to their school.

We should always use Standard English with our children because they will imitate what they hear. We should say “Alhamdulillah” and “Masha Allah” so that they will be familiar with these words. We should take the time out and communicate with them, play and bond with them. How often do we see the mother always disciplining, feeding, changing the child (basically doing all the boring chores), whilst the father plays with them and takes them out. We can be creative and make our own books with lots of bright pictures; this is fun and cost effective.

We should use references from the Qur’an and make children reflect on Allah’s creations. Every time we are out with our children we should try to relate everything back to Allah. We should use visual images from the Qur’an, for example when Allah (SWT) says:

"Have we not made for him to eyes, and a tongue and two lips?" Surah Balad: ayat 8-9

We can point to our eyes, tongue and lips while reciting the ayah and inform our children that Allah (swt) has given us these things so that they become thankful to Allah for His blessings.

I just want to finish off by mentioning a beautiful example given by a sister about an incident that occurred with her son. Her son was talking to her about what he wanted to be when he grows up, he mentioned a few things and then he said “I want to be Allah” (because he loved Allah so much he wanted to be like him). I think the normal response from mothers would be “Astaghfirullah, don’t say things like that”, wouldn’t it? Or “don’t be silly how can you be Allah?” However, Masha Allah this sister used her wisdom. She remembered the story of Ibraheem (AS) and Nimrud so she said to her son “okay, you want to be Allah? Can you create the sun and make it move from one place to the next? Can you give life to the dead? Her son realised he couldn’t do these things so he knew he couldn’t be Allah. SubhanAllah what a beautiful story and what an effective way to teach children About Allah’s attributes.

May Allah give us the ability to raise pious children with the correct Aqeedah. Ameen

Make things EASY

[Hadith]
Rasul Allah, sal Allah alayhi wa sallam, said, "There was once a
merchant who would lend money to people. Whenever the person he lent money to was in difficult circumstances, he would say to
his employees, 'Forgive him so that Allah may forgive us.' So,
Allah forgave him."
- Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 3, Hadith 292

[Lessons from this Hadith]
When you and I forgive people, who are we actually setting free?
OURSELVES! Because of the outstanding way this man dealt with
people, Allah forgave him, and blessed him with profit in this
life and the next. Is there someone in your life that you are
making things difficult for? What can you do to make it easy for
them?

With best wishes to see you succeed at the highest level!
- Muhammad Alshareef

.

Her reward is with her Lord.

As I walked into the sisters section in one of the Masjids in Manchester the other day. The room was empty apart from a sister who was hoovering. Well, I thought it was a hoover, untill I noticed that it had water in it and a small tube attached to it. I assumed that she must be the cleaner.

When we started chatting I realised that she wasn't a cleaner. I enquired about her 'hoover thingy' and she told me that it was a carpet cleaning machine. She seemed hesitant to supply all the information, but I probably forced her to with all my questions.

She had - from her own initiative ordered the carpet cleaner from Ebay - at a bargain price of £122 including delivery, (they are usually double the price or more.)

So she had come in at a quiet time to clean the Masjid. She isn't hired or paid to do so. Her reward is with her Lord.

AND she is a full time mother! She had her two young children with her who were playing happily outside.

Al Adab AlMufrad Notes. By Saabirah.

Adab al Mufrad Notes (8)
Monday, 30 July 2007

Hadith/athar: Ibn Umar said: "if someone fears his Lord and maintains his ties of kinship, his term of life will be prolonged, he will have abundant wealth and his people will love him."

As above with a different isnad.

Example of Bukhari-tronics – chapter title ("Allah Loves the One Who Maintains His Ties Of Kinship") doesn’t correspond with hadiths, they don’t say anything about Allah loving the person. Some imams refer to hadith where Allah says He loves so and so, then telling Jibreel to that person who tells the inhabitants of the heavens and earth to love that person. Hence we know the only way people will love a person in this way is when Allah loves him.

First narration has tadlees, but second one does not thus strengthening first. Hadtih can be reported in different ways, some ways "stronger" than others. Haddathanee (he narrated to me), akhbarnee (he informed me), qaal (he said), sami’nee (I heard) imply strength just from their wording. ‘An (on the authority of) is lesser in strength as it denotes hearing either in person or through another reporter therefore further study is required. Tadlees of 3 types:
- Tadlees al isnad. The reporter says "on the authority of" someone who he didn’t actually relate the hadith to him or from someone he didn’t actually meet which creates the impression he actually heard it from him in person.
- Tadlees ash-shuyukh. The reporter doesn’t refer to the person he heard it from by name, uses a less well-known name.
- Tadlees at-taswiyyah. Reporter misses out the weaker link before him and refers directly to the stronger link preceding the weaker link to make the chain look strong. Worst kind of tadlees. Shu'bah said, "Tadlis is the brother of lying" and "To commit adultery is more favourable to me than to report by way of Tadlis."

Athar is mauquf – doesn’t reach Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam). However we can act on it if it is marfoo’ hukman – as though Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said it. Statement shows it is impossible sahabi could say it out of own reasoning i.e. matter of ghayb.

"Fears his Lord" – taqwa often translated as fear. Word from waqa – protection, wiqayah is a shield or preservative for food. Qur'an and sunnah gives validation to linguistic definition.
Ibn Rajab al Hanbali included definition as putting something between you and the whom you are fearful of to protect you. How? By obeying Him and leaving that which displeases Him.
Surah Ra’d (13:34) – "for them will be punishment in the life of (this) world, and the punishement of the Hereafter is more severe. And they will not have from Allah any protector." Root word of taqwa has meaning of one who gives protection.

