Charlotte gives jack a shopping list, among the list was 'white cabbage'.
Jack returns home with the shopping.
Jack, 'I didn't find any white cabbage so I got you some lettuce instead.'
I mean like - where's the logic?!!
More About Lettuce.
More about Cabbage.
Thursday, 27 March 2008
Parenting Course – Week 6
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Play
There are numerous definitions for the word “PLAY”. However, the one which was chosen by our teacher is that “play is s child's work”.
At the beginning of the session we were asked about what kind of games we played in our childhood. The answers varied from racing, playing pirates, cooking games, five stones (ful-ghuti) and the game I remember playing is elastics. I remember that I would play with my neighbours. I would come home from the Masjid, climb over the garden wall and play with them. Subhan’Allah, this brings back so many fond memories and it’s amazing how life was so simple as a child, so care free alhamdulillah!
How are they developing?
Children develop certain skills through play. What we call playing is really the way children learn. With toys and their imaginations they practice all the skills they will need as they grow up. The more they play, the more they learn and the best thing about it is that they love it!
Intellectual development
• Intellectually they are developing their knowledge and understanding of the world
• Development of language and communication
• Development of mathematics and scientific concepts
Social development
• Learn to interact with others
• Appreciate the value of friendship
• Learn to take lead roles in decision making
Motor development
• Learn to move effectively and safely
• Learn to control their movements
• Learn to enjoy sports
• Learn to gain confidence in tackling new challenging movements
Emotional development
• Learn to express feeling and emotions
• Learn to approach new situations with confidence
• Learn to cope with anxieties
• Learn to cry in appropriate situations (when there is a need)
In the second part of the lesson we all participated in role play. I will demonstrate the one done by my group insha’Allah.
Actresses: Mother (Umm Yahya), child (Umm Zaidah) and guest (Umm Zaynab)
~Roll-camera-action~
A mother and her child are playing a game called ‘Guess who’. They are in the middle of the game when suddenly the door bell goes off and in walks next doors Aunty.
Mum: “Assalamu’alaikum, come in take a seat insha’Allah”
Guest: “Wa alaikum assalam, how are you both?”
Child: “We are well; alhamdulillah Aunty, mum and I are playing ‘Guess who’, would you like to play?”
Mum interrupts...
Mum: “Don’t be silly, Aunty isn’t here to play. Go and get some cake and biscuits for her while I make the tea”
Child: “But mum you promised to play with me”
Mum: “Go and get the food." (Looking a bit annoyed.)
Mum is busy chatting to next doors Aunty, making a fuss over what food to give her and ignoring her child, while the child is desperately seeking attention.
The child puts the cake and biscuits on the table looking very upset.
Child: “can we play now mum? It’s your turn, go on ask me a question”
Mum: “Shhh, I am trying to speak to Aunty” (she faces the guest and complains)
“Children these days don’t listen, she wants me to play with her while you are here”
Guest: “Yeah, I know what you mean. All they want to do is play all the time. Dunyai bodli-gese (the world has changed)
Child: “Mum can we just finish off the game pleeeease, you promised. It’s not fair (getting emotional and giving the guest dirty looks).
Guest: “What a rude child! You know the girls across the street, they are soo well behaved and extremely polite, not like you!
Child: “Well why don’t you go to their house then so I can play with my mum”
Mum: “Bethtomiz furi (naughty child) apologise to your auntie now!!
Child almost in tears, mums very cross and the guest is appalled.
Child “I don’t even like Aunty cuz’ she eats paan (beetle nut) and she smells of shutki (dried fish) all the time.
Mum “okay, thats enough, go to your room and I will deal with you later!!!
After watching all the role-plays we were asked to re-perform our role-plays but this time refine the situation so that the mother gives the child more attention.
In our role-play what we did was to include the guest in the game after giving her tea and biscuits of course! We all played nicely together and when the game was completed, the guest and mother chatted while the child did her own things.
This session left us in stitches due to laughter. Subhan Allah it was great fun performing the role-plays and observing the other sisters’ acting skills. The lessons to be learnt from these role-plays is the fact that many of us do not take time out to play with our children and they feel neglected when we are busy doing other things. We should not ignore their needs even if we have guests to entertain. We should listen to their needs; otherwise they may play up and misbehave out of frustration.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Play
There are numerous definitions for the word “PLAY”. However, the one which was chosen by our teacher is that “play is s child's work”.
At the beginning of the session we were asked about what kind of games we played in our childhood. The answers varied from racing, playing pirates, cooking games, five stones (ful-ghuti) and the game I remember playing is elastics. I remember that I would play with my neighbours. I would come home from the Masjid, climb over the garden wall and play with them. Subhan’Allah, this brings back so many fond memories and it’s amazing how life was so simple as a child, so care free alhamdulillah!
How are they developing?
Children develop certain skills through play. What we call playing is really the way children learn. With toys and their imaginations they practice all the skills they will need as they grow up. The more they play, the more they learn and the best thing about it is that they love it!
Intellectual development
• Intellectually they are developing their knowledge and understanding of the world
• Development of language and communication
• Development of mathematics and scientific concepts
Social development
• Learn to interact with others
• Appreciate the value of friendship
• Learn to take lead roles in decision making
Motor development
• Learn to move effectively and safely
• Learn to control their movements
• Learn to enjoy sports
• Learn to gain confidence in tackling new challenging movements
Emotional development
• Learn to express feeling and emotions
• Learn to approach new situations with confidence
• Learn to cope with anxieties
• Learn to cry in appropriate situations (when there is a need)
In the second part of the lesson we all participated in role play. I will demonstrate the one done by my group insha’Allah.
Actresses: Mother (Umm Yahya), child (Umm Zaidah) and guest (Umm Zaynab)
~Roll-camera-action~
A mother and her child are playing a game called ‘Guess who’. They are in the middle of the game when suddenly the door bell goes off and in walks next doors Aunty.
Mum: “Assalamu’alaikum, come in take a seat insha’Allah”
Guest: “Wa alaikum assalam, how are you both?”
Child: “We are well; alhamdulillah Aunty, mum and I are playing ‘Guess who’, would you like to play?”
Mum interrupts...
Mum: “Don’t be silly, Aunty isn’t here to play. Go and get some cake and biscuits for her while I make the tea”
Child: “But mum you promised to play with me”
Mum: “Go and get the food." (Looking a bit annoyed.)
Mum is busy chatting to next doors Aunty, making a fuss over what food to give her and ignoring her child, while the child is desperately seeking attention.
The child puts the cake and biscuits on the table looking very upset.
Child: “can we play now mum? It’s your turn, go on ask me a question”
Mum: “Shhh, I am trying to speak to Aunty” (she faces the guest and complains)
“Children these days don’t listen, she wants me to play with her while you are here”
Guest: “Yeah, I know what you mean. All they want to do is play all the time. Dunyai bodli-gese (the world has changed)
Child: “Mum can we just finish off the game pleeeease, you promised. It’s not fair (getting emotional and giving the guest dirty looks).
Guest: “What a rude child! You know the girls across the street, they are soo well behaved and extremely polite, not like you!
Child: “Well why don’t you go to their house then so I can play with my mum”
Mum: “Bethtomiz furi (naughty child) apologise to your auntie now!!
Child almost in tears, mums very cross and the guest is appalled.
Child “I don’t even like Aunty cuz’ she eats paan (beetle nut) and she smells of shutki (dried fish) all the time.
Mum “okay, thats enough, go to your room and I will deal with you later!!!
After watching all the role-plays we were asked to re-perform our role-plays but this time refine the situation so that the mother gives the child more attention.
In our role-play what we did was to include the guest in the game after giving her tea and biscuits of course! We all played nicely together and when the game was completed, the guest and mother chatted while the child did her own things.
