In ‘Hilyat al-Awliya” (10/287), it’s related that al-Junayd said:
الإنسان لا يعاب بما في طبعه إنما يعاب إذا فعل بما في طبعه
“A person is not to be blamed for his nature. Rather, he is to be blamed if he acts according to his nature.”
This is a very deep statement.
A person should not bring his status as an imperfect human being to serve as an excuse for manifesting blameworthy characteristics and actions. Yes, we were fashioned with varying degrees of negative attributes within us, such as envy, greed, lack of gratitude, arrogance, the desire to commit certain sins, etc.
However, we were also fashioned with the ability to repel, change, and strive against the inclinations to openly manifest them.
It is possible to abandon negative traits you find in yourself and change your character for the better. You just have to know what you want to become, and want it badly enough to put up a fight whenever the negative traits that get in the way begin to surface.
From http://iskandrani.wordpress.com/2009/05/11/fighting-your-nature
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Parenting Course notes week 11 - Praise and Reward
Praise and reward
In this session we looked at different methods of praise and the effects of rewards. When children receive positive praise, they are likely to repeat that behaviour. However, when they receive negative feedback they are not likely to repeat that behaviour.
Types of praise
a) Descriptive praise- this type of praise is to tell the child what we are praising them for. For example, “MashaAllah you have tidied up your room.” We can say “good boy/girl” provided that we tell them what they have done to receive that praise. Also private praise is more effective than public praise.
b) Summary praise- Summing up with one word praise. For example, “Excellent”, “Fantastic”
c) Self-praise-This method of praising is very powerful for children. This is basically to let them praise themselves. Get them to acknowledge their achievements. For example, when a child says “I did that really well”.
Common mistakes with praise
Some of the common mistakes done while praising is just saying “well done” without explaining the reason for that praise.
Also we need to make sure that the things we praise them for actually deserve praise. The age of the child also needs to be considered while praising. As parents we need to make sure we mean it when we praise because children can see through it. One thing a lot parents do is to mix praise with criticism. This is something which should be avoided. For example, “well done BUT you can do better.” Praise can also be done without words, e.g. smiles.
Praise – How to do it – 7 steps
1) We need to look at our child, use their name and make eye contact with them.
2- Move close to our child
3- Smile at them
4- Say a lot of nice things
5- Praise what we see, hear.
6- Show physical affection
7- Praise immediately.
It is also important that we look at the style of praising of the prophet (SAW). Praise reinforces good behaviour because good behaviour is part of good akhlaq.
In a hadith narrated by Jubair (RA) it is reported that the prophet (SAW) said:
“Whenever Muslims plant a tree, they will earn he reward of charity because of the food that comes from it; and likewise what is stolen from it, what the wild beast eat out of it, what the birds eat out of it and what people take from it is charity for them” (Muslim)
This hadith encourages us to be dedicated, giving us a guarantee of reward from Allah. It also helps to create a generous society. It encourages us to be generous, caring and sharing. We should realise that we shouldn’t care about what happens to the tree because the reward is from Allah (SWT).
In another hadith Abu Darr (RA) reports that the prophet (SAW) said:
“Do not belittle any good deed, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face” (Muslim)
This hadith encourages us to behave in a positive manner. We should smile at people because this simple act will get us reward insha-Allah.
In conclusion we see that praising a child encourages good behaviour, and also it may increase their self-esteem. The anticipation of reward encourages generosity and dedication especially when the expectation of reward is from Allah (SWT).
And Allah knows best.
In this session we looked at different methods of praise and the effects of rewards. When children receive positive praise, they are likely to repeat that behaviour. However, when they receive negative feedback they are not likely to repeat that behaviour.
Types of praise
a) Descriptive praise- this type of praise is to tell the child what we are praising them for. For example, “MashaAllah you have tidied up your room.” We can say “good boy/girl” provided that we tell them what they have done to receive that praise. Also private praise is more effective than public praise.
b) Summary praise- Summing up with one word praise. For example, “Excellent”, “Fantastic”
c) Self-praise-This method of praising is very powerful for children. This is basically to let them praise themselves. Get them to acknowledge their achievements. For example, when a child says “I did that really well”.