Qur'an also tells us to have taqwa of punishment, taqwa of places of punishment (grave, Hell), the One who gives punishment, the Day when punishment will be meted out. Highest form of taqwa is taqwa of Allah. Taqwa is a right of Allah. Surah Muddaththir (74:56) "…He is worthy of fear and adequate for (granting) forgiveness," and "O you who believe, fear Allah, as He should be feared, and let not yourself die save as Muslims." Surah Al Imran 3:102

Some benefits of taqwa:
- Forgives all sins
- Increases rewards
- Jannah reserved for those having taqwa
- Allah’s pleasure
- Allah supports them, is with them
- Allah doesn’t waste their deeds
- Allah makes a way out for them in their difficulties
- Allah makes his affairs easy
- Allah gives them baseerah, hidden insight
- Allah gives them furqan – criterion to judge right and wrong
- Allah gives them najwa – saves them from destruction like those of previous nations

Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) prayed, "O Allah I asked you for guidance, nobility, self-sufficiency/wealth and tuqa (from waqa)." Qur'an is guidance for the muttaqeen (surah Baqarah 2:2). Self-sufficency prevents one from depending on others. Wealth never affects people of taqwa negatively. Those it affects negatively have weak taqwa.

Two things to protect one from Hellfire – taqwa and good conduct.

Taqwa involves finding out about those things to avoid. "Ignorance is bliss" is not the attitude of the muttaqi.

Hasan al Basri "Taqwa will remain with the muttaqi as long as he keeps away from the halal fearing it may be haram." Basic level is staying away from haram, next is avoiding the doubtful matters (shubuhaat) and highest level is keeping away from some of the halal too. Muttaqis’ characteristic is he has taqwa of things people think one shouldn’t have taqwa on. Muttaqi is like someone on a path with thorns on the side to be avoided. Sufi scholars of the later generations (khalaf) divided it thus:
(1) Islam (rejecting kufr)
(2)Tauba (falls into sin and repents when he sins)
(3) Wara' (caution) (avoiding shubuhaat)
(4) Zuhd (avoiding halal)
(5) Mushahadah ("witnessing" Allah)

Very few people have these qualities hence very few muttaqeen exist unfortunately. Umar ibn Abdul Aziz: "…For those who preach about it are many, and those who actually practice it few..."

For more details esp. qur'anic/hadith references: See Here



Adab al Mufrad Notes (7)
Saturday, 21 July 2007
(Classes 15/06/07 to 22/06/07)

Hadith/athar: Anas ibn Malik said: “The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said, ‘Whoever wishes to have his provision expanded and his term of life prolonged should maintain ties of kinship.’”

Hadith/athar: Abu Hurayra said: “The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said, ‘Whoever is pleased to have his provision expanded and his term of life lengthened should maintain ties of kinship.’”

Anas ibn Malik is THE narrator of hadith on adab. We see so much of the Prophet’s (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) character and qualities from his hadiths. Imam Dhahabi said of him: “He is the narrator of this religion.” He was 10 years old when he became Muslim. 20 years old when the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) passed away. In between that time he spent his life with Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) in his service. Umm Sulaym, his mother, brought him up by herself after her husband died. she later married Abu Talha ibn Thabit. She was very poor and didn’t have nice clothes for him to meet the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) in when he arrived in Madinah. She went in front of the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) and offered him her son saying she cannot give him what others can give him by way of wealth etc but he can have “Unais” (affectionate variation of the name Anas) as his servant and make du’a for him. As a result of the Prophet‘s (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) du’a for Allah to increase his wealth, progeny and lifespan, Anas had 100 offspring (109 and 129 in other narrations), remained one of the last companions to pass away and harvest his crops twice a year instead of once.

Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) used the Umm Sulaym’s house to rest in. He didn’t used to rest in any other house apart from his wives’. He’d pray nafl prayers there and make du’a for barakah in the house. Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) treated her very respectfully. She was his confidante and advisor. Umm Sulaym a woman of character and honour, sacrificing her son to be Prophet‘s (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) servant.

Really get to see someone’s true self in their private life – publicly everyone is great, those at home know what a person is really like. We get a bulk of this knowledge about Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) from Anas’ hadiths, who lived with him.

Anas taught some of kibar of imams. When in ihram he wouldn’t speak to anyone, so absorbed in ibadah. When he used to get up to pray he’d pray so much his feet would bleed. Abu Hurayra said, “I never saw anyone’s worship closer to the Prophet‘s (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) than Anas’.”

Anas died aged 103. died of plague. His mother kept some of the sweat of Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) and mixed it with perfume. Anas requested to be perfumed with that when he died.

Anas placed before Abu Hurayrah, despite the fact Abu Hurayrah pf greaster authority in area of maintaining kinship ties. Why? Perhaps because Anas ibn Malik was one of final sahabah to pass away, as though he is living testimony to the hadith – i.e. his life was prolonged.

Rizq commonly understood to mean money. But can mean anything good including that which isn’t visible including health, spirituality. Risq of intellect – truth which is "fed" to you i.e. Islamic ‘ilm.

Noonsa – prolong or delay something. In terms of life:
- physical increase of life – e.g. written in preserved tablet you will die at 60, you’re good to your parents, Allah gives you life until 70;
- Barakah in ones’ time e.g. you can do in one hour what others need a day to do. Imam Bukhari was good to his parents, he could do alone what would take a team of people;
- Ones’ old age will be worth living. One won’t have the illnesses of old age e.g. dementia. Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) used to seek refuge in Allah from becoming senile. His increase will make him realise the benefits of maintaining ties of kinship i.e. his children will be good to him.

Word atharihi used – remnants or traces, proof of something having occurred (footprints in the desert proof camel has walked there). Some say this is something that will persist after death – his children will maintain ties of kinship and make du’a for him. Ones’ children maintaining ties of kinship after death will result in people making du’a for him (e.g. rahimahuLlah) after recognising good deeds of his children.