This session left us in stitches due to laughter. Subhan Allah it was great fun performing the role-plays and observing the other sisters’ acting skills. The lessons to be learnt from these role-plays is the fact that many of us do not take time out to play with our children and they feel neglected when we are busy doing other things. We should not ignore their needs even if we have guests to entertain. We should listen to their needs; otherwise they may play up and misbehave out of frustration.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Tuesday, 26 February 2008
Do you envision us meeting,
Hal Turaana Naltaqi MP3 by Saad Al-Ghamdi
Wording in Arabic
English Translation
Do you envision us meeting, or has it already,
Taken place in the land of the mirage;
Then it withdrew and its shadow vanished,
And turned into torturous memories;
Thus asks my heart whenever,
The days grow long, after your absence;
When your shadow stares, smiling,
It is as if I am listening to the response;
Did we not walk upon Truth together,
So that Good can return to barren land;
So we walked along a thorny path,
Abandoning all our ambitions;
We buried our desires deep within ourselves,
And we strove on in contentment, expecting reward from Allah;
We had made a pact to walk together,
And then you hurried in responding and departing;
When a Benevolent Lord called me,
To a life amidst gardens and vast lands;
And towards a sublime meeting amidst divine favours,
With the Soldiers of Allah, joyful in companionship;
Presenting their souls and lives, a sacrifice,
Responding without slightest doubts;
So to renew your heart from its slumber,
An ever-lasting meeting in such a land;
Oh traveler, Forgiveness from my complaints,
Unto me is your ghost, to him a patient reproach;
I abandoned my heart to bleed heavily,
Lost in the night, in the depths of fog;
And if I traverse, confused and alone,
I'll interrupt the path, long it is in depression;
And if in the night, I find a gloomy sea,
Encountering in it waves of pain;
Ceasing in my nights, is the radiance of lightening,
And the brightness of stars have disappeared;
Despite this, I shall continue just as,
You used to find me, in the face of adversity;
I shall continue keeping my head raised, And won't,
Consent to weakness in speech, nor reply;
I shall be guided by the sweet-scented blood,
And light has illuminated the horizons of escape;
Do you envision us meeting, or has it already,
Taken place in the land of the mirage;
Then it withdrew and its shadow vanished,
And turned into torturous memories;
Thus asks my heart whenever,
The days grow long, after your absence;
When your shadow stares, smiling,
It is as if I am listening to the response
Wording in Arabic
English Translation
Do you envision us meeting, or has it already,
Taken place in the land of the mirage;
Then it withdrew and its shadow vanished,
And turned into torturous memories;
Thus asks my heart whenever,
The days grow long, after your absence;
When your shadow stares, smiling,
It is as if I am listening to the response;
Did we not walk upon Truth together,
So that Good can return to barren land;
So we walked along a thorny path,
Abandoning all our ambitions;
We buried our desires deep within ourselves,
And we strove on in contentment, expecting reward from Allah;
We had made a pact to walk together,
And then you hurried in responding and departing;
When a Benevolent Lord called me,
To a life amidst gardens and vast lands;
And towards a sublime meeting amidst divine favours,
With the Soldiers of Allah, joyful in companionship;
Presenting their souls and lives, a sacrifice,
Responding without slightest doubts;
So to renew your heart from its slumber,
An ever-lasting meeting in such a land;
Oh traveler, Forgiveness from my complaints,
Unto me is your ghost, to him a patient reproach;
I abandoned my heart to bleed heavily,
Lost in the night, in the depths of fog;
And if I traverse, confused and alone,
I'll interrupt the path, long it is in depression;
And if in the night, I find a gloomy sea,
Encountering in it waves of pain;
Ceasing in my nights, is the radiance of lightening,
And the brightness of stars have disappeared;
Despite this, I shall continue just as,
You used to find me, in the face of adversity;
I shall continue keeping my head raised, And won't,
Consent to weakness in speech, nor reply;
I shall be guided by the sweet-scented blood,
And light has illuminated the horizons of escape;
Do you envision us meeting, or has it already,
Taken place in the land of the mirage;
Then it withdrew and its shadow vanished,
And turned into torturous memories;
Thus asks my heart whenever,
The days grow long, after your absence;
When your shadow stares, smiling,
It is as if I am listening to the response
Saturday, 16 February 2008
Maymoonahs' lttle sister.
AssalamuAlaikum
Don't forget to read Week 5 of the Parenting Course Notes by Umm Zaidah Nusaybah (below), no doubt we can all benefit from them.
I'd just like to announce a little addition to my family, the birth of Maymoonahs' little sister on Wednesday Morning Alhamdulillah. All family members are doing well mashaAllah :-)
I tell you, at times like this mums really need their mums...
Your Du'aa (and links to Muslim name websites) would be greatly appreciated!
Don't forget to read Week 5 of the Parenting Course Notes by Umm Zaidah Nusaybah (below), no doubt we can all benefit from them.
I'd just like to announce a little addition to my family, the birth of Maymoonahs' little sister on Wednesday Morning Alhamdulillah. All family members are doing well mashaAllah :-)
I tell you, at times like this mums really need their mums...
Your Du'aa (and links to Muslim name websites) would be greatly appreciated!
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
Parenting Course – Week 5
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Respect
Respect is often associated with elders. We are taught to respect our parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. The subject of respecting youngsters is quite alien. How often do we see children being spoken to in a derogatory manner? Being criticized for not doing something correctly or being shouted at for causing an accident? Have we ever stopped to think about how that child feels when we behave in such a manner? We need to ask ourselves, how would you feel if we were being treated in this way. We would probably have low self-esteem and be scared of doing certain things due to the fear of being criticized. Subhan’Allah, there is a famous saying “Respect, give it to get it”. So think about this for a moment, if we do not respect our children then what guarantee do we have that they will respect us.
At the beginning of this session we were asked to narrate an incident where we felt disrespected. The following are some of the responses. One sister said she feels disrespected when people look at her with pity because she wears hijab and jilbab because they she is oppressed. Another sister said she felt disrespected when someone called her stupid because she didn’t know where a certain country was situated. One sister said she felt disrespected when a guest said they didn’t like her cooking, which she spent hours preparing! Another sister spoke about people swearing and the fact that she finds it offensive and disrespectful. It is even more shocking when practising Muslims use foul language.
After listening to everyone’s accounts we came up with a list of actions which we find disrespectful. These include;
• Being mocked
• Not listening
• Being shouted at
• Being criticised
• Pointing fingers
• Breaking boundaries
• Accusing
• Having no eye contact
• Hearing swear words
• Opinions not being valued
• Using inappropriate speech
• Being judged
• Abusing trust
• Backbiting
• Lying
In the next part of the session we were put into groups of three and presented with different scenarios involving parents and their children. What we were asked to do was determine whether the child was respected or disrespected in each scenario.
Scenario one
At a party a child breaks a glass by accident. The mother goes over to the child, shouts at him in front of everyone and leaves the child there.
We decided it was disrespectful as well as neglect. The mother should have removed the child from the area where the accident occurred and maybe she should have talked to him away from the people. She should not shout at him because it was an accident.
Scenario 2
A mother changes her babies’ nappy and exclaims in front of people “This is the third time I have had to change you!” The mother is annoyed with the child.
We decided this was disrespect because the child may have been embarrassed. Also, the child may have an upset stomach. Instead of the mother being annoyed she should remember that she will be rewarded for changing her baby’s nappy insha’Allah.
Scenario 3
A father takes his little girl shopping and buys her a pair of shoes HE liked.
There was disagreement between the different groups. Those who said this was disrespect explained that the father did not give the child any choice. Those who said it was not disrespect said maybe the father knew if he gave the girl a choice she would choose something impractical. Maybe what the father should have done is to pick a few pairs and ask her which one she would prefer.
Scenario 4
A child is running and is about to cross the road. The mother shouts “stop” and the child stops.
We decide this was not disrespect although we had previously suggested being shouted at is a form of disrespect. In this incident it was necessary for the mother to shout to get the child’s attention and if she hadn’t shouted the child may have had an accident. Therefore, it is justified to shout in certain circumstances.
Scenario 5
At the dinner table two children are eating. One of them finishes his food so the father takes the food from the other child’s plate and puts it on the plate of the child who has finished.
We all strongly agreed that this was disrespect. Firstly the father did not ask the permission of the child. It was also suggested that some of us used to save our favourite foods to eat last and if that was the case here then the child will be very upset.
Scenario 6
A mother takes her child to the nursery for the first time. The child starts crying and the mother says to the teacher “she’s always like this”.
