A new light on the harms of porn

Yusuf Smith

A few months ago I read a book called Living Dolls by Natasha Walter, who argued that the “new feminism” she thought was emerging in the 1990s had given way to a culture in which girls were being pressurised to be sexualised at younger and younger ages, with anyone resisting being seen as a prude, and that this culture is seen as liberating when it’s actually degrading. A new book is released this month entitled Pornland, by long-standing anti-porn activist Gail Dines, which argues that people’s sexuality is being changed forever by a culture of commercial porn in which acts which are extreme and unusual are promoted as normal, and which ruins intimacy and people’s relationships.

Dines was interviewed in the Guardian by Julie Bindel last Thursday; there is another interview with her here and you can find excerpts from it here.

I’m kind of lucky in that porn has never really interested me. I took one look at the pictures in a top-shelf magazine in the UK when I was a teenager, I think, and I found it so revolting that I just put it back and put it out of my mind. But it seems that what I saw was probably tame by today’s standards, with boys getting access to the stuff younger and younger, and expecting real women to replicate the sexual acts they find in it, and being shocked that they do not want to. The material depicts stuff which is not only degrading but stressful and painful for women’s bodies, and the video (rather than still) stuff often shows the man showering the woman with insults as he carries out his bizarre acts (really, I’m not describing them — you can follow any of the links above if you want to know).

The two biggest problems with it is that it removes elements such as tenderness and intimacy from sexual relationships, and that it forms an addiction that causes men to lie and to neglect their duties to their families so as to pursue their addiction. As with so many chemical addictions, they often find that what they start out on loses its thrill, so they move onto harder stuff, often involving children. Mary Ann Layden of the University of Pennsylvania related, in a speech at Capitol Hill last month, that she had known a man who had worked for years to build a career in a given field, and then secured an interview for a “dream job”, but in the even didn’t attend because he was too busy surfing porn sites on the Internet. Another was a police officer who was jailed for viewing child porn on his work computer; he lost his marriage and could no longer see his children.

A few years ago Muslim Matters had some posts on Muslim men’s addiction to this stuff. Of course, viewing this stuff is completely against Islam, but one supposes that these same men married their wives on the basis that they were chaste and not the sort of women they’d find in these videos. As is so often the case, the brothers expect the women to be utterly pure and devoted while they are anything but. I don’t want to imply that all Muslim women are super-pure and other women are sluts, and most non-Muslim women wouldn’t want to be seen dead in these productions either, but when an ostensibly religious Muslim man, married to a woman of a similar stripe, expects her to perform similarly to the females he sees in porn videos, there is likely to be conflict, to say the least.

Dines herself is not anti-sex or, I suspect, against erotic material being available — Bindel compares her to Andrea Dworkin, commonly accused of being a militant man-hating prude when she was in fact married to a man and, in her writings on porn, distinguished between genuinely erotic and “thanatic”, or destructive, pornography which depicted the degradation of women. After all, porn depicting children is already illegal in most places, and many men have been prosecuted for downloading the material, which is footage of child abuse. The material discussed here depicts adults, but it is often readily available to younger and younger boys, who themselves learn about sex through it and end up thinking what they see there is normal when it isn’t. The things depicted are acted out and the females are being paid, but the acts are meant to look like assaults.

There are a couple of aspects of Dines’s critique of porn culture I don’t agree with. One is her emphasis on hair removal as a product of this culture; she claims that none of the female students she meets keep their pubic hair, as its removal is now the norm, thanks to porn culture. That all of them remove their hair I don’t quite believe anyway, but they were introduced to America through a salon run by several Brazilian sisters and were known of in Brazil before that on account of the skimpy bikinis worn on beaches there. Even so, it’s a fashion and surely not all the women who do it are directly influenced by porn. It was the norm in the Muslim world long before it became popular here. There is quite a generational difference here, with the older generation considering that hair is what distinguishes women from little girls, while a lot of younger women disagree.

A second issue is the use of the term “patriarchy” as a lazy synonym for male domination, as in:

“To think that so many men hate women to the degree that they can get aroused by such vile images is quite profound,” says Dines. “Pornography is the perfect propaganda piece for patriarchy. In nothing else is their hatred of us quite as clear.”

Patriarchy actually connotes a society in which men protect women, not simply allow any Tom, Dick or Harry to exploit them. Most fathers would be outraged, or at least profoundly sad, at the thought of their daughters performing in this way, even if they were getting paid for it and when the family and parental authority in this country was stronger, pornography was less readily available and much less extreme than it is now. A society in which men are free to abuse and exploit women and girls may be many things, but this does not make it patriarchal.