If we’re going with interpretation of just ones’ lifespan being prolonged (Imam Tirmidhis’) why would we want a long life which is like a prison for us? Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said the best of people is he who lives a long life and does good deeds and the worst one is the one who lives a long life and does bad deeds. Life means opportunity for good deeds. Those in Hell will realise value of life hence they will ask to be returned so they can do deeds to prevent being in Hell. Exception – dying as martyr, ones’ sins are forgiven therfore permissible to pray for and desire shahadah. Also during fitnah of final days especially of Dajjal, one will pass by a grave and wish he was in the dead person’s place.



Friday, 22 June 2007
Adab al Mufrad Notes (6)
(Classes: 08/06/07 to 15/06/07

Hadith/athar: Abdullah ibn Amr said, "The Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) pointed his finger towards us and said, ‘The (root word of) rahim (the kin) is derived from the word Rahman (the Merciful). Whoever maintains the connection of ties of kinship, Allah will maintain ties with him. Whoever cuts them off, Allah will cut him off. The kin will have a free and eloquent tongue on the Day of Rising.’"

Hadith/athar: Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, said: "The Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said, ‘The word rahim is derived from Allah (Rahman). Whoever maintains the ties of kinship, Allah will maintain ties with him. Whoever cuts them off, Allah cuts him off.’"

Ties of kinship depicted as a physical being.

Abdullah ibn Amr – Abu Hurayrah said of him, "He has more (hadith) than I do."

Aisha – born into the house of the greatest man after the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam), then with the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) himself, then spent the next fifty years of her life in the company of the greatest men of the ummah. From a very young age she was surrounded by knowledge. Some of the most personal matters of the deen narrated through her. Many hadith reveal her sense of humour and her natural jealousy of Khadija, the first wife of the Prophet (sal Allahi 'alaiyhi wa sallam), showing jealousy is natural and not blameworthy within the bounds. Every single characteristic of a Muslim women can be found in her yet she understood the difference between men and women. Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) didn't hide his love for her as is narrated in the hadiths. She used to compare herself with other wives and boast about her marriage to him. Only virgin wife, others were married for different reasons. Chosen by Allah – he (sal Allahu ‘alaiyhi wa sallam) saw her in a dream. Great role model for both men and women. Her status made clear when he sought permission from all of his (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) wives to spend his last days with her. He died in her lap, she was the last person to see him before he passed way. Defending her honour become a matter of aqeedah for ahl us sunnah due to the extreme shi'as who defile it, despite the Qur'anic ayahs.

Bukhari includes 2 similar hadiths together for certain reasons. Can either just take basic benefits e.g. obligatory to maintain kinship ties, Allah punishes the one who cuts them off etc or look deeper for the secrets. One such secret benefit could be looking at why Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) pointed. Physical actions sometimes directly attached to hadith e.g. in following hadith Abu Bakra said that the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu ‘alaiyhi wa sallam) said: "Shall I tell you which is the worst of the major sins?" He repeated that 3 times. They replied, "Yes, Messenger of Allah." He said, "Associating something else with Allah and disobeying parents." He had been reclining, but then he sat up and said, "Beware of lying." Abu Bakra added, "He continued to repeat it until I wished he would stop." Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) sitting up brings our attention to what he is saying, which on the face of it appears less significant than the other issues. However some physical actions not related to hadith. This hadith one such example. One benefit we can take from it is it shows how scrupulous sahabah were in noticing details – refutation of the critics of hadith.

"Derived from" – Arabic word is "shajna" – resembling roots of trees, interlocked, connected. Everything from Allah anyway – creation, our actions, including ties of kinship. But this link sets it apart from all, derived from His name and mentioned specifically.

What is the wisdom behind saying "whoever cuts them off…" when "whoever maintains them" implicitly tells us about the case of those who don’t do so? Hadith directly addresses both those who maintain-and those who cut off, not letting the latter group off the hook.

Word sila (maintains) also means gift which will render the meaning to be "whoever maintains the ties of kinship, Allah will reward him".

On the day of judgement we cannot imagine some of the things that will happen. Surah Yaseen says our limbs will testify what our actions were. Concept of those that do not speak having the ability to speak not unique to this hadith. "Non-tangible" beings will do things they logically shouldn’t be able to do e.g. Qur'an interceding for Muslims, stones bearing witness for/against us, death appearing as a ram and being killed etc. Not important how and other details but to have yaqeen that it will happen and move onto things we can know, unlike way of deviance who base whole belief system on doubtful matters.

"The kin will have a talq and dhalq tongue". Talq from talaq, to be loosened, letting go e.g. divorce, without restrictions, unhindered, without barriers, no-one to stop him. Dhalq – sharpened, tip of spear, penetrating, eloquent speech. Both together gives us meaning of speech without restriction, when spoken it is destructive. A powerful and scary combination.



Thursday, 14 June 2007
Adab al Mufrad Notes (5)
(Classes: 01/06/07 to 08/06/07)

Hadith/athar: Abdur-Rahman ibn Awf said: "The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) said: ‘Allah, the Mighty and Exalted said, "I am the Merciful (Rahman). I have created ties of kinship (rahim) and derived a name for it from my name, whoever maintains ties of kinship, I maintain ties with him and I shall cut off from Me whoever cuts them off."’"

Imam Ibn Shihab az-Zuhri in chain. Imam Dhahabi said that he is the hafiz of his time. Didn’t just mean hafiz of Qur'an, meant the whole Qur'an and the rulings in them and at least 100,000 ahadith. Studied under 7 fuqaha of Madina: ‘Urwah b. al-Zubayr, Sa‘īd b. al-Musayyib, Abu Bakr b. ‘Abd’l-Rahmān, Al-Qāsim b. Muhammad b. Abi Bakr, ‘Ubaydullāh b. ‘Abdullāh b. ‘Utbah b. Mas’ūd, Sulaymān b. Yasār and Khārijah b. Zayd b. Thābit and also taught great imams including Sufyan Ath-Thawri, Awza’i, Umar ibn Abdul Aziz – who said about him "no-one soaked up hadith like Ibn Shihab."