We decided this was disrespect because the mother should have been more sympathetic as it was the child’s first day at the nursery and almost everybody cries on their first day!!
Disrespect – conclusion
These scenarios actually do exist, so we should think carefully about what we say to our children. We should choose the words carefully and try our best not to disrespect them. We must look at the example of our beloved prophet (SAW) and how he dealt with children around him. He (SAW) always showed respect to children and was very affectionate towards them. For example, when a young boy’s father died, the prophet (SAW) said to him “I am sorry for your loss”. These words suggest that the prophet (SAW) treated the boy like an adult, therefore, giving him respect.
And Allah knows best.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Respect
Respect is often associated with elders. We are taught to respect our parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. The subject of respecting youngsters is quite alien. How often do we see children being spoken to in a derogatory manner? Being criticized for not doing something correctly or being shouted at for causing an accident? Have we ever stopped to think about how that child feels when we behave in such a manner? We need to ask ourselves, how would you feel if we were being treated in this way. We would probably have low self-esteem and be scared of doing certain things due to the fear of being criticized. Subhan’Allah, there is a famous saying “Respect, give it to get it”. So think about this for a moment, if we do not respect our children then what guarantee do we have that they will respect us.
At the beginning of this session we were asked to narrate an incident where we felt disrespected. The following are some of the responses. One sister said she feels disrespected when people look at her with pity because she wears hijab and jilbab because they she is oppressed. Another sister said she felt disrespected when someone called her stupid because she didn’t know where a certain country was situated. One sister said she felt disrespected when a guest said they didn’t like her cooking, which she spent hours preparing! Another sister spoke about people swearing and the fact that she finds it offensive and disrespectful. It is even more shocking when practising Muslims use foul language.
After listening to everyone’s accounts we came up with a list of actions which we find disrespectful. These include;
• Being mocked
• Not listening
• Being shouted at
• Being criticised
• Pointing fingers
• Breaking boundaries
• Accusing
• Having no eye contact
• Hearing swear words
• Opinions not being valued
• Using inappropriate speech
• Being judged
• Abusing trust
• Backbiting
• Lying
In the next part of the session we were put into groups of three and presented with different scenarios involving parents and their children. What we were asked to do was determine whether the child was respected or disrespected in each scenario.
Scenario one
At a party a child breaks a glass by accident. The mother goes over to the child, shouts at him in front of everyone and leaves the child there.
We decided it was disrespectful as well as neglect. The mother should have removed the child from the area where the accident occurred and maybe she should have talked to him away from the people. She should not shout at him because it was an accident.
Scenario 2
A mother changes her babies’ nappy and exclaims in front of people “This is the third time I have had to change you!” The mother is annoyed with the child.
We decided this was disrespect because the child may have been embarrassed. Also, the child may have an upset stomach. Instead of the mother being annoyed she should remember that she will be rewarded for changing her baby’s nappy insha’Allah.
Scenario 3
A father takes his little girl shopping and buys her a pair of shoes HE liked.
There was disagreement between the different groups. Those who said this was disrespect explained that the father did not give the child any choice. Those who said it was not disrespect said maybe the father knew if he gave the girl a choice she would choose something impractical. Maybe what the father should have done is to pick a few pairs and ask her which one she would prefer.
Scenario 4
A child is running and is about to cross the road. The mother shouts “stop” and the child stops.
We decide this was not disrespect although we had previously suggested being shouted at is a form of disrespect. In this incident it was necessary for the mother to shout to get the child’s attention and if she hadn’t shouted the child may have had an accident. Therefore, it is justified to shout in certain circumstances.
Scenario 5
At the dinner table two children are eating. One of them finishes his food so the father takes the food from the other child’s plate and puts it on the plate of the child who has finished.
We all strongly agreed that this was disrespect. Firstly the father did not ask the permission of the child. It was also suggested that some of us used to save our favourite foods to eat last and if that was the case here then the child will be very upset.
Scenario 6
A mother takes her child to the nursery for the first time. The child starts crying and the mother says to the teacher “she’s always like this”.
We decided this was disrespect because the mother should have been more sympathetic as it was the child’s first day at the nursery and almost everybody cries on their first day!!
Disrespect – conclusion
These scenarios actually do exist, so we should think carefully about what we say to our children. We should choose the words carefully and try our best not to disrespect them. We must look at the example of our beloved prophet (SAW) and how he dealt with children around him. He (SAW) always showed respect to children and was very affectionate towards them. For example, when a young boy’s father died, the prophet (SAW) said to him “I am sorry for your loss”. These words suggest that the prophet (SAW) treated the boy like an adult, therefore, giving him respect.
And Allah knows best.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
Parenting Course Notes – Week 4
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Love and affection
I was absent for this lesson but Alhamdulillah I have got the notes from another sister.
The question was posed “How do we feel when someone expresses love & affection towards us?” These were some of the responses:
• Happy
• Needed
• Overwhelmed
• Warm
• Good
• Valued
• Guilty
• Emotional
• Wanted
Some mothers bond straight away with their children whilst others may take longer, however one thing is agreed that all mothers have selflessness towards their child. We only need to look at our mother’s love towards us or how much we love our own children to see that selflessness.
Then when we know that Allah’s mercy towards His creation is much greater than the mothers love for her child, we can put into perspective that Allah is the MOST merciful.
Psychologists define love into three categories. The first type of love is soft love. This is a type of love which is overwhelming to show children our concern. The second type of love is firm love. Due to the mothers love for her child, she is firm as she desires what is best for the child. The third type of love is damaging love. This is having only soft love and becoming a passive parent (i.e. ignoring the negative aspects the child possesses).
So why is love and affection important? It is important because RasullAllah (SAW) encouraged parents to kiss their children. When a man saw RasullAllah (SAW) kiss Hasan, he commented “I have 10 children, but I have never kissed any of them”. RasullAllah (SAW) replied “What can I do if Allah removed mercy from your heart”.
The prophet (SAW) stated “He who does not show mercy, he will not have mercy shown to him”.
If a child learns about mercy, then she will understand better one of the names of Allah i.e. Ar-Rahman.
The prophet (SAW) said to Aisha (RA) “O Aisha, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness....and He gives to gentleness what He does not to harshness”.
Babies are helpless; they want to know “Can I trust this world?”; “Will I be looked after?”
Study of orphans post WWII
Post WWII – American orphans
Summary
American Hospitals – Children only had physical needs met. Lack of physical contact and little emotional
needs met.
Mexican Villages – They had lots of contact with people, hence emotional needs were met even though
at times physical needs may have been met less.
GOOD PRACTICES
• Physical – Kissing, hugging, massage, stroking, holding hands, swinging etc.
• Verbally express our love for them – “I love you”
• Recognise and notice them
• Award them sincere praise
• Listen to them so they feel understood
• Look at them with a pleasing face
• Always expect good of them
• Think about what you are saying to them
• Do not be afraid of apologising if you are in the wrong
• Be interested in them
• Show them gestures of love
• Help and encourage them to develop their interest
• Show them you love them for who they are
• Spend time with them
• Buy them gifts
• Do not forget to reach a balance. i.e.
Love and affection
I was absent for this lesson but Alhamdulillah I have got the notes from another sister.
The question was posed “How do we feel when someone expresses love & affection towards us?” These were some of the responses:
• Happy
• Needed
• Overwhelmed
• Warm
• Good
• Valued
• Guilty
• Emotional
• Wanted
Some mothers bond straight away with their children whilst others may take longer, however one thing is agreed that all mothers have selflessness towards their child. We only need to look at our mother’s love towards us or how much we love our own children to see that selflessness.
Then when we know that Allah’s mercy towards His creation is much greater than the mothers love for her child, we can put into perspective that Allah is the MOST merciful.
Psychologists define love into three categories. The first type of love is soft love. This is a type of love which is overwhelming to show children our concern. The second type of love is firm love. Due to the mothers love for her child, she is firm as she desires what is best for the child. The third type of love is damaging love. This is having only soft love and becoming a passive parent (i.e. ignoring the negative aspects the child possesses).
So why is love and affection important? It is important because RasullAllah (SAW) encouraged parents to kiss their children. When a man saw RasullAllah (SAW) kiss Hasan, he commented “I have 10 children, but I have never kissed any of them”. RasullAllah (SAW) replied “What can I do if Allah removed mercy from your heart”.
