In the Shade of the Veil

Na'ima B. Robert's personal 40Day Challenge to transform mind, body, soul and family

2011-03-22T18:42:00.000-07:00

Sabr or Shukr – The Worry Stops Here

2011-02-13T21:28:00.000-08:00

Aasiyah, the wife of Fir'own, had eman in Allah subhaanahu wa ta ‘aala that thrived under the shadow of someone who said, "I am your Lord, Most High!" When news reached Fir'own of his wife's eman, he beat her and commanded his guards to beat her. They took her out in the scalding noon heat, tied her hands and feet, and beat her perpetually. Who did she turn to? She turned to Allah! She prayed, "My lord, build for me a home with You in Paradise and save me from Fir'own and his deeds and save me from the transgressive people."

It was narrated that when she said this, the sky opened for her and she saw her home in Paradise and she smiled. The guards watched in astonishment as she was being tortured but yet smiling. Frustrated, Fir'own commanded a boulder to be brought and dropped on Aasiyah, to crush her to death. But Allah took her soul before the boulder was brought and she became an example for all the believing men and women until the end of time:

And Allah has set forth an example for those who believe – the wife of Fir'own – when she said, "My Lord, build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Fir'own and his deeds, and save me from the transgressive, disbelieving people” (At-Tahreem 66/11).

In the hadith of Jibraeel, when he came to the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam and asked him about Islam, eman, and ihsaan, the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said about eman:

"Eman is to believe in Allah, His angels, His books, His messengers, the Final Day, and the divine decree – the good and the bad thereof."

Today I shall focus on the last article of eman – to believe in the divine decree, the good and the bad thereof.

As you and I travel though life, we find ourselves in one of two situations. Either something good is happening in our lives, in which case as Muslims our role is to thank Allah for the blessing, or something bad or something we dislike is happening to us, and our role then is to be patient. This is the formula for a happy life, a life cruising towards the pleasure of Allah. Sabr (patience) or shukr (gratitude), the worry stops here.

The Messenger of Allah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said:

"Strange is the affair of the mu'min (the believer). Verily, all his affairs are good for him. If something pleasing befalls him he thanks (Allah) and it becomes better for him. And if something harmful befalls him he is patient (saabir) and it becomes better for him. And this is only for the mu'min."

Ibn Al-Jowzee said, "If this dunya was not a station of tests it would not be filled with sicknesses and filth. If life were not about hardship, then the prophets and the pious would have lived the most comfortable of lives. Nay, Adam suffered test after test until he left the dunya. Nuh cried for 300 years. Ibrahim was thrown into a pit of fire and later told to slaughter his son. Ya'qub cried until he became blind. Musa challenged Fir'own and was tested by his people. Eesa had no provision except the morsels his disciples provided him with. And Muhammad sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam met poverty with patience as his uncle, one of the most beloved relatives to him, was slain and mutilated and his people disbelieved in him ... and the list of prophets and the pious goes on and on."

What happens to us happens by the will of Allah subhaanahu wa ta ‘aala. It is an article of our eman that we believe in qada' and qadr and that we are pleased with Allah’s choice. Good or seemingly bad, it is all the test of this dunya. How can we imagine that we shall not be tested when those who were better than us suffered what they suffered? They, however, came away with the pleasure of Allah subhaanahu wa ta ‘aala.

Al Hasan ibn Arafah narrated that he visited Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal after he was whipped and tortured. He said to him, "O Abu Abdillah, you have reached the station of the Prophets!"

He said, "Keep quiet. Verily, I saw nothing more than people selling their deen and I saw scholars that were with me sell their faith. So I said to myself, 'Who am I, what am I? What am I going to say to Allah tomorrow when I stand in front of Him and He asks me, 'Did you sell your deen like the others did?'"

He continued, "So I looked at the whip and the sword and chose them. And I said, 'If I die, I shall return to Allah and say that I was told to say that one of Your Characteristics was something created but I did not. ' After that, it will be up to Him - either to punish me or be Merciful to me."

Al-Hasan ibn Arafah then asked, "Did you feel pain when they whipped you?"

He said, "Yes, I felt the pain up to 20 lashes then I lost all feeling (They whipped him over eighty times). After it was over I felt no pain and that day I prayed Dhuhr standing."

Al-Hasan ibn Arafah started weeping when he heard what had happened. Imam Ahmad questioned him, "Why are you crying? I did not lose my eman. After that why should I care if I lose my life?"

These people were better than us, but this was how they were tested.

There some facts about the tests of life, the good and the bad that befalls us:

1. Much of what befalls us is the direct result of our own sins. Allah subhaanahu wa ta ‘aala says:

And whatever misfortune befalls you it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much Ash-Shura 42/30).

Muhammad ibn Seereen used to say when his debts piled up and he felt sad, "I know that the cause of this sadness is a sin I committed over 40 years ago."

2. People understand that when something bad happens it is a test from Allah ‘azza wa jall. But dear brothers and sisters, the good things that happen to us are also a test. Allah subhaanahu wa ta ‘aala says:

And we tested them with good (blessings) and evil (calamities) in order that they might turn back (Al-A’raf 7/168).

Abd alMalik ibn Ishaq said, "There is no one that is not tested with health and prosperity to measure how thankful he is."

And the Companion AbdurRahman ibn 'Awf radi Allahu anhu said, "We

were tested with hardship and were patient. And then we were tested with prosperity and we were not patient. Because of this Allah states:

O ye who believe! Let not your wealth or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. And whosoever does that, then they are the losers (Al-Munafiqun 63/9).

3. Patience must happen from the beginning, not three days later or one day later, but rather at the first news of the calamity. The Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, "Verily patience (is only sabr when practiced) at the first hit (of news)."

4. There are things that contradict sabr. Tearing ones shirt, for example, slapping ones face, slapping hands, shaving ones head, and cursing and wailing. Umm Salamah radi Allahu anha narrates that she heard the Messenger of Allah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam say:

"Any Muslim who says when a calamity befalls him that which Allah commanded him: ‘To Allah we belong and to him we return. O Allah reward me in this calamity and give me better then it’ - Allah will grant him better than (that which he lost) (Muslim)."

5. These tests and hardships wash away our sins. Aisha radi Allahu anha said, "Verily, fever sheds sins like a tree sheds leaves."

6. The hardships that befall us distinguish the believers from the insincere. Shumayt ibn Ajlaan said, "The pious and the ungrateful are hidden by health. Yet when calamities befall, the two men are separated (by how they react)."

Allah ‘azza wa jall says in the Quran:

Alif laam meem. Do people think that they will be left alone because they say, "We believe," and will not be tested? Indeed We tested those who (lived) before them (Al-Ankaboot 29/1-3).

PART II: Towards Sabr

Ali radi Allahu anhu said, "Verily sabr is to eman what the head is to the body. When the head is cut off, the body falls. (He then raised his voice) Verily there is no eman for he who has no sabr (patience)."

There are three types of sabr that the Muslim must have:

1. Sabr in the obedience of Allah subhaanahu wa ta ‘aala. For example, one must be patient and perform their Fajr salah at it's appointed time.

2. Sabr in not disobeying Allah subhaanahu wa ta ‘aala. For example, someone might be upset at another person and think, "I just have to insult him." No, rather we are commanded by He who gave us our tongues not to follow the whispers of Shaytaan. We must have sabr in not disobeying Allah.

3. Sabr in what Allah subhaanahu wa ta ‘aala decrees on us. For example, if our child was to pass away we should be patient and seek the reward of Allah in our patience and say only that which is pleasing to Allah.

There are two keys which, if we understand them, we shall open the door to sabr

in our lives:

The first key: know that our souls, families and wealth do not belong to us, they belong to Allah subhaanahu wa ta ‘aala. He gave them to us as a loan to see what we would do with them. When he takes them back, He is taking back what belongs to Him. We had nothing before the blessing and we'll have nothing after it. We did not create the blessing from nothing, so how can we claim that it belongs to us?

The second key: We are on a journey and the destination is the Hereafter - Paradise or Hell. We shall be leaving the dunya behind us and we will return back to Allah by ourselves. This is what needs our focus. If Allah subhaanahu wa ta ‘aala is pleased with us then no worry. If He is not pleased with us then all worry.

Allah subhaanahu wa ta ‘aala revealed:

Guard strictly the (five obligatory) prayers, especially the middle salah and stand before Allah in obedience (Al-Baqarah 2/238).

The verses before this aayah deal with divorce. The verses after it deal with divorce. So why was this verse placed in the middle?

The ‘ulama have suggested, wa Allahu ta‘aala ‘alim, that in the hard times that a person goes through (especially in a divorce) he should not forget the remembrance of Allah, the salah. It is that salah, coupled with sabr, that will pull him through the difficulty.

O you who believe! Seek help in patience and salah. Truly, Allah is with those that are patient (Al-Baqarah 2/153).

In conclusion, Allah subhaanahu wa ta ‘aala gives the following good news:

And give good news to the patient / who, when afflicted with calamity say, "Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return." / They are those on whom the salawat (i.e. the blessing and forgiveness) of their Lord is upon them, and who shall receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones (Al-Baqarah 2/155-157).

Allah promises anyone who wants to work on his or her patience three things: forgiveness, mercy, and guidance. Who could ask for more?

by Muhammad Alshareef

khutbah.com

US sorry over deliberate sex infections in Guatemala

2010-10-04T18:28:00.000-07:00

1 October 2010 Last updated at 21:32

Source:BBC

US sorry over deliberate sex infections in Guatemala
Bacteria that causes syphilis Syphilis can cause blindness, insanity and even death

The United States government has apologised for deliberately infecting hundreds of people in Guatemala with gonorrhoea and syphilis as part of medical tests more than 60 years ago.

None of those infected - mentally ill patients and prisoners - consented.

Guatemalan President Alvaro Colom accused the US of "crimes against humanity".

US President Barack Obama has called Mr Colom to apologise and has said the acts ran contrary to American values.
Continue reading the main story
“Start Quote

We deeply regret that it happened, and we apologise to all the individuals who were affected by such abhorrent research practices”

End Quote Statement from secretaries of state and health
'Shocking, tragic, reprehensible'

Syphilis can cause heart problems, blindness, mental illness and even death, and although the patients were treated it is not known how many recovered.

Evidence of the programme was unearthed by Prof Susan Reverby at Wellesley College. She says the Guatemalan government gave permission for the tests.

No offer of compensation has yet been made, but an investigation will be launched into the specifics of the study, which took place between 1946 and 1948.

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said on Friday the news was "shocking, it's tragic, it's reprehensible".

The joint statement from Mrs Clinton and Health Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said: "Although these events occurred more than 64 years ago, we are outraged that such reprehensible research could have occurred under the guise of public health.

"We deeply regret that it happened, and we apologise to all the individuals who were affected by such abhorrent research practices."
Unaware

The study by Prof Reverby shows that US government medical researchers infected almost 700 people in Guatemala with two sexually transmitted diseases.

The patients - prisoners and people suffering mental health problems - were unaware they were being experimented upon.

The doctors used prostitutes with syphilis to infect them, or inoculation, as they tried to determine whether penicillin could prevent syphilis, not just cure it.

The patients were then treated for the disease, but it is unclear whether everyone was cured.

Prof Reverby has previously done research on the Tuskegee experiment, where the US authorities measured the progress of syphilis in African-American men without telling them they had the disease or adequately treating it.

The experiment ran from 1932 to 1972, with President Bill Clinton eventually apologising for it.

Barbaric: 86-Year Sentence for Aafia Siddiqui

2010-09-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

Andy Worthington

23.9.10

To be honest, I can hardly express sufficiently my shock at the news that Dr. Aafia Siddiqui, the Pakistani neuroscientist who was rendered to the US to face a trial after she reportedly tried — and failed — to shoot two US soldiers in Ghazni, Afghanistan in July 2008, has been sentenced to 86 years in prison.

Such a disproportionate sentence would be barbaric, even if Aafia Siddiqui had killed the soldiers she shot at, but as she missed entirely, and was herself shot twice in the abdomen, it simply doesn’t make sense. Moreover, the sentencing overlooks claims by her lawyers that her fingerprints were not even on the gun that she allegedly fired, and, even more significantly, hints at a chilling cover-up, mentioned everywhere except at Aafia’s trial earlier this year, in which her sudden reappearance in Ghazni in July 2008, the shooting incident, the trial and the conviction were designed to hide the fact that, for five years and four months, from March 2003, when she and her three children were reportedly kidnapped in Karachi, she was held in secret US detention — possibly in the US prison in Bagram, Afghanistan — where she was subjected to horrendous abuse.

The truth about Aafia’s story, as I have mentioned in previous articles here, here and here, is difficult to discern, but too many unanswered questions had already been brushed off before this vile sentence was delivered, which involve not only Aafia, but also two of her three children, Ahmed and Mariam, who only resurfaced last September, and in April this year. The whereabouts of Aafia’s third child, Suleiman, who was just a baby when Aafia first disappeared, has never been disclosed, and there are fears that he was killed when she was initially kidnapped.

As for Mariam, an article at the time of her reappearance stated that she “claim[ed] she was kept in a ‘cold, dark room’ for seven years,” allegedly in Bagram, and in late August 2008, Michael G. Garcia, the attorney general of the southern region of New York, “confirmed in a letter to Siddiqui’s sister, Dr. Fowzia Siddiqui, that her son, Ahmed, had been in the custody of the FBI since 2003 and that he was currently in the custody of the Karzai government in Afghanistan,” even though the US ambassador to Pakistan, Anne W. Patterson, had previously claimed that Washington “had no information regarding the children.” The article added that Ahmed was finally released to the custody of Siddiqui’s family in Pakistan in September 2009, and later “gave a statement to police in Lahore that he had been held in a juvenile prison in Afghanistan for years.”

Like everything in the story of Aafia Sidduiqui, which remains, in many ways, the most opaque story in the whole of the “War on Terror,” it is difficult to say what is true and what is not, but these accounts, as well as eyewitness accounts from other prisoners, including the British resident and former Guantánamo prisoner Binyam Mohamed, who has stated that he saw Aafia in Bagram, serve only to demonstrate that, not only is an 86-year sentence the most abominable miscarriage of justice, but also that it meshes perfectly with the notion that this whole sad story is an enormous cover-up. As I asked six months ago:

If Aafia Siddiqui was indeed held in secret US custody for over five years, was the story of the attempted shooting of the US soldiers in July 2008 a cynical set-up, designed to ensure that she could be transferred to the US and tried, convicted and imprisoned without the true story coming to light?

For someone once touted as a significant al-Qaeda operative, it is, to say the least, convenient that she has been sentenced to 86 years in prison on charges that — beyond the prosecutors’ claim that she was an al-Qaeda supporter and a danger to the US — completely ignored her alleged role in al-Qaeda, and the valid presumption that, if she was indeed regarded as an al-Qaeda operative, it would not be surprising that, like many dozens of other “high-value detainees,” she suffered years of torture in US custody, and then, somehow, had to be disposed of.

While some of these prisoners ended up in Guantánamo, and others were stealthily delivered on one-way trips to prisons in their home countries, Aafia ended up in New York, rendered — there is no other word — from Afghanistan. And although she urged her supporters in court to remain calm today, telling them, “Don’t get angry. Forgive Judge Berman,” it may be that, in delivering what he referred to as an “appropriate” sentence of “significant incarceration,” Judge Richard Berman may have done just what the CIA wanted.

Andy Worthington is the author of The Guantánamo Files: The Stories of the 774 Detainees in America’s Illegal Prison (published by Pluto Press, distributed by Macmillan in the US, and available from Amazon.

Lessons from the “Ground Zero”/“Park 51”/“Armageddon” Mosque - God Bless America.

2010-08-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

Abu Eesa Niamatullah

http://islamicstudies.islammessage.com

Okay, so I made the last name up myself seeing as everyone else is doing it, but it’s certainly no worse than the other two!

Despite actually being officially known as “Cordoba House”, the first name of the “Ground Zero Mosque” was a right-wing creation fed to the USA by some parts of the media which helped to create the frenzy that has now become mainstream news all over the world. I’m not going to bore you with a story that all of you know but in summary it seems many Americans are very worried, insulted and scared (choose any one or all three) about this building at 45-51 Park Place, Manhattan, going up near Ground Zero posing as an Islamic centre thingamajig.

The centre’s advisors by naming it “Cordoba House” clearly didn’t anticipate that some Americans would read in to such a title: war, murder, treason, taqiyyah, domination, consolidation, the Khilafah and then finally the Muslims taking over the United States of Absurdity.

Clearly a Mosque at such a location would make people suspicious of what goes on inside, especially as those guilty Muslims might be up to: secret military research, creating weapons of mass destruction, hatching assassination plots, developing loads of conspiracy theories etc. Obviously.

So what did the advisors do? They changed the name to Park51.

Yes. You heard it right first time. Of all the million alternatives they could have chosen to reduce tensions, they named the building Park51. Like that’s going to stop the haters? The advisers name the new Islamic centre after the most secretive and controversial area in the entire country – Area 51 – and they thought that’s good PR? Are you like kidding me?!

Of all the numbers from 45-51, they chose the one number which represents Aliens, Roswell, Time Machines, WMDs, the Ark of the Covenant, the X-Files, and virtually every other official secret, scheme and freaky thing or idea that the universe contains. All hidden deep inside Area 51.

So that’s alright then from a new PR angle, because now all Americans will think that the Muslims inside are getting up to: secret military research, creating weapons of mass destruction, hatching assassination plots, developing loads of conspiracy theories etc.

You just couldn’t make it up.

In fairness though you could have named the centre the “Teletubbies Mosque” or the “Big Apple Islamic Centre” and someone would find a suicide bomber link somewhere.

But enough of the jokes because some of the world’s best have had a field day with this topic, notwithstanding the brilliant Jon Stewart, our own Charlie Brooker and about a thousand other commentators who are thanking God that some real life quality comedic material has come their way for free. Actually no, at the cost of Muslims. Again.

Yes, there is a serious point to this entire discussion, most excellently summed up in my opinion by the tireless Keith Olbermann in his own unique way. Put simply, America has to change its constitution if they don’t want this Islamic centre to go ahead.

In my own personal opinion, I heard about this proposal quite a while back from Daisy Khan and I just assumed that they had polled the local community for their support because it certainly seemed to me at first hearing that it might prove a bit controversial. And they did get general support of course, before freaks like Geller, Palin and the Chai Party Wallahs got involved.

Early on in this saga when I noticed that quite a large number of people were genuinely opposed to the centre (as opposed to just being hate-mongers), I personally thought it would be better that another site was chosen because I genuinely believe that it is fair and correct that if many people in a foreign country or indeed the authorities of said country refuse permission for a new Mosque, then so be it. “I guess we mustn't grumble, I suppose that's just the way the cookie crumbles.” She said.

But after following this story in a bit more detail, I wish to support the building of this centre. It has now become clear that America needs to ensure that it allows the Muslims behind Park51 to give it their best shot, as both Mayor Bloomberg and President Obama have clearly stated. It would be going against every American value, indeed every Western value, if such a project were to be denied – if the complete freedom of religion is what the West has signed up to then that is what they must also prove, especially if other states or religions wouldn’t do the same. Like I said before, either that or either change the constitution to avoid charges of islamophobia and discrimination.

Likewise it seems that a lot of the opposition noise isn’t as genuine as it may seem, but rather a lot of loud voices busy in their hating and refudiating. Regardless of our religion or background, speaking out against such acts of racial intolerance and/or crimes against the English language must not be left to others.

The final reason why I support this project is because I teach people the value of unity, and that one of the special characteristics of the Muslims of Ahl’l-Sunnah wal-Jamā‘ah (the People of Orthodox Tradition & Community) is that they defend the rights of their brothers and sisters despite their differences. This is a time where unfortunately the Muslim community is under attack, and regardless of who is wrong or right, we shouldn’t be contributing to the voices of hate, even if our own personal opinions and objections against said project are valid. Perhaps we might advise the people behind Park51 in private, but in public they deserve our support because their dream has been hijacked by not just enemies of Muslims, but indeed enemies of the free world. Gosh, I sounded distinctly American there didn’t I? (Shudder!)

Anyway the really ironic thing here in my opinion is that I am extremely doubtful that the Cordoba Initiative and ASMA can raise anywhere near the sums being mentioned for the completion of this project, especially if they are going to restrict themselves to American Muslims only. Many people won’t touch this project with a barge-pole I’m afraid due to the massive negative publicity surrounding it all.

Lessons

To the Muslim community specifically, I wanted to offer some advice and suggest a few lessons that we can perhaps reflect over during this entire episode.

The first lesson is to reflect over who it really is that the right-wing are hating upon specifically: Imam Feisel Abdul Rauf. You might very well click on the wiki link under his name but let me tell you about him myself.

I’ve known Imam Feisel for a number of years now and I consider him a friend. I’ve lectured at his conferences and I’ve lectured with him at external conferences - he’s one of the nicest and most noble men you will come to meet. And the most infuriating thing about all of this is that the kind of associations that are being created around his name with extremists and links to X, Y and Z yadda yadda is about as far away from the truth as possible. It’d be a million times easier for someone like myself to be made out to be such a bogey man but that’s because I was born carefree like that, don’t usually give a monkeys about what other people think about what I say or do or who I like or dislike, and also because I don’t need to try and convince the entire United States of Absolutely Hard Work to support my $100 million dollar dream centre.

Imam Feisel I can tell you (and as he will proudly tell you himself!) is a Sufi, very liberal and far too “progressive” for my liking as well. I mean progressive in the regressive sense as I like to maintain, about which he of course will beg to differ. Most of the Muslims I roll with on a daily basis would be shocked at his liberalism - what I’m trying to say is that every stereotype you might have of a lovey-dovey fuzzy-wuzzy “sellout” kinda Muslim guy, he’d fit. And I hope I still remain on his Eed card list after that.

But this just goes to show that when it comes to hate, no one is safe; because it isn’t just a hatred of a beard or a niqab which many people mistakenly think, but rather it is the right-wing and xenophobe’s hatred of simply your religious identity.

In fact perhaps worse, it’s racism and intolerance of a horrible kind. Who can possibly forget the tragic killing of a few members of the Sikh community post the 9/11 attacks, just because “they looked the same”? In this kind of environment, anything goes.

This is why what Keith Olbermann stated, should be spread far and wide, and really reflected over. His warning - drawing strength from Pastor Niemöller’s famous words – is a reminder not just to Muslims but a reminder to all people of all religions.

The second lesson I wanted to point out is to realize that post 9/11 it became super-fashionable to criticize the bogey man “Wahabi” entity so that they and all their affiliates and associates – indeed anything or anyone remotely connected to Saudi Arabia or the Ahl’-Hadīth school – became the root cause of every single evil upon God’s green and luscious Earth.

The unfortunate thing was that it came from a number of Muslims, most sadly – and let me be frank here – by a few extreme (and perhaps some not so extreme) leaders and spokesmen associated with the Muslim Sufi community. Yes, sad, because these were from Muslims within the Sunni fraternity.

Then as things started to move on, the “progressive” or “modernist” movements started to take shape, characterized by their ultra-liberalism, distortion of traditional texts and orthodoxy, topped off with an unhealthy obsession of blaming all the world’s new evils on any Muslim group – be it the Wahabis, the Salafis, the Sufis or just Mango Kulfis. In fact, very few Muslims that were associated with the word “Sunni” have been able to escape their misguided wrath and secretly funded agendas.

If the haters can ruin such a man’s life such as Imam Feisal, then believe me they can do the same and much worse to any other Muslim from the dazzling array of Islamic groups and sects that are out there living in the West, proving once and for all that the story of the white bull will come back to haunt you one day whether you like it or not.

So the final moral of the story: we must stick together and stop selling our brothers and sisters out who are trying to practice their Deen peacefully in the West, despite our slight jurisprudential and theological differences.

This reminder also goes to all those who used to be from our good and close people who are under pressure to change their Deen during such difficult times and jump ship to failed and humiliated organisations and ideologies such as the Quilliam Foundation or Hargey’s MECO or the Canadian Muslim Congress or Schwartz’s Centre of Islamic Pluralism – it’s better to feel a bit of pressure now rather than to fold up and dissolve away. We must stick to our religious principles because this was exactly what gave our Deen its respected image in the first place. Once we lose this, we have become like some of the Christian groups that have now disappeared off the face of the Earth, in fact there will be nothing left for us. Those who stand firm now, remain as beacons for the future, and not just for the Muslims but for humanity in general.

And if it takes a bit of shenanigans in the USA to make Muslims realize and reflect upon this point then my concluding words of this piece should aptly be:

God Bless America.

The Nerve Of It All!

2010-08-21T21:54:00.000-07:00

Abu Eesa Niamatullah

islamicstudies.islammessage.com

The great thing about finding the right place for Tarawīh prayers during Ramaḍān is the opportunity to deeply reflect upon verses of the Qur’ān that you might not hear every day, recited in a slightly more quicker fashion that normal which also adds that little bit more reality to the occasion too. Often, in the normal obligatory prayers, the Imām might recite so slowly – in fact too slowly with more focus being on Tajwīd etc – that one starts to enjoy more the voice and musical sound as opposed to reflect instead about what is actually being said, and indeed finds it more difficult to remember the previous verse so as to give context and feeling to the current verse being recited.