A person is known by his peers. Imam az-Zuhri’s peers had glowing praises of him who were big names in themselves.

Said to be the first man to write hadith with the purpose of teaching it.

Abdur-Rahman ibn Awf one of the 10 promised Paradise, understandable why after a brief look at his biography. One of the 6 in the shura to appoint next khalifa. Became Muslim at young age, even before dar al arqam, safe house of Muslims before open da’wah. Fought at Badr – the crucial battle for establishment of Islam. Allah says about ahl ul Badr, "do as you wish for I have forgiven you." One of those who gave their pledge under the tree as mentioned in Surah Fath about whom Allah says He is pleased with them. He was paired with Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas who offered half of everything he had including his two wives, thus taking the Prophet‘s (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) request to the Ansar to host, help and share to the maximum. Abdur-Rahman ibn Awf refused and prayed for barakah in Sa’d’s wealth and family and asked for direction to the market where he could do trade.

Lesson: be self-sufficient and rely not on others but Allah, even if what people can give you is your haqq. The more you rely on people the less you rely on Allah and the less people’s opinion of you becomes. Abdur-Rahman ibn Awf became known as Al-Ghani, the rich, as he made today's equivalent of millions. Because of his wealth and in comparison the way some of the other sahabah were killed or died in poverty, he used to say he fears his reward has been given in the dunya rather than the Hereafter.

Hadith Qudsi. Allah’s speech of 3 types: (i) perfect – unchanged, protected i.e. Qur'an; (ii) Books of prophets – divine revelation before people corrupted them; (iii) Hadith qudsi – inspired via wahy, conveyed by Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) in his own words. Qudsi not always authentic. Should pay attention to what topics Allah selects for qudsi – in this case ties of kinship, has significance.

Allah could have used name Raheem, which may have been closer to rahim. Names of Allah like Raheem, Quddus etc can be used to name people (without al) but Rahman cannot, as though there’s sanctity with this name. Knowing and understanding Names of Allah gives guidance in our ‘ibadah and conduct.

Something attached to Allah indicates its significance e.g. slave of Allah, Ruh Allah, camel of Allah. Allah links Himself with ties of kinship, to its origin and consequence of those who have correct conduct towards it- good and bad.



Friday, 8 June 2007
Adab al Mufrad Notes (4)
(Classes: 25/05/07 to 01/06/07)

Hadtih/athar: "Abu Hurayra said: "A man came to the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) and said, ‘Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I maintain connections while they cut me off. I am good to them while they are bad to me, they behave towards me like fools while I am forbearing towards them.’ The Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said, ‘If things are as you say have said, it is as if you were putting hot ashes on them* and you will not lack a supporter against them from Allah as long as you continue to do that.’"

*i.e. it will cause them harm if they continue with their behaviour but will not harm you as it will result in their humiliation and you will gain respect in this world and the Hereafter.

Reported by Muslim also. Saheeh isnad and matn.

Ibn Abi Hatim in the chain. Faqih from the tabi’ tabi’in. Known to be as knowledgeable as Imam Malik who himself said "if there is a people and among them is Ibn Abi Hatim, they will be protected." Imam Malik not known for over-praising and exaggerating; known for being austere and serious. He was probably referring to Imam Ibn Abi Hatim’s taqwa, being a wali of Allah, rather than knowledge and qada.

Man knows what he’s doing is obligatory. He’s not approaching the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) to be excused from it, he wants to know what he (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) has to say about the matter. The behaviour of his relatives akin to their own punishment. His good treatment and their bad treatment in return is like humiliation for them. Essence of maintaining kinship is difficulty, not what is easy and nice.

Repayment of good with mere neutrality is shameful. But replacement of good with bad is evil.

"If it is as you said" – allows for another side to the story, possibility of reality not being the mentioned scenario. In fatwa-seeking always a hidden side mufti doesn’t know hence he should be careful and prudent when giving verdicts. REAL men of knowledge past and present shied away from giving fatwa whereas many of us rush to give our opinion in deen matters. Should be cautious rather than hasty.

Lesson for general mass: speak and convey news and information in balanced, just and accurate manner.

"Putting hot ashes" – causing someone to get punished. Should he and others like him then not continue god treatment? No as they themselves are the cause for their own punishment. Statement following it encourages the man to continue if his good behaviour.



Friday, 1 June 2007
Adab al Mufrad Notes (3)
(Classes: 18/05/07 and 25/05/07)
More adab al mufrad notes. Sorry to give them all at once but I procrastinated.

Hadith/athar: Ibn Abbas said (about the verses): "Give the relative his due, and the needy and the traveller and squander not (thy wealth) in wantonness. Lo! The squanderers were ever the brothers of devils, and the devil was ever ingrate to his Lord. But if thou turn away from them, seeking mercy from thy Lord, for which thou hopest, then speak unto them a reasonable word. And let not thy hand be chained to thy neck nor open it with a complete opening, lest thou sit down rebuked, denuded." (17:26-29) "He begins by commanding the most pressing of the obligatory dues and He directs man to the best action if he has something – by His saying – ‘Give the relative his due and the needy and the traveller.’ Likewise He teaches man how he should excuse himself if he has nothing – by His saying – ‘If you turn away from them seeking the mercy from your Lord that you are hoping for, then speak gentle words to them.’ In the form of a good promise. ‘Do not keep your hand chained to your neck’ (like a miser that you do not give anything at all) ‘nor outspread it altogether so you sit reproached…’ (that means if you give everything, those who come to you later will find you empty and reproach you) ‘denuded’. (Ibn Abbas) said, that means: The person to whom you gave everything has denuded you.