I had heard of the problems with widely-available porn before, but reading these interviews with Dines really shocked me in terms of what these things consisted of and the fact that people who view it come to consider the things depicted as normal. Unfortunately, attempts to curb this material in the USA have been struck down under the First Amendment, and there is only so much we can do when such a big population has decided that it cannot control such material, but we can pass legislation against such material here and should not be afraid to. Of course, education is an important tool here as well — for young people, so that boys know that this is harmful and unreal, and that parents know that they should keep tabs on what their children are seeing online, and know how to. Dines’ is a welcome voice on this issue, calm and measured and less influenced by personal trauma than Dworkin was, and one hopes that her book opens people’s eyes to how damaging this trend is.

How a Pearl Develops: A Khutbah for Muslim Women

by Muhammad Alshareef

When news of the Christian army that had prepared on the horizons to wipe out Islam reached Abu Qudaamah Ash-Shaamee, he moved quickly to the mimbar of the masjid. In a powerful and emotional speech, Abu Qudaamah ignited the desire of the community to defend their land – jihaad for the sake of Allah. As he left the masjid, walking down a dark and secluded alley, a woman stopped him and said, "As salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaah!" Abu Qudaamah stopped and did not answer. She repeated her salam again, adding "this is not how pious people should act." She stepped forward from the shadows. "I heard you in the masjid encouraging the believers to go for jihaad and all I have is this…" She handed him two long braids. "It can be used for a horse rein. Perhaps Allah may write me as one of those who went for jihaad."

The next day as that Muslim village set out to confront the crusader army, a young boy ran through the gathering and stood at the hooves of Abu Qudaamah's horse. "I ask you by Allah to allow me to join the army."

Some of the elder fighters laughed at the boy. "The horses will trample you," they said.

But Abu Qudaamah looked down into his eyes as he asked again, "I ask you by Allah, let me join."

Abu Qudaamah then said, "On one condition; if you are killed you will take me with you to Jannah amongst those you will be allowed to intercede for."

That young boy smiled. "It's a promise."

When the two armies met and the fighting intensified, the young boy on the back of Abu Qudaamah's horse asked, "I ask you by Allah to give me 3 arrows."

"You'll lose them," said Abu Qudaamah.

The boy repeated, "I ask you by Allah to give me them."

Abu Qudaamah gave him the arrows and the boy took aim. "Bismillah!" The arrow flew and killed a Roman. "Bismillah!" The second arrow flew, killing a second Roman. "Bismillah!" The third arrow flew, killing a third Roman. An arrow then struck the boy in the chest, knocking him off the horse. Abu Qudaamah jumped down to his side, reminding the boy in his final breaths, "Don't forget the promise!"

The boy reached into his pocket, extracted a pouch and said, "Please return this to my mother."

"Who's your mother?" asked Abu Qudaamah.

"The women that gave you the braids yesterday."

Think about this Muslimah. How did she reach this level of taqwa where she would sacrifice her hair and her son? Indeed, she spent her life in the obedience of Allah, and when exam time came, she passed. Not only did she pass herself, but her children shone with that same beauty of eman; children that she herself raised.

Most often the lectures, khutbahs, and talks are all directed to the Muslim men. We forget that from the hady (guidance and way) of RasulAllah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam was that he would allocate a specific day of the week to teach the women. Women would come up to him in Hajj, in the street, and even in his home to ask him questions about the deen. At the Eid salah, after addressing the men, he would take Bilal and go to the women’s section and address the women. Allah revealed an entire surah by the name of An-Nisaa’ (The Women), another by the name of Maryam (Mary), and yet another by the name of Al-Mujaadalah (The Woman Who Pleads). It is in enlivening this Sunnah that today this speech shall be addressed to the believing women – al-mu'minaat.

Dear sister, dear mother, and dear daughter, everyone is looking for happiness and fun, and I am sure that you are not excluded. Where is that happiness and fun though? And where and when do you want that happiness? Do you want to have ‘fun’ in this life at the expense of the hereafter? Or is it in the hereafter, when you meet Allah, that you want to be happy?

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Gender differences?

My husband and I traveled to the Mark of a Jurist Course (Which was brilliant by the way) this weekend. We traveled with a friend of mine and her brother. So they picked us up. The conversation went something like this:

Men -
"AssalamuAlaikum Man, how are you?"
"WaAlaikumsalam WaRahmatullah, I'm fine man, alhamdulillah."
"Hows Business?"
"Business is good man, mashaAllah."

Women-

A chirpy - "AssalamuAlaikum, you Alrite?"
"WaAlaikumsalam, yeh alhamdulillah. D'you like Maymoonahs' new shoes, cool arn't they
"Yeh, I was just gonna say, mashaAllah!"