The prophet (SAW) stated “He who does not show mercy, he will not have mercy shown to him”.
If a child learns about mercy, then she will understand better one of the names of Allah i.e. Ar-Rahman.
The prophet (SAW) said to Aisha (RA) “O Aisha, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness....and He gives to gentleness what He does not to harshness”.
Babies are helpless; they want to know “Can I trust this world?”; “Will I be looked after?”
Study of orphans post WWII
Post WWII – American orphans
Summary
American Hospitals – Children only had physical needs met. Lack of physical contact and little emotional
needs met.
Mexican Villages – They had lots of contact with people, hence emotional needs were met even though
at times physical needs may have been met less.
GOOD PRACTICES
• Physical – Kissing, hugging, massage, stroking, holding hands, swinging etc.
• Verbally express our love for them – “I love you”
• Recognise and notice them
• Award them sincere praise
• Listen to them so they feel understood
• Look at them with a pleasing face
• Always expect good of them
• Think about what you are saying to them
• Do not be afraid of apologising if you are in the wrong
• Be interested in them
• Show them gestures of love
• Help and encourage them to develop their interest
• Show them you love them for who they are
• Spend time with them
• Buy them gifts
• Do not forget to reach a balance. i.e.
Monday, 10 December 2007
Calling all bloggers!
Bismillah
Asalaamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu,
I pray that this finds you all in the best of health and iman! For our Spring issue, SISTERS is asking the bloggers one question:
What two things are you grateful for and why?
Answer in as many as 10 sentences and make it as eloquent, inspiring and individual as you are!
JazakunnAllahu khairan wasalaam
SISTERS.
Please send your responses to editor@sisters-magazine.com as soon as possible to be included in the next issue, insha Allah.
Don't forget sisters is now in PRINT! To celebrate SISTERS are offering FREE postage on all online orders until the end of the month!
Alhamdulillah I have to say this is the first edition that I'm able to read thoroughly. I've been sitting with my magazine while Maymoonah sits with her books. AND since its 'tangible' and Animate Image-free I was able to leave it lying around and even Abu M Picked it up and had a browse through it!
In this Issue...
10 Things to hand down to your daughter
Losing a child - sisters speak
How to obtain the Love of Allah
Balancing work and Motherhood
Superfoods from the Sunnah
A sensuous makeover for your bedroom
and... Funky Winter Fashion Feature!
So what are you waiting for? Where else can you find a combination of Knowledge, Advice on various issues health and beauty tips, household matters, cooking tips, poetry, brothers thoughts ;-) and so much more!
Subscribe today!
Asalaamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu,
I pray that this finds you all in the best of health and iman! For our Spring issue, SISTERS is asking the bloggers one question:
What two things are you grateful for and why?
Answer in as many as 10 sentences and make it as eloquent, inspiring and individual as you are!
JazakunnAllahu khairan wasalaam
SISTERS.
Please send your responses to editor@sisters-magazine.com as soon as possible to be included in the next issue, insha Allah.
Don't forget sisters is now in PRINT! To celebrate SISTERS are offering FREE postage on all online orders until the end of the month!
Alhamdulillah I have to say this is the first edition that I'm able to read thoroughly. I've been sitting with my magazine while Maymoonah sits with her books. AND since its 'tangible' and Animate Image-free I was able to leave it lying around and even Abu M Picked it up and had a browse through it!
In this Issue...
10 Things to hand down to your daughter
Losing a child - sisters speak
How to obtain the Love of Allah
Balancing work and Motherhood
Superfoods from the Sunnah
A sensuous makeover for your bedroom
and... Funky Winter Fashion Feature!
So what are you waiting for? Where else can you find a combination of Knowledge, Advice on various issues health and beauty tips, household matters, cooking tips, poetry, brothers thoughts ;-) and so much more!
Subscribe today!
Sunday, 2 December 2007
Parenting Course Notes - Week 3
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah
Tarbiyya
We started off the lesson with a discussion of the meaning of the Arabic word Tarbiyya. We brainstormed the following meanings:
• Education
• Training
• Discipline
• Morals
• Upbringing
• Self development
We then discussed the following ayah in the Qur’an
“My Lord! Bestow on them your mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.” (Al-Isra: 24)
We discussed the importance of parents and the fact that they should be treated with kindness, as it was our parents who took care of us when we were young and incapable of doing things ourselves.
We then discussed the hadith narrated by Abdullah Ibn ‘Amr (RA)
“All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care and each of you will be questioned about your flock. The imam is the guardian of his subjects and is responsible for them, and a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s house and is responsible for it….…” (Bukhari and Muslim)
How does this hadith apply to us as mothers? We as mothers are responsible for our children’s care, education and well-being because we will be questioned about this on the Day of Judgment. So sisters, we should do our level best to fulfill this obligation which Allah (SWT) has commanded us to do. We as Muslim mothers have a great task of raising righteous children insha’Allah. Children who will be shining examples to the society, those who will revive the message of Islam and bring immense benefit to the ummah, ameen.
Allah (SWT) accepts the dua of the mother for her child, so we should be asking Him to guide our children and grant them the best in the duniya and the akhira. This reminds me of a beautiful example of the power of a mother’s dua. Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury mentioned in a talk that he asked Imam Abdurrahman Sudais, “How did you become the imam of Al-Haram?” Imam Sudais replied “I was a very naughty child and every time I misbehaved my mother would say “may you become the imam of Al-Haram””. So instead of becoming angry with him, she made dua to Allah. Subhan’Allah, this goes to show how powerful a mother’s dua is for her children. We should try to implement this method when dealing with our children insha’Allah.
Importance of balance
This flower illustrates that a child needs a balance of everything to develop into a healthy individual. Spiritual is in the centre because that is the most important aspect for a Muslim child. As parents we should attend to all five aspect of their development and not just focus on one aspect, as is the case in many families. We have some parents over-emphasizing on the mental aspect, they push them to do well at school, get good grades and become a doctor, lawyer, engineer etc. However, they neglect the spiritual aspect. On the other hand, there are parents who focus on their children’s Islamic education and by doing so they neglect physical, social and emotional aspects. They do not allow their children to have fun. We need to have a balance because Islam is a way of life and can be incorporated into everything we do insha’Allah.
The story of Luqman Al-Hakim provides us with exceptional advice which we should pass onto our children. Luqman advised his son the following pieces of advice;
a) Tawheed – Do not join in worship others with Allah (SWT), for this is the greatest wrong doing.
b) Accountability – That indeed Allah has knowledge of the smallest objects in the heavens and the Earth. He alone understands their finer mysteries and is capable of bringing them forth.
c) Importance of salah – Establish regular prayer.
d) Enjoin what is just and forbid what is wrong.
e) Be patient with the hardships that befall you.
f) Not to be arrogant and boastful – Beware of false pride.
g) Be moderate in pace.
h) Ways of communication – Lower your voice, for the harshest of sounds is that of the donkey.
We should place great emphasis on making our children aware of the greatest dhulm (injustice)…SHIRK. (Luqman verses 13-19)
Subhan’Allah, what priceless advice. If we strive to teach our children these things and make dua to Allah (SWT), then we will equip our children with excellent manners insha’Allah.
And Allah (SWT) knows best.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah.
Tarbiyya
We started off the lesson with a discussion of the meaning of the Arabic word Tarbiyya. We brainstormed the following meanings:
• Education
• Training
• Discipline
• Morals
• Upbringing
• Self development
We then discussed the following ayah in the Qur’an
“My Lord! Bestow on them your mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.” (Al-Isra: 24)
We discussed the importance of parents and the fact that they should be treated with kindness, as it was our parents who took care of us when we were young and incapable of doing things ourselves.
We then discussed the hadith narrated by Abdullah Ibn ‘Amr (RA)
“All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care and each of you will be questioned about your flock. The imam is the guardian of his subjects and is responsible for them, and a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s house and is responsible for it….…” (Bukhari and Muslim)
How does this hadith apply to us as mothers? We as mothers are responsible for our children’s care, education and well-being because we will be questioned about this on the Day of Judgment. So sisters, we should do our level best to fulfill this obligation which Allah (SWT) has commanded us to do. We as Muslim mothers have a great task of raising righteous children insha’Allah. Children who will be shining examples to the society, those who will revive the message of Islam and bring immense benefit to the ummah, ameen.