Weak chain, has unknown person in it. But less strict in accepting/rejecting because it is athar not hadith. Scholars didn’t say whole thing is weak i.e. statement itself is sound.

Ayah tells us what one should do with money – (i) give it to relative, needy and traveller. (ii) If there’s no money to give, make promise that if you have money you’ll give it to them (iii) don’t be miserly or extravagant.

Ayah uses word "qurba" – close relatives.

The word "haqqahu" (due/right) implies reference to zakah whereas the word "aati" (give) is only used referring to sadaqah. Stipulated zakah recipients don’t include relatives. If ayat taken to refer to zakah it emphasises right of relative over other fuqara/masakeen (extremely poor/poor) and travellers if relative comes under these categories too. If taken to mean sadaqah also demonstrated right of relatives over others. Either way, relative comes before other needy people.

Wrong attitude to believe giving money to relative is a favour to them; doing so is merely giving them their right.

"Seeking mercy" – hoping for what Allah provides you with. What you have and can spend is attached to Allah who gives and takes as He wills to all of creation.

"Mercy from your Lord" – not our right. May not even deserve it.

"Hope for" – not guaranteed, shouldn’t expect it.

"Say gentle words" – not whinge, be rude, insult etc. Not sufficient to say "sorry don’t have any". Rather make a promise that if you have money insha’Allah you will give it. Qur'an teaches the highest moral in this aspect.

"Tied to neck" – analogy of a prisoner who is chained. Cannot move hands e.g. reach into pockets. Incapacitated. Ayah almost telling us not to act as though we have our hands tied when we don’t.

Also telling us not to place ourselves in trouble and difficulty yet Qur'an always starts with miserliness. Reflects most prominent problem – extravagance in giving in charity not as common.

"Rebuked" – blameworthy, no-one’s fault but your own, irresponsible with own wealth.

"Denuded" – Arabic word includes meanings of trapped, tired out, destitute. The one whom you wanted to help has left you in that state.

Subtle lessons to be learnt from Imam Bukhari’s choice of narrators. Ibn Abbas – could have chosen other narrators but he chose the cream of the crop as far as mufassireen are concerned. Ijma’ of scholars that tafsir of Qur'an by sahabah comes first. Example for us to choose only the best for our deen, no matter how difficult or how convenient other options are. Often choose best for dunya matters e.g. best doctor, school etc but deen more deserving.



Monday, 28 May 2007
Adab al Mufrad Notes (2)
(Classes: 04/05/07 and 11/05/07)

Hadith/athar: Abu Hurayra said: “When the following verse was revealed: ‘Warn your nearest relatives,’ (26:214), the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) rose and called out, ‘Banu Ka’b ibn Lu’ayy! Save yourselves from the Fire! Banu Abd Manaf! Save yourselves from the Fire! Banu Abdul Muttalib! Save yourselves from the Fire! Fatima daughter of Muhammad! Save yourself from the Fire! I cannot alter Allah’s decision about you (if you deserve it). Except for the fact that you have ties of kinship which I shall maintain’”

“Bani” – people Refers to his forefathers and tribes. Wisdom - da’wah more acceptable from man of status & noble lineage. His own lineage reminds people of his background. Calling one’s own people also shows sincerity in the call: wanting to save own family. Success – Prophet‘s (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) closest sahabah linked in his lineage.

Call suggests: “if you continue in your kufr I cannot do anything to save you.”

“I cannot alter Allah’s decision about you”- humility. Despite his status with Allah he affirms he is powerless.

“I shall maintain” not accurate. Literally “add moisture, wet” – moisture basis of life, implies nurturing, sustaining, keeping alive. Connection to rahim (womb) and its connection to a foetus.

Fatima (may Allah be pleased with her) only 29 years old when she died. Went through much difficulties since young age. Mother died at young age, sisters died in her lifetime, lived in poverty and hardshio during married life, aged 5-10 years old when Quraishi persecuted Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam).

“Zahra” – title meaning radiant. Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) sometimes called azhar (masculine) and she was most like him.


Hadith/athar: Abu Ayyub al Ansari said: “A Bedouin came to the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) while he was travelling. He asked, ‘tell me what will bring me near to the Garden and keep me away from the Fire.’ He replied, ‘Worship Allah and do not associate anything with Him and perform the prayer and pay the zakah and maintain ties of kinship.’”

Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) arrived in Madinah with no family, wealth, living accommodation. We often notice the sacrifice and hardship of muhajireen who left everything behind but Ansar also went out of their way & completely changed their lives to accommodate the muhajireen. Abu/Umm Ayyub put themselves under stress just to accommodate the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam).

Abu Ayyub died during conquest of Constantinople under Yazeed’s rule aged 80. A great mujahid, he insisted he march there with the army so he could hear the footsteps of the armies and horses. Buried near there.

Most simple of person (Bedouin) asking most simple of questions and given most concise and simple answer.

Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) talks about great fundamental pillars of the religion then about maintaining ties of kinship – seems out of place. Hadith shows maintaining ties of kinship among these is not out of place, it deserves to be mentioned with them.

“Worship Allah” – ‘ibadah includes meaning of humbling oneself, putting oneself down, submit. When one enslaves oneself to other than Allah inevitably they become further from ‘ibadah to Allah and when they do that inevitably they become lower in the eyes of others. ‘Izzah of someone not in need of the dunya, not chasing after its pleasures is higher than one who has become a slave to the dunya. Only in Islam does one become greater in nobility and higher in status when they lower themselves for Allah.