It was quite ironic that my Tarawīh reflection tonight as the verses were being recited (I'm currently at a place which is doing only half a juz’ a day, and so we've only just got to Ṣūrat'l-Mā'idah!) was none other than the verse of the moment:

“We prescribed for them therein: A life for a life, an eye for an eye, a nose for a nose, an ear for an ear and a tooth for a tooth; and for wounds, an equal retaliation. But, if one forgives it, then that will be expiation for him. Those who do not judge according to what God has revealed are doing grave wrong.” (al-Mā’idah, 45)

This story below of a Saudi judge trying to ensure that just the spinal cord is severed as part of a Qiṣāṣ (I prefer the translation "fair retribution") case has unfortunately caused many Muslims to make ignorant and pathetic statements against their own religion, a fact made all the worse because it is only done in response to the sensitivities being offended of those who don’t accept any verses of the Qur’ān, let alone those verses which might be more gory in nature. Which begs the question: exactly how much more of the Qur’ān will such Muslims throw behind their backs as well?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-11045848

The verses concerning Qiṣāṣ and the Hudūd (prescribed punishments) do confuse many people so let me just say briefly concerning Qiṣāṣ in particular that firstly, Allāh ‘azza wa jall never wishes at the first instance for people to punish and retaliate against each other as has been made manifestly clear by His statement, “But, if one forgives it, that will be an expiation for him” as well as His statement in Ṣūrat'l-Baqarah, "But if the culprit is pardoned by his aggrieved brother, this shall be adhered to fairly, and the culprit shall pay what is due in a good way. This is an alleviation from your Lord and an act of mercy" meaning that the original criminal has been let off and you as the injured party will have your sins erased for such a noble act.

This is what the original status quo is i.e. to pardon the assailant. And this is no doubt whatsoever what the Judge will have begged the claimant's family to do (I know some Sharī‘ah Court Judges personally, have seen Qadhā’ in action, and this is exactly what happens). And folks, I really do mean beg - with everything possible exhorting to forgiveness and mercy found in the Qur’ān and Sunnah. To witness this happening in a court can actually be quite an emotionally overwhelming experience.

This is of course the Sunnah of the Prophet (sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) as narrated by Anas b. Mālik (radhy Allāhu ‘anhu) who said, "Never was a case of retaliation ever raised to the Prophet except that he would order the claimants to pardon (the assailant)." (Abū Dāwūd)

And likewise this was the Sunnah of the Companions afterwards as well – despite the fact that many of the narrations that describe the reward for the one who pardons in such a manner are actually considered to be dha‘īf (weak) – yet the consensus of the Muslim nation is upon the fact that one should try and encourage the claimant to forgive and pardon his assailant at the very least from having to take retribution against him by causing a similar injury. This is generally supported by a number of encouragements from the Qur’ān and Sunnah, for example as Allāh ‘azza wa jall says in Ṣūrat Āle-‘Imrān (v. 134), “Hurry towards your Lord’s forgiveness and a Garden as wide as the heavens and earth prepared for the righteous; those who give, both in prosperity and adversity, who restrain their anger and pardon people. God loves those who do good.”

Similarly the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Wealth is not diminished by giving in charity, the one who pardons is not increased except in honour, and one doesn’t humble himself in front of Allāh except that Allāh will raise him.” (Muslim)

It should be made clear here that there is discussion amongst the Fuqahā’ that if such a blow was delivered by the injured party against the original assailant (such as with a meat cleaver!) and of course it is near-impossible to recreate the exact same spinal injury inflicted by the same kind of blow, then Qiṣāṣ is not an option anymore and blood money is insisted upon instead. In fact it would be fair to say that the majority of the scholars hold that if someone suffers any internal injury in an attack, the judge cannot offer Qiṣāṣ to the claimant’s family because of the uncertainty and risk involved of further and greater injury than that incurred in the first place.

I would contend that it is rather unfortunate not to say this judge in question actually receive more praise for taking his job so seriously. It would have been far easier for him to just say, “This is a seriously complicated internal injury in which there’s no way of having exact fair retribution for so I rule for blood money!”

Said statement would have been the norm from the scholars a thousand years ago but what the judge is investigating is whether our current medical advancements allow for an exact replication of the injury in question, which is in essence the exact letter of the law – a law which is to be found still today in the Old Testament and has been maintained for the Muslims to follow until the Final Day. And what must be remembered is that the judge has gone to all this effort solely in pursuit of justice for the injured party for it is his right to forgo blood money and choose the exact same horrific injury that has ruined his life upon the assailant despite the fact that to pardon would be better.

In summary then: the judge is quite right Islamically to explore the possibility of establishing the desire of the claimant for the letter of the law if the claimant has rejected the spirit of the law. And we likewise should respect that.

And it’s for that final reason that I felt compelled to write this piece: respect. As Muslims we should respect our scholars more than what some detractors and antagonists would like us to do. It is a very serious issue to question people’s intentions without the full facts or to do so from a position of ignorance of Islamic Law.

Yet it is altogether far worse to disrespect and question the authenticity and finality of God’s word in His final Book gifted to mankind to lift them from their darkness into the light of guidance. And all because of what? Because one is being made to feel uncomfortable about the Divine nature of one’s faith due to the dissatisfaction of those who couldn’t care a single jot about faith in the first place. That truly is shameful and a measly price and reason to sell one’s religion for!

Let me in closing gently remind my brothers and sisters of what Allāh jalla wa ‘alā told the Jewish nation in the verse preceding our Qiṣāṣ verse that we’re looking at, which could very well be a wake-up call to us as well:

“So do not fear the people but fear Me, and do not exchange My verses for a small price. And whoever does not judge by what Allāh has revealed - then it is those who are the disbelievers.” (al-Mā’idah, 44)

In Memoriam: Faraj Hassan Alsaadi

2010-08-16T20:35:00.000-07:00

Extremely tragic and shocking news - Faraj Hassan Alsaadi, former prisoner and haafidh ul Qur'aan, who led the qiyaam outside the US embassy last night and spoke at the JFAC rally was killed in a motorcycle accident at 9am this (Monday) morning.

Inna lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon.

Thinking of lessons from the death of Faraj Hassan

Written by Asim Qureshi
Monday, 16 August 2010

The tragic death of our brother Faraj Hassan has left me with much to think about.

I cannot sleep with thoughts of our brother Faraj Hassan in my head. The reality is that this world has lost someone who was truly incredible - patient in adversity and strong in his response.

From a wordly perspective there is much to weep for as we think of a young man of 30 years (only a little older than myself) who left behind his wife and three very young children. The family will have to gone on without him, after having endured every single hardship with him, they have been given another hardship which they will have to face without him.

His family were with him as he was placed under detention without charge, then put forward for extradition, followed by a deportation order to Libya, then on control orders and finally also subjected to financial sanctions. The family had survived almost the full range of counter-terrorism measures that any individual could potentially be subjected, and yet they beat every single thing the government could throw at them as they maintained Faraj's innocence. Subhanallah - he beat it all with the aid and assistance of Allah SWT.

It was only a matter of about 8 months ago that Faraj as finally released from his control order and allowed to walk a free man. Instead of walking away and building a new life for himself, Faraj immediately immersed himself in issues relating to the treatment of detainees in the UK through helping the organisation HHUGS as well as speaking for other organisations like JFAC.

It would initially seem that there is something inherently unfair then, that somehow despite him having endured the pain of so many years of struggle, that he would be entitled to some form of respite with his family. Here lies the lesson though for me, that surely then despite our worldly desire to have our brother with us again, the reality is that Allah SWT has taken His servant at a time when not only did he pass every test that was given to him, but then went further to struggle for the sake of Allah to help others - in other words, inshallah Faraj was taken from us when Allah SWT would have loved him most. Inshallah his peace will now be eternal, we make du'ah that he is spared any form of correction from Allah and that he is only amongst those who will be first into the jannah, ameen.

So we find with Faraj an example for the way we should continue our work and conduct ourselves - it is not simply about standing up for justice, it is about having hilm (steadfastness) despite whatever we are given and with knowing that help will only ever come from Allah SWT.

As for Faraj, he has now returned to Allah. It is his family who remain, and so it is to them that we should now turn our attention as Faraj would have told us himself that there is very little you can do for the dead, but much you can do for the living. I would urge all to donate to HHUGS - the service they provide those in their care is invaluable and the events of yesterday only remind us of their importance.

The Big Picture

2010-08-16T04:08:00.000-07:00

Continuing Pakistani Floods

Pictures 1

Pictures 2

Girl Guides launch airbrush campaign at centenary camp

2010-08-04T19:45:00.000-07:00

Girl Guides launch airbrush campaign at centenary camp

Thumbs up - Alhamdulillah.

Jack and Charlotte again.

2010-08-03T19:40:00.000-07:00

Jack and Charlotte are getting ready to visit Charlottes mum.

Jack: "How do I say to your mum in her language: I'm really proud to be your son in law'?"

Charlotte smiles: "Oh that's easy. You don't"

Jack: "Huh?"

Charlotte: "You just don't say thing's like that in our culture."

Jack: "Okay, but how would you say it?"

Charlotte: "I really don't know, because you just wouldn't say that."

Jack laughs: "You call yourself Bengali and you can't even speak the language!"

Charlotte smiles: "Yes, just like you call yourself your father son and you can't even cook."

(Jack's father is a Chef).

Later on Jack speaks to his sister on the phone.

"Can you believe she said that to me(!)?"

Jack's sister: "Well...."

Jack: "Well what?"

Jack's sister: "Well, she's right. You don't know how to cook.."

A resolute Jack tells his sister: "Right, you're giving me cooking lessons."

Charlotte thanks God for Sister-In-Laws and looks forward to putting her feet up for a while.

The French Taxi-driver

2010-07-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

Going to a meeting today I was quite surprised to hear the SatNav in the taxi speaking French.

"You're French?" I asked the driver, (well I kind of exclaimed actually).

"Yes." He replied. "Blah blah blah?" (I didn't understand what he was saying but from the tone I figured he was asking me if I spoke it.

I told him "No", and couldn't help myself from saying the first thing that came to my mind, usually I think before I speak(!).

"You guys have just banned the burka." I said sitting behind him covered from head to toe.

"No, we didn't. Our Government did. There were many people against it. Me? I don't see the big deal about it. What's next? Banning the jeans I wear?"

"Hmm" I mused.

"You wear it for your husband?"

"No. I wore it even before I met him."

"I actually spoke to a governor in my country, I asked him why, he told me it's because of terrorism. I told him how many terrorists do you know that wore one? I was in Sham El Sheikh when the bombings took place there a few years ago. Those terrorists wore normal clothes, so what do we do? Ban normal clothes? I don't know the French are backwards. I don't like French culture. Then the man told me it's to prevent accidents because women who wear it, their vision is impaired, but really how many women that wear it have caused accidents? I tell you, none."

"Yes, I'm taking driving lessons, I can see perfectly fine." I said.

"Anyhow, you know at least you Women have principles. Me? I was married 20 years and she with somebody else. While I was working for my family, to support them she was with another man, 20 years. She was English. I can't trust English women, I don't trust them, never again."

"I'm really sorry to hear that." I really was.

"My children, they knew about it too, but they didn't tell me you know, cause' they didn't want the family to break up. I understand they were scared but I feel betrayed by them too you know, you can't trust English women."

He talked the rest of the way while I listened, about the French, about the English, about his ex -wife and about his children betraying him. I found myself wondering if his 5 children were all his, but I didn't dare voice my thoughts.

We arrived at my destination.

"Thirteen pounds," He exclaimed. "I'm so sorry about that, you know the English?" They over charge for everything. A short journey like this and it's so expensive. The English they can't be trusted."

I paid and thanked him and walked away feeling very sorry for a man who had lost faith in a whole society because of the actions of a few.

Toxic legacy of US assault on Fallujah 'worse than Hiroshima'

2010-07-24T18:34:00.000-07:00

The shocking rates of infant mortality and cancer in Iraqi city raise new questions about battle

By Patrick Cockburn

Saturday, 24 July 2010

My New Best Friend

2010-07-17T16:27:00.000-07:00

My new - human, alive now, other than family, not Muslim yet (May Allah guide Him), best friend is...

How not to liberate women

2010-07-14T18:00:00.000-07:00

Restrictions on women wearing the veil in public life are as much a violation of their rights as is forcing them to wear a veil

Judith Sunderland
guardian.co.uk, Saturday 24 April 2010 11.00 BST

Muslim veiling is once again at the top of the news in Europe. Bans on full-face veils being considered or already in place, whether nationwide, at the municipal level, or applied in public buildings and transportation, undermine Muslim women's autonomy and religious freedom. Arguments put forward to support these bans fall into four categories, none of which stand up to serious scrutiny.

Banning the veil will liberate women.
Generalisations about women's oppression under the veil do a tremendous disservice to one of the basic tenets of gender equality: a woman's right to self-determination and autonomy. Restrictions on women wearing the veil in public life are as much a violation of the rights of women as is forcing them to wear a veil. Muslim teachers in Germany we interviewed said they wore the headscarf out of choice. Bans on headscarves in some German states have led many teachers to abandon their chosen profession, leading to loss of independence, social standing and financial wellbeing. It is clear that many Muslim women in Europe who cover themselves do so out of choice. For those who are coerced, general bans would limit, if not eliminate, their ability to seek advice and support. It may leave them trapped at home, further isolated from society. European governments need to support these women, with better access to education, justice and employment, rather than put them under more pressure.

The veil should be banned for security reasons.
A wholesale ban on the full Muslim veil is a disproportionate response to the legitimate need in a variety of situations to ascertain someone's identity. Airport cheques, school pick-ups, administrative dealings with state officers, cashing a cheque – these are all obvious examples. Appropriate, sensitive measures can be adopted to satisfy both the individual's right to manifest her religious beliefs and her duty to identify herself. In all the situations mentioned above, a woman wearing the full veil can be asked to take off her veil in private.

Bans on religious dress preserve secularism.
The principle of state neutrality requires state institutions to refrain from imposing any particular set of religious views, while at the same time allowing for free expression of religious beliefs within society. Bans that deny people the right to wear in public places a style of clothing linked to a particular religious faith undermine, rather than protect, this principle, by defining the public space as a zone in which no-one is permitted to manifest his or her religion.

Banning the veil is necessary for integration.
The fact that the children of immigrants and converts, as well as newer immigrants, wear the full-face veil in Europe undermines the argument that a ban is necessary for the purposes of integration. Integration policies that require newcomers to shed fundamental aspects of their identity are unlikely to succeed. Banning full-face veils is likely to restrict rather than enhance opportunities for these women to engage with society as a whole.

The divisive debate about full Muslim veiling reflects the complex issues – and passions – involved. International human rights law cannot answer all of the issues involved, but it can help frame a constructive conversation. It requires that any interference with rights must have a legitimate reason and be the least restrictive possible. It's fundamentally about the role of the state in matters relating to personal autonomy and religion, thought and conscience. Victims of coercion and abuse deserve assistance – but a ban is more likely to harm than help them. And the convictions of those who choose to wear the veil deserve consideration.

A new light on the harms of porn

2010-07-08T17:56:00.000-07:00

Yusuf Smith

A few months ago I read a book called Living Dolls by Natasha Walter, who argued that the “new feminism” she thought was emerging in the 1990s had given way to a culture in which girls were being pressurised to be sexualised at younger and younger ages, with anyone resisting being seen as a prude, and that this culture is seen as liberating when it’s actually degrading. A new book is released this month entitled Pornland, by long-standing anti-porn activist Gail Dines, which argues that people’s sexuality is being changed forever by a culture of commercial porn in which acts which are extreme and unusual are promoted as normal, and which ruins intimacy and people’s relationships.

Dines was interviewed in the Guardian by Julie Bindel last Thursday; there is another interview with her here and you can find excerpts from it here.

I’m kind of lucky in that porn has never really interested me. I took one look at the pictures in a top-shelf magazine in the UK when I was a teenager, I think, and I found it so revolting that I just put it back and put it out of my mind. But it seems that what I saw was probably tame by today’s standards, with boys getting access to the stuff younger and younger, and expecting real women to replicate the sexual acts they find in it, and being shocked that they do not want to. The material depicts stuff which is not only degrading but stressful and painful for women’s bodies, and the video (rather than still) stuff often shows the man showering the woman with insults as he carries out his bizarre acts (really, I’m not describing them — you can follow any of the links above if you want to know).

The two biggest problems with it is that it removes elements such as tenderness and intimacy from sexual relationships, and that it forms an addiction that causes men to lie and to neglect their duties to their families so as to pursue their addiction. As with so many chemical addictions, they often find that what they start out on loses its thrill, so they move onto harder stuff, often involving children. Mary Ann Layden of the University of Pennsylvania related, in a speech at Capitol Hill last month, that she had known a man who had worked for years to build a career in a given field, and then secured an interview for a “dream job”, but in the even didn’t attend because he was too busy surfing porn sites on the Internet. Another was a police officer who was jailed for viewing child porn on his work computer; he lost his marriage and could no longer see his children.

A few years ago Muslim Matters had some posts on Muslim men’s addiction to this stuff. Of course, viewing this stuff is completely against Islam, but one supposes that these same men married their wives on the basis that they were chaste and not the sort of women they’d find in these videos. As is so often the case, the brothers expect the women to be utterly pure and devoted while they are anything but. I don’t want to imply that all Muslim women are super-pure and other women are sluts, and most non-Muslim women wouldn’t want to be seen dead in these productions either, but when an ostensibly religious Muslim man, married to a woman of a similar stripe, expects her to perform similarly to the females he sees in porn videos, there is likely to be conflict, to say the least.

Dines herself is not anti-sex or, I suspect, against erotic material being available — Bindel compares her to Andrea Dworkin, commonly accused of being a militant man-hating prude when she was in fact married to a man and, in her writings on porn, distinguished between genuinely erotic and “thanatic”, or destructive, pornography which depicted the degradation of women. After all, porn depicting children is already illegal in most places, and many men have been prosecuted for downloading the material, which is footage of child abuse. The material discussed here depicts adults, but it is often readily available to younger and younger boys, who themselves learn about sex through it and end up thinking what they see there is normal when it isn’t. The things depicted are acted out and the females are being paid, but the acts are meant to look like assaults.

There are a couple of aspects of Dines’s critique of porn culture I don’t agree with. One is her emphasis on hair removal as a product of this culture; she claims that none of the female students she meets keep their pubic hair, as its removal is now the norm, thanks to porn culture. That all of them remove their hair I don’t quite believe anyway, but they were introduced to America through a salon run by several Brazilian sisters and were known of in Brazil before that on account of the skimpy bikinis worn on beaches there. Even so, it’s a fashion and surely not all the women who do it are directly influenced by porn. It was the norm in the Muslim world long before it became popular here. There is quite a generational difference here, with the older generation considering that hair is what distinguishes women from little girls, while a lot of younger women disagree.

A second issue is the use of the term “patriarchy” as a lazy synonym for male domination, as in:

“To think that so many men hate women to the degree that they can get aroused by such vile images is quite profound,” says Dines. “Pornography is the perfect propaganda piece for patriarchy. In nothing else is their hatred of us quite as clear.”

Patriarchy actually connotes a society in which men protect women, not simply allow any Tom, Dick or Harry to exploit them. Most fathers would be outraged, or at least profoundly sad, at the thought of their daughters performing in this way, even if they were getting paid for it and when the family and parental authority in this country was stronger, pornography was less readily available and much less extreme than it is now. A society in which men are free to abuse and exploit women and girls may be many things, but this does not make it patriarchal.

I had heard of the problems with widely-available porn before, but reading these interviews with Dines really shocked me in terms of what these things consisted of and the fact that people who view it come to consider the things depicted as normal. Unfortunately, attempts to curb this material in the USA have been struck down under the First Amendment, and there is only so much we can do when such a big population has decided that it cannot control such material, but we can pass legislation against such material here and should not be afraid to. Of course, education is an important tool here as well — for young people, so that boys know that this is harmful and unreal, and that parents know that they should keep tabs on what their children are seeing online, and know how to. Dines’ is a welcome voice on this issue, calm and measured and less influenced by personal trauma than Dworkin was, and one hopes that her book opens people’s eyes to how damaging this trend is.

Gaza Freedom Flotilla Killings: FACT CHECK

2010-06-01T17:38:00.000-07:00

Dispelling Myths as Israeli PR Moves into Full Swing

Read the Full Facts here at Muslim Matters

Sheikh al-Arifi Advises a Woman on a Plane

2010-05-29T19:33:00.000-07:00

It's not about the age...

2010-05-24T19:32:00.000-07:00

My mum beat me in Badminton today. It just goes to show it's not about how old you are it's about how well you've looked after yourself.

Thoughtfull Quotes...

2010-05-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

On Children

Imam al-Ghazali said: "A child is a trust given to the parents. His pure heart is a simple jewel, without any pattern or design, ready to be engraved as you wish...

... So if you taught him well and made him accustomed to good; that is what he will grow up to do, causing pleasure for the parents in this life and the next. But if you accustomed him to evil, and neglected him as you neglect a wild beast he will be the cause of your unhappiness and destruction."

On Mothers

"The mother is a school; if you prepare her properly, you will prepare an entire people of good character. The mother is the first teacher, foremost among them, and the best of teachers."
Diwan Hafidh Ibrahim

Re-charged Mum of 3 - All praise is due to Allah!

2010-04-16T18:06:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah my 3rd daughter was born almost 3 weeks ago by the Grace and Mercy of Allah. Alhamdulillah another difficult pregnancy is over and now I'm trying to make the most of my energy and good health that Allah has blessed me with (I hardly spend any quality time with my girls since I was so sick,) as well as trying to make the most of the lovely weather at the moment. I've been doing various gardening activities with them and hope to post up some activity/ lesson plans soon.

There are so many benefits to gardening and getting the children to attempt to grow some of their own food. Most importantly though I feel it helps them to become more aware of Allah as as the Creator of all things and controller of all affairs since a seed may not even germinate.

They also learn to be responsible as they have to remember to water the soil each day, they acquire patience - as they wait for the seedlings to appear and learn to make du'aa - as they really want the seedlings to appear soon!

I hope the du'aas are answered soon though as I'm also having to acquire my own patience... :-)

Open Letter: Supporting Aafia Siddiqui

2010-03-25T21:35:00.000-07:00

Written by Haitham Al-Haddad
Friday, 19 March 2010

It is well known that the War on Terror waged by the United States and its allies led to aggression and injustice against countries, organizations, groups and individuals. Perhaps the worst example of this brutality against individuals was that meted out to our Muslim sister in Islam, Aafia Siddiqui and her three small children.

Aafia is a hafidhah of the Qur’an, a devoted mother and practising Muslim, who dedicated her life to spreading the religion of God and assisting fellow Muslims. It is believed that she was abducted at the behest of American intelligence from Pakistan, her home country along with her children in 2003, the youngest of whom was just six months old at that time. Aafia Siddiqui and her lawyers maintain that she was held in secret US detention and tortured and abused in this time, along with her children - a claim that is corroborated by former prisoners at Bagram. After five years of denying knowledge of her whereabouts, the US claims that she allegedly emerged in Afghanistan. She was shot by US soldiers and then tried and convicted despite the absence of any physical evidence against her and the conflicting testimonies presented during the trial. She now faces life in prison. Only one of her children has been released, while the whereabouts of the two youngest remain unknown. From the time she was transferred to the US to date she has been subject to humiliating and degrading strip and cavity searches in prison and is now being denied jail visits and communication with the outside world, including her immediate family.

Allah has enjoined upon the believers, in innumerable commandments, to support the believers who are being oppressed, irrespective of where they may be. Allah says in the Qur’an,
“The believers, men and women, are auliya (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another; they enjoin good and forbid from evil; they establish prayers, and give the zakat, and obey Allah and His Messenger. Allah will have His Mercy on them. Surely Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.”[1]
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said,
“A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfil his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection.”[2]
He (peace be upon him) also said,
"Whoever is present while a Muslim is humiliated before him, and is able to assist him [and yet does not], Allah will humiliate him before all of creation on the Day of Judgment." And in another narration, “No man forsakes a Muslim when his rights are being violated or his honour is being belittled except that Allah will forsake him at a place in which he would love to have His help. And no man helps a Muslim at a time when his honour is being belittled or his rights violated except that Allah will help him at a place in which he loves to have His help.”
When we merely hear the plight of our sister, we should feel restless and tormented as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “The similitude of believers in regard to mutual love and affection is that of one body; when any limb of it aches, the whole body aches, because of sleeplessness and fever.”

In spite of this, the Muslim ummah, whose followers surpass that of any other world religion, have shamefully failed in our duty to defend this Muslim woman.

Obligation to aid in the emancipation of Muslim captives
Allah has admonished and reproached the believers for allowing the weak to remain under the clutches of the enemy and their torture. Allah says,
“And what is wrong with you that you fight not in the Cause of Allah, and for those weak, ill-treated and oppressed among men, women, and children, whose cry is: "Our Lord! Rescue us from this town whose people are oppressors; and raise for us from You one who will protect, and raise for us from You one who will help."”[3]
Explaining this verse, Imam Al-Qurtubi said, “Freeing the prisoners is obligatory on the Muslim, whether by war or wealth.” Imam Malik said, “It is obligatory on (Muslim) people to ransom the prisoners with all their wealth.” There is no difference of opinion among the scholars over this, since the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Free the prisoners.”[4] Our scholars say that ransoming prisoners is obligatory, even if not a single penny is left. Ibn Khuwaizimandad said, “This verse contains the obligations to free prisoners. There are reports from the Prophet (peace be upon him) to this effect: he freed prisoners and ordered them to be freed. This was practiced by Muslims throughout the ages and the scholars are unanimous about it. It is obligatory to free (Muslim) prisoners from the state’s treasury, and if the amount does not suffice, then it is obligatory upon all the Muslims to contribute. If one Muslim frees him, the others are absolved of this duty.”