Allah (SWT) accepts the dua of the mother for her child, so we should be asking Him to guide our children and grant them the best in the duniya and the akhira. This reminds me of a beautiful example of the power of a mother’s dua. Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury mentioned in a talk that he asked Imam Abdurrahman Sudais, “How did you become the imam of Al-Haram?” Imam Sudais replied “I was a very naughty child and every time I misbehaved my mother would say “may you become the imam of Al-Haram””. So instead of becoming angry with him, she made dua to Allah. Subhan’Allah, this goes to show how powerful a mother’s dua is for her children. We should try to implement this method when dealing with our children insha’Allah.
Importance of balance
This flower illustrates that a child needs a balance of everything to develop into a healthy individual. Spiritual is in the centre because that is the most important aspect for a Muslim child. As parents we should attend to all five aspect of their development and not just focus on one aspect, as is the case in many families. We have some parents over-emphasizing on the mental aspect, they push them to do well at school, get good grades and become a doctor, lawyer, engineer etc. However, they neglect the spiritual aspect. On the other hand, there are parents who focus on their children’s Islamic education and by doing so they neglect physical, social and emotional aspects. They do not allow their children to have fun. We need to have a balance because Islam is a way of life and can be incorporated into everything we do insha’Allah.
The story of Luqman Al-Hakim provides us with exceptional advice which we should pass onto our children. Luqman advised his son the following pieces of advice;
a) Tawheed – Do not join in worship others with Allah (SWT), for this is the greatest wrong doing.
b) Accountability – That indeed Allah has knowledge of the smallest objects in the heavens and the Earth. He alone understands their finer mysteries and is capable of bringing them forth.
c) Importance of salah – Establish regular prayer.
d) Enjoin what is just and forbid what is wrong.
e) Be patient with the hardships that befall you.
f) Not to be arrogant and boastful – Beware of false pride.
g) Be moderate in pace.
h) Ways of communication – Lower your voice, for the harshest of sounds is that of the donkey.
We should place great emphasis on making our children aware of the greatest dhulm (injustice)…SHIRK. (Luqman verses 13-19)
Subhan’Allah, what priceless advice. If we strive to teach our children these things and make dua to Allah (SWT), then we will equip our children with excellent manners insha’Allah.
And Allah (SWT) knows best.
By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah.
Saturday, 17 November 2007
Hajj Coach
As salamu alaykum,
Muhammad Alshareef, the founder of AlMaghrib Institute, just launched
this new website called Hajjcoach.com. He's got 10 multimedia sessions
that will prepare you amazingly for Hajj.
Even if you are not going for Hajj, he's got multimedia sessions on:
1. Keeping patient,
2. How to increase concentration in prayer, and
3. ...a lot of other stuff I'm sure you'll find valuable.
**Action Requested**
Just click on this link and check it out:
http://www.hajjcoach.com
Best Regards,
PS: Just click the link and see if you like it or not:
www.Hajjcoach.com
Muhammad Alshareef, the founder of AlMaghrib Institute, just launched
this new website called Hajjcoach.com. He's got 10 multimedia sessions
that will prepare you amazingly for Hajj.
Even if you are not going for Hajj, he's got multimedia sessions on:
1. Keeping patient,
2. How to increase concentration in prayer, and
3. ...a lot of other stuff I'm sure you'll find valuable.
**Action Requested**
Just click on this link and check it out:
http://www.hajjcoach.com
Best Regards,
PS: Just click the link and see if you like it or not:
www.Hajjcoach.com
Thursday, 25 October 2007
Why do I need to write?
When there are so many great writers out there!
Umm Yusuf talks about 'That Lovin’ Feeling!'
By Fatima Barkatulla
Wondering what’s happened to the romance since you became parents? It needn’t be that way! With a little effort, your relationship can be stronger and more meaningful than ever before. After all, your children are the fruits of your love and commitment to each other. So come on…renew the strength of your relationship and through it, you’ll re-ignite the passion you have for one another…
Pray together
In any situation, even the most stressful, remind each other of how Allah would want his true servants to behave. Pray together at least once a day, standing as servants together in front of your Creator. Remind each other to have sabr (patience) and tawakkul (reliance upon Allah).
Embrace one another
Physical contact is so important and even an embrace and a simple back rub or head massage can reduce stress levels and keep you connected to each other. Take time out to have a hug and renew yourselves.
Argue with boundaries
Arguments can make you eventually closer to your husband if they are constructive. How? Well, say you wanted him to do something, he doesn’t understand why, you explain how it makes you feel, he eventually sees why you are upset and why it means so much to you, so in the end you understand each others needs a little bit better…you have been fighting yourselves closer to one another! Don’t cross the boundaries of decency when you argue. Don’t character assassinate and do not deny his good qualities. Being unthankful to our husbands is one of the characteristics we have to avoid.
Be prepared to apologise.
Apologise sincerely when you are wrong and accept his apologies. Don’t bring up the past…deal with the present. Life is too short for bickering and you’ll be surprised at how saying sorry can allow you both to move on and start afresh.
Notice the beauty and it will magnify.
Why is it that we tend to treat strangers with more courtesy and respect than those whom we are closest to? Treat your husband with the respect, careful choice of words and body language that you would treat a person who you have met for the first time and want to leave a good impression on. Praise your husband for his skills and characteristics. Notice the good and it will increase and grow!
Have a routine
If your kids are up till late, and your home is disorderly, then it’s hardly surprising that you don’t get a chance to bond with your spouse. There has to be time for you to be together as a couple, for you to be able to pay full attention to each other. So get your kids into a good meal and bedtime routine and stick to it! It’ll change your life!
Go on a date!
Have regular time alone together…uninterrupted! Even if that means asking your mum to keep the kids for a few hours. You could use that time to talk, remember how you met and what your feelings were for each other when you got married. Eat out together or go to a quiet spot by a river or for a stroll in the park. Only talk about positive things in that time that you have set aside for yourselves.
Keep communicating
Listen and empathise with your husband’s struggles. Communicate to him what your needs are, don’t expect him to guess! Things that seem obvious to you aren’t always to him, so tell him how he could make things easier for you and work to make things easier for him too.
Don’t go to sleep on an argument
Try to resolve issues before you go to bed. Leaving things unresolved can lead to a build up of bad feelings which eat away at your relationship.
Flirt with each other!
Leave a little love note in his lunch box or stick it on his rear-view mirror. Send him a text message with a message of love and gratitude for all he has done for you. You are never more attractive than when you are smiling and happy. Be a bit of a bimbo sometimes! What I mean by that is: joke and be light hearted around your husband and don’t always bring up the heavy stuff when you’re with him.
Get your glad rags out!
You know! The make-up and jewellery you once wore but now don’t seem to be able to find. Make an effort to look good and both you and your husband will benefit! Even if you can’t do it every day, dress up once in a while and your husband is sure to notice the extra effort you’ve put in. Indulge in nice smelling bath scrubs that’ll make your skin soft and smelling sensual. A mud mask or facial, once a week will make your face shine with radiance!
Copyright Sisters Magazine 2007
http://www.sisters-magazine.com/
Umm Yusuf talks about 'That Lovin’ Feeling!'
By Fatima Barkatulla
Wondering what’s happened to the romance since you became parents? It needn’t be that way! With a little effort, your relationship can be stronger and more meaningful than ever before. After all, your children are the fruits of your love and commitment to each other. So come on…renew the strength of your relationship and through it, you’ll re-ignite the passion you have for one another…
Pray together
In any situation, even the most stressful, remind each other of how Allah would want his true servants to behave. Pray together at least once a day, standing as servants together in front of your Creator. Remind each other to have sabr (patience) and tawakkul (reliance upon Allah).
Embrace one another
Physical contact is so important and even an embrace and a simple back rub or head massage can reduce stress levels and keep you connected to each other. Take time out to have a hug and renew yourselves.