These days da’wah often focuses on social issues but Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) always began with tawheed and we won't lose out if we do the same.

Qur'an and sunnah often mentions salah and zakah together. Former ‘ibadah of the body and latter of wealth.

Hadith first mentions rights of Allah and then rights of the people. Because they are mentioned together it implies we should devote similar amount of time spent studying tawheed, salah, zakah to studying ties of kinship.

“Bring me near” – not “guarantee me”, implies understanding of the man that effort on his part will be required as well as hoping in Allah.



Sunday, 27 May 2007
Adab al Mufrad Notes (1)
(Class: 27/04/07)
My friend took these notes for me at the adab class as I was doing the Price of Salvation Course.

Continuing with hadith/athar: Kulayb ibn Manfa’a said: “My grandfather said, ‘Messenger of Allah, towards whom should I be dutiful?’ He said, ‘Towards your mother, your father, your sister and your brother. Then towards your relative, the nearest to them. This is an obligatory duty and those ties of kinship must be maintained.’”

Our rights are first and foremost to our parents, due to their high status and importance.

After that, we have a duty to be in contact with, and in the service of, all of our extended family, whether they are practising or not, whether they are Muslim or not.

Maintaining ties of kinship is important as we are promoting key characteristics of the believers, such as love and mercy and confidence in one another. It also eradicates hatred and anger. All this ensures that a standard family unit functions in the best way possible.

We should think of the people we are in contact with in our families and ask ourselves why they are part of our lives. It should only ever be for the sake of Allah, and not for our own benefit.

The Ulema have stated that there are three potential scenarios which may lead to attaining paradise through our ties of kinship. Firstly, by maintaining ties even when the person you are maintaining ties with breaks away. This is the highest level. Secondly, by “getting even”. E.g., if someone calls you, you call them next time. If they buy you a present you buy one for them etc. Finally, where the other person does more than you do to maintain the tie of kinship. You will not enter paradise through this method.

This is an important lesson we can learn. Allah states that He is not swifter in punishment to anyone than those who break ties of kinship. For this purpose, we should endeavour to learn our lineage and family history so we aware of even the most distant of our relatives.

The title name “the obligation of maintaining ties of kinship” is revealing, as it shows that Imam Bukhari wished to make it clear from the start that maintaining ties IS an obligation. The details can be filled in later.

The hadith states we are obligated to be dutiful to our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters and then our relatives and those nearest to us.

Although this hadith is weak, it can be used for this purpose as it is not very weak and as long as we say it may not be directly from the prophet, peace be upon him.

The rights of our brothers and sisters, in particular are often neglected.

There are two types of brothers and sisters. The first is our brothers and sisters in deen, and we have a general sense of loving and wanting to fulfil our rights to other muslims.
But our highest priority should always be our direct family. In particular, when advising or teaching others, we should always start with out nearest relatives.

The prophet, peace and blessing be upon him, maintained ties of kinship even with the non-Muslim family members who tried to harm him. So, imagine the rights and obligations our Muslim family members have.



Wednesday, 25 April 2007
Adab al Mufrad Series 1 recap

I do so love the adab al mufrad classes. That Friday feeling that Abu Eesa was talking about made everyone smile and nod knowingly; it's true, there's a real feeling of peace, tranquility and iman at that specific time in that specific place.

Anyway my excuse for posting the notes so late: laziness, stuff happening at home, procrastination, going to Birmingham for Mark of a Jurist and laziness. I've decided not to post all of the notes I made last year here yet and just to post what I'm making as we're going along insha'Allah. I hope you guys benefit and I hope any mistakes I make don't weigh heavily on my scale of bad deeds and that Allah helps us all to implement the 'ilm He entrusts us with.

RECAP OF SERIES ONE
DATE: 13/04/07

Weak hadiths can be used in adab if they meet the following conditions:

1. Can’t be very weak e.g. munkar narrator – known liar.
2. Has to come under something already mentioned (generally) elsewhere e.g. being good to parents.
3. Mention it is weak when relating it because otherwise attributing to the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) something he may not have said i.e. lying upon him.

Birr – not translatable in one word. Includes good; dutiful; easy – no anger, resentment, bitterness, uptightness, laidback; righteousness, merciful, obedient.
Adab to others connected to adab to parents. Good adab to others voluntary, to parents obligatory.

Birr to parents only in permissible things.

Birr to mother more emphasised – she’s more emotional, prone to get angry quicker, take bad feelings to extremes e.g. cursing, therefore imperative to please her and ensure her calmness. Displeasing father has more immediate implications – he can beat you, become socially disgraced if he disowns you, withdraws you from inheritance. With mother, easier to get false sense of security if she is displeased.

Mother has greater right of good treatment – to spend time with her, be easy on her etc. Father has greater right to obedience and your finances.

Birr not contingent on their being good to you, birr is their right whether you like it or not. Likened to taxes. :-)

Soft speech, nothing said to harm them.

Don’t think about repaying them, never possible. An obligation, have to do it hence just get on with it.

Dependence on parents from cradle to grave – physically in womb and early years, later on for advice, finance etc up to death. Even after their death we hope for inheritance. At no stage are they dependent on us so no point thinking we can repay them.

Different hadiths give emphasis in different ways how serious ‘uqooq (opposite of birr) to parents is.

Barakah of ones’ life increases with birr, not just number of years, including adding to ones’ good deeds, blotting out bad deeds, increasing ones’ honour and respect.

If ones’ parents are still alive don’t miss out on the chance to enter Paradise.

If you want anyone to make du’a for you, make it your parents.


DATE: 20/04/07
CONTINUE OF RECAP

Even fard can be put aside over service to parents e.g. jihad and hijrah (as long as they are fard kifayah).