An incident that shows the great concern for freeing Muslim captives is when the Caliph ‘Umar bin ‘Abdul Aziz (may Allah be pleased with him) sent ‘Abdul Rahman bin ‘Amrah to free some Muslim captives. He said, “Give them whatever they ask for every Muslim! By Allah, a Muslim is dearer to me than all the polytheists in my state! Indeed, you win any Muslim you pay the ransom for. Indeed you are buying Islam (by ensuring their release from prison and torture).”[5]

Ibn Taymiyyah said, “Freeing Muslim prisoners is one of the greatest obligations. Spending money from endowments (waqf) and other sources is one of the best deeds.”

Ibn Qudamah, may Allah have Mercy on him, said: “It is permissible for a Muslim to use his zakat to buy back a Muslim prisoner from the captivity of polytheists. This is because the emancipation of a Muslim captive is similar to emancipating someone from slavery, as well as it bringing glory to Islam. Spending zakah in this cause is like spending it to soften people’s hearts towards Islam, and since it is given to the prisoner to free himself from captivity it is like giving money to an indebted person for ridding himself of the debt.”

Our Obligation
Therefore, it is obligatory upon every single Muslim, wherever they reside, to work, directly or indirectly, towards the release of the Muslim captives irrespective of wherever they may be. Any Muslim with the capability to aid others yet fails to do so will be sinful. Everyone is responsible according to their ability; the greatest responsibility lies with those in authority, followed by the scholars, and so on – although the failure of those who bear greater responsibility to act does not absolve individuals of their own individual responsibilities.

If the captive is a Muslim woman, like our sister Aafia, the obligation becomes even greater, given the elevated status of women in Islam. The scholars of Islam are unanimous that a Muslim woman cannot be handed over to non-Muslims in any case. This Ummah has a glorious heritage of protecting Muslim women that we must endeavour to restore. Amongst the incidents narrated to this effect, is that of the honour of a believing woman attacked by members of the tribe of Quraydhah, and so, a believer fought to defend her until he was killed and an army was dispatched against the perpetrators.

As a nation, we have not fulfilled our obligation towards our sister, Aafia Siddiqui, as well as her children. We must exhaust every lawful means for her release and for the recovery of her children without fearing anyone but Allah. This may include, but is not limited to, direct involvement with organisations that work for this cause, donating money for it, raising awareness and actively speaking about her plight, writing in support of her and her family, and pressuring those governments complicit in her ordeal to end this injustice.

The least that is enjoined upon us is to supplicate to Allah for her as well other Muslim prisoners, as supplication is the weapon of a Muslim; it is incumbent upon every believer to supplicate for them as if we were supplicating on behalf of ourselves and our families.
“O Allah, deliver our sister and her children from this humiliation and torture at the hands of those who do not believe in You.”
May Allah ease the affairs of our sister Aafia and hasten her release from captivity. May He break free her shackles and the shackles of all of our oppressed prisoners. May Allah give them the strength to deal with their ordeal.

May Allah punish those who have oppressed our sister Aafia and continue to oppress her, may He defeat them and smite them, and may Allah forgive us for being negligent towards our Muslim brothers and sisters.

May Allah unite the hearts of the Muslims and grant us victory over our oppressors.

Notes:
Source: www.islam21c.com editorial
[1] Surah Taubah 9:71
[2] Sahih Al-Bukhari
[3] Surah Al-Nisa’ 4:75
[4] Sahih Al-Bukhari
[5] Narrated by Sa’eed Bin Mansur in his Sunan

Illusions

2010-03-22T21:00:00.001-07:00

What's wrong with this picture?

Grateful for Regulations and Standards

2010-01-15T19:14:00.000-08:00

They say that shoddy construction contributed to the level of destruction in Haiti following Tuesday's earthquake. Inna lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon.

Has anyone noticed the building works in Egypt? It's one thing I couldn't help but notice each day as I walked past buildings being built - especially in Nasr City. A few slaps of cement here and there, add the bricks and cover all the gaps with the plaster - voila, you've got yourselves a block of flats for foreign students or richer Egyptians, oh and the bawab in the basement of course. I used to wonder everyday what would happen in case of a natural disaster.

That, along with the mad drivers - for the first time in my life I was extremely grateful for some of the Laws and regulations we have in the UK! That's not to say these things will protect us when death approaches us, but grateful nonetheless.

Children Learn What They Live

2009-12-15T20:06:00.000-08:00

By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

URGENT APPEAL FOR FUNDS - HHUGS IN DIRE NEED

2009-11-20T17:43:00.000-08:00

HHUGS urgently requires funds as our financial situation is currently very dire and if we are to continue providing the vital support that we do to the HHUGS families we need YOU to donate.

“Whoever relieves a believer in distress, Allah will relieve his distress in this world and the next" Prophet Mohammed (pbuh)

Over the last year HHUGS has continued to provide vital services which include:

Family day trips out
Prison visits
Children’s activities
Eid parties
Eid presents
Food rotas
Help with school fees
Help with household costs

HHUGS has started many projects over the last year to empower the women to look after themselves, these include:

Development courses
Driving lessons

We hope to introduce many new projects in the near future, these include:

English classes
Skills courses like sewing classes
Financial management courses and support
Life in the UK courses

Here is what two families we help have to say about us:

"We didn't get any support from anyone else, the support is fantastic. They are very considerate and listen to me, I don't find that support anywhere else. What you are doing for the families is unbelievable, I don't know how the people survive without you." West London family

"When he was not allowed to go out, for example, to do paperwork and shopping - they helped me a lot. We don't have family here. Until now the only help we've had is from HHUGS." East London family

To donate:

Regular donations

Standing orders are the most important source of income for HHUGS. You can set up a standing order by filling in our standing order form which can be found here, http://www.hhugs.org.uk/downloads/hhugs-standing-order-form.pdf please fill it in and send to:

HHUGS
PO Box 415
New Malden
KT3 9AF

One off payments

Online
http://www.hhugs.org.uk/index.php?state=10&cat=3

By post

Please print this form http://www.hhugs.org.uk/downloads/hhugs-donation-form.pdf fill it in and send to the address above.

A thousand words....

2009-11-15T01:47:00.000-08:00

A Letter From Afghanistan: Bagram, Afghan suffering and the futility of war

2009-10-20T07:36:00.000-07:00

Andy Worthington

12.10.09

Last year, I received one of those special emails out of the blue, from someone wise and compassionate, who, to my great delight, wished to thank me for the courage of my writing. This woman, who has worked in rural development and post-disaster rehabilitation for 20 years, mostly in Africa, has spent the last few years in Afghanistan, and last week I unexpectedly received the following letter by email, which was so perceptive and so informative that I asked for her permission to reproduce it here, and was delighted when she said yes.
A letter from Afghanistan

I’m making a valiant attempt at watching your al-Jazeera interview on YouTube, but at this pace (about three minutes in two hours) it’ll take all night. Since our last correspondence I have, via your website, also started following the ACLU. Together, you’re making one of my dearest hopes come true: international attention and lawsuits for the Bagram victims. I do hope that not only the foreigners will benefit, but also, and maybe mostly, the perfectly innocent random Afghans, stopped at checkpoints and too poor to bail themselves out, denounced by a neighbor who has an eye on their land or their daughter, sold for a “reward,” or others who were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. According to the ACLU, there are some 50,000 persons, who, over the past years, have been arrested in Afghanistan by the foreign armies. Their fingerprints were taken on those occasions and transmitted to US security forces as “potential terrorists.” How many of them were released, how many have been imprisoned in some black hole, how many have died there?

Below, a “delation box”* (for whatever else can it be? After all, army field posts must have gone out with the First World War). It is placed just outside Aliabad, on the road to Kunduz, close to where some mental case from ISAF [NATO’s International Security Assistance Force] recently dropped bombs on two fuel tankers, a crime his conscience will have to live with for the rest of his life. It’s placed along the road, but in between two big announcement boards (with unrelated contents), which would conveniently shelter from public view whoever would be slipping a sheet of paper into it. The slot is too narrow for anything else:

How many poor buggers will have disappeared through that slot into Bagram or other such places? And whenever I pass by it, I realize that there are some advantages to having a high illiteracy rate … Later I saw another one in Kunduz bazaar, but did not have time for a picture and won’t have anymore; the area is out of bounds now, too dangerous.

Most of the local detainees are NOT persons caught red-handed at the scene of the crime, who need to be “held off the street” after “bombing poor women and children.” If the bloody ISAF and US armies would stop moving around at rush hour, when scores of innocent civilians are going to school or to work, then the “Taliban” would have no reason to detonate bombs there!

The prime targets are army targets; UN or other ex-pats are rarely targeted and usually by mistake, although that is unfortunately changing, thanks to our own aggressive attitude. As for Afghans, some schools for girls are targeted in remote areas, but mostly those who supposedly (delations work both ways) or truly (though not necessarily voluntarily) are collaborating with the foreign armies. So yes, its the “terrorists” who ignite the bomb, but the armies are co-responsible for provoking it in densely populated areas, at rush hours in the cities, going in their Rambo outfits to bazaars in country towns, etc. Sometimes I wonder whether they do that on purpose, as the civilian “collateral damage” gives them excuses to further incriminate the “Taliban.” If they traveled by night and were attacked, they would be the only victims; no women and children, because they are not out in the street at night.

Incidentally, the Turks who left their armored vehicles so carelessly parked on one of Kabul’s main thoroughfares at rush hour, are in fact probably the most decent of all the foreign armies, as they walk around in shirtsleeves with just a handgun on their hip: no helmet, bulletproof vest or machine gun, as the other nationalities do. And, sure enough, they have fewer victims than the other nations … Aggression invites aggression. Trust invites trust.

As for the situation in Bagram now, we are TOLD that there’s no more torturing, but who’s to check that? Only the ICRC has (scarce) access, and what guarantee do we have that they have access to ALL prisoners? If there never had been any abuse there, I might agree that there probably is not any now either, but there is hard evidence that there was torture, even lethal, so now it is up to the torturers and their superiors to prove to us that these practices have stopped. They can not claim to be “presumed innocent,” as we know they are not.

And one way of showing improvement is by opening the prison(s), at least letting in UN human rights representatives, providing regular admission for the ICRC, a full list of all the prisoners, how long they’ve been there, what they are accused of, etc.

So far, the procedure apparently is that every six months a prisoner’s file is opened and they either let him go or add another six months. He himself is not heard. In the last year or so, some of them have had contact with their families, who can communicate with them through telephone and video located in ICRC HQ in Kabul. And that already is huge progress.

Even the UN Special Rapporteur on extrajudicial killings, who was here a year ago, was not able to ascertain who some of the uniformed Rambos were who raided houses at night, etc. No army would acknowledge them as theirs. Yet their – surviving — victims are among the prisoners. And surely Bagram is not the only lawless foreign prison here.

Tragically, even semantics are a basic problem here, for traditionally a war is either between two or more countries/states, or a civil war within one given country. This is neither. Actually it is not a war at all. Afghanistan, apart from being the more or less random victim of Bush’s need to show that he was avenging 9/11, is a live training camp for NATO and the US, as well as a huge source of income for some. Some governments with little experience of democracy and the diplomacy that goes with it, candidly say that they send their armies here in order for them to gain hands-on experience in warfare, and to gain more importance within NATO. It is cheaper and more effective than organizing training camps at home.

So there is no real war, rather an oversized militarized secret service operation, with the civil population as a hostage between the armies and the ever-increasing number of militants. And depending on our needs, we either tell them that we are here to protect them, to increase security, to stabilize the country, to introduce democracy, to rid the world of al-Qaeda (whom they thoroughly loathe) and other politically correct bullshit. However, when we are accused of prisoner abuse, then suddenly this is a country at war, which allows us to play it dirty.

But who’s the adversary? Surely not the “average Afghan” whose most ardent dream is to finally have peace, rebuild his house, plant some fruit trees, send his kids to school, enjoy something called a “normal life.” This is seemingly an extremely modest wish, but here it is more and more Utopian. Yet scores of such “average Afghans” are detained without accusation let alone a trial, and their wives and kids are literally in danger. This is not a good place for abandoned women.

Stating that you cannot have it both ways — increased security as well as humane treatment of prisoners — is too cynical for words, for in spite of the increased numbers of soldiers, sophisticated equipment etc., security is steadily decreasing, and the downward curve is getting steeper and steeper. And it is decreasing precisely because of our boundless stupidity and arrogance, because for each of the local prisoners in Bagram or elsewhere, particularly the many innocent ones, scores of new insurgents rise, often nolens volens, but if your brother has already spent long years in one of those black holes, I dare anyone to suggest what argument you could use to refuse to support the insurgents, when one night they come to claim you. They’re all over the country, they have been quietly infiltrating over the years, while our generals and politicians were holding success speeches about battles won, hearts and minds conquered.

And McChrystal is dead right when he says that our armies, by sacrificing civilians in order to save their own skins, will never win the war (provided we assume that there is a war to win, see above). However, he is tragically wrong when he thinks that victory can be achieved by pumping billions of dollars of “development” funds into those armies and to let them pretend to be Santa Claus, here to rebuild the country. If that was ever possible at all, it is certainly way too late for that now. Afghans are all but stupid, and they see through all those fairy-tales (this apart from the impossibility of having the same army killing and distributing candies).

McChrystal thinks it’s possible because he can distinguish between the different units, but the villagers cannot, as both categories appear out of the same camp gate every day. Schizophrenia must be heaven compared to that. It is true that this country desperately needs development, foremost employment (I remember in 1999 in Kosovo watching a silent march in Pristina — hundreds of young men evidently desperate for action, any action, a potential time-bomb) to fill the stomachs of their extended families and to keep them too busy to think about fighting.

At the same time this military “development” surge (absurd to start with, of course, because development is a profession, and just like I could not become a military professional after a one-week crash course, the average soldier — who, in addition, never stays longer than a maximum of six months — will still not have a clue about development even after his three or six months here) even further blurs the line between civil assistance and military interference and will make civilian work very soon completely impossible, to be replaced by military pseudo-development specialists or a handful of civilians who, for a fortune, will let themselves be hired by the armies, and won’t be able to achieve anything, as they will not be allowed to go anywhere without a bullet-proof vest, helmet and armed escort, which does not exactly facilitate functional communication with the development beneficiaries. Not to mention the fact that their “civilian” candidates will mostly be those who cannot find a decent “normal” job, and go for the outrageous income and/or CV credits, not for professional and ethical quality. The field work will be carried out by Afghans, who will be sitting ducks for the insurgents but will have no choice, as they usually need to feed extended families of some 25 persons.

Add to this the fact that, no matter what exactly the outcome of the “elections,” Karzai comes out of them as a wounded lion, with little credit from his countrymen, and publicly abandoned by his foreign supporters. And when the lion king is wounded, the hyenas, which laid low when he had strong backing, will come out. They have already started. And that’s how a beautiful country, with beautiful people, is mangled, over and over again. The only real hope left is not McChrystal’s sweet talk, but the fact that the Afghans are so utterly fed-up with war. However, will that be enough to stop them, when their stomachs are empty and someone offers “employment” in yet another war?

I’ve only been in Bagram once and swore never to set foot there again. It was for the presidential elections in 2005, when we did not yet have an embassy in Kabul.

A sprawling “village” (some 14,000 troops), with barracks, streets with regular names, a stubby female soldier in shorts walking down one of them with a machine gun over her shoulder and licking an ice-cream, McDonalds, 7-Eleven, Afghan souvenir shops: an outlandish place, completely cut-off from the reality of Afghanistan.

In those times Poland did not have a real army here, and the 50-odd Polish de-miners (only for the enlargement of the base, not for civilian territory) would invite the handful of Polish civilians for Christmas Eve. I never went. The mere idea that I would sit there stuffing myself with imported goodies and singing Christmas carols, while at that very moment somewhere on the same compound severe suffering or outright torture was inflicted on other people, made my stomach turn. Many of them will have children like these hard working kids: courageous, smiling, with great dignity, never asking for hand-outs.

It’s such kids that you are working for. They say thank you, for caring for their fathers or uncles, forgotten by the rest of the world.

* Delation: An accusation by an informer (Webster’s Dictionary).

Andy Worthington is the author of The Guantánamo Files: The Stories of the 774 Detainees in America’s Illegal Prison (published by Pluto Press, distributed by Macmillan in the US, and available from Amazon

10 Pressing World Issues?

2009-10-10T20:01:00.000-07:00

Not necessarily in order of importance to people apart from Number 1 it seems...

10... Racism.

Number 9.... Environment Issues Including Food and Agriculture.

Number 8.... World Wide Rape and Abuse of Women and Children

Number 7.... Domestic Violence.

Number 6.... Secret Prisons, Rendition, Ghost Prisoners, Extradition, Unlawful Detention without Trial.

Number 5... TORTURE, Interrogation, Forced Evidence.

Number 4... Global Child and Human Sex and Labor Trafficking.

Number 3... War, Occupation, Genocide and Ethnic Cleansing.

At Number 2... World Hunger, Poverty, Famine, Infectious Diseases.

Number 1?

The Number one most important Issue affecting the International Community, the thing affecting peoples hearts and minds the most seems to be....

We choose to cover our Faces?(!)

Bizarre isn't it? So much pain and suffering in the dying world and all the people can think about is how I choose to dress and what's in my wardrobe?

Perhaps we all need a priority check...

Rumaysa Rahma Mustafa

2009-09-18T11:33:00.000-07:00

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

I would like to take this opportunity to announce the birth of my second princess, Rumaysa Rahma Mustafa Alhamdulillah. After having an emergency c-section with Zaidah I made plenty of duaa for a natural birth and Alhamdulillah by the mercy of Allah I did have a normal birth. I went into hospital at 5.30am and she was born at 7.45am. Her birth weight was six and a half pounds Alhamdulillah. Her middle name is Rahma because she was born in the month of ramadhan (the month of mercy). please make duaa for us inshaAllah.

Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Update: Abeer Hamza

2009-09-09T16:35:00.000-07:00

Life for US soldier's Iraq crimes

Mahmudiyah killings

I know Wikipedia isn't exactly the best authority to cite but the entry details how the crime would have easily been blamed on 'insurgents' and the rape and the murders only came to light when soilder - Justin Watt (of the same platoon) revealed them during a psychological health counseling session he received consequent to the killings of two other soldiers.

My previous post on Abeer

Quiet times...

2009-08-21T18:50:00.000-07:00

The blog will probably be quite for awhile, even after Ramadan - although there may be some good news shared by somebody in a few weeks... In-sha-Allah.

In the meantime here's an article very much worth reading by Fatima in The Times:

Living Ramadan: a 30-day spiritual detox
By Fatima Barkatulla

Also don't forget the Cageprisoners Fundraising dinner on the 30th of August in London. My husband and I decided to attend pretty much last minute to last years dinner, we booked our train tickets and hotel and I packed for a night for myself and the 2 babies within half an hour and we went. We didn't regret it.

Here's my post on last years event.

Eid Gifts!

I'm also giving out 5 copies of Enemy Combatant, A British Muslim's Journey To Guantanamo And Back.

By Moazzam Begg (Author), Victoria Brittain (Contributor), posted straight to your door in time for Eid (!) to the first 5 people who request a copy. Just email me or leave a comment (will not be published) with your name and postal address. If you've already read it you can request it for somebody else who's very likely to read it, (UK only).

Parenting course notes

2009-07-08T16:22:00.000-07:00

Routine

We discussed what the word ‘routine’ means to us and we came up with the following list:

• Repetition
• Good environment
• Organisation
• Responsibility
• Stability
• Support
• Skills for life
• Consistency
• Time-keeping
• Good health
• Way of life

For the second activity we described a typical day with our children. One example was

• Pray Fajr
• Wake up (recite morning du'aa)
• Brushing teeth and getting changed
• Breakfast
• Play and tidy up
• Do activity with the child
• Snack time
• Time for mum
• Lunch and Salaah
• Time with child (e.g play group)
• spend time with dad
• bath followed by supper
• bed

In life we need to do certain things that are obligatory. In Islam we believe in ‘DO AS I DO’, so if we want our children to do certain things we must adopt these things into our lives. For example, if we want our children to recite the Qur’aan regularly or pray Salaah at its appropriate time then we should do these things so that we can be an example to them and these things will became a part of our children’s’ nature inshaAllah. It is also very vital to remember that children need to have FUN!! Therefore, it shouldn’t be work, work,work all the time because if we are clever we can incorporate learning while they are playing or through activities they enjoy doing. Having fun should be part of their routine inshaAllah.

When our children are young we should focus on care, looking after them, feeding them and getting them used to a routine because a routine gives them stability and security. We should not focus too much on education while they are young. To establish a routine we need to have a good structure. Therefore, as parents we need to know our roles and what is required from us as mothers and fathers. Allah has not created fathers to be mothers because no matter how good a father is, he cannot replace the mother. Mothers have a natural bond with children. Allah has stated our roles clearly and we should fulfill our roles as much as possible inshaAllah because secure children come from a secure parent background.

There is a hadith narrated by Hanzala Usayyidi he reported: I met Abu Bakr. He said: who are you? I (Hanzala ) said ; Hanzala has turned into a hypocrite. He (Abu Bakr) said: What are you saying? Therefore he said: I say that when we are in the company of Allah’s messenger (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) we ponder on hell-fire and paradise as if we are seeing them with our very eyes and when we are away from Allah’s messenger (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) we attend to our wives, children, our business, most of these things (pertaining to after-life) slip out of our minds. Abu Bakr said: By Allah, I also experience the same. So I and Abu Bakr went to Allah’s messenger (sws) and said to him: Allah’s messenger, Hanzala has turned into a hypocrite. Thereupon Allah’s messenger asked me what happened. After hearing what I (Hanzala) said. Allah’s messenger (sal Allahu 'alaiyhi wa sallam) said : By whose hand is my life, if your state of mind remains the same as it is at the time of remembrance of Allah, the angels would shake hands with you, there is a time for worldly affairs and a time for worship (Sahih Muslim)

Relating this hadith back to our children and routine, we need to incorporate worship and worldly affairs into their routine InshaAllah. We need to dedicate some time for worship and some time for them to have fun.

Allah knows best.

Niqabi, Interrupted

2009-06-28T06:06:00.000-07:00

Wearing my niqab is a choice freely made, for spiritual reasons - Naima B.Robert

I put on my niqab, my face veil, each day before I leave the house, without a second thought. I drape it over my face, tie the ribbons at the back and adjust the opening over my eyes to make sure my peripheral vision is not affected.

Had I a full-length mirror next to the front door, I would be able to see what others see: a woman of average height and build, covered in several layers of fabric, a niqab, a jilbab, sometimes an abayah, sometimes all black, other times blue or brown. A Muslim woman in 'full veil'. A niqabi.

But is that truly how people see me? When I walk through the park with my little ones in tow, when I reverse my car into a parking space, when I browse the shelves in the frozen section, when I ask how to best cook asparagus at a market stall, what do people see? An oppressed woman? A nameless, voiceless individual? A criminal?

Well, if Mr Sarkozy and others like him have their way, I suppose I will be a criminal, won't I? Never mind that "it's a free country"; never mind that I made this choice from my own free will, as did the vast majority of covered women of my generation; never mind that I am, in every other respect, an upstanding citizen who works hard as a mother, author and magazine publisher, spends responsibly, recycles and tries to eat seasonally and buy local produce!

Yes, I cover my face, but I am still of this society. And, as crazy as it might sound, I am human, a human being with my own thoughts, feelings and opinions. I refuse to allow those who cannot know my reality to paint me as a cardboard cut-out, an oppressed, submissive, silenced relic of the Dark Ages. I am not a stereotype and, God willing, I never will be.

But where are those who will listen? At the end of the day, Muslim women have been saying for years that the hijab et al are not oppressive, that we cover as an act of faith, that this is a bonafide spiritual lifestyle choice. But the debate rages on, ironically, largely to the exclusion of the women who actually do cover their faces.

The focus on the niqab is, in my opinion, utterly misplaced. Don't the French have anything better to do than tell Muslim women how to dress? Don't our societies have bigger problems than a relative handful of women choosing to cover their faces out of religious conviction? The "burka issue" has become a red herring: there are issues that Muslim women face that are more pressing, more wide-reaching and, essentially, more relevant than whether or not they should be covering with a niqab, burqa or hijab.

At the end of the day, all a ban will do is force Muslim women who choose to cover to retreat even further - it is not going to result in a mass "liberation" of Muslim women from the veil. All women, covered or not, deserve the opportunity to dress as they see fit, to be educated, to work where they deem appropriate and run their lives in accordance with their principles, as long as these choices do not impinge on others' freedoms. And last time I looked, being able to see a woman's hair, legs or face were not rights granted alongside "liberté, egalité et fraternité".

As a Muslim woman living in the UK, I am so grateful for the fact that my society does not force me to choose between being a practising Muslim and an active member of society. I have been able to study, to work, to establish a writing career and run a magazine business, all while wearing a niqaab. I think that that is a credit to British society, no matter what the anti-multiculturali sts may say, and I think the French could learn some very valuable lessons from the British approach.