Argue with boundaries
Arguments can make you eventually closer to your husband if they are constructive. How? Well, say you wanted him to do something, he doesn’t understand why, you explain how it makes you feel, he eventually sees why you are upset and why it means so much to you, so in the end you understand each others needs a little bit better…you have been fighting yourselves closer to one another! Don’t cross the boundaries of decency when you argue. Don’t character assassinate and do not deny his good qualities. Being unthankful to our husbands is one of the characteristics we have to avoid.
Be prepared to apologise.
Apologise sincerely when you are wrong and accept his apologies. Don’t bring up the past…deal with the present. Life is too short for bickering and you’ll be surprised at how saying sorry can allow you both to move on and start afresh.
Notice the beauty and it will magnify.
Why is it that we tend to treat strangers with more courtesy and respect than those whom we are closest to? Treat your husband with the respect, careful choice of words and body language that you would treat a person who you have met for the first time and want to leave a good impression on. Praise your husband for his skills and characteristics. Notice the good and it will increase and grow!
Have a routine
If your kids are up till late, and your home is disorderly, then it’s hardly surprising that you don’t get a chance to bond with your spouse. There has to be time for you to be together as a couple, for you to be able to pay full attention to each other. So get your kids into a good meal and bedtime routine and stick to it! It’ll change your life!
Go on a date!
Have regular time alone together…uninterrupted! Even if that means asking your mum to keep the kids for a few hours. You could use that time to talk, remember how you met and what your feelings were for each other when you got married. Eat out together or go to a quiet spot by a river or for a stroll in the park. Only talk about positive things in that time that you have set aside for yourselves.
Keep communicating
Listen and empathise with your husband’s struggles. Communicate to him what your needs are, don’t expect him to guess! Things that seem obvious to you aren’t always to him, so tell him how he could make things easier for you and work to make things easier for him too.
Don’t go to sleep on an argument
Try to resolve issues before you go to bed. Leaving things unresolved can lead to a build up of bad feelings which eat away at your relationship.
Flirt with each other!
Leave a little love note in his lunch box or stick it on his rear-view mirror. Send him a text message with a message of love and gratitude for all he has done for you. You are never more attractive than when you are smiling and happy. Be a bit of a bimbo sometimes! What I mean by that is: joke and be light hearted around your husband and don’t always bring up the heavy stuff when you’re with him.
Get your glad rags out!
You know! The make-up and jewellery you once wore but now don’t seem to be able to find. Make an effort to look good and both you and your husband will benefit! Even if you can’t do it every day, dress up once in a while and your husband is sure to notice the extra effort you’ve put in. Indulge in nice smelling bath scrubs that’ll make your skin soft and smelling sensual. A mud mask or facial, once a week will make your face shine with radiance!
Copyright Sisters Magazine 2007
http://www.sisters-magazine.com/
Thursday, 18 October 2007
Toddler Tantrums
18 - 24 Months: Tame Your Toddler’s Tantrums
Taken from bootsparentingclub.com
Let’s talk tantrums. We know you don’t want to but you need to be ready. Because at some point between 18 months and three, your sweet, lovely, smiley baby’s going to treat you to a fair few contrary, wilful, ear-splitting toddler strops.
So, what on earth’s making your child so mad? Perhaps the first thing to understand is that tantrums are a fact of toddler life. And, at this age, it’s not about disobedience but simple frustration: at not being able to get the jigsaw piece in the hole; at being yanked from the muddy puddle when she was having so much fun; at not being able to find the words to say what she means. This is not the time for time-outs and naughty steps. Yes, your child needs you to be firm and clear about what’s acceptable and what’s not, but she also needs your help in dealing with the storm of emotions that’s spinning her out of control. And to do that, you need our three-step tantrum-tackling masterclass…
Avoid the triggers
Put your toddler in certain situations and you can practically guarantee a tantrum. Solution? Avoid these situations in the first place and:
* Don’t overdo it. A tired and hungry child is a tantrum waiting to happen. Stick to a daily routine of regular mealtimes and bedtimes and at least one nap a day.
* Explain what’s happening. If you are doing anything out of the ordinary, talk your child through it first. If she has some idea of what to expect, she’s less likely to kick up a fuss.
* Switch to toddler time. Toddlers don’t do rushing. They just don’t understand why you’re in such a hurry to get to nursery, the shops, your friend’s house. And frantically chivvying them up can set off a strop. Build in extra time to get places and you’ll save tempers all round.
* Make your house toddler-safe. If all you ever say is, ‘Don’t touch that!’, you’re just inviting rebellion.
Learn the tactics
Oh no, that bottom lip’s beginning to wobble. To stop a tantrum before it really starts, you need to:
* Distract her. Point with huge excitement at a car in the street or a toy across the room: anything that will divert her attention from what’s upsetting her.
* Act the fool. She won’t get in her buggy? You get in instead! Even toddlers can’t laugh and strop at the same time.
* Seem to agree. She wants a biscuit; you don’t want to spoil her appetite for lunch. Substitute, ‘No, no biscuits!’ for ‘Yes, we’ll have a biscuit at lunchtime.’
* Offer choices. Older toddlers love having choices: it makes them feel in control. Just be sure both choices get you the result you’re after! So, instead of, ‘Put your coat on or we don’t go to the park!’, say, ‘Which coat are you wearing to the park: the red one or the blue one?’
* Think big picture. And let the small things go. Don’t make an issue of every little toddler annoyance.
Know the tamers
Despite your very best intentions, your child's imploded into all-out tantrum mode. Now’s the time to:
* Hold her. Screaming toddlers can often be scared by the intensity of their own emotions. Sometimes, holding them gently but firmly can help them keep it together.
* Count to ten. Tantrums are upsetting or annoying for parents, too. Before you react in a way you might regret, take a little time to regain your cool.
* Ignore her. Nothing deflates a strop faster than a lack of audience.
* Stick to your guns. Don't give in or your child will learn that tantrums get her what she wants.
* Hug her when it’s over. After the storm, don’t lecture, punish or ask for apologies. Your child’s been through enough. Give her a big cuddle and move on.
Friday, 14 September 2007
Ramadan
Some things to read.
Ramadhân: Have You Got What It Takes?
Ramadan Guide.
How Our Pious Predecessors Spent Ramadan
Welcoming the Arrival of Ramadan
“The fasting person has two occasions for joy”
Islamtoday - Fasting and Itikaaf, articles and rulings for Ramadan.
Last but not least Issue 3 of sisters-magazine is Out!
Highlights of this issue include:
Ramadhan in the Qur'an and Sunnah
The wisdom behind fasting
Exerting oneself in the last ten days of Ramadhan
Preparing your home for Ramadhan
Make this Eid your best ever with our fabulous celebration ideas!
AND... Gorgeous Eid fashion feature
.
Ramadhân: Have You Got What It Takes?
Ramadan Guide.
How Our Pious Predecessors Spent Ramadan
Welcoming the Arrival of Ramadan
“The fasting person has two occasions for joy”
Islamtoday - Fasting and Itikaaf, articles and rulings for Ramadan.
Last but not least Issue 3 of sisters-magazine is Out!
Highlights of this issue include:Ramadhan in the Qur'an and Sunnah
The wisdom behind fasting
Exerting oneself in the last ten days of Ramadhan
Preparing your home for Ramadhan
Make this Eid your best ever with our fabulous celebration ideas!
AND... Gorgeous Eid fashion feature
.
Friday, 7 September 2007
A blend of cultures for dinner.
At this years JIMAS conference Sheikh Mamdouh Muhammad gave us some really good advice - when you invite someone for dinner, never just invite people from one country to your house, try to have people from different countries attend.
I know a sister who did this and used to count to herself, 'Today we have a blend of Bengali, Pakistani, Jamaican, Algerian and Lybian guests!'
MashaAllah It was really nice and I've met many sisters of different nationalities through her.
I know a sister who did this and used to count to herself, 'Today we have a blend of Bengali, Pakistani, Jamaican, Algerian and Lybian guests!'
MashaAllah It was really nice and I've met many sisters of different nationalities through her.
Wednesday, 29 August 2007
JIMAS
Another JIMAS conference gone by and I'm left feeling tired and exhausted but not quite wanting to be back.Some Benefits of attending the JIMAS Conference.