Birr includes not just being good to them but also being wary of their emotions which influences their du’aas. Just from result of their du’aas one can end up in the fire. Knowledge of this science should be invested in and passed on just because of this – can decide whether we go to Paradise or Hell.

Treatment of parents unaffected by status or even existence of their deen (i.e. non-Muslim) or their being good to you: birr not mukafaha (from kifayah) i.e. "you be good to me, I’ll be good to you, you suffice me, I’ll suffice you."

Certain aspects of adab don’t always make logical sense e.g. not sitting before your father (one can argue my father doesn’t mind my sitting before him, I don’t see what birr has got to do with sitting before or after someone etc etc) hence needs to be studies not assumed – naql before aql.

Some athar have sahaba saying something is fard/haram – these are treated as hadith as they wouldn’t say so without it originating from the Prophet (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam).

Not calling parents by first name – here cause needs to be looked at. Prohibition because it is offensive but if offence is caused if parent prefers first name then although unusual, it is to be respected.


Hadith/athar: Kulayb ibn Manfa’a said: "My grandfather said, ‘Messenger of Allah, towards whom should I be dutiful?’ He said, ‘Towards your mother, your father, your sister and your brother. Then towards your relative, the nearest to them. This is an obligatory duty and those ties of kinship must be maintained.’"

"Kinship" not accurate translation of rahim. Relation from blood, marriage or adoption.

Adab covers our interaction with everything/everyone around us – animals, environment, people. From these, adab to kin comes first, from that adab to parents comes first.

Good adab to parents is a cure for ills of society.

The way Imam Bukhari arranges and names his chapters of hadith is a field of fiqh in itself!

Rahim also means womb – place of mercy at its’ extreme where foetus completely helpless and dependent. Womb completely sustains and maintains its life.

Rahma defined as "to not punish the one who deserves punishment and to do good to the one who doesn’t deserve it".

Understanding rahma helps to understand greatness of relations of the womb and other kin.

Difference of opinion on what rahim includes:

- Family and anyone we’re related to – general.
- Those who have a defined share of inheritance – science of inheritance.
- Maternal relations only.

Sila from wasila – join, maintain.

Hadith weak. Narrator is Bakr ibn Harith. Baghdadi and Tirmidhi considered him sahabi but others didn’t which means there could be a break in chain.

Relatives not necessarily in order so not the case that one is better than the other – the word "then" not used.

Imam Bukhari includes it as it’s the only hadith on the topic that has the word obligatory in it although we know it is an obligation from other texts. Just adding extra info hence can be used.

How a Pearl Develops: A Khutbah for Muslim Women

by Muhammad Alshareef

When news of the Christian army that had prepared on the horizons to wipe out Islam reached Abu Qudaamah Ash-Shaamee, he moved quickly to the mimbar of the masjid. In a powerful and emotional speech, Abu Qudaamah ignited the desire of the community to defend their land – jihaad for the sake of Allah. As he left the masjid, walking down a dark and secluded alley, a woman stopped him and said, "As salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaah!" Abu Qudaamah stopped and did not answer. She repeated her salam again, adding "this is not how pious people should act." She stepped forward from the shadows. "I heard you in the masjid encouraging the believers to go for jihaad and all I have is this…" She handed him two long braids. "It can be used for a horse rein. Perhaps Allah may write me as one of those who went for jihaad."

The next day as that Muslim village set out to confront the crusader army, a young boy ran through the gathering and stood at the hooves of Abu Qudaamah's horse. "I ask you by Allah to allow me to join the army."

Some of the elder fighters laughed at the boy. "The horses will trample you," they said.

But Abu Qudaamah looked down into his eyes as he asked again, "I ask you by Allah, let me join."

Abu Qudaamah then said, "On one condition; if you are killed you will take me with you to Jannah amongst those you will be allowed to intercede for."

That young boy smiled. "It's a promise."

When the two armies met and the fighting intensified, the young boy on the back of Abu Qudaamah's horse asked, "I ask you by Allah to give me 3 arrows."

"You'll lose them," said Abu Qudaamah.

The boy repeated, "I ask you by Allah to give me them."

Abu Qudaamah gave him the arrows and the boy took aim. "Bismillah!" The arrow flew and killed a Roman. "Bismillah!" The second arrow flew, killing a second Roman. "Bismillah!" The third arrow flew, killing a third Roman. An arrow then struck the boy in the chest, knocking him off the horse. Abu Qudaamah jumped down to his side, reminding the boy in his final breaths, "Don't forget the promise!"

The boy reached into his pocket, extracted a pouch and said, "Please return this to my mother."

"Who's your mother?" asked Abu Qudaamah.

"The women that gave you the braids yesterday."

Think about this Muslimah. How did she reach this level of taqwa where she would sacrifice her hair and her son? Indeed, she spent her life in the obedience of Allah, and when exam time came, she passed. Not only did she pass herself, but her children shone with that same beauty of eman; children that she herself raised.

Most often the lectures, khutbahs, and talks are all directed to the Muslim men. We forget that from the hady (guidance and way) of RasulAllah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam was that he would allocate a specific day of the week to teach the women. Women would come up to him in Hajj, in the street, and even in his home to ask him questions about the deen. At the Eid salah, after addressing the men, he would take Bilal and go to the women’s section and address the women. Allah revealed an entire surah by the name of An-Nisaa’ (The Women), another by the name of Maryam (Mary), and yet another by the name of Al-Mujaadalah (The Woman Who Pleads). It is in enlivening this Sunnah that today this speech shall be addressed to the believing women – al-mu'minaat.

Dear sister, dear mother, and dear daughter, everyone is looking for happiness and fun, and I am sure that you are not excluded. Where is that happiness and fun though? And where and when do you want that happiness? Do you want to have ‘fun’ in this life at the expense of the hereafter? Or is it in the hereafter, when you meet Allah, that you want to be happy?