So, three cheers for those women who make the choice to cover, in whatever way and still go out there every day. Go out to brave the scorn and ridicule of those who think they understand the burka better than those who actually wear it. Go out to face the humiliating headlines. Go out to face the taunts of schoolchildren. Go out to fight another day. Go out to do their bit for society and the common good. Because you never know, if Mr Sarkozy and his supporters have their way, there could come a day when these women think twice about going out there into a society that cannot bear the way they look. And, who knows, I could be one of them.

And, while some would disagree, I think that would be a sad day.

Na'ima B. Robert is the founding editor of SISTERS , a magazine for Muslim women and author of 'From My Sisters' Lips ', a look at the lives of British Muslim women who cover.

Times Online June 26, 2009

After Hardship comes ease.

2009-06-20T19:47:00.001-07:00

Almost 4 years ago while I was expecting Maymoonah I had become extremely unwell. I remember feeling sick throughout my pregnancy, not just in the morning but all day and all night. But I could never actually throw up as I was not eating anything either. My weight plummeted to below 6 stones despite being pregnant and for the most part I would just try to sleep most of the day, I felt that at least if I was asleep, I would not be feeling so sick. I would wake up only to pray. I'm sure it was a miserable time for my husband too. I completely lost track of time, day and night seemed the same for me and one day when I received a phone call from a sister I didn't know very well, I asked her why on earth she was calling me at 3 o clock at night! (It was actually only afternoon.) She asked me, "Sister, are you okay? Do you need help?" She asked so many times I think I actually fell asleep on the phone while she was talking to me.

I avoided visiting my mum as I knew she would try to force me to eat, and she would also try to tempt me with my favorite foods. Curry was the last thing I wanted to smell. My poor husband would try to cook for himself and then have to face me complaining about the smells and the mess in my kitchen. Looking back - I was such a misery guts that if I had to live with me I would have probably left!

One day I woke up and thought to myself I need to get out and feel some fresh air. I rang a friend and asked her to meet me. At the time we lived in quite a multicultural area and there were many takeaways and fast food places all around us.

My husband seemed very surprised to see me dressed and I told him where I would be going and who with in case he needed to contact me.

I left the house and walked to the end of our street, managing to get to the bus stop. All of a sudden I felt like I couldn't breath properly and felt completely engulfed by the smell of curry - the worst possible smell for me at the time. I remember thinking that I needed to get way from this smell and trying to find my way home but everything seemed to be spinning around me, the shops, the people, the cars - they all seemed blurred. I can't really remember what happened after that, the next thing I remember is being placed by somebody on our doorstep, my husband took me inside and thanked the person and after that I was taken to hospital.

Alhamdulillah Allah brought me through all of that and my birth was by the mercy of Allah relatively straightforward, quick and easy. My second pregnancy was pretty much the same but by then I had learnt that the way to avoid the continuing sick feeling is to actually eat something. It doesn't make it go way but if you eat and then throw up at least you feel some relief for a little while. Also this time I couldn't sleep at all since I already had Maymoonah who was 1 years old at the time, I just learnt to get on with things and spent a lot of time at my mums.

Nobody seems to believe me (except my husband) when I say I would rather actually go through the birth process a few times in a row than go though 9 months of morning sickness!

We know that it is a promise of Allah mentioned in the Qur'an that: "After hardship comes ease. Indeed after hardship comes ease." But quite often after we feel the ease we tend to forget the hardship.

Today I was shopping at the local supermarket with my husband and the girls. A young man who works at the supermarket approached me in the aisle and smiled at me. At first I thought he was just asking me if I needed any help. He repeated himself: "Do you remember me?"

I looked at him and wondered if I had perhaps worked with him at some point in my life or whether he had been at the same college or Uni with me.

"No, sorry."

"About 3 years ago... You fainted on the road. I took you home.... I recognized your husband." He indicated towards my husband who was down the aisle.

He waited for my husband to approach us and introduced himself to him. "Is this the one?" He patted Maymoonah on the head, (my husband must have told him after he took me home that day that I was pregnant).

I felt really embarrassed to meet him and probably will not want to bump into him again, but at the same time it was a reminder for me to thank Allah for His mercy, that He had bought me through such testing times for me and has given me ease - so much so that if it wasn't for meeting this young man I would not have even remembered that time of hardship in my life.

I also felt relieved to know that this young man, whom Allah entrusted with looking after me (my unborn child and anything else I had with me,) that day was a decent Muslim man.

My husband told me that his name is Ihsaan.

Redressing The Balance

2009-06-06T15:04:00.000-07:00

The Virtues of Marrying Older Sisters and Other Points of Benefit.

By Anonymous

Due lack of Islamic resources/education, etc in the 80s/90s, a lot of us sisters grew up mainly with a secular model, only until we were at late stages of college/uni when we re-established our relationship with Islam. By this stage we have chosen our career/academic path...and were happily bobbing along, until we realised we had unwittingly become less and less sought after in the marital field....and slowly got labelled as 'ambitious', 'career-type', 'too independent', ' too fussy', 'too clever', 'can only read..but can't cook'.

So as the rejections pour in, what do we do...so not to let our grey matter shrivel...we hit the books some more...get a few more qualifications in the bag and make ourselves a new social order 'the unmarriagables'.

Joking aside, think of how many decent sisters you know, who are not married. I have watched this space steadily increase, as the years go by.

I don't think enough has been done/said to promote the virtues of this breed of sisters. So here is my little bit...to redress the balance.

-The maternal desire is no less in these sisters, in fact for many it is stronger, as they have waited longer than most.

-They have the wisdom of years, have achieved a lot for themselves, so are ready to sacrifice for their husband and kids, and due to more life opportunities and experiences have a lot to offer.

-Can be a companion for husband on an intellectual level, so he does not have to escape nappy talk to be with his educated friends, but rather appreciate his wife's company.

-Just because they have a career now, does not mean that they would not drop it (or modify it) to put their family first. Please ask, before you make assumptions based on their job title/qualifications. Most sisters in this situation that I know, are yearning to be a wife/mother, and realise this is where fulfillment is.

-Usually are less clingy, allowing their husband the breathing space he needs, and with some financial independence, put less pressure on him as the sole provider. He can feel confident that his children are in capable hands, should anything happen to him..n'authoo billah.

-Also ambitious women, become ambitious mothers for their kids, so rather than a negative trait, it is a driving force for the ummah. Educated women, promoting the next generation...is what we need for a respected, strong ummah.

-Motherhood in the 30s, can be less stressful, due to having more patience. And having the experience of others around us, so are more mentally prepared and willing for this new role!

These are generalisations, and do not ring true to all individuals, but is food for thought....with a credit crunch and ageing population looming, we may become popular once more.

Please dont get me wrong, I am not saying don't marry young...please do...
rather this is just a plea on behalf of our sisters who have been written off unnecessarily, they need to be considered as they have a lot to offer.

2. The Art Of Rejection.

Let's face it, most of us will face the prospect of being rejected/ or being the rejector at some point in our journey of finding a spouse.

This needs to be done with tact, and many do not know how. How many bros have been invited to a dinner to meet a prospective, and when he realised she wasn't his cuppa chai....he/his family failed to call to pass on this vital information. In the meanwhile, the sis is choosing baby names that will suit his surname.....heartbreaking stuff (us sisters can get carried away)!

So please, let people know in a reasonable amount of time in a reasonable way.
i.e. after about 1 week (so at least you seem like you have deliberated), and on the lines of ' it was lovely meeting your family, thankyou for the meal, I don't think they are a suitable match, however we will keep your daughter/son in mind if we come across anyone more suitable...jazakAllah khair.'

Wow..so easy, job done, relations in tact. This saves awkwardness/bitterness at next social gathering.

Just to illustrate the problem...consider this.

Sister A: age 30,
Profession - Medical Doctor
Height - tall
born- -UK

Brother A: age 30
Profession - Medical Doctor
Height -tall
born - UK

So the only variable is gender, yet due to society norms...look at the difference in possible potentials. Generally speaking...

Sister A could only consider someone older, taller, with a similar/higher education, someone also born/raised in UK, to understand her attitudes/role (we were raised in a different atmosphere which has moulded us, compared to our sisters in the sub-continent).

Brother B could consider someone up to 10 yrs younger perhaps, even someone older, someone significantly shorter or perhaps taller, someone less educated or perhaps same level, and someone from 'back home' as they make apparently more submissive/homely wives or they can choose from here.

As you can see, it's a boys market.

Solutions...

-Educating the parents, at a community level, pre-marital education, etiquettes in searching for a suitable spouse.

-Start looking earlier.

-Marital events for over 30s./ Professionals.

-Friends who are married should play an active role in thinking of their unmarried bros/sister, and play the matchmaker....it works....Nafeesa (ra)was a shining example, helping a twice-widowed older friend (our beloved mother Khadeejah-ra) marry our Nabi (saw).

-Maybe bros should consider a sister a few years older than him.

-If you are still not married in you late 20s/30s..then don't be shy/reserved, let people know, so they can look out for you...we are a caring ummah, no stigmas allowed!

Fighting Your Nature

2009-05-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

In ‘Hilyat al-Awliya” (10/287), it’s related that al-Junayd said:

الإنسان لا يعاب بما في طبعه إنما يعاب إذا فعل بما في طبعه

“A person is not to be blamed for his nature. Rather, he is to be blamed if he acts according to his nature.”

This is a very deep statement.

A person should not bring his status as an imperfect human being to serve as an excuse for manifesting blameworthy characteristics and actions. Yes, we were fashioned with varying degrees of negative attributes within us, such as envy, greed, lack of gratitude, arrogance, the desire to commit certain sins, etc.

However, we were also fashioned with the ability to repel, change, and strive against the inclinations to openly manifest them.

It is possible to abandon negative traits you find in yourself and change your character for the better. You just have to know what you want to become, and want it badly enough to put up a fight whenever the negative traits that get in the way begin to surface.

From http://iskandrani.wordpress.com/2009/05/11/fighting-your-nature

Parenting Course notes week 11 - Praise and Reward

2009-05-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

Praise and reward

In this session we looked at different methods of praise and the effects of rewards. When children receive positive praise, they are likely to repeat that behaviour. However, when they receive negative feedback they are not likely to repeat that behaviour.

Types of praise

a) Descriptive praise- this type of praise is to tell the child what we are praising them for. For example, “MashaAllah you have tidied up your room.” We can say “good boy/girl” provided that we tell them what they have done to receive that praise. Also private praise is more effective than public praise.

b) Summary praise- Summing up with one word praise. For example, “Excellent”, “Fantastic”

c) Self-praise-This method of praising is very powerful for children. This is basically to let them praise themselves. Get them to acknowledge their achievements. For example, when a child says “I did that really well”.

Common mistakes with praise

Some of the common mistakes done while praising is just saying “well done” without explaining the reason for that praise.
Also we need to make sure that the things we praise them for actually deserve praise. The age of the child also needs to be considered while praising. As parents we need to make sure we mean it when we praise because children can see through it. One thing a lot parents do is to mix praise with criticism. This is something which should be avoided. For example, “well done BUT you can do better.” Praise can also be done without words, e.g. smiles.

Praise – How to do it – 7 steps

1) We need to look at our child, use their name and make eye contact with them.
2- Move close to our child
3- Smile at them
4- Say a lot of nice things
5- Praise what we see, hear.
6- Show physical affection
7- Praise immediately.

It is also important that we look at the style of praising of the prophet (SAW). Praise reinforces good behaviour because good behaviour is part of good akhlaq.

In a hadith narrated by Jubair (RA) it is reported that the prophet (SAW) said:
“Whenever Muslims plant a tree, they will earn he reward of charity because of the food that comes from it; and likewise what is stolen from it, what the wild beast eat out of it, what the birds eat out of it and what people take from it is charity for them” (Muslim)
This hadith encourages us to be dedicated, giving us a guarantee of reward from Allah. It also helps to create a generous society. It encourages us to be generous, caring and sharing. We should realise that we shouldn’t care about what happens to the tree because the reward is from Allah (SWT).

In another hadith Abu Darr (RA) reports that the prophet (SAW) said:
“Do not belittle any good deed, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face” (Muslim)
This hadith encourages us to behave in a positive manner. We should smile at people because this simple act will get us reward insha-Allah.

In conclusion we see that praising a child encourages good behaviour, and also it may increase their self-esteem. The anticipation of reward encourages generosity and dedication especially when the expectation of reward is from Allah (SWT).

And Allah knows best.

"Only the first glance is allowed..."

2009-05-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

"...so make it last."

I'm sure many of us have heard that joke. According to this article, I don't think we should take the quote as advice!

8.2 seconds needed to fall in love

The time needed for a man to fall in love at first sight is 8.2 seconds, scientists claim.

The longer a man's gaze rests on a woman when they meet for the first time, the more interested he is.

If it last just four seconds, he may not be all that impressed. But if it breaks the 8.2 second barrier, he could already be in love they say.

However the same is not true for women. They let their eyes linger on men for the same length of time whether they find them attractive or not.

Hidden cameras were used to secretly track the eye movements of 115 students as they spoke to actors and actresses. They were then asked to rate their conversation partner's attractiveness.

The men looked into the eyes of actresses they considered beautiful for an average of 8.2 seconds, but that dropped to 4.5 seconds when gazing at those they rated less attractive, the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior reported.

The female students, however, looked at the actors for the same length of time. The researchers believe that men use eye contact to seek out fit and fertile mates.

But women are more wary of attracting unwanted attention because of the risks of unwanted pregnancy and single parenthood.

The Best Me I can Be.

2009-04-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

I came across these great books in Cairo. I've never seen these books in the UK and the publishers, Sunflower Books are located in Nasr City, Cairo.

The series is called The Best Me I Can be written by David Parker.
The titles are as follows:
I'm a Good Friend!
I Show Respect!
I Will Keep Trying!
I Care About Others
I Accept You As You Are.
I can Share.I can Coorperate.
I Am Generous.
I Am Responsible.
I Am Positive

Here's an excerpt from I Accept You As You Are, (my favourite).
I Want to be special, important- just me.
With so many others, how can that be?
Some children have different color skin.
Some are tall, and some are thin.
Some see with their fingers [the picture is of a child reading Braille] or talk with their hands.
Other children ride because they cannot stand.
I may not know their names or their family, but all the children who I see are important just like me.

The Parental Note from I show Respect, (Maymoonahs favourite - although she calls it 'I show respex') reads: This book is about respect. Respect is a very difficult concept to explain to young children. Long before children understand what respect is, they need to learn some of the behaviours associated with it. Repetition is a wonderful way to teach this. It is the goal here through repetition to teach, review and reinforce some of the behaviours of respect.

Each book also comes with a 'Try This' idea to help you and your child to interact with the book.

The books cost me 1 British Pound each which really is a bargain since quality childrens books are hard to come by these days.

I've searched online and it seems there arn't many places that these books are available, Amazon has one or two available and so do Scholastic.com. The main website is hellodavid.com to purchase the books, that's if you wanted those particular titles mentioned (there are more titles than that though.)

If anybody from Manchester would like me to bring some books back for them (or anybody from outside Greater Manchester if you are likely to see me or my husband at some point,) you can leave your Name and Number in this comments section (I will not display them) or you can email me. Please state the titles and how many you would like.

Parenting Course Notes – Week 10, Role Model.

2009-03-08T08:54:00.000-07:00

Role model

All of us have role models, a person whom we may imitate, look up to or admire. Role models influence the way we behave. Therefore, we need to be wise when choosing a role model. Obviously the perfect role model for any Muslim is the best human, the one whom was sent as a mercy to the worlds, the prophet (SAW). Imam Anwar Al-Awlaki mentioned in a lecture that it is best to have a role model who has passed away because that way there will be no fear of following their mistakes.

We were asked to inform the group of our role model. I think a majority of the sisters said it was their “mother”, other role models included, Khadija (RA), ‘Umar (RA), the prophet (SAW), Umm Talha.
We discussed the question; ‘what does having a role-model do to a person?’. The following were some of the responses we came up with;

• Makes us observant of that person
• Humble
• Shapes our behaviour
• Imitate them
• Aspire to be like them
• Find out everything about them
• Motivates us to follow them
• Inspiration
• Moulding our speech like them
• Copy them, whether good or bad (bad behaviour destroys us)
• Obey them
• Struggle to be like them
• Self-reflection- think am I still following that person
• Makes us want to be in their company (passed away-read/talk about them)
• Imagine them
• Affects us socially

Muslim Youth Culture

The company a child keeps is very important as it will influence their behaviour.
Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet (SAW) said “People are like gold and silver; those who were best in jahiliyah are the best in Islam if they have religious understanding and souls are like recruited soldiers, they get mixed up with those similar to them in qualities and oppose and drift away from those who do not share their qualities” (Muslim). This hadith distinguishes between two types of people suggesting that some people are better than others. It also emphasizes the fact that certain people ‘click’ instantly when they meet because they have similar qualities. I am sure we can think of certain people we feel comfortable talking to and just being in their company and others we dread bumping into! Also the statement “souls are like recruited soldiers” signifies the natural difference of nature and temperament in people. Noble ones would be introduced to the pious ones. Those fascinated by evil will be introduced to mischievous ones.

Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet (SAW) said “A man is upon the deen of his friends so look at those who you befriend” (Hassan,tirmidi, Abu dawood).

In surah Al-Furqan verses 28-29 Allah says that the Zalimun will say,”Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so and so as a khalil (intimate friend)! He indeed led me astray from the reminder (this Qur’aan) after it had come to me. And shaytaan is to man ever a deserter in the hour of need”.

Also in surah Al-Kahf verse 28 Allah says “And keep yourself (O Muhammad SAW) patiently with those who call on their Lord (i.e your companions who remember their lord with glorification ,praising in prayers and other righteous deeds) morning and afternoon, seeking His face; and let not your eyes overlook them, desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world; and obey not him whose heart We have made heedless of our remembrance, and who follows his own lusts, and whose affair (deeds) has been lost”.

From these ahadith and verses of the Qur’aan it is clear that having good friends and being in the company of pious people is the key to success inshaAllah. Our friends influence us in so many different ways. Sometimes we may walk, talk or even dress the same! Also our children will be exposed to the children of our friends; therefore, we need to be selective when it comes to choosing our friends.

We as parents are the very first role-models for our children. Therefore, it is essential that we are positive role-models and act in accordance with Islamic principles. We should not tell them to do certain things while we act in contradiction to that. For, example, if we explain to our children the importance of offering salaah at it appointed times and expect them to do so, we should not delay our salaah because they will see a contradiction. Basically, we should practice what we preach. Also as mothers we need to be extra cautious because a small child will imitate almost EVERYTHING we do or say. subhanAllah my three year old daughter imitates me while she plays “mummy” with her dolls! She speaks to them exactly the way I speak to her. Therefore, it is essential to always check our behaviour and refine our speech because we are being followed and imitated by our children.
Allah knows best.

Paradise Island Adventure Golf Course

2009-03-06T08:22:00.000-08:00

Wondering what to do for fun when the weather's as unpredictable as it has been recently? Something family friendly, doesn’t break the bank, minimal haram/doubtful stuff, minimal contact with the elements, convenient to get to...

There are several options with their pros and cons.

Bowling is quite fun but sooo much music.

Laser quest is fun, energising, and even gives a moderate work out to those who usually are a stranger to exercise! But again, a lot of music and not suitable for those with asthma - what with all the smoke - or intolerance to flashing lights.

Museums/aquariums are a good option; educating and interesting.

Adventure golf!

Or, to be more precise, The Trafford Centre (sheltered from the cold, easy to get to, shop to your heart’s content afterwards, FREE PARKING!)

Paradise Island Adventure Golf Course. Located in the Dome (near the Odeon cinema), it comprises of two 18 hole indoor golf courses with tropical themes, complete with jungle animal and thunder noises (yes, no music!), boulders, stone and wood carvings, huts, and exotic animals sprawled around.

The slogan is “There’s only one thing you need to remember – it’s not the taking part that counts… it’s the winning.” Not really, it’s a fun activity not to be taken too seriously.

We had a good laugh taking the mick out of the less skilled who took up to 6/7 hits before we could put the ball into the tricky holes – as you can see, I don’t even know the proper lingo. Not that anyone noticed; I didn’t see anyone wearing diamond patterned (argyle)jumpers, which means it’s not like “proper” golf (which I think is mind-numblingly boring) and is just good fun.

The open times are 10am-11pm everyday. Prices start at £3.50 for under 5s to £7.00 for adults, but there are special offers for groups/families.

website http://www.paradiseislandgolf.com

More pictures on http://www.paradiseislandgolf.com/manchester/course-gallery/

What's the real problem here?

2009-02-27T21:08:00.000-08:00

The Cbeebies presenter Cerrie Burnell with only one arm has sparked controversy regarding her appearance and has become the centre of a Political Correctness row after a minority of parents have claimed she is scaring their children.

When I first noticed Cerrie her appearance did surprise me I must admit, this was despite the fact that I myself have a minor 'dissability'. I wondered as to whether she was born that way or had lost her arm in an accident.

I let my daugher watch Cbeebies when we visit my mum and ocassionally we watch it online at home, when Maymoonah (nearly 3) first noticed the presenters arm I was right next to her. I saw her tilt her head to the side and crease her brows a little as she does when she is thinking and that was it. She continued watching as normal. My 7 year old neice on the other hand asked her mum, 'Mum, why has that lady only got one arm?' My sister told her that God had made her that way and that God creates everybody different, special and beautiful in their own way. And even though she only has one arm it doesn't stop her from doing anything.' She accepted that answer and said no more about it. While my other nephew and neice both aged 2, have watched and seen her more than a few times but haven't seemed to notice or say anything so far.

In an interview with the The Daily Telegraph, the 29-year-old theatre graduate said she was not ashamed of her disability and hopes to secure serious stage roles in the future.

"People assume there is a sadness attached to a disability like this. But to me, there is no sadness. If I had to change anything about myself, it wouldn't be this," she said.

"It would be to make my hair blonder so I didn't have to keep paying for highlights."

Burnell also denied that she was only cast because of the corporation's quota-filling equal opportunities policies, adding that she had faced discrimination in the past because of her disability.

"People are reluctant to cast disabled actors in main roles; so we don't get any profile, and then, casting directors presume we don't exist, and even disabled roles go to actors without disabilities. And the vicious cycle goes on," she said.

"For this job, there was no mention of it in the brief, and in the final round of auditions, I was the only disabled one of four."

A handful of viewers condemned Burnell's casting on the official message board of the BBC children's channel, with one parent writing that their child had "freaked out" on seeing the new presenter. They added: "There's a time and a place for showing kids all the differences that people can have, but nine in the morning in front of two-year-olds is not the place."

But the comments sparked a backlash from other viewers and disability campaigners, and Burnell has been deluged with messages of support.

She told the Telegraph that she was not surprised by the negative reaction of a minority and hoped her profile would boost the public image of disabled people. "People are frightened by disability so they don't want to see it; yet, if they saw more of it on television they wouldn't be so frightened," she said.

Burnell abandoned her prosthetic arm at primary school and has resisted all pressure to go wear one again despite the advice of tutors at Manchester Metropolitan University's school of theatre.

"One warned that were I to be cast as Juliet I would have to wear a cardigan," she said.

"I thought to myself, why would Juliet have to wear a cardigan? Would it be breezy on the balcony? Then the penny dropped – it was to cover my lack of limb." (Telegraph)

I find myself wondering what the real problem is here. I have a feeling that the real issue at hand is not the awkward questions that are being asked by children as some parents have complained of, if anythng, isn't it better that awkward questions that our children ask, are asked in the comfort of our own homes to us - their parents? As we will try to answer them in the best way since we care most for their development and needs and know what level of undrstanding they have, rather than have these questions asked to a teacher who may not give them the individual attention they need or worse than that, have the questions asked in public places whenever they seeing somebody who is different.

Embarrasing questions like, 'mummy why has that man got no teeth, did he eat too many sweets?' Or daddy look at that man. Why is he so fat? Is he going to have a baby?' Or Mummy why is your belly gone so big (a child to his pregnant mother). Not that a dissability is an embarrasing subject but the questions may be awkward or even cause offence to some. I would much rather answer my child's queeries when they arise thoughtfully and inshaAllah with wisdom in the comfort of my home.

So is it a problem that some children are scared by her? I personally have seen far scarier things on childrens channels and as a child I would surely have been more scared of Beasley and No-heart from the Carebears than a lady with one arm. I understand that some children may be scared but children will always be scared of something or another and naturally some children have more fears than others,

As Ms Brunell herself said to the BBC, "Children come up to me in the street every day and say 'What's that?' I wouldn't say they're frightened but certainly they're inquisitive.

"I would always take the time to explain to a child. All they want is an explanation. They want to know 'What's that?' and 'What's happened?' and 'Why are you different?' And then they will move on."

If the child asks questions then they are old enough to understand the answer and I thnk the problem really lies with the parents inability or lack of confidence in answering their childrens questions or perhaps they are even projecting their own fears or insecurities onto their children...

The Many Facets of Happiness

2009-02-22T18:19:00.000-08:00

Sheikh Salmaan Al Oadah Hafidhahullah

I went on an outing with my children. Our main intention was to swim and for the children to have their fair share of recreation and of my quality time. It was also a chance for me as a father, to have my rightful share of the joy of being with my children, for truly we need our children as much as they need us, if not more. I found myself busy on that day with all sorts of little tasks – like making sandwiches, setting the picnic table, and handing out sweets. It was a beautiful day to harvest some of the fruits of happiness just by enjoying ordinary activities in total relaxation and familiarity.