Sisterhood/brotherhood. Different ages, race, backgrounds, professions. Meeting brothers and sisters that you only see once a year at JIMAS!
A few sisters and I played 'guess what race percentages' (ourselves) and our children are- it was humorous to say the least, (other sisters looked on like we were a tad crazy.)
Fresh Green Air, close to nature, green trees and plenty of weeping willows (my favorite!)
Being among the people of knowledge who all differ in their beautiful, charismatic, dynamic and humorous personalities.
Knowledge - each teacher/scholar taught us in a variety of different ways you actually remember what you listened to and don't get bored of 3 days of lectures.
Keeping fit - walking to and from lectures, lunch, salah all day for 3 days - you certainly feel the effects on the body.
Family time. Back in your rooms there is no internet, cooking, laundry or distractions - just the family. You're 'forced' to spend quality time together :-)
Safety. You actually let your children run around here and there and know that they are safe with sisters looking out for each others children.
Alkauthar revision :-) The finance seminars for the first time didn't go over my head thanks to my teacher Sheikh Abu Yusuf and the Alkauthar Real Deal course. I found myself engrossed in what Tarek Al Diwany had to say about the monetary/banking systems, keen to hear more and captivated by the seminar on inheritance.
I cant wait till The Real Deal 201!
Ok here's the girly bit. I can't forget shopping can I? Being able to shop in a halal music free environment. A vast selection of fabrics, cuts, styles in Abaya's and Hijaab and the once a year opportunity to find the 'perfect' Niqaab for you that aren't always available locally.
Some sisters actually let their customers take items home without paying, promising that they will send a cheque when they get back home. Thats what I call real trust.
And Cons? - The Price? Yes its more expensive than previous years, but is without a doubt worth it. And today I recieved a cheque through the post from tax returns that I had forgotten about - when you spend in the way of Allah - Allah always gives back more. SubhanAllah.
Anyway Here's more on JIMAS....
Monday, 20 August 2007
Don’t just blame the parents; blame us too
It was better when we all took it upon ourselves to discipline children
Carol Sarler
Blame the parents, by all means. Blame the social workers, while you’re at it. Both are rational responses to the revulsion evoked when a mother and her boyfriend are convicted of murdering her four-year-old child over a prolonged period of 100 blows; not again, we say, not again. And then, three days after sentence was passed on Sharon Wright and Peter McKenzie-Seaton in Bradford, a couple are arrested in London for the suspicious death of their toddler and we cry not again. Again.
By the same token, we blame the parents for feral gangs who roam the streets; for violence, for crime, for unprecedented numbers of fatal shootings by gunslingers still only children themselves. Whether it is damage to children or damage by children, sensibly alarmed politicians turn their sights towards families and those professionally charged with effecting cure upon dysfunctional ones. The message reads clearly: they are your children, therefore your job and your responsibility – and, of course, they are. The less clear question, however, might be: are they solely the responsibility of those who raise them? Or should the civilian rest of us also reasonably be expected to play a bigger part?
Current thinking says no. Inadequacies within the insularity of the family are addressed by, for instance, “parenting classes” or, at the posh end, “family therapy”, both designed to address the inadequacies while retaining the insular structure of the unit. In the light of the manifest failure of such an approach, is it time to wonder whether the root of the problems lies in the insularity itself?
The model of the nuclear family, apparently accepted without question by those who seek to nurture it, is not, I venture, entirely historically correct. Its emergence, according to conventional wisdom, is explained something like this: once upon a time, we all lived in enormous, sprawling multigenerational families, paying feudal dues and doffing caps to his liege as young and old scratched a happy living in bucolic pastures where we slept with our goats and breast-fed our chickens – until along came the Industrial Revolution and blew the whistle for time. The need for a mobile workforce became paramount, so the population helpfully parcelled itself into two-generation families, moved into two-up two-downs and slammed the front door behind them.
Police chief calls for alcohol ban in public
Cheshire Chief Constable stepped up his campaign on drink-related youth crime today with call for ban on street-drinking
* Police chief calls drinks industry to account for yob culture
* A daughter’s last letter to father killed tackling gang of vandals
* Father who confronted gang 'was best dad'
Which, I suppose, was pretty much the gist of it, save this: it does not tally with personal observation. Those front doors slammed not in the 19th century, but only in the past few years. In the street where my mother was raised (urban, poor) and, even more recently, in the street where I was raised (shires, middle) the doors of the family units were open – literally and otherwise.
Everybody involved themselves with the maintenance of other people’s children; should a child bunk off school for the day, every adult in the street would know and would think nothing of reprimanding him. We took it for granted that there were eyes everywhere: “Hey, young Sarler! Cut it out! Now!” And when two teenage girls were trusted alone in the house overnight and elected to – how shall I put this? – have a few friends around, our parents came home the next day to a disorderly queue of neighbours busting guts to tell them about it. BLEEP.
The corollary, however, was that if it was inconceivable that we could misbehave without being spotted, so it was inconceivable that anybody could misbehave towards us without equal scrutiny; paedophilia existed, but was scant terror given that pretty much everyone – especially the children – knew who, what and where lay the local kiddie-fiddlers. Strangers they were not.
As for parents of ineptitude or ill intent, they could not possibly have systematically beaten a child to a deathly pulp in one of our streets. It wasn’t just a matter of our being prepared to snitch to authorities, either; face-to-face confrontation was coded, but all understood what it meant. Mrs Jones would be asked, with an air of concern, if she was all right – looking a little tired, we thought; children getting you down? And Mr Jones was home so late last night . . . The Joneses, thus, would know that we knew.
This may well be too much of a Hovis commercial for your taste and naturally it is not a full social snapshot. Nevertheless, in many respects it was better than what followed when, as every sitcom cast a character to remind us, neighbour came to mean nosy and nosy to mean bad. We became fearful of the accusation of interfering in other people’s lives, let alone in other people’s children and – as that made us unknown to the children and they to us – we became fearful of the children themselves.
Last week, in the dappled sunshine of a London park, I did tick off a bunch of brats: surly, early teens who were being horrid to our dog, or I surely would neither have bothered nor, probably, dared. Certainly, there was anxiety; you hear such stories; don’t they all carry knives these days?
The thing is, though, they were local kids – had to be, to be there at all. And if I had engaged with them in the past when they were much smaller, I would have known their names and homes and schools and very likely wouldn’t have felt nervous at all. But I hadn’t, so I didn’t and next time, for all I know, the dog gets it.
Because of our mutual unfamiliarity I may be at risk – and so, in their homes, may they. Two sides of the same chasm. All in the interests of what? Privacy? Rights? Minding our own business?
Hillary Clinton, in 1996, contentiously borrowed from an old African saying and applied to America the idea that “it takes a village to raise a child”. She was roundly condemned, most notably by Robert Dole, who retorted briskly that, no, it doesn’t; it takes a family.
A decade later, with children dying and with children killing, we may ask why we should have to choose between the two positions. The probable truth is that it is now as it ever was: we still need both.
Carol Sarler
Blame the parents, by all means. Blame the social workers, while you’re at it. Both are rational responses to the revulsion evoked when a mother and her boyfriend are convicted of murdering her four-year-old child over a prolonged period of 100 blows; not again, we say, not again. And then, three days after sentence was passed on Sharon Wright and Peter McKenzie-Seaton in Bradford, a couple are arrested in London for the suspicious death of their toddler and we cry not again. Again.
By the same token, we blame the parents for feral gangs who roam the streets; for violence, for crime, for unprecedented numbers of fatal shootings by gunslingers still only children themselves. Whether it is damage to children or damage by children, sensibly alarmed politicians turn their sights towards families and those professionally charged with effecting cure upon dysfunctional ones. The message reads clearly: they are your children, therefore your job and your responsibility – and, of course, they are. The less clear question, however, might be: are they solely the responsibility of those who raise them? Or should the civilian rest of us also reasonably be expected to play a bigger part?
Current thinking says no. Inadequacies within the insularity of the family are addressed by, for instance, “parenting classes” or, at the posh end, “family therapy”, both designed to address the inadequacies while retaining the insular structure of the unit. In the light of the manifest failure of such an approach, is it time to wonder whether the root of the problems lies in the insularity itself?