Common mistakes with praise
Some of the common mistakes done while praising is just saying “well done” without explaining the reason for that praise.
Also we need to make sure that the things we praise them for actually deserve praise. The age of the child also needs to be considered while praising. As parents we need to make sure we mean it when we praise because children can see through it. One thing a lot parents do is to mix praise with criticism. This is something which should be avoided. For example, “well done BUT you can do better.” Praise can also be done without words, e.g. smiles.
Praise – How to do it – 7 steps
1) We need to look at our child, use their name and make eye contact with them.
2- Move close to our child
3- Smile at them
4- Say a lot of nice things
5- Praise what we see, hear.
6- Show physical affection
7- Praise immediately.
It is also important that we look at the style of praising of the prophet (SAW). Praise reinforces good behaviour because good behaviour is part of good akhlaq.
In a hadith narrated by Jubair (RA) it is reported that the prophet (SAW) said:
“Whenever Muslims plant a tree, they will earn he reward of charity because of the food that comes from it; and likewise what is stolen from it, what the wild beast eat out of it, what the birds eat out of it and what people take from it is charity for them” (Muslim)
This hadith encourages us to be dedicated, giving us a guarantee of reward from Allah. It also helps to create a generous society. It encourages us to be generous, caring and sharing. We should realise that we shouldn’t care about what happens to the tree because the reward is from Allah (SWT).
In another hadith Abu Darr (RA) reports that the prophet (SAW) said:
“Do not belittle any good deed, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face” (Muslim)
This hadith encourages us to behave in a positive manner. We should smile at people because this simple act will get us reward insha-Allah.
In conclusion we see that praising a child encourages good behaviour, and also it may increase their self-esteem. The anticipation of reward encourages generosity and dedication especially when the expectation of reward is from Allah (SWT).
And Allah knows best.
Friday, 1 May 2009
"Only the first glance is allowed..."
"...so make it last."
I'm sure many of us have heard that joke. According to this article, I don't think we should take the quote as advice!
8.2 seconds needed to fall in love
The time needed for a man to fall in love at first sight is 8.2 seconds, scientists claim.
The longer a man's gaze rests on a woman when they meet for the first time, the more interested he is.
If it last just four seconds, he may not be all that impressed. But if it breaks the 8.2 second barrier, he could already be in love they say.
However the same is not true for women. They let their eyes linger on men for the same length of time whether they find them attractive or not.
Hidden cameras were used to secretly track the eye movements of 115 students as they spoke to actors and actresses. They were then asked to rate their conversation partner's attractiveness.
The men looked into the eyes of actresses they considered beautiful for an average of 8.2 seconds, but that dropped to 4.5 seconds when gazing at those they rated less attractive, the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior reported.
The female students, however, looked at the actors for the same length of time. The researchers believe that men use eye contact to seek out fit and fertile mates.
But women are more wary of attracting unwanted attention because of the risks of unwanted pregnancy and single parenthood.
I'm sure many of us have heard that joke. According to this article, I don't think we should take the quote as advice!
8.2 seconds needed to fall in love
The time needed for a man to fall in love at first sight is 8.2 seconds, scientists claim.
The longer a man's gaze rests on a woman when they meet for the first time, the more interested he is.
If it last just four seconds, he may not be all that impressed. But if it breaks the 8.2 second barrier, he could already be in love they say.
However the same is not true for women. They let their eyes linger on men for the same length of time whether they find them attractive or not.
Hidden cameras were used to secretly track the eye movements of 115 students as they spoke to actors and actresses. They were then asked to rate their conversation partner's attractiveness.
The men looked into the eyes of actresses they considered beautiful for an average of 8.2 seconds, but that dropped to 4.5 seconds when gazing at those they rated less attractive, the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior reported.
The female students, however, looked at the actors for the same length of time. The researchers believe that men use eye contact to seek out fit and fertile mates.
But women are more wary of attracting unwanted attention because of the risks of unwanted pregnancy and single parenthood.
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