That day made me think about how much we, as people, speak about happiness. Hundreds of books are published every year to address the issue from a dry, philosophical standpoint. These works strive to define happiness and reveal its connection with factors like prosperity, pleasure, and our state of mind. There is considerable controversy about what brings about happiness and, more essentially, what it actually means to be happy. This leads to the more mundane questions of role that health, wealth, one's job, one's marriage, and being successful play in our chances for happiness.

We might fail to see that happiness is an inner state of our being, which comes into its being within ourselves, and is often connected with the most ordinary and seemingly insignificant events of our lives. It is the normal state of a person's mind when that person is enjoying an experience or an activity. Those of us who disdain engaging in some pleasant activities, or simply fail to admit our enjoyment of them – due to our preconceived notions of what is suitable for us as adults, or as elderly people, or as people of social prominence – need to rethink some of our ideas. We should not rob ourselves of life's small but significant pleasures.

Be like a small child and really enjoy that cup of tea you are drinking. Take time to taste it. The same goes for a piece of chocolate or your ordinary daily meal. Enjoy it. Enjoy eating alone and in the company of people you care about.

Allah says: "There is nothing wrong with you eating together or by yourselves." [Sûrah al-Nûr: 61]

Be like a child who looks forward excitedly to taking a ride. Look forward to pleasant things. Laugh at a funny joke without first examining it to deduce whether the humor of the joke holds up under close scrutiny. Look forward to your sleep. Recognize it as being Allah's blessing and a refreshment for your body and mind. Maybe you will dream about those you love.

Look forward to the activity that is ahead of you. Take pleasure in the accomplishment – however small – that completing your task provides you with. This can be said of reading a book, preparing a letter, a lesson that you attend, or a social event that you participate in.

Try to see the beauty of a flower in bloom, the fields of crops, a flowing stream, the sparrow's song, and a child in play. Do not block these things from your sight, thinking them to be unimportant. Indeed, our sense of importance and of what carries weight with us – this is one of the greatest obstacles to happiness. This is an affliction that we impose upon ourselves. We need no enemy to do this to us.

We are happiest when we are the least inhibited in acknowledging and expressing how we feel. This is the case whether we are in the company of those we know or those we do not know. Expressing our feelings should not carry with it a sense of dread as if we are disclosing the most sensitive of state secrets.

We are happiest when we shed our ostentation and inflated sense of self-importance, so we can really listen to ourselves and acknowledge our inner needs and aspirations.

We are happiest when we are not pining after unrealistic and overly idealistic dreams but look at our lives naturally, without shame, and without exaggerating things.

We are happiest when we focus keenly on the experience of the moment, taking note of the billions – nay trillions – of blessings that are right in front of us. Allah's generosity extends to each living cell of our bodies and to everything on the land, the air, and in the sea. His grace extends to all the intangibles as well, like those feelings and sensations that we cannot describe in physical terms. Faith is a good example, love, pleasure, the apprehension of language, longing, joy, hope…

We may be happiest of all when we realize that happiness is not a package we receive in the mail – either by design or fortune – nor is it a degree conferred upon us like a diploma. It is rather the felling of the moment, if we harvest well what that moment has to offer and resolve to make the best of it. It is when we shove aside despair, worry, fear, hatred, envy, and the other negative emotions that too often preoccupy our thoughts.

We are the happiest we can be when we choose to be happy.

Source

Spending more time with my eldest child.

2009-02-19T20:00:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed this years JIMAS Conference more than previous years. I'd looked forward to it since last year, we stayed at a hotel where they brought me breakfast in bed since I had a young baby - Maymoonah and her dad had breakfast downstairs. Also Umm Zaidah and her family were there. We hadn't spent that much time together for nearly 4 years since we both got married and she moved to London. Before that Umm Z and I would see each other almost everyday since school, college and Uni as well at work since most of our jobs were also together.

So for the 3 days it felt much like a reunion. Not only was I able to benefit from the lectures, the fresh air and green surroundings, I was also able to witness first hand Umm Zaidah's relationship with Zaidah, It felt a though I was seeing a living example of what I had been reading from The Parenting Course Notes.

Seeing something in action obviously has a stronger impact on someone than reading. It made me reflect on my own parenting skills, that I should be spending more one to one time and doing more educational activities with my eldest - Maymoonah, something that I felt I had neglected since I had my second daughter. With the 2 year the age gap between them and their differing needs, Maymoonah had very much become her fathers Girl and Jannah became Mine. Even down to feeding, changing Nappies and putting them to bed.

So at JIMAS I made the intention to do more activities with her. There was a time, before I got married or had children that I would often make mental plans for my future, of things I'd do with my children, plans regarding lifestyle and their schooling etc. I wanted to homeschool, study, foster and adopt. I wanted to do all of it.

Although I studied Law at College and Uni, the majority of my work experience involved working with children. At various Schools and Barnados Childrens centres, I worked with Billingual childen and those with special needs as a Behaviour Support Assistant. At the time I rather naively thought it would all make me better prepared for parenting.

So there I was after returning from the JIMAS Conference not quite knowing where to start in educating my 2 year old despite all my years of working with children. I still very much stuck to the same old reading, acting, scribbling, building bricks and simiar things that my 6 month old could also join in with.

A few months ago Umm Zaidah came to visit me again. This time I was glad to have more time to talk, I very much felt I needed the guidance and we were able to focus more on talking about the girls Education. Since our meeting I have had more Ideas on things to do with Maymoonah who is nearly 3 now.

Below is one of the activities we now do often. She has learnt many shapes within a few weeks as well as 4 letters of the alphabet. I am not actively teaching her anything as she is still very young but we are doing these things together and she is picking up tings and remembering them along the way.

Cutting and pasting with letters and shapes.

1. The first week I started with a few shapes and only one letter 'M' for her name. Umm Zaidah had given me the Idea to start with the the first letter of her name rather than writing out her whole name or the alphabet. That way they are not over burdened.

2. I draw out the outline of the letter and shape and she has fun sticking them down in her scrap book.

3.Each week I have introduced a new colour, letter or shape.

_

Aid Convoy to Gaza

2009-02-16T17:45:00.000-08:00

Hundreds of British volunteers are driving an aid convoy of over 100 donated vehicles packed with practical aid to Gaza. The convoy left London on Saturday the 14th February. This remarkable convoy will be over a mile long and carry a million pounds of aid. Visit www.vivapalestina.org to keep up to date with the progress.

For more pictures and regular updates of the Manchester convoy, visit the Manchester Gaza Convoy website at www.gazaconvoy.com Feel free to ask questions or leave messages of support!

These are the representatives of Israel?!!

2009-01-17T19:46:00.001-08:00

Let us be intelligent, moral and confident representatives of the truth.

(Note the clip has a few inappropriate words.)

Let us not think Israel has won or that this war is over. These few weeks have bought the Palestinian cause into people’s homes and onto the streets like never before. Even People who used to be pro Israel now view Israel as fascist Nazi war mongers. And Israel know very well that they are increasingly losing face and have resorted to paying people to gain public support as this article in the guardian shows.

The PR War is one we can all fight and it takes as little as a few minutes s every day. Let’s not let this be out of sight out and out of mind and let’s not let the fever and restlessness stop.

I for one am not going to let people forget this massacre. Usually when I’ve put the kids to bed I study, read, keep up with the news. From now on I’m going to send at least 2 email a day explaining the Palestinian cause including some pictures and news footage in each one.
To Who? MPs, charities - local and international, Journalists, possibly eventually even large businesses and celebs or ex celebs (many tend to retire into politics as I learned from those who are fighting for the closure of Guantanamo). It will literally take me 2 minutes and no more each day as I already have my letter written and will just need to edit it each time with a name and email address of the recipient.

The genocide of the people in Gaza has left me surprised as to how little people know about the Middle East. That people are Surprised at the ‘war crimes’ –that are in reality far worse than we have heard or can even imagine, that Palestine isn't even called Palestine anymore but is referred to as the Palestinian territories. And that Muslims were surprised at the Arab Leaders non – action.

Here is a news site that my family visits regularly. http://www.iraq-war.ru/home/ They collect important news from around the world from all the mainstream Media outlets with comments, Current and historical analysis and economics.

The meaning of Hayaa

2009-01-12T09:21:00.000-08:00

Hayaa itself is derived from the word hayaat which means life.

In English, it may be translated as modesty, shyness, self-respect, bashfulness, shame, honour, etc.

The original meaning of Hayaa according to a believer's nature, refers to a bad and painful feeling accompanied by embarrassment, caused by one's fear of being exposed or censured for some unworthy or indecent conduct.

"Surely Allaah (is One who) has hayaa and is the Protector. He loves hayaa and people who cover each others faults." Saheeh al-Bukhaaree

"Every way of life has a innate character. The character of Islaam is hayaa." Abu Daawood

"Hayaa does not bring anything except good." al-Bukhaaree

"Hayaa comes from eeman; eeman leads to Paradise. Obscenity comes from antipathy; and antipathy leads to the fire." al-Bukhaaree

"Hayaa and Trustworthiness will be the first to go from this world; therefore keep asking Allaah for them." al-Bayhaaqee

"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allaah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty..." [Soorah an-Noor (24):30-31]

(AlMaghrib Forum)

Motion and Progress.

2009-01-06T15:14:00.001-08:00

"Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress."

Remembering the Metaphysical laws in the Qur'an

2008-12-28T19:45:00.000-08:00

Below are some thoughts by Fatima Barkatullah on Remembering the Metaphysical laws in the Qur'an.

I have also posted some related comments by Imam Anwar Awlaki and Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury hafidahumallaah.

This brutality will never break our will to be free

The Meaning Of Gaza

Advice from Sheikh Tawfique

Here is also the comment of an Evil Zionist woman living in occupied Palestine about the Zionist Terrorist Attacks and Ethnic cleansing in Gaza. La'natullaahi Alaihim.
Evil Zionist Womans' response, 'What's been happening in Gaza is fantastic'

Remembering the Metaphysical laws in the Qur'an
Fatima Barkatullah.

We can do something about what is happening to our Muslim brothers and sisters. Boycott Israeli products (look at every product you buy and boycott it if it comes from Israel). Encourage our men to go to the demonstrations. Make sincere du'a to Allah for our situation. How pathetic we feel, and how little we can really do in the here and now to impact the situation.

Let's look to the future, to changing the state of the Ummah completely. The Jihad for justice starts in our homes.

I believe that the greatest and most powerful contribution we can make as mothers is this:

Bring up your children to be Mu'mineen, who take the laws of Allah seriously, who are attached to the life of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam and his Sunnah
Teach your children history and the lessons of history.
Teach them not just about the physical laws that Newton elucidated so well, but the Metaphysical laws that the Qur'an elucidates so perfectly.

A few days ago we went through the story of the Battle of Badr and I taught my children about the Sunnah of Allah, that if He wills he can make a small group of people overpower a huge number of people...I taught them that no one knows the army of Allah but He. 300 men who were less well armed beat 1000 well armed men that day - I want them to remember that forever. It can mean so many things in their lives: that the little kid can overcome the big bully, that when the odds are stacked against you, if you have Iman, you can win...that quality is more important than quantity...that if Allah is on your side, you have nothing and no one to fear...

The metaphysical laws that are the Sunnah of Allah are mentioned throughout the Qur'an.

The law that:
after hardship will come ease.
that Allah obliterates Riba (as we have recently seen) and make Sadaqah profitable
that if you thank Allah, he will give you more...all of these and many more have been mentioned in the Qur'an.
That the Jews and Christians will never be pleased with you until you follow their religion and way of life.
That if you are conscious of Allah, He will give you a way out and provide for you from means that you never imagined.

These are all laws that we can observe and that are talked about in the Qur'an.
If they grow up with yaqeen (true belief and conviction) in these metaphysical laws, they will be the bravest of men, because the apparent will not deter them...what is visible to the eye will not scare them...they will not be risk averse, rather they will leap off the most dangerous mountain, knowing that they will only be hurt if Allah wills it, they will jump into that deepest ocean, believing that if they are doing so for the sake of Allah then Allah will grant them victory over the waves. They will not be fooled by what seems to be reality because they will be aware that anything is possible if you have Allah on your side.

That is what this Ummah needs. A generation of people who have so much Iman in the sunan of Allah that they will take risks, they will dare to do what no one's done before, they will be willing to go against the grain, unapologetic, firm in their resolve.

The problems of the Ummah did not appear overnight and they will not disappear overnight. But we, the mothers of the Ummah can set that change in motion...we must set that change in motion.

Dedicated to all 'stay at home Mums!'

2008-12-18T19:14:00.000-08:00

A man came home from work and found his three children outside,
still in their pajamas,
playing in the mud,
with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open,
as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the cat.
Proceeding into the entry,
he found an even bigger mess.
A lamp had been knocked over,
and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel,
and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen dishes filled the sink,
breakfast food was spilled on the counter,
the fridge door was open wide,
cat food was spilled on the floor,
a broken glass lay under the table,
and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs,
stepping over toys and more piles of clothes,
looking for his wife.
He was worried she may be ill,
or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels,
scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.
Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to t he bedroom,
he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yeah," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Taken from AlMaghrib Forum.

Parenting Course – Week 9

2008-11-16T10:21:00.000-08:00

Use of the tongue

We were presented with a list of words which are often used by mothers to their children. Then we were put into groups and we had to put these words in one of three categories; good, bad or neutral.

1. Get lost
2. Put it here please
3. That’s naughty
4. I’ll give you a bollocking
5. Gandhi (dirty)
6. MashaAllah you finished
7. Put your ass here
8. Do want a slap
9. Well done!
10. Shorer bacha (son of a pig)
11. Bloody cow
12. Shall I help you
13. Shaytaan
14. Go away
15. InshaAllah you can do it
16. Stupid
17. Slam it
18. I am not happy
19. Greedy pig
20. Liar
21. Shut up

Every single group was in agreement that words listed below definitely belonged in the ‘bad’ category.

• I’ll give you a bollocking
• Gandhi (dirty)
• Put your ass here
• Do you want a slap
• Shorer bacha (son of a pig)
• Bloody cow
• Shaytaan
• Stupid
• Greedy cow
• Liar
• Shut up

I think that the most surprising thing is that we often hear practicing sisters or those involved in dawah activities using such terms. What we need to understand is that words can REALLY hurt, so we have to be careful how we address our children. Sometimes it may be helpful to put ourselves in our children’s shoes and think how would we feel if we were referred to as “stupid” or a “greedy pig” or being told to “shut up” for asking a question!. I know that I would find it degrading and it would definitely have an impact on my self-esteem. We need to use positive words so that our children grow up to be confident and positive individuals’ insha’Allah.

The messenger of Allah (SWS) said:

“Let whoever believes in Allah and the last day either speak good or remain silent” (Muslim and Bukhari)

We discussed this hadith primarily because small children cannot differentiate between good and bad words. They usually imitate their parents or grandparents if they are living with them. Therefore, we need to be good role models for them insha’Allah.

In Sura An-Nur verse 26 Allah (SWT) says:

“Bad statements are for bad people and bad people for bad statements. Good statements are for good people and good people for good statements; such are innocent of (every) bad statement which they say; for them is forgiveness, and honored provision.”

This verse was reveled after the incident regarding ‘Aishah known as the Ifk. Ibn Abbas said regarding this verse

“Evil words are for evil men, and evil men are for evil words; good words are for good men and good men are for good words. This was reveled concerning ‘Aishah and the people of slander.” (At-Tabari)

Therefore if we make bad statement about good people it will bounce back to the person saying it. I can assume that we all want to be good; therefore we should engage in good speech and stay away from bad speech insha’Allah.

I will end with the hadith which states that the Prophet (sws)said;

“If anyone guarantees me what is between his jaws and between his legs, I shall guarantee him Jannah” (Bukhari)

We see the importance of speaking good words especially to our children because the way we address them will surely have an effect on their psychological well-being. If we address them using positive words then they will address others in the same manner insha’Allah. For example, if we say ‘Thank you’ and ‘Please’ they will imitate us. May Allah protect us from bad speech and help us to speak good words .Ameen.

Dispelling Marital Fears...

2008-11-04T01:52:00.001-08:00

Cruising through cyber space I'm always left with a feeling of sadness, especially at the situation of sisters.

And right now I don't even mean the speaking without knowledge, or the self tafseer of the words of Allah that are just an insult to Allah and this beautiful deen, nor am I talking about the pictures or avatars of what's probably your favorite photograph or picture (being a woman I know that you wouldn't display anything other than your favorite picture publicly).

Nor am I talking about the effect that older more experienced sisters are having on the younger ones - influencing them in their views, recklessly opening up a can of worms in discussion with no conclusion, leaving them confused, their questions unanswered.

Nor am I talking about the visible influence of western thought on the minds and thoughts of our sisters, mainly feminism, which has led to unjustified attacks against brothers - unlimited man bashing. Maybe they forget that by insulting men they are insulting our fathers, brothers, husbands, the scholars not to mention the Mujahideen. Maybe they forget or maybe they don't care.

So what's upsetting me at this moment?

Its the fear of marriage that so many sisters have. I don't mean the natural fear of having a man in your life. Or the butterflies in your stomach and natural blush on your cheeks at a meeting with your husband to be, wondering if you look okay and say the right things. Or the apprehension of wondering if the wedding day will go smoothly.

It seems to be another type of fear that is leading sisters to delay marriage as far as possible, to prefer a single life alone rather than get married. A fear of marrying a dictator, into a patriarchal relationship - where they fear they will not have a say in anything. A fear of no longer having any freedom. A fear of being burdened with too many responsibilities.

Maybe in some ways this fear is justified with the increasing divorce rates, horror stories of marriage that people shouldn't be spreading anyway, and western discussion on the mainly misperceived oppression of Muslim women.

You don't hear of many positive stories or beautiful stories about modern day marriages or family life. (Everyone assumes that good marriages only existed at the time of the Prophet peace be upon him.) What about the small things that happen in your marriage that make your heart melt? Funny things that happen that make the extended family laugh and affirm that indeed your family are absolutely crazy!

That in many ways in many instances you feel like a child again when the family play tig or hide and seek or compete in games and then the big kid (the husband) makes 99 excuses - for himself when you beat him at something!

That the beauty of any argument or bickering is that it leads you to know your spouse better and you learn together and grow together as a result.

That marriage is like the greatest challenge (for those of us who buzz off challenges!). And in fact the psychology in it is actually fun. Using womanly intelligence and power (what Muhammad Alshareef calls halal magic) trying to get your own way with something, and when you finally do get you own way (most of the time if you're clever about it) feeling that sense of 'Alhamdulillah indeed Allah has made the woman different from the man!'

I personally and many sisters I know will tell you that the good in marriage and family life far outweighs any bad in it (Note I may change my mind during pregnancy!)

Not long ago at an AlKauthar course we were discussing some adverse affects of delaying marriage, some of the things mentioned were also things that I had heard from sisters from their own personal experiences.

The following are just a few.

Marrying at a late age can adversely affect a marital relationship in that both parties are already developed in their personality and thoughts and may be less willing to give and take.

They may find it hard to adjust to married life after such a long time of being single and 'independent.'

Women need to remember that our biological clock will not tick forever and the longer we wait to have children the more difficulties we may come across in conception, childbirth etc.

Research shows that women who marry at a later age tend to be less confident in their beauty and physical disposition than younger women.

Also regarding the effect of western thought and feminism on our expectations, again here are a few examples mentioned by some sisters.

Sisters may get into marriage having a bad opinion of men, being paranoid, criticizing etc and thus negatively affect their relationship

Nobody finds attraction in a person who is defiant, argumentative and moaning all the time. If we are unhappy about something there are wiser ways of getting that across.

Going into a marriage with cynicism is unfair to the relationship to begin with.

An overly negative view of marriage may subdue anything slightly positive in the marriage

In saying all this we also need to look at the flip side of the coin - we cannot go into anything with an over zealous attitude either. If we expect the perfect, romantic, faultless husband we are going to be very VERY disappointed. Like my husband once mentioned we can't expect marital life to be liKe a romance novel. We need to be realistic. It rains in every relationship. The key is the way we deal with the rain, who we turn to, whether we let it drench us or provide for us the water to help us grow.

We need to put our trust in Allah, make sincere du'aa to Him at all times, be grateful in ease and patient in trials. Its the over negativity and over zealousness that is destroying ourselves, those around us and our societies - where is the balanced Ummah?

My advise to sisters would be not to expect too much in marriage nor sell yourself short on things that really matter to you as that may also adversely affect your relationship. And ask questions in meetings. Don't be too shy to ask questions about things that really matter to you. Clarify ALL doubts before marriage.

Make sure you do things in the right way and never have 'private' conversations or meetings with a prospective spouse. Our fathers and brothers or other people can usually see through things that may 'woo' us.

Always meet his family too and make sure family are involved in the process. Many sisters who marry without the support of family are often left with no support network. And like my parents always taught me - a guy who has no interest in your family is not someone whom you can trust.

We need to prevent ourselves from being affected too much by the horror stories we hear and remember that every person, every situation is different. There are many decent just brothers out there and I can honestly say that I know of many.

Most importantly we need to remember that we need to trust in our Lord and have confidence that He is the one who we can truly depend on, He is the one who provides, and He is the only one that can answers our prayers.

Your sister Umm Maymoonah,
Contributions by Saabirah and Umm Zaidah Nusaybah.

Speech by Moazzam Begg at Cage Prisoners dinner

2008-09-13T07:43:00.001-07:00

Here is part of the speech by Brother Moazzam at the Cageprisoners Iftar last weekend. The whole speech is not available yet but the part we can hear does indeed speak miles. Moazzam went on to talk about the brothers who are released and the ongoing test for them - that is their freedom.

Sister Yvonne Ridley had also spoken as did Imam Anwar Al Awlaki - which I will post at a later date InshaAllah.

I could only see the teary eyes of many sisters as Yvonne spoke, but as the saying goes, 'The eyes are the windows to what is in the hearts.' Her speech focusing on the plight of our sister Aafia Siddique and also The Grey Lady of Bagram - aka prisoner 650. Her identity still remains unknown.

It was not only a reminder for us but also for the Ex detainees, of what Allah had brought them through with faith and strength. One of the largest gatherings of ex - Caged Prisoners to date, I could see the happiness on my husbands face and I could hear it in his voice at seeing all the other brothers. Happiness mixed with sadness at the same time for the other brothers who were still there and for our brothers And Sisters in similar and Far Worse oppression.

The evening was Inspiring, heartwarming and more importantly - heart awakening. May Allah reward Cageprisoners and all those who are helping in this ongoing cause for the sake of Allah.

Parenting course notes - week 8

2008-08-11T02:16:00.000-07:00

Boundary and discipline

All of us have boundaries and we try to stay within that boundary. We live within our boundary and we know that there are consequences if that boundary is broken. So why do we need to have boundaries? And how should we deal with those who go outside the boundary? What methods should we use to discipline? These were some of the questions that were raised in this session and to which answers were given alhamdulillah.

The following are some of the definitions we brainstormed of what we understood ‘boundary’ to mean:
· Limits
· Rules
· Consequences
· Discipline when boundaries are broken
· Physical barrier
· Line one cannot pass
· Distinguish between right and wrong
· Expectations
· Boundaries are not set in stone
· Boundaries of Allah cannot change. An example of this is the command of Allah that parents should order children to pray by the age of seven and smacked if they do not pray when they turn ten.

How to set boundaries?

· Giving children instructions and advising them. We should not be dictators and say ‘you can’t do this’ and ‘you can’t do that’. But we need to explain to them in a pleasant way and explain why they are not allowed to do certain things insha’Allah.

· Reward and discipline chart. This is used to reward good behaviour and punish bad behaviour. Every time a child performs an act that pleases the parents, then that behaviour is recognised as good behaviour and in return the child is awarded a sticker for the chart. Every displeasing act means the removal of stickers. This method usually works well when there are more than one sibling in the house, thus encourages competition for good behaviour.

· Role-modelling. As parents we need to have boundaries too so that a child does not feel boundaries only apply to them. We can relate to them the boundaries set by Allah and what happens when these boundaries are transgressed. This will make them appreciate that boundaries are placed in our lives for our well-being and protection.

· It is crucial to remember that a child should only be admonished after the boundary has been set and that boundary is then broken.

· We should try to raise ‘thinking children’. How can we do that you may wonder? This can be done by getting them to think about things and getting them to search for answers to their own questions instead of providing the answers for them. We should relate stories from the Qur’aan, give them parables. SubhanAllah this is the method Allah uses to make us think. For example, if we ponder over the story in surah Qalam we see that this story explains to us that we should not be selfish. This method is more effective and interesting rather than saying ‘don’t be selfish’.

Good Manners
So how do we teach our children good manners? The best method of instilling good manners is by modelling. For example, if we want them to say ‘Bismillah’ before eating. We should practice this so that they will listen and learn. This method is excellent mashaAllah because my daughter has learnt a few duaas through this. We should make it a regular habit o f reciting duaas and surahs aloud to them from a young age so that they become familiar with them and insha’Allah start imitating us and memorising them.

Dicipline
We discussed the methods used to discipline children and came up with following :
· Shouting
· Punishment
· Explain
· Standing on the wall
· ‘Naughty Chair’ but we could use positive words such as ‘thinking area’.
· Advise
· Taking away privileges
· Rewards
· Also it is vital to discipline ourselves first because children imitate our behaviour. For example if we don’t want our children not to use bad language we should avoid using it ourselves.