The model of the nuclear family, apparently accepted without question by those who seek to nurture it, is not, I venture, entirely historically correct. Its emergence, according to conventional wisdom, is explained something like this: once upon a time, we all lived in enormous, sprawling multigenerational families, paying feudal dues and doffing caps to his liege as young and old scratched a happy living in bucolic pastures where we slept with our goats and breast-fed our chickens – until along came the Industrial Revolution and blew the whistle for time. The need for a mobile workforce became paramount, so the population helpfully parcelled itself into two-generation families, moved into two-up two-downs and slammed the front door behind them.
Police chief calls for alcohol ban in public
Cheshire Chief Constable stepped up his campaign on drink-related youth crime today with call for ban on street-drinking
* Police chief calls drinks industry to account for yob culture
* A daughter’s last letter to father killed tackling gang of vandals
* Father who confronted gang 'was best dad'
Which, I suppose, was pretty much the gist of it, save this: it does not tally with personal observation. Those front doors slammed not in the 19th century, but only in the past few years. In the street where my mother was raised (urban, poor) and, even more recently, in the street where I was raised (shires, middle) the doors of the family units were open – literally and otherwise.
Everybody involved themselves with the maintenance of other people’s children; should a child bunk off school for the day, every adult in the street would know and would think nothing of reprimanding him. We took it for granted that there were eyes everywhere: “Hey, young Sarler! Cut it out! Now!” And when two teenage girls were trusted alone in the house overnight and elected to – how shall I put this? – have a few friends around, our parents came home the next day to a disorderly queue of neighbours busting guts to tell them about it. BLEEP.
The corollary, however, was that if it was inconceivable that we could misbehave without being spotted, so it was inconceivable that anybody could misbehave towards us without equal scrutiny; paedophilia existed, but was scant terror given that pretty much everyone – especially the children – knew who, what and where lay the local kiddie-fiddlers. Strangers they were not.
As for parents of ineptitude or ill intent, they could not possibly have systematically beaten a child to a deathly pulp in one of our streets. It wasn’t just a matter of our being prepared to snitch to authorities, either; face-to-face confrontation was coded, but all understood what it meant. Mrs Jones would be asked, with an air of concern, if she was all right – looking a little tired, we thought; children getting you down? And Mr Jones was home so late last night . . . The Joneses, thus, would know that we knew.
This may well be too much of a Hovis commercial for your taste and naturally it is not a full social snapshot. Nevertheless, in many respects it was better than what followed when, as every sitcom cast a character to remind us, neighbour came to mean nosy and nosy to mean bad. We became fearful of the accusation of interfering in other people’s lives, let alone in other people’s children and – as that made us unknown to the children and they to us – we became fearful of the children themselves.
Last week, in the dappled sunshine of a London park, I did tick off a bunch of brats: surly, early teens who were being horrid to our dog, or I surely would neither have bothered nor, probably, dared. Certainly, there was anxiety; you hear such stories; don’t they all carry knives these days?
The thing is, though, they were local kids – had to be, to be there at all. And if I had engaged with them in the past when they were much smaller, I would have known their names and homes and schools and very likely wouldn’t have felt nervous at all. But I hadn’t, so I didn’t and next time, for all I know, the dog gets it.
Because of our mutual unfamiliarity I may be at risk – and so, in their homes, may they. Two sides of the same chasm. All in the interests of what? Privacy? Rights? Minding our own business?
Hillary Clinton, in 1996, contentiously borrowed from an old African saying and applied to America the idea that “it takes a village to raise a child”. She was roundly condemned, most notably by Robert Dole, who retorted briskly that, no, it doesn’t; it takes a family.
A decade later, with children dying and with children killing, we may ask why we should have to choose between the two positions. The probable truth is that it is now as it ever was: we still need both.
Friday, 17 August 2007
Do all good things come to an end?
Only in this world.
When three friends so dear to you (including a teacher) leave the country within the space of a few weeks - whether its to the UAE or Europe, it really reminds you that everything in this world is temporary.
Yet another reason to strive to please Allah. So that InshaAllah we can be with those whom we love in Janaat.
When three friends so dear to you (including a teacher) leave the country within the space of a few weeks - whether its to the UAE or Europe, it really reminds you that everything in this world is temporary.
Yet another reason to strive to please Allah. So that InshaAllah we can be with those whom we love in Janaat.
Sunday, 12 August 2007
Hands On Dawa!
Alhamdulillah we had a few new sisters at the Adab class this week. One of the new Muslim sisters, an English sister who reverted a few months ago, knew of a Pakistani family in her local community.
She went to visit them before the class and said to them, 'If I can go to the mosque then so can you!' And dragged them to the class with her!
She went to visit them before the class and said to them, 'If I can go to the mosque then so can you!' And dragged them to the class with her!
Monday, 6 August 2007
Abeer Hamza
Taken from muslimmatters.org
In memory of our sister, Abeer al-Janabi…
See also: Injustice, Injustice, Injustice
[graphic content, not suitable for children].
In memory of our sister, Abeer al-Janabi…
See also: Injustice, Injustice, Injustice
[graphic content, not suitable for children].
Sunday, 5 August 2007
A Bleak Future?
After having dinner at my father in laws today we decided to pop by my sister in Laws house before heading home. We arrived to see the street filled with people and a fire engine parked on the street.
Some boys had set fire to her neighbors (whom we also know) back garden shed. Why? Well simply because the boys were hanging around doing no good around her back garden and she had politely asked them to leave.
Her shed had burned to complete ashes along with a plastic slide and her swimming pool that were inside (the fumes were probably almost as dangerous as the flames.)
The seriousness of the matter was evident on a tree in the next garden behind her shed - the leaves had blackened all the way to the top.
Here comes the Bleak bit... the boys were only 7 years old.
Later on emerged rumors of more shootings in the Moss side area (where she lives) of Manchester. She was used to it now she said, it wasn't unusual for her to arrive back home from somewhere only to find the neighborhood partitioned of and blockaded with police patrol vehicles unable to go to her house. (Related Article here.)
I found myself feeling slightly fearful as we left the neighborhood to come home.
Then It dawned on me that this is probably less than a percent of the fear that innocent Iraqi and Palestinian civilians have to live with every day of their lives.
And speaking of Fear I urge all of you to raise your hands and sincerely make dua for four brothers who are forcibly being repatriated from Guantánamo Bay to Algeria on Monday, August 6, 2007.
Amongst these prisoners is Ahmed Belbacha, a former British resident of Algerian origin, who was cleared for release by the U.S in February 2007 after having been deemed to ‘pose no threat’ to the USA.Urgent action is required for Ahmed Belbacha. Please visit Cageprisoners here for more information.
Some boys had set fire to her neighbors (whom we also know) back garden shed. Why? Well simply because the boys were hanging around doing no good around her back garden and she had politely asked them to leave.
Her shed had burned to complete ashes along with a plastic slide and her swimming pool that were inside (the fumes were probably almost as dangerous as the flames.)
The seriousness of the matter was evident on a tree in the next garden behind her shed - the leaves had blackened all the way to the top.
Here comes the Bleak bit... the boys were only 7 years old.
Later on emerged rumors of more shootings in the Moss side area (where she lives) of Manchester. She was used to it now she said, it wasn't unusual for her to arrive back home from somewhere only to find the neighborhood partitioned of and blockaded with police patrol vehicles unable to go to her house. (Related Article here.)
I found myself feeling slightly fearful as we left the neighborhood to come home.
Then It dawned on me that this is probably less than a percent of the fear that innocent Iraqi and Palestinian civilians have to live with every day of their lives.
And speaking of Fear I urge all of you to raise your hands and sincerely make dua for four brothers who are forcibly being repatriated from Guantánamo Bay to Algeria on Monday, August 6, 2007.
Amongst these prisoners is Ahmed Belbacha, a former British resident of Algerian origin, who was cleared for release by the U.S in February 2007 after having been deemed to ‘pose no threat’ to the USA.Urgent action is required for Ahmed Belbacha. Please visit Cageprisoners here for more information.
Thursday, 2 August 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)