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Title: To My Muslim Sister

Between the Israeli assault on Lebanon and the Zionist “war on terror,” the Muslim world is now center stage in every American home. I see the carnage, death and destruction that have befallen Lebanon, but I also see something else: I see you. I can’t help but notice that almost every woman I see is carrying a baby or has children around her. I see that though they are dressed modestly, their beauty still shines through. But it’s not just outer beauty that I notice. I also notice that I feel something strange inside me: I feel envy. I feel terrible for the horrible experiences and war crimes that the Lebanese people have suffered, being targeted by our common enemy. But I can’t help but admire your strength, your beauty, your modesty, and most of all, your happiness. Yes, it’s strange, but it occurred to me that even under constant bombardment, you still seemed happier than we are, because you were still living the natural lives of women. The way women have always lived since the beginning of time. It used to be that way in the West until the 1960s, when we were bombarded by the same enemy. Only we were not bombarded with actual munitions, but with subtle trickery and moral corruption.
They bombarded us Americans from Hollywood, instead of from fighter jets or with our own American-made tanks. They would like to bomb you in this way too, after they’ve finished bombing the infrastructure of your countries. I do not want this to happen to you. You will feel degraded, just like we do. You can avoid this kind of bombing if you will kindly listen to those of us who have already suffered serious casualties from their evil influence. Because everything you see coming out of Hollywood is a pack of lies, a distortion of reality, smoke and mirrors. They present casual sex as harmless recreation because they aim to destroy the moral fabric of the societies into which they beam their poisonous programming. I beg you not to drink their poison. There is no antidote for it once you have consumed it. You may recover partially, but you will never be the same. Better to avoid the poison altogether than to try to heal from the damage it causes.
They will try to tempt you with their titillating movies and music videos, falsely portraying us American women as happy and satisfied, proud of dressing like prostitutes, and content without families. Most of us are not happy, trust me. Millions of us are on anti-depressant medication, hate our jobs, and cry at night over the men who told us they loved us, then greedily used us and walked away. They would like to destroy your families and convince you to have fewer children. They do this by presenting marriage as a form of slavery, motherhood as a curse, and being modest and pure as old-fashioned. They want you to cheapen yourself and lose your faith. They are like the Serpent tempting Eve with the apple. Don’t bite.
I see you as precious gems, pure gold, or the “pearl of great value” spoken of in the Bible (Matthew 13: 45). All women are pearls of great value, but some of us have been deceived into doubting the value of our purity. Jesus said: “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you” (Matthew 7: 6). Our pearls are priceless, but they convince us that they’re cheap. But trust me; there is no substitute for being able to look in the mirror and seeing purity, innocence and self-respect staring back at you. The fashions coming out of the Western sewer are designed to make you believe that your most valuable asset is your sexuality. But your beautiful dresses and veils are actually sexier than any Western fashion, because they cloak you in mystery and show self-respect and confidence. A woman’s sexuality should be guarded from unworthy eyes, since it should be your gift to the man who loves and respects you enough to marry you. And since your men are still manly warriors, they deserve no less than your best. Our men don’t even want purity anymore. They don’t recognize the pearl of great value, opting for the flashy rhinestone instead. Only to leave her too.
Your most valuable assets are your inner beauty, your innocence, and everything that makes you who you are. But I notice that some Muslim women push the limit and try to be as Western as possible, even while wearing a veil (with some of their hair showing). Why imitate women who already regret, or will soon regret, their lost virtue? There is no compensation for that loss. You are flawless diamonds. Don’t let them trick you into becoming rhinestones. Because everything you see in the fashion magazines and on Western television is a lie. It is Satan’s trap. It is fool’s gold.
I’ll let you in on a little secret, just in case you’re curious: pre-marital sex is not even that great. We gave our bodies to the men we were in love with, believing that that was the way to make them love us and want to marry us. Just as we had seen on television growing up. But without the security of marriage and the sure knowledge that he will always stay with us, it’s not even enjoyable! That’s the irony. It was just a waste. It leaves you in tears. Speaking as one woman to another, I believe that you understand that already. Because only a woman can truly understand what’s in another woman’s heart. We really are all alike. Our race, religion or nationalities do not matter. A woman’s heart is the same everywhere. We love. That’s what we do best. We nurture our families and give comfort and strength to the men we love. But we American women have been fooled into believing that we are happiest having careers, our own homes in which to live alone, and freedom to give our love away to whomever we choose. That is not freedom. And that is not love. Only in the safe haven of marriage can a woman’s body and heart be safe to love. Don’t settle for anything less. It’s not worth it. You won’t even like it and you’ll like yourself even less afterwards. Then he’ll leave you.
Sin never pays. It always cheats you. Even though I have reclaimed my honor, there’s still no substitute for having never been dishonored in the first place. We Western women have been brainwashed into thinking that you Muslim women are oppressed. But truly, we are the ones who are oppressed; slaves to fashions that degrade us, obsessed with our weight, begging for love from men who do not want to grow up. Deep down inside, we know that we have been cheated. We secretly admire and envy you, although some of us will not admit it. Please do not look down on us or think that we like things the way they are. It’s not our fault. Most of us did not have fathers to protect us when we were young because our families have been destroyed. You know who is behind this plot. Don’t be fooled, my sisters. Don’t let them get you too. Stay innocent and pure. We Christian women need to see what life is really supposed to be like for women. We need you to set the example for us, because we are lost. Hold onto your purity. Remember: you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. So guard your “toothpaste” carefully!
I hope you receive this advice in the spirit in which it is intended: the spirit of friendship, respect, and admiration. From your Christian sister – with love.
© 2006+ Joanna Francis