Six C’s for discipline
1. Calmness- Be calm when you discipline and do not lose your temper.
2. Confident-Appear confident and know what the child has done
3. Consistency- Be consistent when you discipline and do not contradict yourself.
4. Clarity- Explain clearly to the child and make sure that they understand what you are trying to explain.
5. Control- have control over the situation and do not lose your temper.
6. Communication- The child needs to be aware of what he has done wrong. Sometimes the child is unaware of why he is being punished. The hadith of the young boy who ate with his left hand was told that eating with the left hand is wrong. But he was corrected and he was told to eat with his right hand. He was also provided with additional information of eating the food nearest to him. This illustrates that a child needs to be told of the incorrect behaviour but also shown the correct behaviour.

Aafia Siddiqui

2008-08-05T13:07:00.000-07:00

SubhanAllah I remember about 4 years ago browsing through the prisoner profiles on Cageprisoners.com and noticing one case in particular.

That of 'Ghost prisoner' Aafia siddiqui. Her picture and her story in particular touched my heart and stayed with me - she had dissapeared with her 3 children.

Now 5 years after she disapeared and only after Asian Human Rights Commission issued an Urgent Appeal in the case of her disappearance as well as mounting international pressure, the FBI has now announced that "Dr. Afia Siddiqui is alive, she is in Afghanistan but she is injured" The fate of her children is still unknown.

Below are some related articles - the BBC article has a recent picture of our dear sister in Islam - one can only imagine what she has been through.

Please please remember this sister and her children in your du'aa and all the other brothers and sisters, known and unknown who remain in similar situations.

Prisoners : Ghost: Aafia Siddiqui

FBI is Responsible for Disappearances, Illegal Detention and Torture

BBC US hearing for 'al-Qaeda' woman

Cageprisoners Demand Answers on Siddiqui Custody

The Man Rules

2008-08-01T14:23:00.000-07:00

Some light humour - my husband sent me this.....

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story

We always hear
'the rules'
From the female side
Now here are the rules from the male side

These are our rules!
Please note... they are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one! Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as computers or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

Summer Holidays

2008-07-29T15:43:00.000-07:00

Well its that time of the year again, the kids are off school, the suns out, and my stepchildren are visiting for 2 weeks.

This time i'm even more stuck for activity ideas as I have my 2 and a half year old and my youngest is only 5 months old.

Including my stepchildren there are 5 children from 5 months to 10 years to look after, and including me and my husband there will be 6 eaters for 2 weeks, (newborn not included).

I would like ideas for:

1. Family activities that we can all do together inside the home and outdoors.

2. Simple recipes that i can cook for all 6 of us without spending all day in the kitchen.

Why US is 'stuck' with Guantanamo Bay

2008-07-17T14:22:00.001-07:00

By Paul Reynolds
World affairs correspondent, BBC News website

The statement by US Defence Secretary Robert Gates that Washington is "stuck" with Guantanamo Bay is a reflection of the mounting problems that the camp faces.

Mr Gates told a Senate committee that out of the 270 or so prisoners still there, about 50 to 70 were an "irreducible" minimum.

He said: "The problem is that either their home government won't accept them or we're concerned that the home government will let them loose once we return them home."

Some released prisoners, Mr Gates suggested, had returned to the battlefield. One is thought to have become a suicide bomber in Mosul in Iraq.

Yet these 50 to 70 prisoners could not be charged either, he said. This is presumably because there is not enough or no evidence against them.

The prospect for these prisoners therefore is indefinite detention, which raises its own legal and moral problems.

Eventual closure is the stated policy of the Bush administration, but one which looks like being missed in the remaining months of the presidential term. Human rights groups and other governments have for long argued for closure anyway.

Returnees issue

"Gates is admitting they have a problem we all knew about," said Andy Worthington of the British group Reprieve, which monitors and offers legal advice to Guantanamo Bay prisoners.

"These are the 50-70 who have been cleared for release but who cannot be returned. They come from China, Uzbekistan, Tunisia, Libya and Algeria mainly.

"The US tried last year to agree memoranda of understanding with some countries, including Tunisia and two prisoners were sent back there. They have been jailed for three and seven years after an unsatisfactory trial. A US court has blocked a third return.

"Several Chinese Muslims picked up in Afghanistan were sent to Albania and all but one are thought to be there still. One has applied for asylum in Sweden."

Mr Worthington says there is another group that will also hold up any plans for closure. "This group is made up of prisoners who are regarded as too dangerous to release but against whom there is not sufficient evidence to justify a charge and trial by a military commission.

"But what kind of legal handbook does this come from? They face unlimited imprisonment."

Military tribunals

The administration has also faced huge problems in starting the military commissions or tribunals that Congress has authorised.

The tribunals were supposed to be starting soon but the first two had to be put off after military judges ruled that the defendants had not been formally classified as "unlawful enemy combatants," as required by the law, and only as "enemy combatants."

One of those defendants was Osama Bin Laden's driver Salim Ahmed Hamdan. His trial has now been put off for another reason.

The US Supreme Court is due to rule by the end of June on whether prisoners at Guantanamo Bay have a constitutional right to habeas corpus, a procedure whereby a prisoner has to be brought to a court for justification of his detention. Until this issue is ruled upon, the military trials are unlikely to start.

Evidence and torture

There is also a question of evidence. One major al-Qaeda suspect Mohammed al-Qatani, one of six so-called "high-value" prisoners who were charged earlier this year, has had charges against him dropped.

The upshot is that the system is in some doubt, not to say chaos.

It is thought this is because he was subject to what a military inquiry called "abusive" questioning, described as torture by his lawyer, at Guantanamo Bay and that his defence could move to have evidence based on these interrogations dismissed.

Mohammed al-Qatani is often referred to as the missing "2Oth hijacker" on 9/11, He was not allowed to enter the US on arrival at Orlando, where the hijackers' leader Mohammed Atta is thought to have been waiting to pick him up.

Prosecutors' unease

There have also been problems for the administration among the military prosecutors themselves, several of whom have resigned rather than enforce the system of military tribunals.

One of them, Colonel Morris Davis, was chief prosecutor and he has stated that he did not want to use al-Qatani's alleged confessions as evidence because the prisoner had been abused. Col Davis claims that the senior legal officer for the commissions, Brigadier-General Thomas Hartmann clashed with him on this, though Brig Gen Hartmann denies that he discussed the issue of coerced confessions with Col Davis.

The upshot is that the system is in some doubt, not to say chaos.

However the administration is determined to try to press on with the remaining five "high-value" trials. The defendants include the alleged 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.

He was subjected to waterboarding process but not at Guantanamo Bay , so it is possible that a trial could ignore that. There has been an effort to get subsequent "clean confessions" from these prisoners which could then be presented in court.

In more than one way, Guantanamo Bay continues in its legal limbo.

Paul.Reynolds-INTERNET@bbc.co.uk

This makes me smile everytime I read it...

2008-06-19T19:56:00.000-07:00

Things Mum Taught

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

6. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

12. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

13. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."

14. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

15. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

16. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

17. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

18. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

19. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

20. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

21. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

22. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

23. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Taken from Islamway Sisters.

Al Furqan Mosque & Coffee

2008-06-05T18:34:00.000-07:00

My Long Lost Coffee...
Well this probably doesn't tie in very well after Umm Zaida's post on 'Balanced Diet,' but I'm sure she'll forgive me after trying this coffee!

My husband and I are very into our coffee and trying different ones. Not long ago I was at the hairdressers and they made me a cup of coffee. It was the nicest coffee that I have ever tasted, trust me - I've been drinking coffee since I was 8!

My Nanny, an elderly English Widow who would often look after us, used to make it for me as a way to make me drink milk.

So since tasting it at the hairdressers I've been wondering which coffee it is and Alhamdulillah I finally found it!

Al Furqan Mosque
And Speaking of coffee or rather coffee breaks... Myself and Umm Zaida, (a former Mancunian,) used to teach at Al Furqan Mosque In Rusholme.

The Masjid is in urgent need of charity donations in order to secure their premises.

Please check out their website on http://www.alfurqancentre.org.uk and donate whatever you can for the sake of Allah.

The brothers and sisters there do many things for children and the youth, as Myself and Umm Zaidah both witnessed first hand whilst working there.

With regards to the children we taught - many of whom were the children of the brothers who run the Mosque, I have to say I have never met such well mannered children. MashaAllah they were all so respectful and helpful, they would actually fight over who would help to carry our books, bags and even my umbrella! I had to have a child carry each of my things for me so that they all got a chance to help! May Allah have mercy on them all.

They have until October to raise these funds so please pass this message on to as many people as possible and support this.

.

Parenting Course Notes - Week 7

2008-05-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Balanced diet

In this session we discussed the importance of eating a balanced diet, the different food groups and how we can incorporate healthy eating in our own families.
We were asked to discuss what it means to have a balanced diet. We came up with the following points:
• Protein
• Dairy products
• Rest/sleep
• Moderation-in what we eat
• Regular meals-not skipping any meals
• Variety
• Fluids
• 5 a day
• Exercise
• Full fat for under ones

We discussed the five food groups and the types of foods in each group. We also discussed the amounts we should consume from each group.
Protein-fish, meat
Fibre-brown bread, brown rice oats
Carbohydrates-pasta, potatoes
Fats and dairy-cheese, milk
Fruits and vegetables- apples, strawberries, cabbage.

Carbohydrates can be classified into two categories, refined carbohydrates which consist of white rice, white flour and unrefined carbohydrates which consist of wholemeal bread, brown rice, brown pasta etc. Unrefined carbohydrate is better for us to consume especially for those of us trying to lose a few pounds.

Fruits and vegetables have a lot of vitamins and minerals. We should try to eat at least five portions every day. I know this can be quite hard with all the unhealthy alternatives on offer (i.e. cakes, biscuits) but we should adopt this habit especially when we have our children to think about. So instead of giving them sweets, biscuits and other junk food as snacks we should replace these with fruits and other healthier snacks insha’Allah.

It is sad to so many children who are over-weight. We as Muslims should remember that our children are a trust from Allah for whom we will be questioned about. Therefore, we must make sure that they eat a healthy balanced diet to keep them fit and free from illness insha’Allah.

Most vitamins cannot be made by our bodies so we need to take supplements.
Vitamin A looks after our eyes and skin cells. Examples of some food that contain vitamin A are sweet potatoes, oranges, dark green leafy vegetables and carrots. Vitamin A deficiency may lead to impaired vision or blindness.

Vitamin D is obtained from direct sunlight. This vitamin helps us to absolve calcium into our bodies. Foods that contain vitamin D are oily fish and dairy products. Vitamin D deficiency is known to cause several bone diseases.

Vitamin E fights free-radicals (which damage our cells). This vitamin is found in vegetables, poultry, fish and fortified cereals. A deficiency of vitamin E may result in muscle weakness, blindness, poor transmission of nerve impulse.

Vitamin K helps us to make protein. Foods containing vitamin K are soya oil and margarine. Lack of Vitamin K may lead to massive uncontrolled bleeding, malformation of developing bones.

Vitamin B helps the flow of blood smoothly. Foods that contain this vitamin are potatoes, bananas, lentils, liver oil, liver, turkey and tuna. Vitamin B deficiency can result in anemia, acne, disease of the nervous system and heart.

Vitamin C is important for the development of bones and skin. It also helps to observe iron. Foods containing vitamin C are spinach, broccoli, and citrus fruits (did you know that peppers contain four times more vitamin C than oranges!!) Lack of vitamin C may lead to developing scurvy.

Minerals such as Calcium, Magnesium, Phosphorus and Sodium are also needed. Foods containing these minerals are milk and dairy products.

Allah says “And eat of the things which Allah has provided for you, lawful and good and fear Allah in whom you believe” (Mai’dah V:88)

Allah has blessed us with so many variety of foods alhamdulillah but we should stick to the ones that are lawful and GOOD insha’Allah.
And Allah knows best.

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

I ask again...

2008-04-25T08:33:00.001-07:00

Well now that I've got two little ones I ask again....

Is it REALLY possible to be a busy wife, mother AND look good?

Here's a post I wrote a year ago in March O7. Some Spring Fashion stuff will follow in a few days InshaAllah.

Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "When a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), preserves her chastity, and obeys her husband, then she may enter the Jannah (Paradise) from any door she chooses." [Ahmad and others; authentic]

Before marriage we read many books on how to obey our husbands and how to be good wives. One of the main things that was emphasized was adorning ourselves for our husbands.

How easy! We would think. Is that it? And we couldn't understand it when we would see married sisters who didn't.

After marriage - 'It's still easy - with the odd 'bad hair day' here and there.'

After children - quotes:
'HELP!!'
'HUSBAND WHO?'
'I can't remember the last time I had a hair cut!'
'Maybe I'll just wait till Jannah InshaAllah to look beautiful....'
'I don't know where to start, it seems like sooo long ago....'
'I need to loose 2 stones first!'

Lately I've been thinking. We make too many excuses, there are too many beautiful woman out there to make excuses. As for the last excuse, a sister responded, 'We know that losing even a few pounds doesn't happen over night. And what to do in the meantime? Plus we could die tommorrow so lets make the most of how we look.'

A sister commented about adorning herself for her husband, 'I'd honestly rather have him expect to come home to see his wife in the best form and therefore push himself harder to lower his gaze, than have him expect to come home and find me in jogging pants and a t-shirt and find it harder to resist the temptations. He's out all day, and he sees all kinds of things. When he knows that if he lowers his gaze, he will be rewarded in the akhirah by Allah, and in the dunya by going home to a wife who can show him what he saw and better (because it's halal) it makes the struggle all the more worth it for him. '

Allah describes the woman as: “…one brought up among adornments” [Sûrah al-Zukhruf: 18]

Below are some practical tips and advice from various sisters that inshaAllah will help us to balance our obligations, to Allah, our husbands and children.

* Buy clothes that are crease resistant or drip dry them to save time on ironing.

* Wear kohl - it takes a second to apply and you can do wudu over it without removing it.

* Try to find out what your husband likes, styles, clothes etc. That always makes things easier. (Ebay is great for this because you can show the pictures of the items before buying - pictures without women in them of course.)

* Time is of the essence! Learn to have quick showers and get ready in a few minutes.

* Practice doing different hairstyles and keep a note of quick ones that look good. Loose buns look great with casual clothes.

* Wear perfume and matching body lotion. A sister said, 'I quickly apply body lotion to sweat areas (ie under arms) straight after a shower and a quick spray of matching perfume to my home clothes so I'm always smelling good.

* Buy clothes that are comfortable - but look good. A sister said, 'Lately I've bought a new wardrobe from ebay (bargain prices! My husbands favourite dress cost me 2 pounds - including postage and packaging!) I've bought some dresses that are comfortable, flattering, not too long so i don't trip over it and can climb up and down the stairs with my daughter. I buy dresses that have some sleeves so i can wear them in front of other women also . I try to look for Warm fabric so i don't freeze on cold days and Comfortable enough to do all household chores in. Also I make sure it has a side zip, or i can pull down the neck because im breastfeeding still.'

* Wear Simple Jewelery that don't get in the way of things.

* Try to balance things ie cooking, cleaning, dressing up. Don't do too much of any so it ends up that you're neglecting the others.

* Going out. A sister said, 'I try not to go out too much Because my hijab makes my hair flat. Also I do most of my shopping online rather than spend a whole day in town with my toddler moaning in her buggy and not getting anything I needed or wanted.'

* Mirror Mirror.... A sister once said, 'A wise woman is one who has a mirror in her Kitchen!'

* Water of life. Remember to always drink plenty of water for radiant skin.

* Oh Sugar! Sugar and water is a fast, cheap and effective way to Exfoliate!

* Remember the most important thing is DUA!!! A sister said, 'I pray to Allah in Sujood to make me the most beautiful woman for my Husband in this world and the next.'

May Allah help us to keep steadfast on the deen and be balanced Muslimaat. Ameen.

My Mum is Amazing

2008-04-22T14:12:00.001-07:00

Why Costs Are Climbing

2008-04-15T13:54:00.000-07:00

As food prices surge, starvation looms for millions. Experts call for emergency action but admit there's no quick fix

By Eric Reguly

12/04/08 "Globe and Mail" -- -ROME — Fatal food riots in Haiti. Violent food-price protests in Egypt and Ivory Coast. Rice so valuable it is transported in armoured convoys. Soldiers guarding fields and warehouses. Export bans to keep local populations from starving.

For the first time in decades, the spectre of widespread hunger for millions looms as food prices explode. Two words not in common currency in recent years — famine and starvation — are now being raised as distinct possibilities in the poorest, food-importing countries.

Unlike past food crises, solved largely by throwing aid at hungry stomachs and boosting agricultural productivity, this one won't go away quickly, experts say. Prices are soaring and stand every chance of staying high because this crisis is different.

A swelling global population, soaring energy prices, the clamouring for meat from the rising Asian middle class, competition from biofuels and hot money pouring into the commodity markets are all factors that make this crisis unique and potentially calamitous. Even with concerted global action, such as rushing more land into cultivation, it will take years to fix the problem.

The price increases and food shortages have been nothing short of shocking. In February, stockpiles of wheat hit a 60-year low in the United States as prices soared. Almost all other commodities, from rice and soybeans to sugar and corn, have posted triple-digit price increases in the past year or two.

Read More...

Source: Information Clearing House

Where's the Logic?

2008-03-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

Charlotte gives jack a shopping list, among the list was 'white cabbage'.

Jack returns home with the shopping.

Jack, 'I didn't find any white cabbage so I got you some lettuce instead.'

I mean like - where's the logic?!!

More About Lettuce.
More about Cabbage.

Parenting Course – Week 6

2008-03-27T12:51:00.000-07:00

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Play

There are numerous definitions for the word “PLAY”. However, the one which was chosen by our teacher is that “play is s child's work”.

At the beginning of the session we were asked about what kind of games we played in our childhood. The answers varied from racing, playing pirates, cooking games, five stones (ful-ghuti) and the game I remember playing is elastics. I remember that I would play with my neighbours. I would come home from the Masjid, climb over the garden wall and play with them. Subhan’Allah, this brings back so many fond memories and it’s amazing how life was so simple as a child, so care free alhamdulillah!

How are they developing?
Children develop certain skills through play. What we call playing is really the way children learn. With toys and their imaginations they practice all the skills they will need as they grow up. The more they play, the more they learn and the best thing about it is that they love it!

Intellectual development
• Intellectually they are developing their knowledge and understanding of the world
• Development of language and communication
• Development of mathematics and scientific concepts

Social development
• Learn to interact with others
• Appreciate the value of friendship
• Learn to take lead roles in decision making

Motor development
• Learn to move effectively and safely
• Learn to control their movements
• Learn to enjoy sports
• Learn to gain confidence in tackling new challenging movements

Emotional development
• Learn to express feeling and emotions
• Learn to approach new situations with confidence
• Learn to cope with anxieties
• Learn to cry in appropriate situations (when there is a need)

In the second part of the lesson we all participated in role play. I will demonstrate the one done by my group insha’Allah.

Actresses: Mother (Umm Yahya), child (Umm Zaidah) and guest (Umm Zaynab)

~Roll-camera-action~

A mother and her child are playing a game called ‘Guess who’. They are in the middle of the game when suddenly the door bell goes off and in walks next doors Aunty.

Mum: “Assalamu’alaikum, come in take a seat insha’Allah”

Guest: “Wa alaikum assalam, how are you both?”

Child: “We are well; alhamdulillah Aunty, mum and I are playing ‘Guess who’, would you like to play?”

Mum interrupts...

Mum: “Don’t be silly, Aunty isn’t here to play. Go and get some cake and biscuits for her while I make the tea”

Child: “But mum you promised to play with me”

Mum: “Go and get the food." (Looking a bit annoyed.)

Mum is busy chatting to next doors Aunty, making a fuss over what food to give her and ignoring her child, while the child is desperately seeking attention.

The child puts the cake and biscuits on the table looking very upset.

Child: “can we play now mum? It’s your turn, go on ask me a question”

Mum: “Shhh, I am trying to speak to Aunty” (she faces the guest and complains)
“Children these days don’t listen, she wants me to play with her while you are here”

Guest: “Yeah, I know what you mean. All they want to do is play all the time. Dunyai bodli-gese (the world has changed)

Child: “Mum can we just finish off the game pleeeease, you promised. It’s not fair (getting emotional and giving the guest dirty looks).

Guest: “What a rude child! You know the girls across the street, they are soo well behaved and extremely polite, not like you!

Child: “Well why don’t you go to their house then so I can play with my mum”

Mum: “Bethtomiz furi (naughty child) apologise to your auntie now!!

Child almost in tears, mums very cross and the guest is appalled.

Child “I don’t even like Aunty cuz’ she eats paan (beetle nut) and she smells of shutki (dried fish) all the time.

Mum “okay, thats enough, go to your room and I will deal with you later!!!

After watching all the role-plays we were asked to re-perform our role-plays but this time refine the situation so that the mother gives the child more attention.

In our role-play what we did was to include the guest in the game after giving her tea and biscuits of course! We all played nicely together and when the game was completed, the guest and mother chatted while the child did her own things.

This session left us in stitches due to laughter. Subhan Allah it was great fun performing the role-plays and observing the other sisters’ acting skills. The lessons to be learnt from these role-plays is the fact that many of us do not take time out to play with our children and they feel neglected when we are busy doing other things. We should not ignore their needs even if we have guests to entertain. We should listen to their needs; otherwise they may play up and misbehave out of frustration.

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Do you envision us meeting,

2008-02-26T13:37:00.000-08:00

Hal Turaana Naltaqi MP3 by Saad Al-Ghamdi

Wording in Arabic

English Translation

Do you envision us meeting, or has it already,
Taken place in the land of the mirage;

Then it withdrew and its shadow vanished,
And turned into torturous memories;

Thus asks my heart whenever,
The days grow long, after your absence;

When your shadow stares, smiling,
It is as if I am listening to the response;

Did we not walk upon Truth together,
So that Good can return to barren land;

So we walked along a thorny path,
Abandoning all our ambitions;

We buried our desires deep within ourselves,
And we strove on in contentment, expecting reward from Allah;

We had made a pact to walk together,
And then you hurried in responding and departing;

When a Benevolent Lord called me,
To a life amidst gardens and vast lands;

And towards a sublime meeting amidst divine favours,
With the Soldiers of Allah, joyful in companionship;

Presenting their souls and lives, a sacrifice,
Responding without slightest doubts;

So to renew your heart from its slumber,
An ever-lasting meeting in such a land;

Oh traveler, Forgiveness from my complaints,
Unto me is your ghost, to him a patient reproach;

I abandoned my heart to bleed heavily,
Lost in the night, in the depths of fog;

And if I traverse, confused and alone,
I'll interrupt the path, long it is in depression;

And if in the night, I find a gloomy sea,
Encountering in it waves of pain;

Ceasing in my nights, is the radiance of lightening,
And the brightness of stars have disappeared;

Despite this, I shall continue just as,
You used to find me, in the face of adversity;

I shall continue keeping my head raised, And won't,
Consent to weakness in speech, nor reply;

I shall be guided by the sweet-scented blood,
And light has illuminated the horizons of escape;

Do you envision us meeting, or has it already,
Taken place in the land of the mirage;

Then it withdrew and its shadow vanished,
And turned into torturous memories;

Thus asks my heart whenever,
The days grow long, after your absence;

When your shadow stares, smiling,
It is as if I am listening to the response

Maymoonahs' lttle sister.

2008-02-16T10:41:00.000-08:00

AssalamuAlaikum

Don't forget to read Week 5 of the Parenting Course Notes by Umm Zaidah Nusaybah (below), no doubt we can all benefit from them.

I'd just like to announce a little addition to my family, the birth of Maymoonahs' little sister on Wednesday Morning Alhamdulillah. All family members are doing well mashaAllah :-)

I tell you, at times like this mums really need their mums...

Your Du'aa (and links to Muslim name websites) would be greatly appreciated!

Parenting Course – Week 5

2008-02-12T16:24:00.000-08:00

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Respect

Respect is often associated with elders. We are taught to respect our parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. The subject of respecting youngsters is quite alien. How often do we see children being spoken to in a derogatory manner? Being criticized for not doing something correctly or being shouted at for causing an accident? Have we ever stopped to think about how that child feels when we behave in such a manner? We need to ask ourselves, how would you feel if we were being treated in this way. We would probably have low self-esteem and be scared of doing certain things due to the fear of being criticized. Subhan’Allah, there is a famous saying “Respect, give it to get it”. So think about this for a moment, if we do not respect our children then what guarantee do we have that they will respect us.

At the beginning of this session we were asked to narrate an incident where we felt disrespected. The following are some of the responses. One sister said she feels disrespected when people look at her with pity because she wears hijab and jilbab because they she is oppressed. Another sister said she felt disrespected when someone called her stupid because she didn’t know where a certain country was situated. One sister said she felt disrespected when a guest said they didn’t like her cooking, which she spent hours preparing! Another sister spoke about people swearing and the fact that she finds it offensive and disrespectful. It is even more shocking when practising Muslims use foul language.

After listening to everyone’s accounts we came up with a list of actions which we find disrespectful. These include;
• Being mocked
• Not listening
• Being shouted at
• Being criticised
• Pointing fingers
• Breaking boundaries
• Accusing
• Having no eye contact
• Hearing swear words
• Opinions not being valued
• Using inappropriate speech
• Being judged
• Abusing trust
• Backbiting
• Lying

In the next part of the session we were put into groups of three and presented with different scenarios involving parents and their children. What we were asked to do was determine whether the child was respected or disrespected in each scenario.

