Why do I need to write?

When there are so many great writers out there!

Umm Yusuf talks about 'That Lovin’ Feeling!'

By Fatima Barkatulla

Wondering what’s happened to the romance since you became parents? It needn’t be that way! With a little effort, your relationship can be stronger and more meaningful than ever before. After all, your children are the fruits of your love and commitment to each other. So come on…renew the strength of your relationship and through it, you’ll re-ignite the passion you have for one another…

Pray together
In any situation, even the most stressful, remind each other of how Allah would want his true servants to behave. Pray together at least once a day, standing as servants together in front of your Creator. Remind each other to have sabr (patience) and tawakkul (reliance upon Allah).

Embrace one another
Physical contact is so important and even an embrace and a simple back rub or head massage can reduce stress levels and keep you connected to each other. Take time out to have a hug and renew yourselves.

Argue with boundaries
Arguments can make you eventually closer to your husband if they are constructive. How? Well, say you wanted him to do something, he doesn’t understand why, you explain how it makes you feel, he eventually sees why you are upset and why it means so much to you, so in the end you understand each others needs a little bit better…you have been fighting yourselves closer to one another! Don’t cross the boundaries of decency when you argue. Don’t character assassinate and do not deny his good qualities. Being unthankful to our husbands is one of the characteristics we have to avoid.

Be prepared to apologise.
Apologise sincerely when you are wrong and accept his apologies. Don’t bring up the past…deal with the present. Life is too short for bickering and you’ll be surprised at how saying sorry can allow you both to move on and start afresh.

Notice the beauty and it will magnify.
Why is it that we tend to treat strangers with more courtesy and respect than those whom we are closest to? Treat your husband with the respect, careful choice of words and body language that you would treat a person who you have met for the first time and want to leave a good impression on. Praise your husband for his skills and characteristics. Notice the good and it will increase and grow!

Have a routine
If your kids are up till late, and your home is disorderly, then it’s hardly surprising that you don’t get a chance to bond with your spouse. There has to be time for you to be together as a couple, for you to be able to pay full attention to each other. So get your kids into a good meal and bedtime routine and stick to it! It’ll change your life!

Go on a date!
Have regular time alone together…uninterrupted! Even if that means asking your mum to keep the kids for a few hours. You could use that time to talk, remember how you met and what your feelings were for each other when you got married. Eat out together or go to a quiet spot by a river or for a stroll in the park. Only talk about positive things in that time that you have set aside for yourselves.

Keep communicating
Listen and empathise with your husband’s struggles. Communicate to him what your needs are, don’t expect him to guess! Things that seem obvious to you aren’t always to him, so tell him how he could make things easier for you and work to make things easier for him too.

Don’t go to sleep on an argument
Try to resolve issues before you go to bed. Leaving things unresolved can lead to a build up of bad feelings which eat away at your relationship.

Flirt with each other!
Leave a little love note in his lunch box or stick it on his rear-view mirror. Send him a text message with a message of love and gratitude for all he has done for you. You are never more attractive than when you are smiling and happy. Be a bit of a bimbo sometimes! What I mean by that is: joke and be light hearted around your husband and don’t always bring up the heavy stuff when you’re with him.

Get your glad rags out!
You know! The make-up and jewellery you once wore but now don’t seem to be able to find. Make an effort to look good and both you and your husband will benefit! Even if you can’t do it every day, dress up once in a while and your husband is sure to notice the extra effort you’ve put in. Indulge in nice smelling bath scrubs that’ll make your skin soft and smelling sensual. A mud mask or facial, once a week will make your face shine with radiance!

Copyright Sisters Magazine 2007
http://www.sisters-magazine.com/

Toddler Tantrums

18 - 24 Months: Tame Your Toddler’s Tantrums
Taken from bootsparentingclub.com

Let’s talk tantrums. We know you don’t want to but you need to be ready. Because at some point between 18 months and three, your sweet, lovely, smiley baby’s going to treat you to a fair few contrary, wilful, ear-splitting toddler strops.

So, what on earth’s making your child so mad? Perhaps the first thing to understand is that tantrums are a fact of toddler life. And, at this age, it’s not about disobedience but simple frustration: at not being able to get the jigsaw piece in the hole; at being yanked from the muddy puddle when she was having so much fun; at not being able to find the words to say what she means. This is not the time for time-outs and naughty steps. Yes, your child needs you to be firm and clear about what’s acceptable and what’s not, but she also needs your help in dealing with the storm of emotions that’s spinning her out of control. And to do that, you need our three-step tantrum-tackling masterclass…


Avoid the triggers

Put your toddler in certain situations and you can practically guarantee a tantrum. Solution? Avoid these situations in the first place and:

* Don’t overdo it. A tired and hungry child is a tantrum waiting to happen. Stick to a daily routine of regular mealtimes and bedtimes and at least one nap a day.

* Explain what’s happening. If you are doing anything out of the ordinary, talk your child through it first. If she has some idea of what to expect, she’s less likely to kick up a fuss.

* Switch to toddler time. Toddlers don’t do rushing. They just don’t understand why you’re in such a hurry to get to nursery, the shops, your friend’s house. And frantically chivvying them up can set off a strop. Build in extra time to get places and you’ll save tempers all round.

* Make your house toddler-safe. If all you ever say is, ‘Don’t touch that!’, you’re just inviting rebellion.


Learn the tactics

Oh no, that bottom lip’s beginning to wobble. To stop a tantrum before it really starts, you need to:

* Distract her. Point with huge excitement at a car in the street or a toy across the room: anything that will divert her attention from what’s upsetting her.

* Act the fool. She won’t get in her buggy? You get in instead! Even toddlers can’t laugh and strop at the same time.

* Seem to agree. She wants a biscuit; you don’t want to spoil her appetite for lunch. Substitute, ‘No, no biscuits!’ for ‘Yes, we’ll have a biscuit at lunchtime.’

* Offer choices. Older toddlers love having choices: it makes them feel in control. Just be sure both choices get you the result you’re after! So, instead of, ‘Put your coat on or we don’t go to the park!’, say, ‘Which coat are you wearing to the park: the red one or the blue one?’

* Think big picture. And let the small things go. Don’t make an issue of every little toddler annoyance.


Know the tamers

Despite your very best intentions, your child's imploded into all-out tantrum mode. Now’s the time to:

* Hold her. Screaming toddlers can often be scared by the intensity of their own emotions. Sometimes, holding them gently but firmly can help them keep it together.

* Count to ten. Tantrums are upsetting or annoying for parents, too. Before you react in a way you might regret, take a little time to regain your cool.

* Ignore her. Nothing deflates a strop faster than a lack of audience.

* Stick to your guns. Don't give in or your child will learn that tantrums get her what she wants.

* Hug her when it’s over. After the storm, don’t lecture, punish or ask for apologies. Your child’s been through enough. Give her a big cuddle and move on.