Scenario one
At a party a child breaks a glass by accident. The mother goes over to the child, shouts at him in front of everyone and leaves the child there.
We decided it was disrespectful as well as neglect. The mother should have removed the child from the area where the accident occurred and maybe she should have talked to him away from the people. She should not shout at him because it was an accident.

Scenario 2
A mother changes her babies’ nappy and exclaims in front of people “This is the third time I have had to change you!” The mother is annoyed with the child.
We decided this was disrespect because the child may have been embarrassed. Also, the child may have an upset stomach. Instead of the mother being annoyed she should remember that she will be rewarded for changing her baby’s nappy insha’Allah.

Scenario 3
A father takes his little girl shopping and buys her a pair of shoes HE liked.
There was disagreement between the different groups. Those who said this was disrespect explained that the father did not give the child any choice. Those who said it was not disrespect said maybe the father knew if he gave the girl a choice she would choose something impractical. Maybe what the father should have done is to pick a few pairs and ask her which one she would prefer.

Scenario 4
A child is running and is about to cross the road. The mother shouts “stop” and the child stops.
We decide this was not disrespect although we had previously suggested being shouted at is a form of disrespect. In this incident it was necessary for the mother to shout to get the child’s attention and if she hadn’t shouted the child may have had an accident. Therefore, it is justified to shout in certain circumstances.

Scenario 5
At the dinner table two children are eating. One of them finishes his food so the father takes the food from the other child’s plate and puts it on the plate of the child who has finished.
We all strongly agreed that this was disrespect. Firstly the father did not ask the permission of the child. It was also suggested that some of us used to save our favourite foods to eat last and if that was the case here then the child will be very upset.

Scenario 6
A mother takes her child to the nursery for the first time. The child starts crying and the mother says to the teacher “she’s always like this”.
We decided this was disrespect because the mother should have been more sympathetic as it was the child’s first day at the nursery and almost everybody cries on their first day!!

Disrespect – conclusion
These scenarios actually do exist, so we should think carefully about what we say to our children. We should choose the words carefully and try our best not to disrespect them. We must look at the example of our beloved prophet (SAW) and how he dealt with children around him. He (SAW) always showed respect to children and was very affectionate towards them. For example, when a young boy’s father died, the prophet (SAW) said to him “I am sorry for your loss”. These words suggest that the prophet (SAW) treated the boy like an adult, therefore, giving him respect.
And Allah knows best.

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Parenting Course Notes – Week 4

2008-01-09T08:24:00.000-08:00

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Love and affection

I was absent for this lesson but Alhamdulillah I have got the notes from another sister.
The question was posed “How do we feel when someone expresses love & affection towards us?” These were some of the responses:

• Happy
• Needed
• Overwhelmed
• Warm
• Good
• Valued
• Guilty
• Emotional
• Wanted

Some mothers bond straight away with their children whilst others may take longer, however one thing is agreed that all mothers have selflessness towards their child. We only need to look at our mother’s love towards us or how much we love our own children to see that selflessness.

Then when we know that Allah’s mercy towards His creation is much greater than the mothers love for her child, we can put into perspective that Allah is the MOST merciful.

Psychologists define love into three categories. The first type of love is soft love. This is a type of love which is overwhelming to show children our concern. The second type of love is firm love. Due to the mothers love for her child, she is firm as she desires what is best for the child. The third type of love is damaging love. This is having only soft love and becoming a passive parent (i.e. ignoring the negative aspects the child possesses).

So why is love and affection important? It is important because RasullAllah (SAW) encouraged parents to kiss their children. When a man saw RasullAllah (SAW) kiss Hasan, he commented “I have 10 children, but I have never kissed any of them”. RasullAllah (SAW) replied “What can I do if Allah removed mercy from your heart”.
The prophet (SAW) stated “He who does not show mercy, he will not have mercy shown to him”.
If a child learns about mercy, then she will understand better one of the names of Allah i.e. Ar-Rahman.

The prophet (SAW) said to Aisha (RA) “O Aisha, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness....and He gives to gentleness what He does not to harshness”.
Babies are helpless; they want to know “Can I trust this world?”; “Will I be looked after?”

Study of orphans post WWII

Post WWII – American orphans

Summary
American Hospitals – Children only had physical needs met. Lack of physical contact and little emotional
needs met.

Mexican Villages – They had lots of contact with people, hence emotional needs were met even though
at times physical needs may have been met less.

GOOD PRACTICES
• Physical – Kissing, hugging, massage, stroking, holding hands, swinging etc.
• Verbally express our love for them – “I love you”
• Recognise and notice them
• Award them sincere praise
• Listen to them so they feel understood
• Look at them with a pleasing face
• Always expect good of them
• Think about what you are saying to them
• Do not be afraid of apologising if you are in the wrong
• Be interested in them
• Show them gestures of love
• Help and encourage them to develop their interest
• Show them you love them for who they are
• Spend time with them
• Buy them gifts
• Do not forget to reach a balance. i.e.

Calling all bloggers!

2007-12-10T20:19:00.000-08:00

Bismillah
Asalaamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu,

I pray that this finds you all in the best of health and iman! For our Spring issue, SISTERS is asking the bloggers one question:

What two things are you grateful for and why?

Answer in as many as 10 sentences and make it as eloquent, inspiring and individual as you are!

JazakunnAllahu khairan wasalaam
SISTERS.

Please send your responses to editor@sisters-magazine.com as soon as possible to be included in the next issue, insha Allah.

Don't forget sisters is now in PRINT! To celebrate SISTERS are offering FREE postage on all online orders until the end of the month!

Alhamdulillah I have to say this is the first edition that I'm able to read thoroughly. I've been sitting with my magazine while Maymoonah sits with her books. AND since its 'tangible' and Animate Image-free I was able to leave it lying around and even Abu M Picked it up and had a browse through it!

In this Issue...
10 Things to hand down to your daughter
Losing a child - sisters speak
How to obtain the Love of Allah
Balancing work and Motherhood
Superfoods from the Sunnah
A sensuous makeover for your bedroom

and... Funky Winter Fashion Feature!

So what are you waiting for? Where else can you find a combination of Knowledge, Advice on various issues health and beauty tips, household matters, cooking tips, poetry, brothers thoughts ;-) and so much more!

Subscribe today!

Parenting Course Notes - Week 3

2007-12-02T09:52:00.000-08:00

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Tarbiyya
We started off the lesson with a discussion of the meaning of the Arabic word Tarbiyya. We brainstormed the following meanings:
• Education
• Training
• Discipline
• Morals
• Upbringing
• Self development

We then discussed the following ayah in the Qur’an
“My Lord! Bestow on them your mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.” (Al-Isra: 24)
We discussed the importance of parents and the fact that they should be treated with kindness, as it was our parents who took care of us when we were young and incapable of doing things ourselves.

We then discussed the hadith narrated by Abdullah Ibn ‘Amr (RA)
“All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care and each of you will be questioned about your flock. The imam is the guardian of his subjects and is responsible for them, and a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s house and is responsible for it….…” (Bukhari and Muslim)
How does this hadith apply to us as mothers? We as mothers are responsible for our children’s care, education and well-being because we will be questioned about this on the Day of Judgment. So sisters, we should do our level best to fulfill this obligation which Allah (SWT) has commanded us to do. We as Muslim mothers have a great task of raising righteous children insha’Allah. Children who will be shining examples to the society, those who will revive the message of Islam and bring immense benefit to the ummah, ameen.

Allah (SWT) accepts the dua of the mother for her child, so we should be asking Him to guide our children and grant them the best in the duniya and the akhira. This reminds me of a beautiful example of the power of a mother’s dua. Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury mentioned in a talk that he asked Imam Abdurrahman Sudais, “How did you become the imam of Al-Haram?” Imam Sudais replied “I was a very naughty child and every time I misbehaved my mother would say “may you become the imam of Al-Haram””. So instead of becoming angry with him, she made dua to Allah. Subhan’Allah, this goes to show how powerful a mother’s dua is for her children. We should try to implement this method when dealing with our children insha’Allah.

Importance of balance

This flower illustrates that a child needs a balance of everything to develop into a healthy individual. Spiritual is in the centre because that is the most important aspect for a Muslim child. As parents we should attend to all five aspect of their development and not just focus on one aspect, as is the case in many families. We have some parents over-emphasizing on the mental aspect, they push them to do well at school, get good grades and become a doctor, lawyer, engineer etc. However, they neglect the spiritual aspect. On the other hand, there are parents who focus on their children’s Islamic education and by doing so they neglect physical, social and emotional aspects. They do not allow their children to have fun. We need to have a balance because Islam is a way of life and can be incorporated into everything we do insha’Allah.

The story of Luqman Al-Hakim provides us with exceptional advice which we should pass onto our children. Luqman advised his son the following pieces of advice;
a) Tawheed – Do not join in worship others with Allah (SWT), for this is the greatest wrong doing.
b) Accountability – That indeed Allah has knowledge of the smallest objects in the heavens and the Earth. He alone understands their finer mysteries and is capable of bringing them forth.
c) Importance of salah – Establish regular prayer.
d) Enjoin what is just and forbid what is wrong.
e) Be patient with the hardships that befall you.
f) Not to be arrogant and boastful – Beware of false pride.
g) Be moderate in pace.
h) Ways of communication – Lower your voice, for the harshest of sounds is that of the donkey.
We should place great emphasis on making our children aware of the greatest dhulm (injustice)…SHIRK. (Luqman verses 13-19)

Subhan’Allah, what priceless advice. If we strive to teach our children these things and make dua to Allah (SWT), then we will equip our children with excellent manners insha’Allah.
And Allah (SWT) knows best.

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah.

Hajj Coach

2007-11-17T15:24:00.000-08:00

As salamu alaykum,

Muhammad Alshareef, the founder of AlMaghrib Institute, just launched
this new website called Hajjcoach.com. He's got 10 multimedia sessions
that will prepare you amazingly for Hajj.

Even if you are not going for Hajj, he's got multimedia sessions on:
1. Keeping patient,
2. How to increase concentration in prayer, and
3. ...a lot of other stuff I'm sure you'll find valuable.

**Action Requested**
Just click on this link and check it out:
http://www.hajjcoach.com

Best Regards,

PS: Just click the link and see if you like it or not:
www.Hajjcoach.com

Why do I need to write?

2007-10-25T07:43:00.000-07:00

When there are so many great writers out there!

Umm Yusuf talks about 'That Lovin’ Feeling!'

By Fatima Barkatulla

Wondering what’s happened to the romance since you became parents? It needn’t be that way! With a little effort, your relationship can be stronger and more meaningful than ever before. After all, your children are the fruits of your love and commitment to each other. So come on…renew the strength of your relationship and through it, you’ll re-ignite the passion you have for one another…

Pray together
In any situation, even the most stressful, remind each other of how Allah would want his true servants to behave. Pray together at least once a day, standing as servants together in front of your Creator. Remind each other to have sabr (patience) and tawakkul (reliance upon Allah).

Embrace one another
Physical contact is so important and even an embrace and a simple back rub or head massage can reduce stress levels and keep you connected to each other. Take time out to have a hug and renew yourselves.

Argue with boundaries
Arguments can make you eventually closer to your husband if they are constructive. How? Well, say you wanted him to do something, he doesn’t understand why, you explain how it makes you feel, he eventually sees why you are upset and why it means so much to you, so in the end you understand each others needs a little bit better…you have been fighting yourselves closer to one another! Don’t cross the boundaries of decency when you argue. Don’t character assassinate and do not deny his good qualities. Being unthankful to our husbands is one of the characteristics we have to avoid.

Be prepared to apologise.
Apologise sincerely when you are wrong and accept his apologies. Don’t bring up the past…deal with the present. Life is too short for bickering and you’ll be surprised at how saying sorry can allow you both to move on and start afresh.

Notice the beauty and it will magnify.
Why is it that we tend to treat strangers with more courtesy and respect than those whom we are closest to? Treat your husband with the respect, careful choice of words and body language that you would treat a person who you have met for the first time and want to leave a good impression on. Praise your husband for his skills and characteristics. Notice the good and it will increase and grow!

Have a routine
If your kids are up till late, and your home is disorderly, then it’s hardly surprising that you don’t get a chance to bond with your spouse. There has to be time for you to be together as a couple, for you to be able to pay full attention to each other. So get your kids into a good meal and bedtime routine and stick to it! It’ll change your life!

Go on a date!
Have regular time alone together…uninterrupted! Even if that means asking your mum to keep the kids for a few hours. You could use that time to talk, remember how you met and what your feelings were for each other when you got married. Eat out together or go to a quiet spot by a river or for a stroll in the park. Only talk about positive things in that time that you have set aside for yourselves.

Keep communicating
Listen and empathise with your husband’s struggles. Communicate to him what your needs are, don’t expect him to guess! Things that seem obvious to you aren’t always to him, so tell him how he could make things easier for you and work to make things easier for him too.

Don’t go to sleep on an argument
Try to resolve issues before you go to bed. Leaving things unresolved can lead to a build up of bad feelings which eat away at your relationship.

Flirt with each other!
Leave a little love note in his lunch box or stick it on his rear-view mirror. Send him a text message with a message of love and gratitude for all he has done for you. You are never more attractive than when you are smiling and happy. Be a bit of a bimbo sometimes! What I mean by that is: joke and be light hearted around your husband and don’t always bring up the heavy stuff when you’re with him.

Get your glad rags out!
You know! The make-up and jewellery you once wore but now don’t seem to be able to find. Make an effort to look good and both you and your husband will benefit! Even if you can’t do it every day, dress up once in a while and your husband is sure to notice the extra effort you’ve put in. Indulge in nice smelling bath scrubs that’ll make your skin soft and smelling sensual. A mud mask or facial, once a week will make your face shine with radiance!

Copyright Sisters Magazine 2007
http://www.sisters-magazine.com/

Toddler Tantrums

2007-10-18T19:19:00.000-07:00

18 - 24 Months: Tame Your Toddler’s Tantrums
Taken from bootsparentingclub.com

Let’s talk tantrums. We know you don’t want to but you need to be ready. Because at some point between 18 months and three, your sweet, lovely, smiley baby’s going to treat you to a fair few contrary, wilful, ear-splitting toddler strops.

So, what on earth’s making your child so mad? Perhaps the first thing to understand is that tantrums are a fact of toddler life. And, at this age, it’s not about disobedience but simple frustration: at not being able to get the jigsaw piece in the hole; at being yanked from the muddy puddle when she was having so much fun; at not being able to find the words to say what she means. This is not the time for time-outs and naughty steps. Yes, your child needs you to be firm and clear about what’s acceptable and what’s not, but she also needs your help in dealing with the storm of emotions that’s spinning her out of control. And to do that, you need our three-step tantrum-tackling masterclass…

Avoid the triggers

Put your toddler in certain situations and you can practically guarantee a tantrum. Solution? Avoid these situations in the first place and:

* Don’t overdo it. A tired and hungry child is a tantrum waiting to happen. Stick to a daily routine of regular mealtimes and bedtimes and at least one nap a day.

* Explain what’s happening. If you are doing anything out of the ordinary, talk your child through it first. If she has some idea of what to expect, she’s less likely to kick up a fuss.

* Switch to toddler time. Toddlers don’t do rushing. They just don’t understand why you’re in such a hurry to get to nursery, the shops, your friend’s house. And frantically chivvying them up can set off a strop. Build in extra time to get places and you’ll save tempers all round.

* Make your house toddler-safe. If all you ever say is, ‘Don’t touch that!’, you’re just inviting rebellion.

Learn the tactics

Oh no, that bottom lip’s beginning to wobble. To stop a tantrum before it really starts, you need to:

* Distract her. Point with huge excitement at a car in the street or a toy across the room: anything that will divert her attention from what’s upsetting her.

* Act the fool. She won’t get in her buggy? You get in instead! Even toddlers can’t laugh and strop at the same time.

* Seem to agree. She wants a biscuit; you don’t want to spoil her appetite for lunch. Substitute, ‘No, no biscuits!’ for ‘Yes, we’ll have a biscuit at lunchtime.’

* Offer choices. Older toddlers love having choices: it makes them feel in control. Just be sure both choices get you the result you’re after! So, instead of, ‘Put your coat on or we don’t go to the park!’, say, ‘Which coat are you wearing to the park: the red one or the blue one?’

* Think big picture. And let the small things go. Don’t make an issue of every little toddler annoyance.

Know the tamers

Despite your very best intentions, your child's imploded into all-out tantrum mode. Now’s the time to:

* Hold her. Screaming toddlers can often be scared by the intensity of their own emotions. Sometimes, holding them gently but firmly can help them keep it together.

* Count to ten. Tantrums are upsetting or annoying for parents, too. Before you react in a way you might regret, take a little time to regain your cool.

* Ignore her. Nothing deflates a strop faster than a lack of audience.

* Stick to your guns. Don't give in or your child will learn that tantrums get her what she wants.

* Hug her when it’s over. After the storm, don’t lecture, punish or ask for apologies. Your child’s been through enough. Give her a big cuddle and move on.

Ramadan

2007-09-14T18:55:00.000-07:00

Some things to read.

Ramadhân: Have You Got What It Takes?

Ramadan Guide.

How Our Pious Predecessors Spent Ramadan

Welcoming the Arrival of Ramadan

“The fasting person has two occasions for joy”

Islamtoday - Fasting and Itikaaf, articles and rulings for Ramadan.

Last but not least Issue 3 of sisters-magazine is Out!

Highlights of this issue include:
Ramadhan in the Qur'an and Sunnah
The wisdom behind fasting
Exerting oneself in the last ten days of Ramadhan
Preparing your home for Ramadhan
Make this Eid your best ever with our fabulous celebration ideas!

AND... Gorgeous Eid fashion feature
.

A blend of cultures for dinner.

2007-09-07T09:12:00.000-07:00

At this years JIMAS conference Sheikh Mamdouh Muhammad gave us some really good advice - when you invite someone for dinner, never just invite people from one country to your house, try to have people from different countries attend.

I know a sister who did this and used to count to herself, 'Today we have a blend of Bengali, Pakistani, Jamaican, Algerian and Lybian guests!'

MashaAllah It was really nice and I've met many sisters of different nationalities through her.

JIMAS

2007-08-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

Another JIMAS conference gone by and I'm left feeling tired and exhausted but not quite wanting to be back.

Some Benefits of attending the JIMAS Conference.

Sisterhood/brotherhood. Different ages, race, backgrounds, professions. Meeting brothers and sisters that you only see once a year at JIMAS!
A few sisters and I played 'guess what race percentages' (ourselves) and our children are- it was humorous to say the least, (other sisters looked on like we were a tad crazy.)

Fresh Green Air, close to nature, green trees and plenty of weeping willows (my favorite!)

Being among the people of knowledge who all differ in their beautiful, charismatic, dynamic and humorous personalities.

Knowledge - each teacher/scholar taught us in a variety of different ways you actually remember what you listened to and don't get bored of 3 days of lectures.

Keeping fit - walking to and from lectures, lunch, salah all day for 3 days - you certainly feel the effects on the body.

Family time. Back in your rooms there is no internet, cooking, laundry or distractions - just the family. You're 'forced' to spend quality time together :-)

Safety. You actually let your children run around here and there and know that they are safe with sisters looking out for each others children.

Alkauthar revision :-) The finance seminars for the first time didn't go over my head thanks to my teacher Sheikh Abu Yusuf and the Alkauthar Real Deal course. I found myself engrossed in what Tarek Al Diwany had to say about the monetary/banking systems, keen to hear more and captivated by the seminar on inheritance.
I cant wait till The Real Deal 201!

Ok here's the girly bit. I can't forget shopping can I? Being able to shop in a halal music free environment. A vast selection of fabrics, cuts, styles in Abaya's and Hijaab and the once a year opportunity to find the 'perfect' Niqaab for you that aren't always available locally.
Some sisters actually let their customers take items home without paying, promising that they will send a cheque when they get back home. Thats what I call real trust.

And Cons? - The Price? Yes its more expensive than previous years, but is without a doubt worth it. And today I recieved a cheque through the post from tax returns that I had forgotten about - when you spend in the way of Allah - Allah always gives back more. SubhanAllah.

Anyway Here's more on JIMAS....

Don’t just blame the parents; blame us too

2007-08-20T07:40:00.000-07:00

It was better when we all took it upon ourselves to discipline children
Carol Sarler

Blame the parents, by all means. Blame the social workers, while you’re at it. Both are rational responses to the revulsion evoked when a mother and her boyfriend are convicted of murdering her four-year-old child over a prolonged period of 100 blows; not again, we say, not again. And then, three days after sentence was passed on Sharon Wright and Peter McKenzie-Seaton in Bradford, a couple are arrested in London for the suspicious death of their toddler and we cry not again. Again.

By the same token, we blame the parents for feral gangs who roam the streets; for violence, for crime, for unprecedented numbers of fatal shootings by gunslingers still only children themselves. Whether it is damage to children or damage by children, sensibly alarmed politicians turn their sights towards families and those professionally charged with effecting cure upon dysfunctional ones. The message reads clearly: they are your children, therefore your job and your responsibility – and, of course, they are. The less clear question, however, might be: are they solely the responsibility of those who raise them? Or should the civilian rest of us also reasonably be expected to play a bigger part?

Current thinking says no. Inadequacies within the insularity of the family are addressed by, for instance, “parenting classes” or, at the posh end, “family therapy”, both designed to address the inadequacies while retaining the insular structure of the unit. In the light of the manifest failure of such an approach, is it time to wonder whether the root of the problems lies in the insularity itself?

The model of the nuclear family, apparently accepted without question by those who seek to nurture it, is not, I venture, entirely historically correct. Its emergence, according to conventional wisdom, is explained something like this: once upon a time, we all lived in enormous, sprawling multigenerational families, paying feudal dues and doffing caps to his liege as young and old scratched a happy living in bucolic pastures where we slept with our goats and breast-fed our chickens – until along came the Industrial Revolution and blew the whistle for time. The need for a mobile workforce became paramount, so the population helpfully parcelled itself into two-generation families, moved into two-up two-downs and slammed the front door behind them.
Police chief calls for alcohol ban in public

Cheshire Chief Constable stepped up his campaign on drink-related youth crime today with call for ban on street-drinking

* Police chief calls drinks industry to account for yob culture

* A daughter’s last letter to father killed tackling gang of vandals

* Father who confronted gang 'was best dad'

Which, I suppose, was pretty much the gist of it, save this: it does not tally with personal observation. Those front doors slammed not in the 19th century, but only in the past few years. In the street where my mother was raised (urban, poor) and, even more recently, in the street where I was raised (shires, middle) the doors of the family units were open – literally and otherwise.

Everybody involved themselves with the maintenance of other people’s children; should a child bunk off school for the day, every adult in the street would know and would think nothing of reprimanding him. We took it for granted that there were eyes everywhere: “Hey, young Sarler! Cut it out! Now!” And when two teenage girls were trusted alone in the house overnight and elected to – how shall I put this? – have a few friends around, our parents came home the next day to a disorderly queue of neighbours busting guts to tell them about it. BLEEP.

The corollary, however, was that if it was inconceivable that we could misbehave without being spotted, so it was inconceivable that anybody could misbehave towards us without equal scrutiny; paedophilia existed, but was scant terror given that pretty much everyone – especially the children – knew who, what and where lay the local kiddie-fiddlers. Strangers they were not.

As for parents of ineptitude or ill intent, they could not possibly have systematically beaten a child to a deathly pulp in one of our streets. It wasn’t just a matter of our being prepared to snitch to authorities, either; face-to-face confrontation was coded, but all understood what it meant. Mrs Jones would be asked, with an air of concern, if she was all right – looking a little tired, we thought; children getting you down? And Mr Jones was home so late last night . . . The Joneses, thus, would know that we knew.

This may well be too much of a Hovis commercial for your taste and naturally it is not a full social snapshot. Nevertheless, in many respects it was better than what followed when, as every sitcom cast a character to remind us, neighbour came to mean nosy and nosy to mean bad. We became fearful of the accusation of interfering in other people’s lives, let alone in other people’s children and – as that made us unknown to the children and they to us – we became fearful of the children themselves.

Last week, in the dappled sunshine of a London park, I did tick off a bunch of brats: surly, early teens who were being horrid to our dog, or I surely would neither have bothered nor, probably, dared. Certainly, there was anxiety; you hear such stories; don’t they all carry knives these days?

The thing is, though, they were local kids – had to be, to be there at all. And if I had engaged with them in the past when they were much smaller, I would have known their names and homes and schools and very likely wouldn’t have felt nervous at all. But I hadn’t, so I didn’t and next time, for all I know, the dog gets it.

Because of our mutual unfamiliarity I may be at risk – and so, in their homes, may they. Two sides of the same chasm. All in the interests of what? Privacy? Rights? Minding our own business?

Hillary Clinton, in 1996, contentiously borrowed from an old African saying and applied to America the idea that “it takes a village to raise a child”. She was roundly condemned, most notably by Robert Dole, who retorted briskly that, no, it doesn’t; it takes a family.

A decade later, with children dying and with children killing, we may ask why we should have to choose between the two positions. The probable truth is that it is now as it ever was: we still need both.

Do all good things come to an end?

2007-08-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

Only in this world.

When three friends so dear to you (including a teacher) leave the country within the space of a few weeks - whether its to the UAE or Europe, it really reminds you that everything in this world is temporary.

Yet another reason to strive to please Allah. So that InshaAllah we can be with those whom we love in Janaat.

Hands On Dawa!

2007-08-12T05:59:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah we had a few new sisters at the Adab class this week. One of the new Muslim sisters, an English sister who reverted a few months ago, knew of a Pakistani family in her local community.

She went to visit them before the class and said to them, 'If I can go to the mosque then so can you!' And dragged them to the class with her!

Abeer Hamza

2007-08-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

Taken from muslimmatters.org
In memory of our sister, Abeer al-Janabi…

See also: Injustice, Injustice, Injustice
[graphic content, not suitable for children].

A Bleak Future?

2007-08-05T15:37:00.000-07:00

After having dinner at my father in laws today we decided to pop by my sister in Laws house before heading home. We arrived to see the street filled with people and a fire engine parked on the street.

Some boys had set fire to her neighbors (whom we also know) back garden shed. Why? Well simply because the boys were hanging around doing no good around her back garden and she had politely asked them to leave.

Her shed had burned to complete ashes along with a plastic slide and her swimming pool that were inside (the fumes were probably almost as dangerous as the flames.)

The seriousness of the matter was evident on a tree in the next garden behind her shed - the leaves had blackened all the way to the top.

Here comes the Bleak bit... the boys were only 7 years old.

Later on emerged rumors of more shootings in the Moss side area (where she lives) of Manchester. She was used to it now she said, it wasn't unusual for her to arrive back home from somewhere only to find the neighborhood partitioned of and blockaded with police patrol vehicles unable to go to her house. (Related Article here.)

I found myself feeling slightly fearful as we left the neighborhood to come home.

Then It dawned on me that this is probably less than a percent of the fear that innocent Iraqi and Palestinian civilians have to live with every day of their lives.

And speaking of Fear I urge all of you to raise your hands and sincerely make dua for four brothers who are forcibly being repatriated from Guantánamo Bay to Algeria on Monday, August 6, 2007.

Amongst these prisoners is Ahmed Belbacha, a former British resident of Algerian origin, who was cleared for release by the U.S in February 2007 after having been deemed to ‘pose no threat’ to the USA.Urgent action is required for Ahmed Belbacha. Please visit Cageprisoners here for more information.

I thought I'd share this.

2007-08-02T04:33:00.000-07:00

I love this recitation. Listen to it - it's not too long.
Surah Yaseen by Ibraheem Al-Jibreen

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Be like the Bee

2007-07-30T02:19:00.000-07:00

Taken from muslimmatters.org

As people are content with the world, so you should be content with Allah. As they are delighted by the world, so you should be delighted with Allah. As they are intimate with their loved ones, so you should seek intimacy with Allah. As they desire to know their kings and their leaders, and to draw near to them in order for honour and status to be conferred on them, so you should come to know Allah and seek His love: this will lead to the utmost honour and distinction.

Said one of the ascetics (zuhhåd): “I can never imagine that someone could hear about Paradise and Hellfire and can still waste an hour without performing any act of obedience to Allah; neither remembrance, prayer, reciting Qur’an nor an act of charity or kindness.” Someone said to him: I weep profusely. He replied: “That you laugh while confessing your sin is better than weeping yet being puffed-up with pride because of your deeds. For the deeds of a conceited person will never rise above his head.” The person then requested: Please counsel me. So the ascetic replied:

“Leave the world to those who hanker after it, as they leave the Afterlife to its seekers. And be in this world as the bee: it eats only good, produces only good, and when it rests upon anything it neither ruins it nor deflowers it.”

FOOTNOTES
* Al-Fawa’id (Riyadh: Maktabah al-Rushd, 2001), 187; trans. Surkheel Sharif.

The Weeping Willow

2007-07-25T18:27:00.000-07:00

Taken from here.

The Weeping Willow

The darkness had arrived. But it didn't make a difference to the Tree. Day and night were the same. The Tree would stand alone. The morning light provided no comfort, except for, of course, the fact that it was essential for the sun to shine sometimes in order to survive. Survival of the fittest, The Tree smiled bitterly to himself. But only The Tree wasn't the fittest. In fact it was barely surviving. Loneliness is a killer......'Your too far out' they would say. 'It's not a proper place for our kind.' Meaning what? Am I not a tree, like you?

He knew the truth. It had nothing to do with the location as their branches reached out far and wide. He knew full well what they meant by 'our kind.' He was of an odd nature compared to them. His branches drooped whilst theirs expanded out. His trunk was hidden by waves of shadow, even if it was to be seen it was crumbled and wrinkled unattractive to the eye. Theirs a deep brown, strong and hard, perfect for climbing. Their leaves green, a forest green. But depending on seasonal change they shone golden and orange and at peak times they jeweled red. Not to forget being decorated with the pink and white blossoms under the crisp spring sky.

And me......Pale yellow fragile leaves, which naturally drooped as the downturn of a mouth would. In the rain they would become brown and give away to nothingness. Nothing but the remains of unwanted mess under shoes squelching in the mud. At my best, my leaves would turn a light shade of green (I rather like the colour) but my fellow trees would still scorn. Ooooh fancy that, faded green, who's known a tree to be of that colour. Indeed you are strange species. Rejected and hurt, I turn away. I have still some dignity left, I do not let them see me weep. I try to lift myself, but to no avail. I am weighed down by my branches. And there I remain. I stand alone again.

But then one early morning, before the morning sun rose, my life changed. Dramatically. Oh I will never forget that day of sweet sounding melody. I awoke like I do; just in time to see the pink horizon. This is my daily dose of hope of a better day. And the Lord above chose today to be that day, Alhamdulillah! (how can I not praise my Lord, the bestower of unexpected bounties). I felt a movement against me. Ok wake up, dream time finish, I told myself, you know in reality there is never any sign of life around me. But there it was again. The shuffling, the exclamations of delight, the warmth of a presence. Allahu Akbar! This was no dream. This was a different kind of motion. Whilst I was trying to figure out what this was, earnestly frowning at this strange visitor. The most beautiful sound came out. If I had a heart it would literally stop. Pleasure was not something I was familiar with, but this I knew to be pure pleasure. I crouched further to be in closer range so i could make out the words. And did they flow out. They carried out to reach the heavens I'm sure.

They said, "Alif Lam Mim.
This is the Book, whereof there is no doubt, a guidance to those who are Al Muttaqoon.
Who beleive in the Ghaib and perform As salat and spend out of what we have provided for them, (spend on themselves, their parents, their children, their wives and also give in charity to the poor and also in Allah's Cause)."
{Al Baqarah: 1-3}

I knew then what it was. It was The Book that our Lord had blessed the humans with. The divine scripture promised to be protected by God Himself. And I the weeping willow was shelter to the reciter of these beautiful words. Never had any object of nature reached such a status to give refuge to one reading the Qur'an. This person had voluntarily come to me. Out of all the trees, I was the most appropriate location. Why? Because it was the humility of my branches that stood out against all the upright boastful trees.

This person did not want their identity to be known out of shyness. She wanted to be hidden from everything else but Allah as it was Allah's Pleasure alone she was seeking. She knew the angels would surround the recitation at dawn time and she wanted them to go and report to Allah. We knew while the world was sleeping we were awake in harmony. How blessed I felt at that moment. Allah chose the ground under me to bear witness to her faith. In that instance I recalled the story of the tree that cried when the Messenger of Allah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) moved away from it. I could now empathize the loss it must have felt. This moment, this memory will only die with me and not before.

I no longer wallowed in my loneliness, instead I looked forward to the morning dawn as my beautiful earthling would use my branches to carry out the Words of Allah to the world. Alhamdulillah I am The Weeping Willow, with a new meaning to life.

You can imagine how much the recitation of the following verses delighted me as they rose to the top of my trunk . I felt beautiful like I had never felt before. A true honour for the creation of His Majesty's trees...

"See you not how Allah sets forth a parable? A goodly word as a goodly tree, whose root is firmly fixed, and its branches (reach) to the sky.
Giving its fruit at all times, by the Leave of its Lord, and Allah sets parables for mankind in order that they may remember.
And the parable of an evil word is that of an evil tree uprooted from the surface of earth, having no stability.
Allah will keep firm those who believe, with the word that stands firm in this world and in the Hereafter. And Allah will cause to go astray those who are zaalimun and Allah does what He wills."
{Ibrahim: 24-27}

In Cuba - simple pleasures.

2007-07-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

In Cuba (Guantanamo Bay), the brothers would try to save the stalk of any apple or pear they were given. They would then hide it and wait for it to dry out so that they could then use it as Miswaak.

When the US soldiers found out they would search them - and their 'cages' for it - a fruit stalk of all things. But then it was a small luxury for the brothers. And they weren't supposed to have basic needs and necessities - never mind luxuries.

Parenting Course Notes – Week 2

2007-07-17T18:34:00.000-07:00

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Teaching children Aqeedah

At the beginning of this class we were asked by Umm Talha to give an example of something we have learnt recently and how that information was acquired. Some of the responses were as follows:

“I learnt how to cook rice without a rice cooker by trial and error”
“I discovered I needed to wear glasses whilst driving. My driving instructor advised me to go to the optician.”
“I learnt that babies can be given solids at 6 months. This information was related to me by my friend”

The thing I learnt that morning was the fact that I could get a different bus to my class. My husband drove me to the other bus stop, showed me where to get on, took the same route as the bus and finally showed me where to get off Alhamdulillah (I still haven’t taken that route because it seems too complicated!!).

You’re probably thinking, what was the point of this exercise? The reason why this exercise was conducted was to get us to think about the different methods involved in learning new information. After listening to the examples given by the sisters we came up with a list of the methods involved in learning new information. These are as follows:

Reading
Listening
Seeing/watching (visual)
Tasting
Experience
Smell
Thinking
Questioning
Touching and feeling
Exploring
Repeating

The most effective method by which children acquire new skills and information is by exploring, seeing, touching and feeling. Therefore, it is not wise to tell a small child to sit down for an hour or two while you explain to them the different categories of Tawheed from a big text book. Forget children this method of learning sometimes puts adults off!!

A better approach would be to take them out to the zoo or park and inform them that Allah has created the animals and He is the creator of everything. Therefore, he is known as Al-Khaaliq. You could point to a tree and say “did you know that even when a leaf falls from that tree, Allah knows about it.”
We should make teaching fun so that they are learning about Allah as well as having fun. We should constantly mention the name of Allah so that the child grows up loving Allah (SWT).

Also, when we are teaching them to say “Bismillah” before eating for example we should say it rhythmically or we could ask the child “what do you say before eating?” and the child can answer by saying “Bis-mill-llah”. However, one thing we should NEVER do is to force them to say something. Don’t be dictators because the most likely result of that would be rebellion. Instead of forcing them to say something, we should say it and they will copy us.

An example of this would be getting them to memorize, let’s say, the dua for traveling. So as soon as we get in the car we should say it out aloud and get the child to say it along with us. SubhanAllah, this method really works, my husband once told me how his colleague taught his children the times table by playing a cassette in the car on their journey to their school.

We should always use Standard English with our children because they will imitate what they hear. We should say “Alhamdulillah” and “Masha Allah” so that they will be familiar with these words. We should take the time out and communicate with them, play and bond with them. How often do we see the mother always disciplining, feeding, changing the child (basically doing all the boring chores), whilst the father plays with them and takes them out. We can be creative and make our own books with lots of bright pictures; this is fun and cost effective.

We should use references from the Qur’an and make children reflect on Allah’s creations. Every time we are out with our children we should try to relate everything back to Allah. We should use visual images from the Qur’an, for example when Allah (SWT) says:

"Have we not made for him to eyes, and a tongue and two lips?" Surah Balad: ayat 8-9

We can point to our eyes, tongue and lips while reciting the ayah and inform our children that Allah (swt) has given us these things so that they become thankful to Allah for His blessings.

I just want to finish off by mentioning a beautiful example given by a sister about an incident that occurred with her son. Her son was talking to her about what he wanted to be when he grows up, he mentioned a few things and then he said “I want to be Allah” (because he loved Allah so much he wanted to be like him). I think the normal response from mothers would be “Astaghfirullah, don’t say things like that”, wouldn’t it? Or “don’t be silly how can you be Allah?” However, Masha Allah this sister used her wisdom. She remembered the story of Ibraheem (AS) and Nimrud so she said to her son “okay, you want to be Allah? Can you create the sun and make it move from one place to the next? Can you give life to the dead? Her son realised he couldn’t do these things so he knew he couldn’t be Allah. SubhanAllah what a beautiful story and what an effective way to teach children About Allah’s attributes.

May Allah give us the ability to raise pious children with the correct Aqeedah. Ameen

Make things EASY

2007-07-13T17:48:00.000-07:00

[Hadith]
Rasul Allah, sal Allah alayhi wa sallam, said, "There was once a
merchant who would lend money to people. Whenever the person he lent money to was in difficult circumstances, he would say to
his employees, 'Forgive him so that Allah may forgive us.' So,
Allah forgave him."
- Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 3, Hadith 292

[Lessons from this Hadith]
When you and I forgive people, who are we actually setting free?
OURSELVES! Because of the outstanding way this man dealt with
people, Allah forgave him, and blessed him with profit in this
life and the next. Is there someone in your life that you are
making things difficult for? What can you do to make it easy for
them?

With best wishes to see you succeed at the highest level!
- Muhammad Alshareef

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Parenting Course Notes, Week 1.

2007-06-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

By Umm Zaidah Nusaybah

Bismillahir Rahmaneer Raheem

I am currently studying a parenting course which looks at it from an Islamic point of view Alhamdulillah. I think there is a great need for courses such as this because as Muslim women we have a great responsibility of raising righteous children inshaAllah. We are our children’s first institute for learning. Therefore it is incumbent on us to know how to raise our children according to Islamic principles insha Allah. Although motherhood can be demanding I see it as a privilege because there are many women out there yearning for children but are unable to have any due to various circumstances. May Allah (SWT) grant these women children who will be the coolness for their eyes, Ameen.
The course is designed to be interactive with lively discussions. We also participate in role-play (which I enjoy very much!).

Notes from Week One

Children’s rights
Allah (SWT) says in the Noble Qur’an:
“O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah but do (precisely) what they are commanded” (SurahTahreem: verse 6)
In the first session we discussed the rights of a new born child having this ayah as a guideline.

1- Tasmiya. The first right that was discussed was the right to give the child a good name (Tasmiya). The proof of this is the hadith of the prophet (SWS):
“A child will be called by his name”

Unfortunately we find that when it comes to naming children people have some weird customs. For example, some people point to the Qur’an and pick any word. Thus calling their children names such as khinzil, jaheem, Riba etc. Others even name their children after their animals. So you end up with Mimi, Fifi or kitty!! Other people choose the names of actors and singers. My personal favorites have to the names of fruits such as Lesu, anggur, khomla, khazur, khola (translated into English from Bengali means Lychee, grape, orange, dates, banana). I’m sure you guys have come across these names right??! (note: no offence intended)

2-Aqiqa – slaughtering one sheep for a girl and two for a boy. Preferably this is done on the seventh day, if not then on the 14th or 21st. If you cannot do it on those days then you can do it on any other Insha Allah. The proof for this:
“Every child is tied to his aqiqa so shed blood for him”.

3-Circumcission (Khitaan) – Everybody knows circumcision for a boy is wajib but many people do not realise that female circumcision is also part of the Sunnah (Note: this is not the same as genital mutilation practiced by some people)
Prophet (sws) said fitra acts are five (a) circumcision (b) shaving (c) trimming the moustache (d) clipping the nails (e) removing armpit hair. (Bukhari and Muslim)

4-Teaching aqeedah (life skills, adaab, aklaaq)
“A child is born a Muslim and it is his parents who change him into a Jew or Christian”

5-Breastfeeding- it is recommended that a child should be breastfed for the first two years of his life if possible. This is sometimes quite difficult for sisters to practice due to pressure from family members to give the child the bottle. I feel quite sad when I hear sisters having to put up a fight so that they can breastfeed their child. Sheikh Shuhaib Hassan once said:
“....the child should be suckled for the first two years of his life, instead of given powdered milk which has been stored in tin for months. Few adults would abandon fresh fruits and vegetables for stale, tinned foods, yet they are quite happy to feed nothing but tinned milk and foods to their infants. Secondly, just as the mother’s blood in the womb passes nutrients and her emotions through to the blood of her child so her milk also passes her characteristics and emotions to her child while she is suckling him, causing him to feel immense comfort and confidence”.

Other rights include, shaving his hair, giving him knowledge of the deen and the Duniya, providing food shelter and TLC (tender love care), teaching him about hygiene and safety.

Dispelling Marital Fears...

2007-06-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

Here's an excercise...

2007-06-26T08:23:00.000-07:00

Lift up your arm (either one) in the air with your fingers pointing to the ceiling.

Now leave it there for about 2 minutes.

Is it starting to feel heavy?

Well according to a childminders training course a friend of mine is doing, this is how a child feels when they hold a grown ups hand going for a walk or even to the corner shop.

Lesson? Use a Safety Harness.

Shaker Aamer - Guantanamo Detainee

2007-06-22T08:41:00.001-07:00

The background Arabic song [nasheed] was written and sung by Abu Sulaiman from Bahrain, himself a former detainee of Guantanamo who was released last year. It is dedeicated to all those people held in Guantanamo and elsewhere.

I know its long but please read it...

2007-06-22T08:23:00.000-07:00

In defense of the Muslim sisterhood
Yvonne Ridley

I have a bee in my bonnet – or hijab to be more precise. On an almost daily basis there are horrific stories pouring out of Tunisia about how the state police are ripping off the hijabs of women living there.

Some of these women, who are merely fulfilling their religious obligation to wear a hijab, have been assaulted, sexually abused and even locked up in prison by the authorities. Unbelievable when you consider western tourists are topless sunbathing on the coastal resorts, soaking up the Tunisian sun.

So it is okay to get your kit off if you are a western tourist who pays handsomely for sun, sand, sex and sangria …but try wearing a hijab and see what happens in this so-called liberal, Muslim country.

At the moment I am in Tehran where Iranian police are occasionally stopping women in the streets to remind them of their religious obligations by wearing a full hijab. There's been an outcry in the Western media about how the Iranian authorities are fining women who fail to wear their hijabs correctly in public.

I call these women the half-jabis – you know the ones, they balance their designer scarfs precariously on the back of their heads and spend the rest of the day adjusting and picking their scarfs from the nape of their necks. It might have endeared Princess Diana to half the Muslim world when she 'covered' in Muslim countries, but most women who try and emulate the Di style just look plain stupid.

But what a pity those same journalists don't travel to Tunisia and write about a real story like the human rights abuses against women in down town Tunis instead of focusing on Tehran. Why do journalists choose to ignore the Amnesty International report which outlines in clinical detail how the Tunisian authorities have increased their "harassment of women who wear the hijab"?

Is it because the Tunisian government is a craven devotee of the Bush Administration whereas Iran was identified as the now infamous Axis of Evil? Surely the media is not that fickle? (Rhetorical question merely for the benefit of the mentally challenged).

The actions of the Tunisian regime make Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his government look like a group of Tupperware party planners. For instance, the Ministers of Foreign Affairs and the Interior and the Secretary-General of Tunisia's ruling political party, the Constitutional Democratic Rally, have stated they are so concerned about rise in the use of the hijab by women and girls and beards and the qamis (knee-level shirts) by men, that they have called for a strict implementation of decree 108 of 1985 of the Ministry of Education banning the hijab at educational institutions and when working in government.

Police have ordered women to remove the head scarfs before being allowed into schools, universities or work places and others have been made to remove them in the street.

According to Amnesty's report, some women were arrested and taken to police stations where they were forced to sign written commitment to stop wearing the hijab. Amnesty International states quite clearly it believes that individuals have the right to choose whether or not to wear a headscarf or other religious covering, consistent with their right to freedom of expression.

They have called on the Tunisian government to "respect the country's obligations under both national law and international human rights law and standards, and to end the severe restrictions which continue to be used to prevent exercise of fundamental rights to freedom of expression, association and peaceful assembly". They have even kindly asked President Ben Ali's government to "end the harassment and attempted intimidation of human rights defenders".

I would like to be more forthright with Mr Ben Ali and remind him of his Islamic obligations as a Muslim. I doubt if Zine Alabidin Ben Ali would take much notice. The man is clearly an arrogant fool and somewhere in Tunisia there is a village which is missing its idiot (Hamman-Sousse in the Sahel, actually).

This is the man who once said the hijab was something foreign and not part of Tunisian culture. Hmm, he obviously has not seen pictures taken before he came to power, clearly show Tunisian women going about their business fully covered. He has a history of despising the French colonialists who occupied his country, but at least under the French, the Tunisian people had more freedom than they do now.

And since I have no family, friends or connections in Tunisia I write this without fear or favour. Also, there is no rank in Islam so I care nothing for his title nor do I have any respect for him as a man. I would certainly never doff my cap to this particular President of Tunisia and would happily spit in his face if he told me to remove my hijab.

Perhaps those Muslim women in Tehran might like to consider the plight of their sisters in Tunisia before trying to balance their hijabs on the backs of their heads. And I would ask them to read the harrowing report below before bellyaching to more journalists about their rights to parade around like Diana-look-a-likes.

It was written by an imam from Tunisia who had it smuggled out and given to me because he wants the world to know exactly what is happening to the women in his country. Here is a snippet: "The police will randomly make their way into markets and rip the hijabs from women's heads as well as take away any fabrics being sold to make hijabs.

"They will also go into factories where women are working and rip the hijabs off women's heads. This is the least of what they have done.

"I will give you just one example of what these dogs with Arab faces but the hearts of devils, have done to our sisters. They have, at one time ordered a public bus to halt in the middle of the road while two plain clothes detectives went inside. The buses are similar to the ones in the west except they will usually have three times more people inside it.

"They grabbed one women wearing hijab and took her outside of the bus. This was a sister who they had warned before. They brought her into the side of the street and began slapping her across her face and cursing at her with the worst language you could think of.

"They took her hijab off and the main policeman said, "When are you going to stop wearing this ****. She said she would never stop and she was crying. The men took her around the corner by a public bathroom.

"They ripped her clothes off. They grabbed a soda bottle, these bottles are made of glass, and they raped her with it. They were laughing and they were many people around but no one did anything. When they were done they made her wear a short skirt and a sleeveless shirt and made her walk home to her husband like this. I swear by Allah that this is true".

The time is fast approaching when sisters across the world have to unite and come together in defence of the hijab and in defence of the Muslim sisterhood. My appeal goes out to feminists of all faiths and no faith but please don't think Muslim women are weak because the reality is that Islamic feminism can be just as radical as western feminism.

Our parameters and values are slightly different as Muslims but that does not make us any better or lesser human beings than western feminists. There is certainly no room for sectarianism in the Muslim sisterhood and we have no time for petty squabbles, divisions, cultural or tribal affiliations.

The bottom line is that we need to show solidarity with our sisters in Tunisia … it is a very small country which makes it easy for the army to control the people and brutally squash any signs of resistance.

Even those Tunisians living abroad have a fear in their eyes because while they may be safe, members of their families left behind are often held to account for any actions overseas regarded as subversive. The brutality of the regime, combined with the happy clappy clerics and their narcotic-style preachings in praise of the Sufi-style government have also collectively subdued parts of the Tunisian population.

No wonder the Muslim youth no longer clamour to get into masjids on Fridays to listen to these khateebs who spend half the khutbah praising the President and his followers. Which is why I salute the bravery of those sisters in Tunisia who are fighting for the right to fulfill their religious obligation as Muslim women, to wear the hijab.

If you want to help, then copy and paste this article and send it to the nearest Tunisian Embassy demanding that Muslim womens' rights to wear the hijab are respected.

Camel Meat

2007-06-19T12:03:00.000-07:00

My husband came home with some camel meat today. A brother gave some to him. Alhamdulillah he has always wanted to try it but hasn't had the opportunity to. Until now. He's really excited about it too, MashaAllah.

So how do I cook it? Asian, Jamaican? The brother who gave it to him just said to cut it into small pieces and that it should cook for slightly longer than beef. I've never cooked beef either...

Talking too much

2007-06-14T18:40:00.000-07:00

So Charlotte tells Jack, 'I have a new ambition in life.'

Jack wearily, 'Oh no..... sounds dangerous....'

Charlotte continues seriously, 'I'm going to talk less.'

Jack roles his eyes and tries to hide a smirk.

So now Charlotte wants to know how can a person train themselves to talk less?
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Her reward is with her Lord.

2007-06-10T15:25:00.000-07:00

As I walked into the sisters section in one of the Masjids in Manchester the other day. The room was empty apart from a sister who was hoovering. Well, I thought it was a hoover, untill I noticed that it had water in it and a small tube attached to it. I assumed that she must be the cleaner.

When we started chatting I realised that she wasn't a cleaner. I enquired about her 'hoover thingy' and she told me that it was a carpet cleaning machine. She seemed hesitant to supply all the information, but I probably forced her to with all my questions.

She had - from her own initiative ordered the carpet cleaner from Ebay - at a bargain price of £122 including delivery, (they are usually double the price or more.)

So she had come in at a quiet time to clean the Masjid. She isn't hired or paid to do so. Her reward is with her Lord.

AND she is a full time mother! She had her two young children with her who were playing happily outside.

Frightening SubhanAllah.

2007-06-08T05:20:00.000-07:00

Inna Lillahi wa inna ilahi raji'oon.

Forget Ghost stories or jinn stories. This is probably one of the most frightening things I have seen. I was eating something when my husband decided to show me this, if anything has ever put me of my food - its this.